Chapter Two.

Empty Room - Marjorie Fair.

The first thing I noticed when I entered was the silence. It was loud, deafening and made me want to cover my ears up and scream. My eyes were looking around, at the house I'd spent more than half my childhood in with my best friend, his dad…his mum; My mind was questioning the better part of my judgment as to why I had come here in the first place.

I should have just gone home but somehow I had found myself turning into that street I knew so well, the bright yellow and orange lamppost at the entry sending that familiar feeling bubbling in my stomach – a mixture of relief, calm, happiness combined this time with an odd sense of hope. I felt strangely out of place; as if I didn't really belong, as if I never really had belonged here and that was not a good feeling to carry around about the place I had called home for the last sixteen years of my life.

I guess I just needed a doze of past memories.

Smiling to myself, I walked further into the house wondering whether it was inappropriate of me to have taken advantage of the fact that I knew where the extra house keys were hidden; it never had been before but this was different. Three months away could have – would have –changed anything and everything.

That home sick huh?

I whipped around immediately pressing my back against the wall on which hung rows of family pictures, in my fluster knocking down a frame that fell a yard away from me.

I blinked. Once. Twice.

My head spun and my vision blurred; Damn those migraines for creeping up on me when I least wanted them.

It's not you, it's me.

It was a whisper - real and yet not so real - caressing my ear, willing me to listen… making me desperate to keep it there.

I can't stay.

Of course… it was better this way.

"What are you doing here?"

My eyes flew open. Hadn't that been my imagination?

"Alex..?" I said, uncertainly.

He looked terrible, his eyes haunted, like he hadn't slept at all; but there was a controlled atmosphere about him as if he were approaching everything around him with indifference and caution combined.

"Who did you expect? You're in my house." He brushed his nose distractedly.

He wouldn't even look at me.

"Is that your idea of a welcome back?" I smiled at him.

He brushed his hair out of his eyes and shoved his hands into his pockets before saying "Well, it's not like I got a goodbye so…" His voice trailed off as he lifted his head to finally look at me with those brilliant bright grey eyes; eyes that were full of indifference, mixed with the immense hurt I had caused him but he had too much dignity to show.

I looked down and grimaced trying not to let my hurt show.

"I guess I deserved that"

His face softened at that but only just. He sighed and walked towards the kitchen counter, taking a seat on one of the stools. Pretending to be engrossed in the back of a Frosties cereal box, he spoke again.

"Why are you here Carrie?"

I knew I couldn't lie to him; firstly because I never wanted to and secondly, because he'd see right through my lie.

"Your dad called me."

He looked up at that, face still devoid of any emotion but eyes appraising. For a moment, something flashed in his eyes. I tentatively took a step forward… and the spell was broken. He got up from the stool in one fluid movement and locked his eyes on to mine.

"I'm fine. No thanks to you."

I cringed. His voice was so cold, his eyes like ice bergs in a lone ocean. What had I expected? That if no else did, Alex would welcome me home with open arms? He was probably the one who had been hurt the most.

"I'm sorry X. I really am. I deserve every single thing you throw at me right now so go ahead," I gestured vaguely with my hands. "Beat me up, insult me, whatever."

He turned around and looked at me then. My heart faltered and a twisting sensation ensued in my stomach as he looked me in the eyes. He was crying. Alex never cried; The only time I had seen him teary eyed was at Sephy's funeral. But then, who hadn't cried that day?

"I came looking for you that day. Did you know that? The day I found out my mother was going to DIE."

He knew exactly which words to emphasize on. I cringed again and shook my head once, pleading.

"Do you have any idea how it felt when your mum said 'Oh but she's gone Alex! I'm sure she must have told you! Carrie didn't tell you?'"

"X look -"

He spread his arms wide as if presenting himself to the world.

"Because of course, I'm the best friend. I'm supposed to know everything about you, I'm supposed to be at your side through thick or thin

"I was miserable Carrie, I was dying inside and you know what you did? You left me to DIE. You let it happen." He paused and took a few more steps so that his face was inches from mine.

"Now I couldn't care less if you get run over by a truck or choke to death."

I had been hurt before several times but the hurt I felt now was so intense I found that it physically hurt my chest. Just like that all the walls I had built up, all the practice I had done, all the determination went down the drain. I felt the sobs rip from my chest as I spun around and made straight for the door.

Outside everything was the same. The air untouched. No sign of heartbreak, no sign of gloom, no sign of anger or anything negative - It was a clear day with blue skies just sunny enough.

I told you.

Yeah, kick a girl when she's down will ya?

You should have stayed away.

I shouldn't have left in the first place.

But you did.

And that had of course, ruined everything.