A/N: Ok I'm working on the faster updates. Now let's see what the The Shaman of Sexy and the Chick Magnet have to say. I hope everyone enjoys this!
Disclaimer: I don't own any person, place, or thing mentioned in this story. I do want to own Shawn and I'm still working on a petition to make that happen.Summary: Hunter has a problem. Someone's done the unthinkable and stolen his sledgehammer. Will he find who stole it? Or will he be forced to...*gasp* start using a new weapon?
If Hunter wasn't so angry he would have laughed at the absurdity of that statement. Of course, just because Hunter was angry it didn't mean that everybody else couldn't laugh, which is exactly what they did. The room erupted in laughter, even the Hardyz had stopped arguing long enough to join in.
"So you're trying to tell us that you didn't take sledgy because you don't use hammers in the palace of wisdom?" Shawn asked between giggles.
John nodded and said confusedly, "Why would we bring something so primitive into a place of enlightenment?"
Hearing him say that broke through Hunter's anger and he collapsed in a fit of laughter. "I know you guys were the ones that came up with it, but you do know that the palace of wisdom doesn't really exist?"
Both Miz and Morrison looked at each other before looking at Hunter and slapping him, "Blasphemy! How dare you say that!"
Shawn managed to hold Hunter back before he tried to kill the two A-listers for the slap."Look, just because we never bothered to tell you guys where the palace is, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Miz explained.
"Alright Alright, so tell us where is it then?" Hunter asked.
John and Miz pulled a folded sheet of paper out of their pockets. They unfolded both and put the two halves together, forming a picture of big ass mansion that looked like it was in the Hollywood hills. It was about three stories high, had pool with a waterfall, and the lawn was cut so that clear images of their faces could be seen, but that was only outside. Who knew what was inside!
All jaws dropped and the room grew completely silent when the picture was shown. "Y- you guys are kidding right? That's just a picture of a house isn't it?" Cena asked nervously.
John imitated a drum roll while Miz shouted, "PRESENTING...THE PALCE OF WISDOM! Three floors of floor to ceiling mirrors, so we can look at how awesome we are. Six workout rooms because let's face it, it takes a lot of work before before you can look in the mirror and see two specimens of greatness like we do. We also have--"
"Will you two shut up?! Even though I am actually in shock that your place of enlightenment actually exists. The important matter at the moment is to find my damn hammer!"
"Well don't look at us. We're victims here too!" Miz exclaimed.
"How exactly are you two victims?!" Hunter demanded.
John pointed to the picture, "This is what the palace of wisdom looked like...BEFORE IT BURNT UP IN A MYSTERIOUS FIRE LAST NIGHT!"
"And it's all because of that stupid sledgehammer!" The Miz was seething as he thought about what happened to the palace. "Someone planted that thing in our locker room and it caused us nothing but pain!"
"So you mean somebody actually tried to frame you guys?" Randy asked disbelievingly. "Who would want to waste their time doing that?"
"Yeah guys, just admit it, you two took the hammer then a bunch a weird shit started happening. We've all owned up to taking sledgy at some point. Well, except for the Hardys anyway." Cena said.
"You guys are starting to look mighty suspicious." Taker said thoughtfully. "You told everyone about how you were gonna get DX back after they humiliated you at Raw's 800th episode, and then sledgy just happens to appear in your locker room with no explanation whatsoever, I'm not buying it."
"Everyone else has had a chance to explain themselves but us. You guys just can't stand it because we're winners and you're losers. This is injustice!" John replied.
Hunter glared at them evilly. "Fine. You two are the only ones left without an alibi, so go on and tell your story, so I can say you're guilty, get sledgy back, beat the hell out of the two of you for taking him, and move on with my life."
John started first, "Bout time you decided to listen to us." He turned to his audience. "Pay attention everyone because this will clear our names and tell us who to sue for damages to the palace of wisdom. Now, obviously because what was going on with that thing Hunter calls a weapon, Raw was a little bit more wild than it usually is. Of course since I am the Guru of Greatness, I really didn't care at that moment. When we heard the commotion with Jeff and Matt, Miz and I stepped out to see what was happening..."
John glared at his tag team partner straddling his waist."Damn it Miz! You've been doing this for a couple of months now. Why can't you get it right?!"
"Excuse me? I'm not the one who wants his abs bejeweled for all of his matches. It seems like a waste of time to me. What are you trying to do? Blind our opponents?" Miz got off his waist and put the bag of jewels and the tweezers he was using back on the table. "If you want it done so badly do it yourself!"
John stood up and went over to the mirror to have his daily ab admiring time, frowning when he saw that a couple of jewels were placed crookedly. "If I want it done right, I'll have to do it."
"While we're in here focusing on your abs, we should be thinking about how we're gonna get DX back for that little stunt they pulled on us."
John chuckled, "Are you really still thinking about that? I told you I had a plan. Don't worry about it."
"So let's here it then. What is this amazing plan you've come up with?"
"All great tag teams have something that makes them memorable. It might take me a while to figure out what that is with DX, but once I do, we'll steal it and cement our status as the best tag team of the 20th and 21st century."
Miz just stared at him and shook his head. "I really worry about you sometimes. Are you sure the glue from those jewels isn't affecting your brain?"
Morrison spun around to face his partner and said, "You know what Miz? I--!" The sound of shouting from outside cut off John's rant and drew the attention of the two A-listers and they went out in the hall to go see what it was.
They saw Matt covered his soot and ash, dragging Jeff back to their locker room. "As soon as the show is over, I'm flushing your skittles and telling Vince to ban you from bringing any of your art work backstage." They watched for a few more minutes and had to laugh when Jeff bit him and tried to escape. They ducked back into their room and had a good laugh at the Hardyz expense.
"I wonder what Jeff did to have Matt flush this stash of skittles?" Miz said.
"Who knows? When Jeff gets sugar, there's always something crazy waiting to happen. That's why Vince started to uninstall all the vending machines in the arena's we have shows in." He flopped down on the couch only to jump back up again, rubbing his ass gently. "What the hell did I just sit on?!"
Miz raised his eyebrows and the object now sitting on their couch. He grabbed it and held it up to show John. "This is Hunter's. I think he keeps his sledgehammer in here. I always see him carrying this thing around with with him."
"I wonder how it got in here?" John said quizzically, taking the hammer from Miz. "I don't remember going to go steal anything from Hunter yet."
"John I really don't think that's something we should steal from him. We'd have an easier time trying to kidnap Shawn. Besides, I heard some of the guys saying some pretty weird things about that hammer." He warned.
John shrugged, "Don't tell me you buy into all that crap." he looked over at the clock and stuck sledgy in his bag. "Listen, it's almost time for our match. We'll decide what to do about it when we come back."
"Alright, but if something happens during our match don't say I didn't warn you."
"Whatever. Let's just get this match over with so we can come up with a plan to get some ransom before we return the hammer."
"So you're telling us in the few minutes you were in the hall watching me drag Jeff around, someone else took sledgy out of Hunter's locker room and planted him yours?" Matt asked.
John nodded, "Basically."
"Forget all that! I just wanted to know what kind of weird shit happened to you guys!" Randy shouted. "For the rest of us, the effects seemed to kick in instantly. Why didn't that happen to you?"
"Well it actually did, but unluckily for us, it happened during our match. You see...let's just say we had a little wardrobe malfunction." John continued.
Shawn suddenly glared at Hunter and punched him in the back. "Is that why you covered my eyes during their match and wouldn't let go until they were off screen?!"
"Duh Shawn. Like I was seriously gonna expose you to that. You would have been scarred for life. No amount of therapy could have ever helped you."
"Oh." Shawn leaned down and gave Hunter at big hug. "Thank you! I don't know what I would do without you being here to help preserve my brain!"
Hunter grinned, "What are friends for Shawn."
"And they say we have a bromance." Miz said sarcastically. "Can I go on and continue with the story now?"
"Sure go ahead."
"Now since I want to spare John and myself the embarassment of what happened to us the ring, I'm gonna skip that part and tell you what happened after we came back..."
The door to their locker room busted open as the greatest tag team of the 21st century struggled to inside the best they could while being wrapped awkwardly in John's long, furry coat.
"I guess the crowd got a lot more then they bargained for tonight, don't ya think John?"
John turned to his partner and gave him his best death glare. Well as best as he would while his face still looked like a tomato. "At least you had boxers on under your gear. I was completely exposed! Pictures of my ass will be on the internet faster than legacy can go through a bottle of baby oil!"
"One member or all three?"
All Miz was met with was a growl as John kicked the door closed. "I really can't believe this. It should not be possible for someone's clothes to just come apart at the seams! Rey and Dave could have done something to help us, but all they did was laugh! And to top it all of they wouldn't even stop the match."
"I'm not the one wanted to wear pants that are so tight they look like a second skin! It's not like there's nothing we can do about now. Maybe the guys in the production truck could do something to fix it?"
When John looked in his bag to grab a pair of jeans, he realized there was something missing. Something very very important that could possibly have been the cause of their little problem in the ring.
"Miz did you take sledgy?"
"No. You stuck him in your bag before we left for our match. Why?"
"Ummm...it's missing." he whispered.
"It can't be. We locked the door when we left and we didn't tell anybody we had it. It's not like it grew legs and walked away!"
"Hey as long as it's out of our hands, we shouldn't worry about it." John grabbed his bag and started to head for the door. "Our match is over so we can get out of here. Let's grab some food and get back to the hotel."
"Why aren't you spazzed out anymore about the pictures taken of you tonight?"
"That's easy. I have this philosophy that if you witness greatness, you want to become that greatness and people seeing that footage of our match with understand why I'm called the Shaman of Sexy. Now let's go."
"Once again my friend, I seriously worry about you."
When they went out to the parking lot. Everything seemed completely normal. Except for the fact a bunch of weird noises were coming were coming from their rental. When Miz opened the trunk of the jeep, he screamed and fell back on his ass, shaking his finger and pointing back inside.
"J- John! L- Look inside!"
John hesitantly walked to over to the trunk and jumped back at least three feet. In the center of the trunk Sledgy's case sat, just sitting there mocking them. Unfortunately, that wasn't the worst part. The strange sound was coming from the 30 balls of fur that were jumping up and down in the back seat.
"There's a bunch of chicks hopping all over the car! How could these have possibly gotten in here?"
Miz scrambled off the ground and went around to the drivers side, "I don't know, but this our only way back to the hotel, so what do you want to do?"
"I want to forget we ever found that thing in the first place but..." He trailed off and then started laughing hysterically. "Miz you gotta see this!"
When he came back around he saw John holding one of the chicks. "Watch." He placed the chick on the ground and as soon as it started to move away it was like some kind of magnetized force picked it up and put it back in the trunk. "No matter how crazy all of this is, you have to admit that's pretty cool."
Miz picked up another chick and the same thing happened to it. "Ok you're right. That is awesome." He dropped his bag in the trunk and got in the car. "Let's get back to the hotel before anything else weird happens."
John nodded, "That's the first good idea you've had all day."
The ride to the hotel went smoothly, if you call the constant chirping and jumping of the chicks smooth. When Miz stepped out of the jeep, he was faced with a whole new problem. He had really became a chick magnet.
"John! These fucking chicks won't stop sticking to me! I can't go into the hotel like this."
John struggled to keep his laughs in, but seeing his tag partner looking like a bright yellow fur ball. He really couldn't resist. "Well maybe Christian's inside. He calls his fans peeps, we could give them to him."
"Now is not the time for jokes John. These stupid things are pecking a hole in my head!"
"Take it easy. They'll probably fall off as soon as we get inside." He turned back to the trunk. "What do you want to do about sledgy?"
Miz rubbed his temples, the parts he could get to anyway. "Let's leave it in the trunk. We can give it back to Hunter tomorrow. The less we're in contact with that thing the better."
"True. Now let's go find Christian. I'm sure we could make a lot of money selling him those chicks."
After they found Christian and used another larger magnet to demagnetize the chicks away from Miz. The two A-listers finally made it to their hotel room, ready to get what little rest and relaxation they could.
"Hey Miz, hit the TV will ya?" John said as he dropped on the the bed.
Miz coughed up some feathers and hit the power button on the remote. The TV flashed on and a news station came up that was showing images of a fire burning in California. "Hey John check this out."
They stared intently at the TV as the reporter began speaking, "Breaking News! A sudden unexpected fire has began in the Hollywood Hills. My sources say that about a half hour ago, what used to be a three story mansion that was owned by John Morrison and Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, two WWE superstars, burst into flames. Luckily because it's in a secluded location, firefighters say that this house is the only one that will sustain any type of damage. The bad news is because this location is surrounded by trees, it will also take firefighters some time put subdue this blaze."
The sound of the remote dropping to the floor was the only sound in the room. John and Miz turned to each other with looks of horror deep on their faces. Their mouths moved as if they were trying to say something, but no words would come out. Finally after a couple a minutes and a few gasping breaths both of them let out a blood curdling scream.
"HOLY SHIT! THE PALACE OF WISDOM IS ON FIRE! WE DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO BE ENLIGHTEND ANYMORE!"
Miz wiped some tears from his eyes, "When we went back to the car to get sledgy to give to you, it was gone."
"Now do you belive someone framed us? What we went through is ten times worse then losing your stupid hammer!" John cried. "How can we remained enlightened without a place of enlightenment?! It's just not possible I tell you! Just not possible!"
Miz rubbed his back soothingly, "It's alright John. As soon as we find out who planted the hammer we'll make them pay for damages."
Everyone was shocked at their outburst for about five minutes before moving on. "If you guys really were framed, then I'm out of suspects. I'll never get sledgy back!" Hunter said sadly.
"Actually," Jeff said. "We still have one more suspect."
Everyone's heads turned to the rainbow haired Hardy boy. "What are you talking about Jeffro?"
"Well," He stood up and began pacing around the room. "All of us have stories that involved us taking sledgy, but we all returned him before Hunter had his match."
"Yeah and my match was the last one on the card and I know I had the real sledgy with me and I also know I took him back with me to the locker room. I remember having to stay later because Shane needed to go over some things about the next PPV."
"That's right!" Ted exclaimed. "And none of us could have put sledgy in Morrison's car because as Hunter said, he was the last one to leave. He would have noticed something."
"Well since Hunter obviously didn't steal his own hammer, that leaves only one person..." Taker looked over at the innocent looking heartbreak kid, which was a dead giveaway he had done something wrong. "Shawn why did you do it?"
As soon as Taker said that, Miz and Morrison jumped up and glared at Shawn, "You're paying for the repairs to the palace of wisdom!"
Shawn looked appalled. "Me! I'm always with Hunter, you guys know that. I could have never had the opportunity to steal sledgy."
"Since he's Hunter's best friend, nothing remotely strange would happen to him if he touched sledgy, and he is the only one of us who has had nothing weird happen to him lately." Cena stated.
"Shawn, you did disappear last night. I know you said you were going to get something to eat, but you were gone a really long time. Where did you go?" Hunter asked.
By now everyone had surrounded Shawn and he had no route of escape. He held his hands up in front him like a shield to keep them from getting any closer. "Come on buddy. Do you really think that anything would make me steal sledgy from you?"
"Do you really want me to answer that Shawn? Just tell me what you did to sledgy. I promise I won't be mad."
"Really?"
Hunter sighed, "Really. So what happened?"
Shawn looked down at the floor shyly, "Umm...well...I kinda pawned him."
Hunter turned back to look at his friend. His anger back at full force. "YOU DID WHAT?!"
Now that we finally know who stole sledgy. The question here is why. What could have possibly caused Shawn to get so desperate that he had to pawn his best friend's most prize possession?