Disclaimer: Don't own anything, and if you didn't get that from the fact that this is fanfiction, then... you fail worse than pre-shippuden Sakura

Deidara, after being shoved gracelessly away by Itachi's fangirl, stood by the window, leaning against a wall, waiting for Itachi to be done with this stupid act of his. They would still need to contact Pein. The explosives expert groaned at the thought—that would not be a fun conversation. At least it meant getting out of this ridiculous disguise though, even though the only real change that was made was that he let his hair down because apparently he was already feminine looking enough without a henge. Deidara glared at Itachi for ever tricking him into joining the stupid organization. What kind of criminal group dresses one of it's members up like a girl to infiltrate a Host Club?

Deidara's thoughts were interrupted, however, when a hand gently stroked his cheek. He jumped back quickly to see another host with red hair and the customary lilac jacket on smiling charmingly at him.

"Hey, don't think I've seen you here before." The host smiled charmingly at him. "I'm Hikaru." When Deidara didn't give a response due to his disbelief and annoyance at another guy flirting with him, the host came closer and stroked his hair. Deidara blinked a few times. This twin was... flirting with him? Damn you, Itachi!!

"...Midoru." Deidara finally answered, wincing inwardly at that awful name and hoping that talking might stop Hikaru from touching him and desperately wishing that he could have brought along his clay.

He didn't have have to adjust his voice, at least. With a jutsu that he'd learned before the mission, it sounded just like a normal, if not a bit low, female's voice. But he loathed the way it sounded, so foreign coming out of his mouth, not to mention he detested being mistaken for a girl. And, unfortunately for him, that was his goal for this mission.

"You a transfer student?" The red haired host asked curiously. Deidara nodded; maybe if he kept silent this host would leave him alone... Or not.

"Midoru... beautiful doll... fitting name." Another charming smile. Tch. He's worse than Tobi... And he's... serious...

"How about I give you a tour around the school? Wouldn't want such a beautiful guest to get lost here... The rose gardens are quite nice around this time." Deidara gritted his teeth as he resisted punching him.

"I can find my way perfectly fine, un!" He yelled before, like any other brave Akatsuki member would have done, running away as fast as he possibly could from the flirtatious boy. He couldn't get through the door, however, for he was intercepted by... Hikaru? No, there was no way he could have been so fast. Deidara looked back to see the same red-headed boy he was talking to looking around wildly to see where his 'beautiful doll' went off to. A clone? No, he would not be that skilled. A twin, then, Deidara deduced. Damn it, one was bad enough...

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! Deidara thought in a panic. He didn't know if he could handle another Hikaru.

With his arms blocking the doorway, this twin looked back to Hikaru.

"Hikaru, you're scaring off this beautiful guest!" He shook his head in mock-dissapointment. "I'm Kaoru. Don't worry, whatever he did, I'm sure he didn't mean it." He smiled charmingly.

Hikaru walked towards them confusedly. "I only offered her a tour around Ouran..."

The other one, Kaoru looked curiously at the poor blond. "Huh. Well, I'll tag along too if you're afraid of being alone with Hikaru."

"I'm fine. Really. I should be going." Deidara said through his teeth.

"We insist!" They said together as they each took one of Deidara's arms and dragged him out of the room earning a Dei-death-glare, which they of course did not notice. I'm going to kill that Uchiha bastard, un! It's his fault!

After they got out of the building they showed Deidara around the rose gardens and the main plaza chattering on aimlessly. After about an hour of subjecting Deidara to the torture of their endless rambling, they finally let go of his arms and looked at him with enthusiasm and delight.

"So, what do you think? Beautiful isn't it?" One of them said; Deidara had no idea who was who nor did he particularly care.

"Tch. Hardly my idea of art." The twins looked at each other, shocked. Every other girl that they brought here would be in awe of it's beauty and classiness. Seeing their confused faces, Deidara rolled his eyes. "They're just buildings and flowers. Art is supposed to be fleeting, not ever-lasting, un!"

"But that's what art is, isn't it? Paintings and architecture and such?" One of them asked, temporarily forgetting to put on their charms and looking genuinely curious.

Deidara scoffed. "Art is a bang! Something that lasts for just a moment, fleeting, quick!" With that, Deidara dug around in his school messenger back for the spare grenade he kept with him and threw it up in the air. It exploded at the peak of his throw and the twins gaped at him. The artist merely looked at them with a wild grin on his face. "See? That's art! That's beauty!"

"...Woah! A grenade!" They clapped and Deidara glared at them. Clearly they weren't paying any attention to his art-rant. Not a good idea. Ugh, but I was only able to bring that one, so I can't even show these idiots what true art is... Deidara pictured what a wonderful work of art it would be to blow them up... When this mission was finished, he would be sure to pay them another visit and then he would show them the real meaning of art.

Seeing the murderous look on his face, the twins quickly reverted back to their host-selves. They crowded around poor Deidara both giving him a look of utter adoration. "A beautiful explosion-"

"-but not as beautiful as you, Mi-do-ru." They said flirtatiously, pronouncing each syllable of his accursed name and earning another glare from Deidara as he imagined other scenarios that ended in the death of these twins, getting progressively more violent with each one.

When the twins got no blush or reaction from Deidara than a glare they gave each other confused looks. It wasn't often that a girl wasn't susceptible to their host-ways. Deidara took advantage of their temporary confusion and before they knew it, the blond was gone.

Itachi, meanwhile, was facing his own trials while Deidara was dealing with the hosts. Though he'd managed to learn to tune out most of the fangirl's chatter, it was harder to ignore the glares and expressions of the so-called 'king' of the Host Club. Therefore Itachi had settled for simply keeping his eyes on the guest. His gaze would silence any fangirl, usually. After all, with Uchiha Itachi staring at them, what could be said? He was currently dealing with a more difficult fangirl, though, who didn't stop talking no matter what he did. She was content to simply talk and talk and talk... He was amazed that he hadn't yet lost his mind.

Finally, she left. Itachi sighed in relief. He didn't know how long he would be able to manage before he murdered her.

"Tamaki's glaring at you, you know." He heard a voice next to him. Haruhi.

"Hn." He answered. Haruhi smiled slightly.

"That's why. You don't talk to the guests."

"They are quite content at listening to themselves talk. If your 'king' has such issues, why does he not approach me himself, rather than sending you to do so?" Not that I am complaining...

"Well, frankly, you kind of scare him." Itachi hid a smirk. At least he knew his place.

"It isn't his concern how I treat my guests. I am bringing in costumers, am I not? My methods work perfectly fine." Haruhi wanted to roll her eyes at Itachi's sheer emotionless-ness. It was amazing how she hadn't seen anything in his eyes since they met.

"I suppose your right. Tamaki's just... difficult sometimes. He'll get over it." Haruhi looked at him curiously. "But what about you? If you hate it so much here, why do you stay?"

She wouldn't believe the truth, of course. Even if she did know who he was, it would take hours to explain his situation to her. "It is my mission." He said simply.

"Your... mission?"

"At the moment, my organization is aiming to seek a large fortune and this is a job that pays well for little effort." Itachi hoped that this might stop her questions.... though he doubted it.

Haruhi, on the other hand, was trying to figure out the hidden meaning in his cryptic response. All she knew from Tamaki was that Itachi was 'part of a criminal organization that wants to take over the world'.... but she never took it seriously until now. She was smart enough not to ask any more, though. It was obvious that he wouldn't say any more on the matter.

Itachi could see the confusion on her face, but as she predicted, he planned to say no more to make her understand.

"How long are you staying, then?" The sharingan user raised an eyebrow, surprised that she was letting the subject go so easily, not that he objected.

"Until my leader calls me back. I myself don't know how long that will be." Why was he telling her this? It's not like it mattered to her... She was probably only trying to make 'small talk'. Ah, well. He would indulge her this time.

"Why will he call you back?" She asked, looking genuinely curious, though her questions were getting rather annoying.

Itachi looked at her more coldly than he intended and replied, "I'm sure you are aware of my current occupation; there are more important things to attend to than being a part of this Host Club." The look in his eyes made it clear that this, too, would not be elaborated on. Haruhi sighed. How can he take everything so seriously all the time... He's like the opposite of Tamaki.

"So you really are a criminal, then?"

"Hn," he replied, meaning 'yes'. Haruhi was looking at him strangely, as if studying his face for a lie.

"I can't believe that..." Itachi returned the look. This was a strange girl, though he supposed it was understandable since she didn't know the full extent of what he'd done in his life.

"Why is that?" He questioned.

"You don't seem like a bad person." She said simply.

"You do not know what kind of a person I am." Itachi was getting even more annoyed by this girl. No one had ever questioned him like this, people just saw the cloak or the eyes and tried to distance themselves.

"I'm usually pretty good at reading people." She smiled at him and closed her eyes. "If you were such a bad person, you wouldn't look so sad all the time."

"Hn," he said. But this was also understandable... Many of his Akatsuki colleagues enjoyed killing and hurting others but he was always different from them in that respect. Since he was a child, he'd hated war and was, in general, anti-confrontational if he could help it. Through the years he'd had to kill and play the part of a violent and dangerous criminal, and was very good at it, even if he didn't enjoy it. It was necessary. But now this girl could see through everything. This wouldn't be good if she talked to Deidara or anyone else he knew. He would have to convince her that she was wrong.

Although part of him didn't want to. Since he was a teenager, he'd been known as "Uchiha Itachi, the one who killed his family for power," "Uchiha Itachi, of Akatsuki," and "Uchiha Itachi, the one whom I have sworn to kill!" To have someone see only Itachi was... nice, as much as he hated to admit it. He'd known what would happen with his life the moment he'd accepted that mission that would change his world forever. He'd thought only of Konoha and of Sasuke, he'd killed to protect that which he loved. He'd never thought of himself, only of his village and his brother.

No.. here, for her, he would be just Itachi. He wouldn't explain to her all the reasons she should hate him, all the reasons she should fear him. He would let her go on believing that he was a 'good person'.

"Uchiha-san?" She asked. He looked at her, realizing he must have been gone in his own thoughts. She smiled again, glad that he was still aware of their conversation.

"Just call me Itachi." He said distantly. She smiled and nodded.

"Itachi, then." There was a silence after that, both of them having forgotten what they were talking about or simply wanting to change the subject without knowing how.

"Oh, there's your friend again. Midoru, wasn't it?" Haruhi stated. Itachi looked where she was pointing, and sure enough found Deidara at the door, looking more annoyed than usual and checking behind him constantly. He must have escaped the twins. Itachi looked back toward Haruhi again.

"Friend? I met her only today." It wouldn't be good if Deidara's cover was blown so quickly.

Haruhi shrugged. "Well, she's one of few that you've deemed to be on speaking terms with."

"I am a host."

She rolled her eyes. "Itachi, you never talk to guests."

"Hn," because they are not worth talking to and are quite content with just a glance. He finished inwardly.

"So what makes her so different?" Haruhi said amiably. Her tone was cheerful as always, but the question itself had it's own underlying meaning.

She's too observant... Itachi thought. He would have to learn to talk to the other guests too, if he didn't want it to look suspicious.

"There is nothing special about her, I am just making an effort to be more conversational to keep from having another lesson by your esteemed 'king'."

Haruhi understood that, even if she didn't completely believe it. She wasn't an idiot, she was probably the most intelligent girl (or boy) in this academy.

"Why start with her, though?"

"I have had at least a dozen guests who only requested me because they wanted to know where I got my nails done. She is one of the less vain guests I have seen, therefore I am able to speak to her without losing my sanity." Haruhi laughed, and glanced at Midoru again.

"I suppose, though they're really not all bad... They just have different priorities than people like us do." Itachi chose not to correct her when she said 'people like us'. They were nothing alike, and she couldn't change that.

"So you're excited to leave, then?" Itachi gave her a questioning look, though most people wouldn't be able to tell. For once he was grateful for Haruhi's observance skills; it allowed him to waste no words. "To leave the host club, and go back to wherever you're from." She clarified.

Itachi had to think about the question before he answered it. He couldn't decide if he could truly say 'yes' and mean it. True, the fangirls were annoying and the other hosts intolerable, but he didn't particularly mind Haruhi's company (as much as he thought he would, anyway), nor did he miss having to kill innocents on pointless missions to gain money or get revenge. But he was getting restless doing nothing but listening to girls' chatter and his skills were already growing rusty from lack of use.

"It can be troublesome, but I don't hate it here." He gave his cryptic response. Haruhi looked at him. Weird, he acts like he hates it here... maybe he's just not used to showing emotions. I haven't seen him smile since he got here.

Their conversation was interrupted by Tamaki's motioning towards Haruhi with an urgent look on his face. Haruhi sighed. "We're probably out of coffee again. The others are afraid of the supermarket, you see, so I have to get more every time we run out."

"I see." Itachi responded emotionlessly. Haruhi chuckled at his seriousness.

"Well, see you later. I think Midoru's the only one left, and it looks like she's waiting for you." Haruhi gestured towards the door where, sure enough, Deidara stood impatiently. Itachi nodded and walked towards him.

"Finally, un! If you're done chatting, we need to go contact Leader." They both started walking down the corridor.

"You could have contacted him yourself." Itachi glanced toward Deidara with his usual expressionless facade.

"Like this? No way. Besides, he wouldn't have believed I found you so easily if you weren't there, un." Itachi guessed that this was because of Deidara's lack of interest in 'rescuing' him, not to mention dissatisfaction with his disguise. "Where are you staying?"

"An apartment not far from here. There is a guest room that you may occupy until you find a place of your own. It will be suspicious if we are found... living together." Itachi hoped he'd made his meaning clear. He did not want people to think that he and Deidara were a... couple...

Deidara shuddered and glared at Itachi, clearly having understood his message. "No way in hell will I let people believe we're a couple, un!" he yelled, receiving several strange looks from people around him. Itachi sighed. This was going to be more troublesome than he thought. It's not like he could claim Deidara as a family member; the one with glasses, Kyouya, seemed to have done a thorough background check on him. And 'childhood friends' was so cliche that even Tamaki wouldn't believe it. Well, Tamaki would be the only one, but Haruhi and Kyouya were far too intelligent to believe such an excuse. He would think of something later, if Deidara planned on a long stay.

The two stopped in front of the large apartment building he was staying in. "Hikaru and Kaoru seem fond of you, ask to stay with them or for an apartment of your own." Deidara grumbled about that, not wanting to spend any more time with them than necessary. If Itachi were not... well, Itachi he would have found this situation extremely amusing. As it is, however, it served merely as a nuisance. Deidara was hardly his favorite Akatsuki member, nor was Itachi Deidara's. Since the day Itachi made him join, Deidara's hated him and spent his time trying to surpass him with his art. Itachi, on the other hand, disliked Deidara mostly because of his liking for killing innocents and causing war and havoc among villages, which is something Itachi had hated since he was four and he saw the effects of war in general.

Itachi showed Deidara to the guest room, one of three, actually. How many guests does he have... Deidara thought. "You were right when you said these guys are rich, un." Deidara remarked in both wonder and annoyance. Isn't the great Uchiha Itachi always right...

"We should contact Leader." Itachi said. They both went into the main living area of the apartment and sat in opposite armchairs, making the hand gestures to project themselves into the usual meeting place. They must have been expecting them, for the rest of the Akatsuki was there already as well. There was quite a bit of laughter and snide comments about both of their wardrobes, and 'what a good couple they make! Their clothes match!' by Tobi (earning a glare of death from Deidara, of course, and annoyed look by Itachi. He didn't think it possible to hate Madara more but, clearly, it was.).

"They must be desperate for members to choose Itachi!" Kisame said jokingly.

"What, you jealous they didn't choose you, you fucking fish face?" Hidan, also laughing of course, asked. Kisame lowered his head.

"It's because I'm blue, I know...." He said sadly.

Pein spoke up, after the comments and laughter began to die down.

"Finally, Itachi. We were beginning to worry." His tone made it clear they were more impatiently waiting rather than worrying, but Itachi nodded at him.

"I apologize, but before I contacted you I wanted to make sure that this arrangement would work out the way I planned."

Pein raised an eyebrow. "Arrangement?"

Itachi nodded again. "I'm sure you are aware of the place I am staying, this 'Host Club' is offering a great deal of payment for my taking part in it. I am requesting permission to stay here as a part of this Club, all payment going directly to Akatsuki." Itachi proceeded to fill the Leader in on the details of this arrangement, how much he would be paid, what is expected, ect.

Pein considered this. Though it wasn't like Itachi to go seeking his own missions, he had to admit they were offering good sum of money and it was very tempting to accept. He was, however, a bit suspicious that Itachi would leave without a word and show up as a part of a club such as this, not to mention waiting a week to make any contact with Akatsuki. For someone as much of a perfectionist as Itachi, it didn't seem likely.

"How did you stumble across this club, Itachi?" Pein questioned.

Itachi decided to go with as much truth as he could. "It was their own leader who seeked me out while Kisame was away from me." There was laughter among the rest of the Akatsuki, and even Pein found it somewhat amusing. After the laughter subsided, Itachi continued. "I went with him to see if their offer was valid." Pein studied the Sharingan user, as if trying to detect any lie from him. Itachi was quite good at lying, though, having had much experience in it. To Pein, it still seemed odd that they would seek out an Akatsuki member for their Host Club...

"Do they know who you are?" He asked.

"Yes. They did a thorough background check on me, they know to whom my loyalties lie." Pein gave him a strange look. "Their leader, or 'king' as they call him, is quite... trusting. And they know that I will not have to kill them unless they give me reason to." That was understandable, Pein thought. Itachi was probably the least short-tempered out of the whole group, it was unlikely that he would hurt them unless he had to.

"Then your mission is now to continue as a part of this Ouran Host Club, until further notice." Itachi nodded. "Though you are well aware that Akatsuki works in teams. Since Kisame can't join you for... obvious reasons, Deidara, you will be staying there as well, in case any danger should appear. You will accompany Itachi as you have been disguised as one of this Host Clubs 'guests'."

Pein looked at Deidara strictly as he said this, and left no room at all for arguments.

Deidara, with a betrayed and simply muderous look on his face, answered. "Fine, but only if I can practice my art and have my clay back." If he was going to have to do this mission, he would need some sort of... artistic outlet... Seeing the unchanging expression on Pein's face he mumbled "I won't blow up the school, I'll find some deserted village or forest or something."

"That's agreeable. Kisame, you of course will now be partnered with Tobi." Kisame nodded, Tobi cheered. "And that's all. Itachi, Deidara, you are of course expected to be present at the next bijuu extraction. I will contact you if matters change."

"I understand," said Itachi. Deidara was still too annoyed for words, but they both did the hand gestures to disable the hologram and go back to Itachi's apartment. Deidara stayed seated, content to simply give his usual death glare at Itachi. Damn it, it's his freakin fault I have to be here, un! I'll kill the bastard!

Itachi sighed. This would be more annoying than before, with Deidara here. He would be sure to check his food for poison every day-- Deidara was, after all, partnered with Sasori for a period of time.

After a while of sitting, glaring daggers at Itachi who was drinking tea, calm as always (which only served to further infuriate the blonde) Deidara finally went to one of the guest rooms to bed. The next day would be hell for him, having to beg those twins for a place to stay or staying in the same apartment as Itachi... He didn't know which would be worse. Itachi had it easy.

A/N So I'm going to try to keep each chapter around 4000 words, not too short but not too long. Thank you SO much for the reviews, they make my day!