A/N: Sorry, I had wanted to post the new chapter sooner but SOMEONE… *looks at cowriter* decided that she didn't feel like writing… So I'll most likely be taking over this story for the both of us, which sadly means it's going to take longer for me to update unless I can convince her to help me again—it's easier to write when someone is helping, more muse. For some reason, my muse for this story is Blackbeard the musical… go look it up…. it's amazing… but yeah. Don't ask.

Oh. And I honestly don't know what you people prefer, long chapters or faster updates. If I update fast, it will most likely be only 2-4 thousand word chapters but if I wait it would be more like 6-8. It's the same in the end, I just don't know what people like. So let me know, longer chapters or faster updates.

Disclaimer: Haha. If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be dead and Itachi would be Hokage. And Naruhina would be Canon.

Now. Onto chapter three.

"Ita-chaaaaaaaaaaan! What's your favourite type of coffee?" It was Itachi's first day as a host. The fangirls had taken an immediate liking to him, of course (he had that whole 'tall dark and extremely handsome thing going for him), though Itachi wondered how long he would be able to put up with them. And to think the other hosts actually enjoyed this torture. He responded to the every meaningless and vain question with a 'hn,' having given up any hope of having an intelligent conversation with these fangirls. This, however, only seemed to make the fangirls adore him even more. Ignoring the squealing of his current costumer, Itachi closed his eyes and tried to forget where he was. An impossible task, for this fangirl was determined to annoy him as much as physically possible. "Ita-chan, you're so cold!" she said when she noticed that he was ignoring her, putting on her best pout face that made her look somewhat like a lost puppy seeking attention. Itachi opened his eyes, knowing it would be futile to argue with her. He'd learned that it's much easier to just give the fangirls what they want. He looked at her emotionlessly and waited for her to start talking again. She didn't wait long and Itachi went back to ignoring what she said and throwing in the occasional 'hn.'

Itachi sighed in relief when she finally left, blowing kisses at him and assuring him that she would be back the next day. Finally, he thought. He waited for the next fangirl to take her place when he noticed Tamaki across the room waving him to come. Itachi obeyed, only because it was even more futile to argue with Tamaki than with the fangirls.

"Itachi… Itachi, Itachi, Itachi…" Tamaki shook his head disappointedly. Itachi's face remained emotionless as ever as he waited for Tamaki to get to the point. "I wanted to talk to you about your skills as a host… Don't misunderstand, the costumers love you, it's just…." Tamaki paused and seemed to be concentrating very hard on something. "You need to communicate with them! You can't just be cold all the time, they'll get bored with you and we can't have that, can we? I'm sure you understand." He put a hand on Itachi's shoulder. "Just don't be so shy around them, all right?" Itachi groaned internally. Now he would have to actually try to speak with the fangirls… And just when he thought things couldn't get any worse.

"I will take these suggestions into consideration." He responded. He was by no means going to agree to talk to them about the pros and cons of 'commoner coffee' or discuss which kind of teacup he prefers, but he had to say something to keep Tamaki from going on a long rant about what it means to be a Host. The Jinchuuri have it easy… I would much rather be a host to a tailed beast than one at this ridiculous school, Itachi thought.

Tamaki nodded seriously at Itachi before they both went to their respective couches to wait for their next costumer. It wasn't long before another random fangirl sat next to Itachi, beaming.

"Hello, Itachi-kun, how are you today?" At least this one can speak in coherent sentences…

Noticing that Tamaki was 'subtly' studying Itachi from across the room, Itachi decided to grace this fangirl's question with a response.

"I am well." The fangirl squealed loudly at this, after all, she was the first one that was able to get him to talk. The mysterious Uchiha Itachi had been a subject of conversation at the school all day, and this simple sentence was a big achievement. She was doing well… she decided she would try to ask him the question that had been plaguing the whole female population ever since they saw him.

"May I ask you something?" She said, barely containing her excitement. Itachi looked at her coldly, a reply that undoubtedly said 'only if you want to die' that she interpreted as 'oh, yes, my love, anything for you!'

She grabbed Itachi's hand excitedly and pointed to his nails. "Where do you get your nails done!?" He gave her the most famous and feared Uchiha Death Glare that the fangirl interpreted as a look of passionate love and fierce desire. Itachi let the question hang in the air for a while, hoping that the fangirl might get distracted by a shiny object somewhere. "Well?!" she said in a high pitched squeaky voice. He would under no circumstances grace that with a response. No. Instead he turned on his Mangekyou Sharingan and rendered her unconscious.

In an instant, Tamaki was there, catching her before her head hit the edge of the couch. Itachi looked forward and closed his eyes ignoring the panicked cries of Tamaki as he rushed the girl to another couch and laid her down. He soon felt another person sit down next to him, but he made no move to open his eyes. If it was another fangirl, they would start rambling on whether he was paying attention or not. When no sound was made he looked next to him to find Haruhi contently taking a sip of tea. After she realized Itachi was looking at her, she looked up to smile warmly at him.

"How are you doing? I noticed Tamaki giving you lessons earlier." She chuckled. "Don't worry, he did that with me too when I first joined. He'll leave you alone soon enough."

"Hn," was Itachi's usual response.

"You know, they probably wouldn't bug you this much if you tried actually holding a conversation with them…" Haruhi looked up to find Itachi glaring at her. She laughed again nervously. "Heh… sorry, Tamaki insisted that I try talking to you. You'll get used to them soon. They're really not all bad…"

"May I inquire as to why they all seem to be so obsessed with what kind of coffee I drink?" At this, the whole room went silent. It was the most anyone heard Itachi speak since he'd been there. In an instant, he was attacked by more fangirls. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, ignoring the cries of 'Ita-kun!' and 'I can't believe you won't talk me….'

When it was clear that he was not going to speak any more than that, the fangirls glumly went back to their other conversations and Itachi leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes again. Again, he felt someone sit down next to him. He waited for the 'Ita-chaaaaaaan!' to come… but it didn't… Haruhi again? No, he recently saw her go to talk to more of the fangirls and she would never get away from them that easily.

He opened his eyes and looked next to him. He didn't believe what he saw. No… this had to be some sort of illusion, perhaps the Mangekyou backfired or perhaps one of the fangirls drugged his coffee… that was likely… because there was no way that the person next to him could be….

"Stop staring at me, Uchiha, this is weird enough already, un." Itachi couldn't find any words. His face remained unchanged, though inside he was wondering what the hell Deidara was doing here, how they found him, and, most of all, why Deidara was disguised as a female. But it was definitely him, Itachi saw the ring on his finger… along with a pair of lacy white gloves that were there most likely to cover the extra mouths that Deidara has there.

"What, pray tell, are you doing here, Deidara?" Itachi had never particularly liked the blond explosives expert. He'd kept his distance over the years, but this… this was…

"I could ask you the same thing! Leader thinks you've been being held hostage or kept for interrogation, but your sitting here as part of a Host Club?" Deidara laughed, Itachi as a host was truly a ridiculous concept.

"I don't believe you are in any position to mock me." Itachi responded coldly, gesturing to the yellow dress that Deidara was wearing. Deidara's expression quickly changed to a glare.

"It's not like I wanted this… un. Now explain what the hell you're doing here so I can get out of this freakin dress." Deidara commanded.

"The goal of the Akatsuki is first to gather a large sum of money, correct?" Itachi had already thought of what he would say should the Akatsuki come looking for him. And he was by no means going to let them know that his tea got drugged and he'd been dragged unconsciously to this room and dumped on a pink couch.

"This club is willing to pay me whatever I want, much more than we would get from any other small jobs Leader has found for us. I had planned to inform him of my position tonight and request permission to stay here. I would have contacted him sooner, but as you know it takes up quite a lot of chakra to talk to him from such a distance and I encountered some enemy ninja, that I was forced to use my Mangekyou on therefore depleting my chakra greatly." Itachi answered smoothly.

"You still haven't mentioned how you found your way into a Host club. Do they have any idea who you are?" Deidara asked impatiently.

"It was they who invited me to join." At this Deidara let out another roar of laughter which Itachi ignored. "I met him," Itachi gestured to Tamaki who was in deep conversation with one of his costumers; "in a tea shop and he gave me his proposition. I came to see if he was truthful when he said they could pay me well." Deidara looked at him suspiciously, but before he could question him any more, the next fangirl unceremoniously sat between them, batting her eyelashes at Itachi.

"Time to switch!" She said, excited to get a turn at Itachi, especially since he seemed so talkative now. Deidara glared at her and instinctively reached for his clay bag to make a work of art to blow her up with when he remembered that it wasn't there.

(Deidara's transformation)

"What the hell do you mean I can't bring my clay!?" He'd asked indignantly when he was told that he'd have to leave his explosives behind.

"What, can't you fucking do anything on your own?" Inquired Hidan, who was there only to see the oh, so artistic and great Deidara in a dress with his hair down and laugh his ass off at his expense. That had earned a glare from Deidara, of course.

"You know it would look suspicious if you went around chewing clay," Kisame said, reasonably. " Plus it would clash with your dress." He chuckled and Deidara turned to glare at him.

"Tobi thinks you look very pretty, senpai!" At this point Deidara completely lost it.

"Give me my clay so I can freakin blow his face off, un!" Tobi quickly ran away and hid behind Kisame.

"Ahh, no, senpai! Tobi's a good—"

"Shut UP, Tobi!"

Konan, who had remained silent until then, finally stepped into the argument. "We're almost done, then you can start your mission." Deidara grunted in response. She sighed. "You know you're going to need to at least try to act like a girl if you want this mission to be a success. Otherwise this is all done in vain."

Deidara glared at his yellow frilly dress in disdain. Why me, why me… He sighed and continued to look pissed off as the rest of the group sat there deciding on his name, since the group that had kidnapped Itachi would know who he was if he introduced himself as Deidara.

"Oh! Oh! Tobi knows!" Deidara glanced at Tobi giving him his best Dei-death glare. "Midoru! 'Beautiful doll!' 'Cause senpai looks so pretty!"

There was a moment of silence. Then a few minutes of uncontrollable laughter. Then an explosion. It appeared that 'Midoru' had found his-her- explosives. He/she was leaning against the wall with a triumphant smirk.

"….You still can't bring the explosives."

A/N: Okay. I'll make something clear. I am NOT going to be one of those authors who beg for reviews each chapter, or make an arranged amount of reviews before moving on with the story. It's stupid and, sorry to quote Sasuke, annoying. I mean, of course I absolutely adore reviews, they make my day, and I'm eternally grateful to anyone who takes the time out of their day to review, I just really hate it when authors demand reviews so I'm not going to be one of them. If you want to review, you are a wonderful person, but I know that I for one don't review EVERYTHING that I read, so it's stupid to expect you to either.

[/rant]

One last note: hakuas-moonstar, thank you so much for offering to beta, I really appreciate it, but I myself am really picky about grammar and spelling, plus I already have my friend helping me write it so I don't want you to waste your time, so thank you for offering, but I'm afraid I have to decline.