"...well, I didn't sleep very well, either, Tony! The ground was hard, I was hungry, and you snored whenever you were asleep, and fidgeted whenever you weren't! That doesn't change the fact that we need to gather firewood and at least try to catch some fish, unless you want to live on dried fruit and nuts for the next..."
"But we gathered firewood yesterday, Probie! Why...."
"Because we used most of it last night! Fires do that..."
"Well, I'm too sore to..."
"You think I'm not?"
"You're the one who wants..."
"...us to not freeze to death when the sun goes down and it gets cold again! Because I'm not sharing body heat with you! So, get off your..."
"No."
"Tony!"
"Hey!"
Tony resisted Tim's efforts to pull him to his feet. Finally, Tim gave up and instead grabbed both mugs and the pot and headed towards the creek. Tony watched as he scooped up a pot of water and poured it slowly over the mugs into the small hole they'd dug for 'dirty' water, rinsing off the remains of their breakfast of milkless instant oatmeal. Then he filled the pot again and set it over the fire to boil, with both mugs submerged inside it.
"Are you trying out for a good campkeeping badge, Probie?"
"No, Tony, I just don't want us to get sick."
"You are so anal..."
Something inside Tim snapped and he seized the pot, still cold after barely thirty seconds on the heat, and poured its contents over Tony's head.
Tony yelped, and for a long moment stared at Tim in surprise, rubbing his head where one of the mugs had landed painfully.
Then he leapt to his feet and seized Tim by the front of his shirt, propelling him backwards.
Tim struggled, freeing one arm. Striking out blindly, he caught Tony on the lip and felt his knuckles split against his partner's teeth.
Tony responded with a punch of his own, smiling with satisfaction when his fist connected hard enough to make Tim stumble briefly before falling flat on his ass.
His smile faded when Tim swept his feet out from under him with a well-aimed kick.
Tony rolled as he hit the ground, grabbing on to Tim and dragging him with him. A moment later, both men found themselves sprawled in the creek, soaking wet.
Finally spent, they sat there panting for a few minutes before dragging themselves to shore.
"Well, I guess we know why Gibbs left us a change of clothes."
Tim shot a dirty look at his partner.
"You don't really think he expected us to fight, do you, Tony?"
"You'd better hope so, Probie."
"Whuh?"
Tony snorted.
"Don't you remember the last time we..."
Tim paled.
"You're not going to tell him, are you?!"
"No, but I don't think we're gonna have to tell him. That black eye you're gonna have, and my split lip, will probably give it away."
"Maybe we can tell him we..."
"That we lost a fight with a fish?"
"Tony! It's not funny! If Gibbs..."
"Tim, calm down. I think it'll be..."
"Yeah. Ok. We better... ok... I'll just..."
McGee busied himself putting a fresh pot on to boil.
"Hey, at least Gibbs promised not to use a switch with you again! And he probably won't with me, if we're both... I mean..." Tim trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the trees that surrounded them.
Tony half turned away, suddenly sheepish.
"Uh... about that.... I... uh... kinda lied about being traumatised by a switch as a kid... and... uh... Gibbs knows that now.... so... uh... I think switches might be back on the menu..."
The blood drained from Tim's face as he processed the new information.
"Tony! Oh my God! Tony..."
"Hey! Don't hyperventilate on me, Probie. I still don't think Gibbs is gonna spank us for anything that happens this weekend. I think that's why he didn't stay... so we could work things out ourselves..."
"It's survival training, Tony! Not a team-building exercise..."
Tony snorted.
"Sure it is, Probie. Because Gibbs just happened to decide that we need to learn how to fend for ourselves in the forest, right after he found out that I told you he took a riding crop to me, and then you nearly got yourself killed by a spider you didn't believe I warned you about..."
Tim nodded slowly, agreeing that his partner might have a point, but he still wasn't reassured.
"Ok, sure, so we're supposed to work things out! Not break the 'no fighting' rule!"
"Would you calm down?"
"Calm down? CALM DOWN?! How can I calm down? Gibbs is gonna..."
"Hey!"
Tony grabbed him by the arms and forced him to stand still.
"Do I have to throw you back into the river to get you to cool off?"
McGee finally stopped for breath.
"It's not a river, it's a cr..."
"Now that's more like it, McGeek!" Tony teased, relieved to see Tim smile weakly in return. "Now listen to me. You need to calm down. And if Gibbs doesn't think that us fighting was a legitimate part of this bonding exercise, I'll tell him I attacked you. All you did was defend yourself..."
"But..."
"Hey, there's no point in both of us getting out of here with a sore ass..."
"But I can't just let you..."
"You can get the next one, ok?"
"It's not like picking up the tab when we go out after a case!"
"Why not?"
"Because its..."
"You mean to tell me you wouldn't do the same thing, if it was you and Sarah out here and your Dad was..."
"But that's..."
"What? What brothers do? I never had a real brother growing up, but I've had enough fraternity brothers, and let me tell you, I never got shot at with any of them. So, I think that makes you..."
"Tony..."
"Hey, don't go all sappy on me..."
"Me?! You're the one..."
"I'm just saying... you're the closest thing I'm going to have to a kid brother, Probie. Well, unless my old man marries another younger woman..." Tony smiled wryly. "So, just shut up and let me look out for you, ok?"
Tim flushed.
"You know, Tony... I was always the oldest... I never had a pain-in-the-ass older brother to bug me, until I met you... and I never had someone protecting me... that was always my job, with my sister... and... uh... it's..."
The two men looked awkwardly at each other for a long moment. Finally, Tony jerked his head towards the tent where they'd stashed their bags.
"So, you think we should get out of these wet clothes?"