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Like Death Warmed Over

Chapter 4

I was not exactly pleased to see Bahamut. The idea of answers, however, was enticing. Truthfully, I was furious with the fayth. I'd been deposited rudely in the middle of Bikanel before I'd even had time to catch my breath (metaphorically speaking), let alone come to terms with the fact that I was dead. Not so much as a second thought as to how I felt about the whole thing - not a word of explanation, either – but the one that was I was really feeling was the complete lack of sympathy. I mean, the least you could do for a girl in my situation was utter a few kind words for a happy afterlife. And now Bahamut seemed to think he could just drop in on me any time that suited him. Well, I had news for him: that didn't suit me, mister, and I had no problem relaying this information.

To say that Bahamut was apathetic to my sentiments would be a vast understatement; I could not identify any visible sign that he had so much as heard me. This infuriated me even further, but nothing I shouted at him merited so much as a blink of his childish, soul-staring eyes, and I eventually gave up.

"So you finally decided it might be an opportune time to tell me what the hell I'm doing here?" I questioned, glaring at him.

"My concept of time is one so intricately complex that you could not be expected to understand the criticality of the moments I allot to you," he responded, and I felt my jaw drop. Before I could come up with a cutting retort, he continued, "In short, however, yes – that is why I am here, sans the vulgarity."

I crossed my arms with a glare, but said nothing. "So why, then? I demand some quality explanation."

He chuckled. "You will learn what I consider pertinent to disclose," he stated, and I glowered back so fervently that I lamented neither of us being alive to test whether looks really could kill. "You are here, Rikku, because your altered presence will, if you are able to complete your task, essentially amend a grave mistake that should not have transpired when it did."

I pondered that for a few seconds, translating his odd choice of words into normal jargon. "You want me to fix what you screwed up?" I finally reiterated, my tone acidic with disbelief and anger.

"I did not have anything to do with it," he replied bitterly. "That, perhaps, was the problem."

"Cryptic much?" I asked sarcastically, having no idea what he was getting at.

"Your mission here is simple enough," he stated, ignoring my remark. "You will need to retrieve an object that was lost here during this time."

I stared. "That's it? An 'object?' That's all the direction you're going to give me? I won't. I refuse. You're making me relive part of my past, a part where my mother is alive. Can you even comprehend the situation you're putting me in? You oughta already know she dies, you insensitive ass of a fayth!"

He nodded. "Soon, in fact. You never got to say goodbye." The last statement seemed disconnected, somehow, as if it had just occurred to him, but I was livid.

"You've got no right-" I screamed, but before I could attempt to strangle his immortal mirage, the world was fading away again and my consciousness with it. "I hate you," I whispered as I fell into a deep sleep.

Have faith, Rikku.

Drop dead, Bahamut.

…I was going to have to remove death from my list of colloquialisms.

I awoke to a cool towel on my forehead in my twelve-year-old bedroom. It was weird seeing all the stuff I used to have. There were actually some neat looking spheres I was going to have to examine later, along with the typical stuff any preteen girl would decorate their room with. Posters of Al Bhed rock bands, pictures of friends and copies of Spiran Girl magazine littered the floor untidily. I sat up, muttering Al Bhed curses at the fayth as I climbed out of bed and ran into my mom in the doorway.

"When did your mouth get so dirty?" she asked disapprovingly, and I realized I'd forgotten how stern she could look.

"Oh-Yevon-tysh-ed-Mom."

She raised an eyebrow at my language. "We need to talk, Rikku."

I had to admit, it wasn't the way I would have pictured our reunion, but it was what the blasted fayth had given me and I would just have to make it work.

"I know this looks weird, but you gotta believe me, Mom."

"I don't know what to believe, honestly, Rikku. That man out there says he washed up on shore after his ship was attacked by Sin. But as to why he's here, I'm in the dark. This was supposed to be your first chance to explore around the island. I know you, Rikku, and you'd fight tooth and nail to go on and send back just about anybody else."

I was suddenly struck by what Bahamut had meant when he'd said my mother would die "soon." It was one of the few straightforward statements I could credit him with, but I had no desire to award him any sort of praise given what I had just discovered. A wave of nausea passed over me; I realized why there had been no sign of my real twelve-year-old self around Home. The real me, as far as I could see, probably was excavating for machina parts – and would soon receive the terrifying news that her mother was dead. As I puzzled all this out, I suddenly became aware that the silence had been hanging in the air too long. Quickly, I tried to remember something about that mission that didn't relate to finding that out. I couldn't recall much. "I did," I answered tentatively. "Keyakku found Auron when we got to the Oasis. He didn't look too hot, so we gave 'im a few Al Bhed potions and perked him up a little. Nobody knew what we should do with him, but we didn't have enough, uh, jetskis hanging out up there to take him anywhere, and he didn't seem to be up to hanging on the back of one so they uh, told me to bring 'im back and Pops could… figure it out. I told Brother he could do it himself, but he-" I was suddenly struck with inspiration. "-blackmailed me into it, and threatened to tell Buddy what I wrote in my diary about him."

I had had an embarrassing crush on one of my brother's best friends. Brother's knowledge of that fact died hard, and I was constantly reminded of it for years to come.

"I knew you liked that boy," she said triumphantly before turning serious again. "But really?"

"Yep," I answered, but the definitive and annoying sense of uncertainty hung in the air. I wondered whether she was about to tell me I was the worst liar in Spira and demand that I explain why Auron was really there. I really hoped not. I didn't have any better ideas.

"Hm," she said. "Kind of a strange turn of events, isn't it?"

I didn't say anything, shifting uncomfortably. She put her hand on my forehead, and I flinched at her touch. "Good, you're looking better."

I mumbled something about heatstroke, trying to shake off the feeling of not-real that hung about this whole encounter. I hadn't seen my mother in half a decade. Now she was here in front of me, taking care of me, no less, and I had to lie to her to make this inane scenario feasible. Somebody was going to pay for this.

"Mhmm," she said gently. "I'll bring you something to eat." She walked away, but stopped in the doorway. "By the way, you're grounded until you decide to tell the truth."

I shut my eyes, making a pained face. "Yeah," I said, and fell back onto my bed with a sigh.

I spent the next few days following my mother around like a hungry dog. Bahamut's words had unnerved me – I had a terrible feeling I was being given the chance to get closure on something I'd never really wanted to come to terms with. What I wanted to do was save her life, but I was faced with the rather enormous obstacle of never having found out how – or when she had died.

The day I got the news, my brother and I were working on a beach with Buddy, Keyakku and a few of Brother's other friends. The memory of this day is sharper than any of the others we spent on the mission, probably because I regard it as the last my life was ever really normal. It was morning; I was digging quite happily in a hole some six feet deep, bikini-clad but covered in wet sand and not at all the beach babe picture I envisioned I was. None of us were finding much, but we'd manage to extricate some metal bits and a few curious-looking spheres I was feeling rather giddy about, and on the side I was trying to get Buddy's attention. It was all very innocent and stupid and fifteen-year-old Brother was rolling his eyes and throwing wet sand clods at me when I got a little too obvious for him to tolerate.

It was nearly lunchtime when I heard a shout above me and Keyakku said he saw jetskis coming our way. I yelled at Brother to pull me up out of the hole, but he, being rather (understandably) tired of his twelve-year-old ham of a sister, pretended he didn't hear and ran off to see what all the commotion was about. I pouted for about five seconds and called him a few good names before plopping right back down and getting back to business – because, after all, left alone with the prospect of treasure, I could only be so annoyed.

My real surprise came about ten minutes later, when Brother returned. I remember I was all set to give him the bratty sister treatment, all cross-armed and scowly, when I craned my neck and saw the look on his face. There was nothing like that look in the world; how tired and pale he had become in moments… I felt my arms drop to my sides as I gaped at him. Buddy helped pull me out of the hole, but I remember I was so confused I barely noticed, clambering over the edge. I scrambled to my feet, fast as I could, and ran over to Brother, asking what was wrong. He didn't answer me, and I panicked, a horrible dread seeping into me. I yelled at him, demanding to know why he wasn't talking, and just as I was starting to become hysterical, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I wasn't having any of that – I wanted answers from Brother, so help me – and I turned and slapped the figure before I realized that it was one of my uncles. I remember being horrified at what I had just done, but the fleeting shock of it quickly turned to terror when I saw pity in his eyes instead of anger. I think I tried to run then, but they wouldn't let me go and never before had I professed such litany as I spewed at them in my fear. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to know, but somewhere in the middle of it all my uncle was saying, "I'm sorry, Rikku, I'm sorry," and the most horrible words I had ever imagined made themselves known to me.

I remember a lot of yelling and flailing transpired then, and I'm fairly certain I bruised more than one male, but after a time I wore myself out and just cried. As Spirans, we were supposed to be strong, used to death, but as Al Bhed, I think I'd always thought we were above the worries of the Yevonites. Sin killed, but Sin didn't come to Bikanel. We mocked Yevonites, disrespected Maesters… we built a verifiable city out of forbidden machina – we were formidable, Yevon damn it. We were supposed to be safe.

I regard this as the pivotal moment when I realized exactly how many people died before their time in Spira – and I made a promise to myself and to my mother that I would find a way to save the ones who didn't need to die. Summoner's Sanctum, anyone? This was how it started. I mean, it was Pops' idea, but the Sanctum was a manifestation of the concept. I didn't think I could let more people go through this pain for a Calm that never lasted more than a decade. I grew up a lot in the time I spent with Yuna on her pilgrimage, and realized why they did it, but I never forgot my promise.

We started back that day, and by the time we'd reached Home again, I was older, strange as it sounds. I didn't cry anymore, and time seemed to pass in a daze for a while. My mother's body wasn't there when we returned; they'd had to have it Sent, of course, and I always felt it was very surreal after that. Bahamut had been right; I'd never had the chance to say goodbye, and while I'd accepted my mother was gone, I could never really believe it in my heart. I knew it wasn't going to happen, but a part of me thought that one day I'd pass her in the corridors or greet her on the airship. She was literally there one day, gone the next. I just couldn't grasp death when I'd never confronted it.

Pops didn't talk about it. I tried to do what I could for him, but it wasn't much; I wasn't her. Bringing up the matter seemed like a notoriously bad idea, and part of me didn't want to know anything about it. How had she died? Illness? An accident? I never asked; it was easier not knowing, somehow. If I didn't know, I never had to believe it, only accept it as the truth.

It was screwing me now, hard and fast. I knew she was going to die, but I had no idea how or when. The grounding, however, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as I now had an excuse to bop around the place with no objective in mind. I would follow her, watching for signs of impending doom while I tried to decipher Bahamut's task. My incessant tailing invoked my mother's suspicion, but after a few days I think she actually came to enjoy it, despite the fact that she couldn't get me to explain Auron's mysterious presence.

He was fine, actually, kicking it in an entirely separate part of Home (Cid's orders – after all, I still refused to own up to knowing anything). I didn't get to see him at all for a number of days following my arrival, but I heard things, a lot of it relating to me and my apparently scandalous behaviour. There was a dull sense of urgency that surrounded me, as I realized Auron wasn't about to be made an honorary Al Bhed and would, therefore, be sent packing one of these days, but I had another feeling Bahamut wouldn't let that happen. The more I thought about it, the more I came to believe he was doing something to manipulate Cid's heart, since I, knowing Pops as I did, knew it was monumentally more likely that his gut instinct would have been to put Auron on one of our sandmobiles and drop him in the middle of the desert just for coming near me. This apparently useful act did not lead me to hate the fayth any more, but it did not exactly lessen the burning dislove I was harboring for them, either.

Still, I was making little progress at "recovering" much of anything. All our items seemed exceedingly common, and I was beginning to doubt I was on the right track at all looking around Home when my mother unwittingly led me straight to Bahamut's coveted prize. It was a cruel trick of fate, I realized later, and in hindsight I understood why he had been so vague with me. Had I known why I needed to save it, and what from, I never would have been so easily manipulated.