Love Takes Courage – A Dramione Fanfic

Chapter 2: Truth and Lies – Draco's POV

I let the water in the sink run until it was as cold as it got, then splashed water onto my face a few times. I stared at myself in the mirror: eyes full of shock and a shadow of something else, face dripping, hair damp. The cold water had helped some to "wake" me, but my head was still muddled. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, then went back to staring at myself in the mirror.

I had heard – and read about – this too many times not to know what it was that I was feeling. What threw me off so much was that I'd never really felt it before. I'd never really been attracted to anyone really, and I'd certainly never had a real relationship. My "relationship" with Pansy didn't count as real by any stretch of the imagination. That had been purely for convenience.

I didn't go out with Pansy because I liked her. It was more that I liked the attention. I had always liked being the center of attention – a side effect of being a single child, I suppose – and being in a relationship was a convenient way to be the center of attention. It was also a very convenient way to make my father happy.

But after a while, it did become necessary to break up with her. She was getting too into it. She continually wanted to go places that I just wouldn't go, at least not with her. So I earned this reputation with my friends: Draco Malfoy, the gorgeous guy who thinks he's just too good for any girl.

But it honestly wasn't that I thought I was too good for Pansy – or any other girl, for that matter. It was just that no girl had ever really caught my attention, made me interested in that way – until now, at least.

Of all the girls at Hogwarts – because I knew I could easily take my pick of any of them – why did I have to fall for Hermione Granger?

I knew it wasn't because of her as a person that I was berating myself. She actually was quite pretty, and smart, and had a good sense of humor. I knew that no one would ever believe me if I told them that. I knew no one would believe that I had nothing against her as a person, because of the way I'd treated her. I was ashamed of the way I had treated – well, everyone, really. Because that wasn't ever the real me. That was my father talking through me.

Which brought me to the real reason I was cursing myself for falling for Hermione: I was afraid of my father.

I couldn't help laughing, a little bitterly. Sure, it was cowardice, but I guess that's one of the reasons I wasn't put in Gryffindor. Besides, even Harry Potter would be afraid of my father when he was in one of his rages. Rages that I had witnessed far too often, because whatever I did, I could never seem to measure up to his expectations.

Feeling overwhelmed by all of this, I turned away from the mirror and put my back against the wall. I closed my eyes, and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. But when my eyes closed, I could see Hermione, and I felt everything that I had felt when our fingers touched rushing back. I suddenly seemed to notice everything about her with sharper focus: her hair, her eyes, her.

My eyes flew open. "Damn it!" I shouted, spinning around and slamming my fist into the wall. Stupid choice: the hard concrete just made my hand hurt. I leaned my forehead against the wall and took slow, deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down; I knew from past experience that my anger flared up easily, but if not put under control quickly, it would change rapidly from anger to a full-fledged temper. I'd obviously inherited my father's temper. Lovely.

After a few more minutes, I forced myself to leave. I knew that I couldn't stay in the boys' lavatory forever. But I did make a point to avoid my fellow Slytherins – I wasn't sure that "friend" was the right term for everyone in my crowd – for the rest of the day. Luckily, they were used to me seeking solitude – I didn't always like being with people, it just made me feel pressured to keep up the image that my father was trying his hardest to mold me into. Trying to keep up that image while pretty much breaking every rule in my father's book – I couldn't even imagine the extent of his rage if he knew I'd fallen for a Muggle-born – was too much to handle right now.

I wandered the grounds for a while. But wandering is not something that occupies your mind, and I needed something to occupy my mind. Because, like everything else, there was an upside and a downside to avoiding everyone: the upside being that avoiding everyone meant avoiding the pressure, and the downside being that there was now nothing to distract myself from the thoughts I was trying to avoid.

Finally, I came up with a solution: devote myself to my studies for a while. I smirked as I thought of anyone's reaction to that: Draco Malfoy, studying hard with no test coming up any time soon at all. I very rarely payed close attention to my homework, often even paying other students to do my homework for me. But now, I felt even homework was preferable to this seemingly impossible situation presented to me.

Hours later, when I was almost positive that most everyone else in the entire castle was sleeping, and my eyelids were being forced closed by exhaustion, I reluctantly gave in and went to bed. I knew even before I was asleep that once I was asleep, all of the thoughts and images I had been carefully avoiding all day would be front and center in my mind.

So it was no surprise to me that Hermione's face was almost never absent in my dreams.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: YAY up sooner than i thought i would have it up!

i had a whole bunch written down in my A/N, but i can't remember it now that i'm re-doing it because my internet was being stupid... dang XP oh well.

DPOV is kinda weird for me to write... sometimes it just feels a little funny because i have to keep saying to myself, "Now remember, you're in the head of a GUY!" XD but i try, and maybe i succeed.

so far i'm fairly pleased with this fanfic, but MY satisfaction is only part of it. YOUR satisfaction is the other part. so don't be shy to tell me what you think, please! i want strong opinions ;) best way to make it better.

Hope you enjoy! or should i say enjoyED, since this is at the end.... but there's more to come.... ok i'll stop now, you guys don't need to know my entire thought process ;)

and if it takes me a while inbetween updates, don't panic, sometimes i get bad writer's block. i don't know how long it'll be before the next chapter, because i have ideas for stuff LATER in the story, but still need some ideas for in-betweensy stuff. hopefully it'll be soon :)

i apologize for the very long A/N. oh one more thing: this too short, or is it a good length? i'm tending towards too short, but tell me what you think. NOW i'm done.