A/N: OMG I DIDN'T DO MY CHALLENGE! Meh... Anyway LoaL: ToC fans, here is the next chapter. Link and Midna take a trip from the Village of Emos to Pyromaniac land. And Link falls in love with Midna. Awww. Happy reading.

Emo village and Pyromaniac Mountain

MIDNA, WAKE UP, WE NEED TO VORE, I MEAN KILL THESE RICK ASTLEYS, I MEAN SHADOW BEASTS

Midna opened her eye lazily to see a team of break dancing Twilit messengers in the distance. She really couldn't be asked to help Link kill them things, but she had no choice.

"C'mon then Link... Let's kick their behinds and go somewhere so I can sleep..."

Link smiled in a doggy way and helped Midna vore the TMs.

"Being evil is fun." Midna said with her gob full. Link nodded.

Let's go be more evil!

Link and Midna crawled off to be more evil when a thick, drunken voice called after them.

"Look man, yer supposed ta be talkin' to meh. You 'ave ta find teh Pedo Bear monsters in Emo Village and Pyromaniac mountain. Now, can ya go, I have a date with Nayru in- Oh shit, I'm late. Here ya go."

- - -

"Where could he be?" Nayru asked herself looking at her watch. "Silly Eldin should have been here five minutes ago. Ah well, might as well start taking my pills now." Nayru popped some birth control pills in her mouth and sat on the wall. Many Zelda fans all over the world stood with their mouths agape and their eyes wide. Nayru fancied Eldin. What was the Zelda universe coming to?

- - -

After Eldin had left to go have sex with Nayru, Link and Midna were left alone with the vessel of light. Link looked up at Midna. Midna looked down at Link. An evil grin spread across both of their faces. Then they started rampaging around the village and mountain, whooping like raving lunatics (which, quite frankly, was what they were.) They terrorised Emo Village, and Link was reunited with his enemies, the hell kids. Luckily they couldn't see him, or Midna would have had to experience tongues all over her body (what Link didn't know was that her previous boyfriends licked her a lot during their 'private time') Pretty soon there were only three PBM left, and it was in the shack above Barnes' Bomb shop. It would have been no trouble for a two year old to get up there, but as Link had no brain, and Midna's was too crammed with cells that told her to eat that there were hardly any others in there, they spent four hours staring at the shack. Just staring. They didn't move. This scared the gamer into hiding behind her sofa. She stayed there for a week. So did Link and Midna. But eventually, Midna got hungry and they moved. To the nearest McDonalds.

Midna, I think you've eaten enough.

"No, I haven't I'm still hungry."

Link examined the imp as she ate. She was looking fatter again. The Con-Fused shadow was right...

Can we go to get the last three Pedo Bear Monsters now? Link asked, placing a paw on Midna's stomach. She had managed to stay sexy looking for a fortnight. How clever. The imp spat at him, food flying all over his face. Midna licked it clean. The gamer vomited.

"You can't remember!?" The gamer screamed. The author shook her head.

"I haven't played TP in a while. Tell you what, I'll find a FUNNY way for them to get up. Because it's a FUNNY fan fiction." The gamer stuck her middle finger up and slumped back in front of the screen.

- - -

"How are we going to get up?" Midna asked. Link shrugged in a Wolfish way.

How about you carry me? You could do with the exercise, fatty. You can't not be round, can you Midona? Midna smacked Link on the nose, which bled. The she grabbed him by the tail and dragged him up to the shack, making sure he hit everything on the way up. By the time they arrived, he was a bloody pulp. Midna sneered at him. Link eyed her large stomach and wondered if he should bite it. He would have done, but he was still recovering from being a bloody pulp. Midna sat back down on his and told him to get. He got. Her book on dieting. Midna ate it.

"Look, just follow those PBMs into the bloody shack so I can kill the kitty dude." She scolded. Link obliged. He was sure as hell that he was deeply in love with Midna, but she was vewwy, vewwy scarwwy when she was angry. The wolf walked off into the building.

Wow, it's a BOMB SHACK! LET'S BLOW IT UP! Link grabbed a stick and set it alight. Then he placed it in the fireplace and the PBMs flew out, setting the whole building on fire. Midna screamed.

"OH YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Midna had a coughing fit and Link sat down, contented with himself. Midna fell off his back, choking and gasping for air. Link read a book. Midna started to die. Link took a nap. The shack exploded. Link woke up.

"Aww, I'm a cross dresser again..." Link moaned, looking down at his green tunic. He wondered where his lovely imp was. Was she standing outside of the hut smoking? No, that was Malo. Was she humping a tree? No, that was Beth. Was she voring an ant? No, that was Talo. Was she kissing Colin? Yes...

"MIDNA!?"

"Help me..."

Link spring forward and took his lady from the gay child. Colin raised his eyebrow. The hell kids attacked them both with their tongues.

"Ooo, Link's got a girlfriend." Beth sneered. Midna made vomiting sounds. Talo threw a rock.

"LINK'S GIRLFRIEND IS A FAT FUCKER!" He shouted. Midna sunk into the shadows, giving Link the evils.

"So Link, you done her yet?" Malo asked. Midna tripped Link up.

"We're not going out..." Link squeaked and then he ran for it, screaming his head off. Like a girl. The Man lady, Renado walked out veeeeerrrrrryyyy sllllooooowwwwllllyyyyy (seriously, does that guy ever run?) The Hell kids we're still standing where they we're with their tongues around Link who was getting beat up by Bokoblins several miles away.

And then... If you have problems with gore then please skip this part or you will barf continuously.

Epona came moon walking through the village at top speed, with several green Bulbins riding on top of her. The hell kids still had their tongues wrapped around Link's ankles and Epona was running towards them. The kids we're dumber than Link when he was checking out Midna's ass, and didn't notice the horse until...

Link felt the tongues around his ankle loosen. He ran from the Bokoblins, back to Emo Village and got run over by his own horse. The spring was a mess, with blood turning the water crimson and guts strewn everywhere. The hell kids were just a pile of skin, everything else had been torn out. Renado and the bomb dude, Barnes, were cutting themselves like Emos do, and Link looked like a Link pancake with horse hooves embossed into him. Midna arose from his shadow, which was too flat for her, the roundest imp in the universe. She used one of those things you use to pick up pizza to un-wedge Link from the floor and then ate his foot.

- - -

Now wasn't that gory? Yes, it was. Now, on with the rest of the chapter.

"M-Midna..." Link woke up groggily to find himself lying in a river. Standing above him was a fat man with a walrus moustache.

"Wow, he's fatter than Midna! You must be a god! And, OHMIGOD IT'S A ... WALRUS MOUSTACHE! I want to be your best friend!" Link wrapped his arms around the fat man and drooled over his shoes. The fat man grunted at him.

"Link m'boy, what has gotten into you? You need to do some serious sumo wrestling to get you big and strong again. C'mon." Link then realised that the man was the horse molester's father. He let out a little squeak as the mayor dragged him away to his 'house'.

"MIDNA HELP MEEEEE!"

NEXT EPISODE... I mean CHAPTER OF LoaL: ToC-

Link sumo wrestles with a man who is FATTER THAN MIDNA *cue gasps*

Link tries to make his way up Pyromaniac mountain with his new IRON BOOTS

Link defeats the King of the Gorgon Zola cheese tribe.

And Midna puts her voring to the test with COLIN