AN: WHOOP!!! IT'S Back! I've updated! Yay! *squeals for joy*

Dark Horse

3: Gone

"Feelin' like this can only mean I'm sinkin'... Pull me out." Daughtry

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*Quatre's POV*

Things are getting complicated. For months now, Trowa and I have been together. We love each other, we share a home, we share a bed, and to an extent.... our bodies. But he still refuses to go 'all the way'.

I've learned that communication is a key to our relationship. I learned that the hard way, but I learned it. I spoke to him, told him my fears.

I knew I was quite inexperienced when it came to physical intimacy. Just like I knew he wasn't as unexperienced. Trowa has been my everything. My first crush, my first love, my first kiss. At the tender age of sixteen, I knew I was young, but far from naive and far from emotionally immature. I knew what was supposed to happen in a relationship as deep as ours, and I was worried because it wasn't happening.

He's lying. He really shouldn't be that naive. He really should know that I can see through his lies like so much glass.

He didn't want to push me, he said.

Well, I think I was doing more pushing in our relationship. I told him as much.

He didn't want to hurt me, he said.

Well, he'd already hurt me far worse than this, I told him. Waking up twice to find him gone... that hurt more than anything.

Tears shimmered in his eyes at the bitter memories, and I felt the pain they caused. But I wouldn't give in. I reminded him of the pain of thinking I'd killed him. The pain of finding him again only to realize he didn't know who I was. The pain of my family's shunning, my father's death. Hell, everything in my life caused me pain. He was the one to take all that pain away.

He didn't want to hurt me physically, he said.

This, I laughed at. He wouldn't harm me in any way, not on purpose, and not out of callousness. Whatever inherent pain came with a man and woman making love was pale compared to the physical fatigue caused by the Zero system. It was pale in comparison to receiving a blunt fencing saber through the abdomen. It couldn't compare to the pain that had come with piloting a Gundam and being a fifteen year old soldier.

I spent two hours this morning talking with him... and yet, I still didn't win.

There is something deeper here than he will admit, and I haven't dropped this yet. This is one of those little tricks we've learned. If we get angry, or sad, or anything, we simply walk into another room to breath, to reflect on our relationship.

So, now I'm standing... alone... on the balcony. Trowa hates when I do this. I've never dropped my soldier training, but I indulge in a few liberties now that I couldn't when the world was at war. And balconies at sunset are one of my most favorite 'liberties', something I couldn't do very often during the war. I stand staring off into the distance, thinking.

The desert is quite beautiful this time of year. After the rains, when the world is still awake and wet, but when you can still see without the driving rain. I can remember one time, long ago. I stood on this same balcony, but not alone. And just like now, I was thinking about Trowa. But then, I had no idea how important he would become to me.

I am silent, until my hand clasps to my heart. Wave after wave of pain wash over me. Physically I am fine... but my heart feels like it is breaking as I fall towards the floor.

I had no idea that I had screamed for him, but Trowa is there, catching me before I can hit the floor of the balcony.

"Quatre," he asks. I can see the worry and pain etched in his face, tinting his voice. Evident in his emerald eyes.

"What is it?" he begs. "What's wrong?"

"I... it hurts," I gasp. I haven't felt such a strong empathic reaction since the war. And I'd hoped that I never would again. I thought Trowa was the only person I was connected to like this anymore.

"Who is it?" He knows what I'm talking about.

"I... Wufei is in pain," I manage. Even after all the time I've spent embracing my ability, I still have no idea how I know that. How I can tell whose pain I'm feeling. But I know it as sure as I know Trowa has his arms around me. I know that for some reason, something has cracked Wufei's emotional armor. I know that his pain is emotional, not physical.

And I can only guess, but there's only one thing that could cause this reaction in him.

"Something," I say, "Something must have happened to Relena."

*Trowa's POV*

I hate lying to her. I hate hurting her. But it seems that its all I ever do. There is no way for me to make her understand. And she wouldn't understand. Oh, it might seem like I don't give her enough credit. And maybe I don't. She's far from naive, but in my eyes, she is still an innocent. Still blessedly innocent. Her heart is even more scarred than her body, but there's still that childlike grace around her. Yet she's still the most mature person I know.

Such contradiction. That is my Quatre. Still, despite my love... or maybe because of it... I hesitate. I am not afraid of soiling her, like it may seem. She cannot be tainted, even by love. I would gladly take what she offers, and give her every bit of me in return. It is I who I'm afraid of. Myself.

I hate arguing with her. We love each other, but we still have our fights. Sometimes worse than others. I think now might be one of the worst. The sun is setting, and she's outside on the balcony. She knows I hate her standing, exposed like that. But she also knows her own abilities, and is confident in them. She calls me a mother hen and says that I 'baby' her when I profess worry over small things like that.

Maybe she's right. But it's just my nature to want to protect her. It always has been, always will be. That's why there's always a smile on her face when she says it, always a smile in her eyes. I stand here, looking out at her. The fading sunlight reflects around her, casting a cool golden halo around her hair. Her hair's longer now, fluttering to just past her shoulders. Since she no longer has to conform to her assumed personality as the boy Quatre, she's gradually fallen into a more natural seeming person. Shirts and jeans are her favorite things to wear, but she still wears the suits and dresses required by her new role as a figurehead for peace... and a leader in her late father's business.

It late, almost twilight, and as we are on vacation now, she's already wearing her PJ's. A blue tank top with brown and blue printed short shorts. And her favorite slippers... the pink bunnies. They're sweet and childish, and so Quatre. The moon that creates a golden halo around her sandy hair glitters in a cool, silvery glow on her alabaster skin. She's beautiful. She's always been, to me. Even when I thought she was a boy, she was still ethereally beautiful. It's slowly metamorphosing into a more adult beauty instead of the childlike cute most people considered her. It's just one of the many millions of little things that have changes in both of us.

Who finds their soul mate at fifteen? Improbable. It has been proven that while strong at the time, bonds formed under extreme hardship and stress are rarely a good foundation for a solid relationship. Especially when you've had the kind of trials Quatre and I have. Especially when you're straight, then fall in love with a boy... only to have them turn out to be a girl.

Maybe that's why we have such problems like this now. We are both much too young to be in such a relationship. And yet I still would not give her up. Never.

I see her hand flutter to her chest moments before she doubles over in pain. Before I've even told myself to move, I'm out there with her, my arms going around her even as she slumps toward the unforgiving floor.

"Quatre? What is it? What's wrong?" I plead, settling her back against my chest, letting her down gently onto the cool ground.

"I... It hurts," she gasps, and I can see the pain in her eyes. I understand immediately. I've seen this look before. I had hoped to never see that look again.

"Who is it?" I ask, knowing that someone close to us is in pain, in turmoil of some kind.

"I... Wufei," she grits out. "is in pain."

The wheels in my head start turning as my emerald eyes lock with her aqua ones. Wufei? I probably knew Wufei the best out of any of the other pilots. Few things could cause Wufei such emotion pain. Few things could cause Wufei's pain to reach across an entire planet to echo so strongly within Quatre's Space Heart.

"Something," she breaths. "Something must have happened to Relena."

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Authoresses Insane Notes:

Read and review, please. I'd like to know what you think. And sorry about the like almost year between updates. Inspiration for this story just went *poof*. Now my plot bunnies are back! Yay! So please review!