Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the only bleach I own is the stuff I occasionally throw in the washer.

WARNING: A little AU in that this doesn't exactly follow the time-line and is set approximately a year after the end of the Soul Society Arc. Otherwise true to the manga.

FURTHER, CHAPTER SELECTIVE, WARNING: As indicated by the chapter title, this chapter will be considerably more serious than those previous and those to follow. Considerably, considerably more serious.

Chapter 3

Mr. I Just One Upped

Matsumoto Like Whoa

The air is cool and calm up on this balcony, and I breathe in deeply, glad that I can taste snow on the horizon. That's what I missed most in that gods-forsaken desert; there's barely enough moisture out there to constitute weather. I would breathe in, the dryness lying leaden and ashy on my tongue, and I could feel Hyourinmaru roaring for the cool expanses of the Northern Plains in Soul Society deep within my soul. Being stuck in Hueco Mundo for over six months was one of the most oppressive and yet strangely liberating experiences of my life.

I could barely breathe without feeling the heat attempting to leech my very soul from me. But I melted somehow in the desert, too. And then I was free.

I don't know if my body was finally ready for its last leap, or if it truly was the dismantling of the frozen state I had been in, but I was suddenly in the middle of a fantastic growth spurt. It was invigorating, because it gave me something to think about instead of the searing, omniscient heat. And it was liberating because my body was finally catching up with my mind.

The desert melded me, shaped me, and hardened me into something other than a frozen statue. I won't deny that that was all I was. I lived, and breathed, and fought, and nearly died for things I understood with a cold, hard calculating reason. When I was small, that is all there was, my wits and my skills, to keep me alive. I matched it with my temper, my frequent outbursts of pure emotion. I suppressed my fluctuating feelings into blocks of ice and they would shatter into a brief expression of emotion when the proper pressure was applied. When I was training, by the time I leaped to my captaincy, I had learned to form those emotions into larger and greater blocks that would take longer amounts of time and greater exertion to shatter.

However there were two people who I saved smaller blocks for, and they were Matsumoto and Hinamori. I would allow myself to fracture my emotions into tinier sections when around them so that I would be free to explode in smaller capacities when they pushed my buttons.

I had become an expert at utilizing my razor sharp mind with icy precision and frosted logic. And I had learned to manage my emotions.

And then I grew, and then I experienced heat, and then I had to reassess everything I knew about myself. Because I had experienced this kind of melting to a certain kind of degree before. But only with one person.

Matsumoto.

I learned that I must be willing to change freely, that I must be willing to shift and melt and reform to a more resilient, a more versatile and more utile being as the situation demands it. I learned that my emotions are as strong and as dangerous as my reason, that my iron will can still manage them, but I must learn to use them as well.

The desert taught me that. My new body taught me that. I have changed. But I am still Hitsugaya Toshiro, and I have only changed in that my emotions have now matured to match my unassailable mind, and I honed them to be as sharp as my judgment. I already trusted my intuition to some extent, by I now know how much more valuable it can be to me if I know how to use it properly. Hyourinmaru and I have become closer, have melded in ways I could not fathom before the inferno of the desert. We are stronger.

And so I am here, and I am finally ready. I am finally ready to face the consequences of the heat that affects me here, in the Soul Society, where I should be safe, where I should not have to face more than just the sun. But I have to face Matsumoto, and she is a type of desert heat all in herself.

I'm through trying to rationalize her, and I'm through trying to compartmentalize what I feel towards her. That's not how a man should deal with a woman.

I can already hear practically everyone's objections. She's older than me. So? We're past that point now. It doesn't matter anymore and it will matter even less in another decade or so. She was the most annoying thing that happened to me. Well, she was also the best thing that happened to me. I learned to loosen up, to take spontaneity in stride, and she is the one who told me that there was something real, something tangible beyond Rykongai.

She set me on the path that found me Hyourinmaru.

So I suppose I should have known that one day that path would bring me here. Not necessarily to this balcony, in Kaze no Hime, here, but at least here: wanting to start something new with Matsumoto Rangiku.

And I am pretty satisfied with the results so far.

Isn't this a bit sudden? You might ask. Possibly. But it really isn't. I had six months to really think about this. To notice the little things that reminded me of her. The sand, at times looking like the color of her hair, the sky, the color of her eyes. The heat all around me reminding me of her overbearing support, her cheerful brilliance. The sun beat a tattoo into my skull reminding me of how often she could annoy me, but how often she would bring me my favorite tea afterwards when I had taken in too much. How much I missed her presence beside me, behind me, as I stalked my prey.

There will be other questions. I think I have answers to all of them.

One. Why your lieutenant, Hitsugaya-taicho?

Is this really a question? Have you met Matsumoto Rangiku? She is beautiful, brilliant, caring, honest, and funny. What more could you ask for in a woman?

Two. Why did you only realize this now, Hitsugaya-taicho?

Well, I didn't, not really. No sane, hot-blooded male can actually withstand Matsumoto whether she is meaning to attack said male or not.

The very first time I noticed Matsumoto is easy. When I became Captain Ten, there was a party thrown for me at the division, and she wanted to welcome me. She wanted to make sure that I would like her and that I would feel at home. She wore a pink and blue kimono, Nanao had done her hair, and I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life.

I have just been waiting for her to notice me, I suppose.

But then there will be Three. So you have felt something towards her for a long time then?

No. I was never good at dealing with my emotions. Before Hueco Mundo, I would not have been able to recognize what Matsumoto evoked within me, and I never considered more than friendship with her.

Four. But you said that every hot-blooded male notices Matsumoto. How did you cope with that?

Well, I could take that question two different ways. While I never considered more than a friendship with my lieutenant because anything else was completely foreign to my mind, I would experience brief moments in which I could not deny her attractive nature and undeniable charm. I attempted to limit these momentary lapses in concentration, but it was no use. As time went on, these brief flashes of emotion became more and more prominent. And I didn't like them or understand them.

Then I could tell you how I coped with other hot-blooded males noticing Matsumoto. Well. I never thought about it much at first because she is a strong woman and was able to handle herself. Then at one point I found her crying. I don't like reliving that night. A man had made my lieutenant, a woman who I had seen as vaguely terrifying and powerful, cry.

I was on my guard after that. I paid more attention. I was able to help her out of sticky situations when she needed me there. When I wasn't there, Gin was.

After awhile, the men did start to annoy me. I wasn't sure why, so I transformed my annoyance into my normal irritation, and growled at them just as I would growl at anyone else. And pretended that it was normal. Because what else could it be? I was being protective of my lieutenant, what was so wrong with that?

Five. Gin.

I am not even sure how this question would be presented or who would be brave enough to say his name. There might be whispers, of course. There might be vague allusions, accidental slips of the tongue, possibly even direct reference to him in passing. But I will face these head-on, for Matsumoto-fukataicho's sake.

Gin was a good friend to Matsumoto, and she loved him. It affected her deeply when he betrayed her, but she is healing. She hides how she still sometimes dwells on the past, but she can't fool me.

I never liked Gin much, but I trusted him with Matsumoto. That was all. And I will never be doing that again. I made sure my contact with him was minimal, because yes, when I saw him with her, something roared within my chest. And it wasn't pleasant, or rational, or necessary.

Gin didn't treat Matsumoto well, and he will pay for that in blood.

So, I think the questions will end right about there.

And I don't think anyone would have any more.

A/N: Hey y'all, it's been a while, lol. For some reason the end of this chapter was really holding me up, so I decided to split it in half! It was getting too long anyway. So look for some real, live, HitsuMatsu action from Hitsu's point of view coming next week! If I get enough reviews (say five) I will post the completion of Shiro-chan's thoughts next Monday!

Also, (shameless plug) if you are enjoying my writing, I would greatly appreciate it if you went and looked at The Seventh Year and dropped a review or two. It is my only Harry Potter fic, and it centers around some OCs so it isn't reaching a very wide audience. It is a fun read, I promise, and I actually update it twice a week (usually) because I wrote the entire thing in January for my roommate. Please just go check it out!

Love to my readers,

Conterra-hime