A/N: I've included some Twili in this chapter. I didn't make it up, I used words from Midna in the game, e.g in the game at the end Midna says something that sounds like 'Gindaff', so Gindaff=goodbye. Expect a lot more Twili later on. It is written in bold italics by the way... Gindaff, hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Midna is a pyromaniac and Link is a transvestite

Link was still howling, and Midna was filing her nails with earmuffs on. Even in her shadow form, she cared about her appearance, even though she might find a lesbian around the corner. Link's howling was driving the imp insane, even with her earmuffs. She was trying very hard not to go psycho and kill him and the author was trying very hard not to make her do so. The gamer was still extremely disturbed by Zelda to pay much attention to the obnoxious sound erupting from her Wii mote. Eventually, Midna did lose her rag, but didn't get violent that time.

"WOLF WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" she screamed, silencing the wolf immediately. He then grinned at her and licked his lips. Midna went beetroot again and the water in the spring around her turned yellow.

So Midna, you look hot in your shadow form

"Will you quit that? Wait until your original form is restored, then I'll decide if I fancy you or not." She snarled, slapping the wolf's muzzle. Link whined and gave her puppy dog eyes.

"Don't Link, you'll attract gays."

But Midna, Colin is gone and Rusl is probably making love to his wife right now.

"Isn't she pregnant?"

Exactly...

Midna raised her eyebrow. Link let his gaze wander to her bust while she was oblivious to it. However, she wasn't for long. Link's nose was bleeding by the time she had finished.

"Now, Wolfy as punishment you must stay in your wolf form for longer and get me a sword and shield. And make sure they're hawt."

How can a-

"NOW!"

Link scooted off with Midna in his shadow (it was very cramped in there, due to the fact that she was too fat) to Ordon village.

The village was heavily guarded by frogs. Link peed himself, as he was terrified of frogs. Midna appeared, soaking with wolf pee. The expression on her face looked as though Link had another nosebleed on the way. But Midna had another idea in mind. Something that would tear the wolf apart from the inside, wringing him dry of all his happiness. She let an evil smile play around on her face and kneeled down to Link's height.

"Excuse me wolf, wait in the Ordon Spring for me." She giggled. What she was planning was unbeknown to him, but rather than ask and get hurt, he just obliged to her command. Link trudged off and sat down in the refreshing water. There were a lot of shouts coming from his village and it was glowing orange. He decided that, because of the frogs, he wouldn't go and check and just admired his reflection in the spring, whilst eagerly awaiting Midna's return. He was forgetting how impish and round she looked. But he knew that she was very yummy. And she was floating above him right now, badly singed and covered in blood. However, an evil grin was poised upon her cute little face. The blood wasn't hers, because shadows couldn't bleed. How it got there, Link didn't know, but he supposed that she had been voring because she looked fatter. A lot fatter. And the orange glow was probably fire. So in conclusion, Midna was a voring pyromaniac.

Midna, are you a voring pyromaniac?

"Maybe."

You are, aren't you?

"It's a secret." Midna tapped the side of her nose. Link growled at her. The imp just laughed and disappeared into his shadow. It was even more cramped in there than it was a few minutes ago.

"Wolfy, put on weight."

How about you lose some. Fatty.

"Anorexic."

Pyromaniac

"Pervert."

Lesbian

"Uh..."

You didn't answer after two seconds, I win this round.

Midna rose from the shadows and floated a few centimetres away from Link's muzzle, her arms folded over her chest. She was so sexy when she was annoyed. She wanted to kill him badly, but violence never solved anything.

"Anyway, I got the stuff we needed, but it's not sexy, so you can have it. We need to go the Twilight Realm. Come Wolf boy. I want to ride you." Link whimpered, thinking bout the extra weight his load had gained. When his human form was restored, they'd go jogging so she could burn off fat. Or he could set her on fire like she did to his home town. That would burn a lot of fat. It would kill her too.

Maybe not... The wolf thought, walking away, back to the spot where he was taken into the Twilight last time.

"Hey, wasn't there supposed to be a cut scene with the light spirit?" The gamer asked, tapping her screen. Link looked around, but couldn't see the teen controlling most of his moves, so he walked on.

"Well, there was, but I'm too lazy to write it, Ordona sucks..." The author replied, ending this extremely long paragraph and getting to the good part before the readers got bored.

Link was in pain. Midna was sitting on him. Kicking his sides. Weighing a ton.

"Move it lazy!" She scolded, trying to behead her mount with the Ordon sword.

Why don't you GET THE FREAK OFF AND THEN MAYBE I WILL!

Midna gave Link the evils, but removed herself from his back and floated above his head.

"Are you saying I should lose weight then?" she snarled. Link nodded. Midna hit him.

"However, for your comfort, I will use my awesome shadow magic to make myself lighter. But if you moan one more time I will make myself HEAVIER! Ee hee hee..."

Link gulped as Midna became encased in an orb of green light. She was chanting a spell in a tongue Link couldn't understand, but he supposed that it was her on. She wasn't from his world, he knew that for sure. Hyrule did have fat little imps. Well, it did now, but it didn't before.

The light that covered Midna slowly faded away and the imp leapt onto his back. She was still a little heavy, but she was defiantly transportable now. Link smiled to himself and walked forwards. Tripping over an ant. Midna head palmed. The gamer dropped her Wii remote and Nunchuck, backing away slowly before making a runner. Link lay face down for hours, waiting for her to come back. Midna was lolling around on her mount, listening to her iPod. She was humming along to a song. Link raised his eyebrow.

Midna, what saddo has her own theme on her iPod, which haven't been invented yet?

Midna sighed at the wolf and removed the headphones from her orange mess atop her head.

"I do. Now are you going to move your arse yet?"

Oh yeah, here I go now. Link padded along happily, tripping over several more ants and a pair of dentures, before a bunch of Twilighty monsters attacked.

"Aww crap, we're penned in... well, you can take these things on can't ya? Gindaff." And Midna floated off, leaving Link with the monsters waiting for his doom. Link tried to kill them, but one of them started singing that Rick Astley song to wake the others up again. Link tried to take them on again, but Midna stopped him before he was mauled.

"Listen wolf, you have to kill them all at once or they'll just come back. I know what to do. Hold down B and I'll release an energy field to destroy them all."

Whatta whatta? Speak normally; don't listen to the damn game designers.

"Just move o I can get them all in." Midna said thought gritted teeth. She was acting as though she was in labour. Maybe she was. Maybe it was Zelda's. Link penned all the beasts in, stifling fit of laughter at their death cries. Then sat down.

So Midna, is it Zelda's?

"WHAT!? Wolf, I'm not pregnant."

You look it.

Midna tried to drown herself in the conveniently placed spirit spring. Link sniffed her butt.

"What the fuck are you doing tubby?"

Midna raised her head from her death and looked at the faint glowing light.

"I'm committing suicide." She said plainly.

"Why? Anyway, I don't want to hear about your depression, I just want you and your wolf pal to go and clear up this Twilight from the Pedo bear monsters."

"Pedo bear monsters?"

"Yes, Pedo bear monsters. They are tiny Pedo bear heads that contain the light. You must kill them and fill up this vessel with the light. Oh, and don't commit suicide, we all love you Midna." Link walked over to join his attractive companion and she leapt upon his back. The duo set off to kill the Pedo bear monsters and reclaim the light, after drawing stuff on Coro's face without him knowing. After the last bug died, they were magically sent back to the spirit spring.

"Whoo, we did it and helloooo sexy." Midna floated over to Link and started getting all girly over him. The Twilight squares were vanishing and Midna reverted into shadow form. The water began to ripple and a huge lemur appeared, clutching a large ball.

"I am Faron." The light spirit said in a spirity way. "You have saved this place from an evil magic. Now you must go get the Fused Shadows and kill kitty dude. Because you are a descendent of the Hero of Time blah, blah, blah and you are the only one who can do this blah, blah, blah, your name is Link and I don't even know why I'm doing this because I have a life, goodbye." And Faron vanished. Midna turned to Link and grinned.

"Look at yourself." She told him, acting very flirty around him now he was hawt again. Link looked down at himself and went pale.

"I-I-I... How is this possible? No, no way. The hero of Twilight is NOT A TRANSVESTITE!" Then he fainted. Midna shook her head and looked down at the ghostly white boy before her.

"Yes you are Link. Yes you are."

Thankies for reading, please review.