Breathe Underwater
Author: Sky Samuelle
Summary: Bonnie is still learning to shut the anger out. Bonnie's POV on THE thank-you. Set during 1.22. Bamon all the way.
Betaed by: Emmy/martinigirl15
Pairing: Bonnie/Damon
Rating: g
Spoilers: TVD 1.22
Words: 1040
Wrapped in her golden dress, standing close to the man of her dreams, Elena Gilbert looks radiant. Glowing with the special happiness of young love.
Bonnie smiles back at her, genuinely.
She tries to focus on her best friend and how much she deserves this sliver of happiness rather than the pale, handsome vampire standing behind her. Stefan loves Elena and Bonnie wants to believe this makes him more of a man and not simply a better liar. She doesn't always manage it, lately. Lately it's easier to remember that Stefan had not helped Caroline until Elena was aware that their friend was in big trouble. It doesn't help that the image of his foaming mouth and hungry black eyes is among the most disquieting aspects of her return to Mystic Falls.
Yet, Bonnie wants to believe her first impression of Stefan was authentic and that her Grams is not dead only so that one more devil could live a few centuries more.
Even if, to be sincere, she really doesn't appreciate that Stefan has not lived up to his half of the bargain. If he had set on fire all tomb vampires as he had promised, or at least hunted them down once he knew they were free…Bonnie wouldn't be playing Judas.
But then, Stefan is a vampire too, it doesn't matter how nicely he behaves for Elena's benefit. He'll always be one of them…hopefully the romance will end before Elena is tempted to take the immortal plunge, too.
It might be good, if she ever had the choice.
Guilt slices her open at the thought, and Bonnie makes a conscious attempt to push the welling emotion deep down.
Done is done. Turn the Thinking Switch off, enjoy the parade -Bonnie coaches herself, concentrates on Elena's happy glow until she can feel it spreading to her like a sunlight-woven blanket.
Right until Elena's smile wavers, her chestnut-haired head shaking with fond annoyance as she darts a accomplice's glance to her boyfriend.
All because of Damon Salvatore, who is waving with supposedly flirty intent to his brother's girl. Bonnie senses the feeble empathic chord tying her to Elena falling down as her temper arises.
When Damon turns back, looking at her in a certain lingering purposefulness, making sure that she notices his attention, the witch is already frowning.
She despises everything about him. His goddamn smug smirk, his attitude, his piercing eyes.
Not to mention his murdering, mind-raping ways and his utter absence of a moral compass.
How could it be fair that her Grams was dead only so someone like him could live, and destroy more lives?
It is not right that some monster prances around flirting with her best friend while her grandmother is gone because of him. Because he had to find some evil bitch he just couldn't be without… before he discovered he could transfer his attentions onto a perfectly good lookalike.
Please Elena, don't let me have lost the closest thing I had to a mother only so you could play Vampire Sandwich.
The bitter thought comes and goes, forgotten. It's easier to be angry than to be grieving, but Bonnie is ready to make the effort to heal herself now.
Why won't the leech stop looking at her? Isn't his good mood already enough of a slap in the face?
"What do you want?"
"Just watching the parade."
His deliberate affability offends her some more. It takes a lot of nerve, to try to act like they are on perfectly good terms.
But of course, the bastard is too cocky to ever pretend to have some guilt on her account.
Determined to not play along with his charade, Bonnie turns her back on him and tries to get somewhere the view of him won't remind her of all the reasons she will soon be minus of a surrogate sister.
'Tries' being the key word here, because he is immediately following in her wake, like he couldn't conceive his smarmy brand of charm had not worked its magic properly.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you."
"I want to say something to you."
Too bad she doesn't care in the least about anything he has to say. Still, to stop her failure of an escape and face him is her one option. It's stupid to try out-strutting a vampire.
"Just leave me alone." She snaps, because the last thing she needs now is one more threat from the likes of him.
One more reason to feed the greedy fury of hatred.
Bonnie has never wanted to be this person. The kind who hates and waits for a vampire genocide without losing any sleep over it. Damon made her this way.
"Thank you." It rushes out of his mouth like he is afraid of his words. It shocks her, although she tries not to show it.
His lips twitch in an unusual display of nervousness, but the vampire goes on.
"The device that Emily spelled could have killed me. I don't take what you did lightly, so...Thank you."
"I did it for Elena." She remarks, nearly defensive, unable to stand that he would think otherwise.
"I know, but I'm still very grateful."
And there's something behind his eyes and his expression that shows a conflict. Like this is not what he means at all. Like what he really means is 'I'm sorry'.
There are many reasons she can't believe that.
"And…I owe you. " He adds, glancing at her like he expects to receive some sort of absolution.
Bonnie has none any to give.
So she keeps staring at him, staring at him hard, like another excuse or rhyme or reason for his behavior could jump out at her.
Damon cringes, looking the most genuinely human she has ever seen him, like a severely reprimanded child who won't give his mother the satisfaction of watching him getting antsy.
He gives her a little, almost embarrassed head-bow before leaving her behind.
"Enjoy the parade."
He says quickly, and Bonnie remains sighing in frustration at his retreating back.
She can't figure his motives out and it's the worst moment ever for second guesses, but...the doubt is there now.
What if there's an actual person underneath the beast? Can I live with this responsibility?