Chapter 10: Of Parents and Children

There was another moan. Leonard looks up from his notes. He has a class to teach in an hour, the kids are more stupid than dirt. They don't know the first thing about xenobiology, in fact, most of them probably haven't even seen an alien in real life. He wasn't really the lecturing type, McCoy thought, he prefers to be in the thick of it, doing surgeries and finding new antidotes for diseases that the universe didn't even know existed yet.

Jim was acting all twitchy, Bones scowls at him, "Jim, I can't concentrate on preparing for my class when you're acting all pitiful. Go moan somewhere else."

"Bones," Jim was picking at his sleeve, "can I come listen in on your class today?"

"The hell do you want to do that for?"

"Well, I'm supposed to meet someone today . . . and I really don't won't to."

McCoy's eyebrow rises, "How unlike you, Jim. You would rather sit through a boring lecture about xenobiology than socializing. Is it that new chick you picked up last week?"

Jim's face goes red, he mumbles, "No."

"Okaaay, well the answers no, Jim. I'm not letting you into my class, you'll just goof around and distract me."

Jim gets up, he goes into the bathroom. McCoy sighs, finally. With Jim getting ready for the day, he would have a least a couple minutes of peace. It was roughly ten minutes later that Jim was just standing in the middle of the room. The doctor sighs again, he would never get his work done with this kid around. Putting down the PADD he gives Jim all his attention.

"So who is it that you're supposed to be meeting?"

Jim gives him an anxious look, "My mom."

Well, that was a surprise, "Winona? She on shore leave or something?"

Jim nods, "She called me and said that since we're going to be in the same place, we might as well catch up."

McCoy studies Jim's tight face, "But there's not much to catch up on, huh?"

Jim shakes his head, and then looks at his friend, "Well, better go, I don't want to keep her waiting."

"Jim!" the kid turns back to him, "Just think of this as good practice."

"Practice for what?"

"Well, it will help you brush up on your skills of being polite in negotiations with people you don't like."

Jim flashes him a grin, "I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks Bones, see you later."

It was, in fact, not until 2000 that McCoy pushes aside the sheet (they still haven't gotten the door to work) and walks in on Jim and an older woman just staring at one another. Winona was still a beautiful woman, but her blond hair was streaked with grey. Worry lines stand out on the milky skin. Leonard was just looking back and forth between the two, neither notices him standing there in the doorway.

Well, he was feeling slightly uncomfortable and intrusive. Bones clears his throat. The two Kirks swivel their heads in his direction. Ok, maybe he should've left them alone. One look at Jim, though, and McCoy knows that he has made the right decision. The darkness in his face lifts, he strides over to the doctor and drapes an arm across his shoulders.

"Mother, this is my roommate, Bones. Er, I mean, Leonard McCoy. He's a doctor."

Winona looks Bones up and down, clearly skeptical about something. She tilts her head, "Leonard sounds like a responsible name. I trust you aren't acting like a teenager and getting drunk and into bar fights all the time?"

McCoy glances at Jim, the kid's face was tight, his eyes smoldering, "Er, no. At least, I don't go out and drink too much. I try to avoid the fights as much as possible."

Winona loosens up and smiles, "You're keeping my boy out of trouble I suspect."

He nods, "He's awful lucky to have a doctor as a roommate." He smirks at Jim, but then turns back, "but honestly, Jim's been doing a lot better at not getting drunk and into fights as much as when I first knew him."

She nods, but casts a doubtful glance at her son, "So what's your emphasis in Starfleet, doctor?"

It was really starting to feel like he was in the middle of something, maybe he should end this conversation soon. "Oh uh, I'm studying psychology, especially the effect that deep space has on people in close quarters."

Winona nods, "Interesting, maybe you can explain this topic more in depth for me."

Leonard tilts his head in acknowledgment, "I would love to, but I need to get cleaned up, and get started on some homework. If you'll excuse, Jim, Winona, it was nice meeting you." He makes a break for it, dumping his bag on the bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. He could barely hear the two voices in the other room over the spray of the water. Damn, he hopes Winona was gone by the time he gets out.

Taking his sweet time showering and brushing his teeth, he finally emerges from the bathroom. The water vapor rushes out behind him, escaping into the colder room and disappearing. Jim was sitting slumped on his bunk. Leonard sat cautiously beside him, he still didn't know if the makeshift bed could hold both of their weight; it was only bolted to the wall after all. McCoy studies Jim, the kid was solemn. The doctor has seen that look plenty enough.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Ok, then I'm going to study for my Anatomical and Forensic Pathology class. I suggest you put in some studying hours also." Bones lifts a finger, "A student cannot just rely on genius alone."

Amusement crosses Jim's features, but then they go back into that gloomy look. Leonard shrugs and digs around his desk to find his Pathology PADD. This was actually a class he really liked and excelled at.

"Bones . . . I don't . . . what is it like . . .? Uh, shit. Maybe I do need to talk about it."

Leonard tilts his head in Jim's direction, the kid was a ball of nerves. Shifting into an upright position, he puts on his best 'I'm a psychologist, I'm listening' look. Hmmm, maybe he should charge Jim for this session. A smirk fights its way onto McCoy's face, but he beats it back down. No use in letting Jim see him with a big goofy grin.

Jim starts pacing, "I just hate the way she acts around me. Like she's my mother, like she actually cares about me and my life; and then in the next instant she's acting like I'm the spawn from hell, out to spread mayhem and debauchery!"

McCoy lifts an eyebrow, it was a rare instance when Jim used big words like 'debauchery'. He internally shakes himself; he needs to concentrate on Jim and not weird quirks cropping up. It was good that the kid was releasing his emotions along with his darkest thoughts. Leonard knows Jim wouldn't bring down his walls for anyone, anyone except for the doctor. That thought brings warmth to McCoy, to know that he was the only one in the entire universe that Jim willingly confides in. It was also a heavy and solemn burden, but one that he gladly took up.

"She thinks she can be the judge of my life because she's my biological mother." Jim snorts, "She's never been there in my entire life, yet she acts like I should act and treat her as if she was." He clenches his hands into fists, "She just assumes everything in our relationship should be perfect." He slumps down on McCoy's bed, resting his head in his hands, "I want our relationship to be better, I want to be able to love her like other people love their parents. I can't though, and I hate her for it, but I mostly hate myself for it."

Leonard leans forward, he didn't really know what to say to the kid. If he was truthful with himself he sucks at giving comfort and advice. Makes him wonder why he was specializing in psychology. For now he would give the kid some space and hopefully send him in a direction where Jim could square with this someday. "You know it's perfectly normal to resent parents, every kid resents their parents at some point in their lives. Maybe you should look at this whole mess in a different light."

Jim looks like he doesn't want to hear anything Bones has to say, well that was just too damn bad. "Why don't you think of it from Winona's perspective? She lost her husband in a tragic event, the same day she is blessed with a beautiful baby boy. A child is such a big responsibility. Especially two children. While feeling the deep ache of losing her companion, she had to try and figure out how she was going to support two young children on her own. Winona was probably scared to death." McCoy takes a breath, he knows this was hard for Jim to hear, "She went to the first person she could think of who would help her: your uncle.

"Now I'm not going to pretend to know all the reasons of why she continued her career in Starfleet, but I'm guessing a part of her did want to run away from the pain of her previous life. To be reminded that she will never have her husband back must have been awful. Some couple's bonds are strong and deep. But another reason for leaving could be that she needed a way to support her family, and the only way she knew how was to pursue her life among the stars." He takes a deep breath, "She probably feels the regret of never being a strong influence through your life, she probably curses herself for always being a parent who was never there when needed. But I can guarantee that she always thought of you and continues to love and support you."

Jim's look was piercing and penetrating, it was hard and cold, but McCoy was never one to back down from a challenge. So he continues, "On many levels, I understand where Winona is coming from," oh hell, he couldn't believe he was talking about this, willingly opening himself up. "I left my little girl. I didn't want to, Lord knows I didn't want to, but I had to. I ran away to Starfleet, abandoned her. I will never get rid of the sadness, the ache, the guilt. I know I am the reason that she feels sad, confused. I curse myself everyday for that, and I know I will continue to curse myself for the rest of my life.

"Joanna is going to grow up hating and resenting me for leaving her. But I hope she knows, and understands, that if things were different, I would never leave my child's side. I pray that in the end, she knows that I love her, I love her more than anything in this universe. I need her to understand that whenever she needs me, I am waiting for her. Whenever she's confused and lost, lonely and frightened, she needs only to reach out to know that I am there for her, and that I love her no matter what." Actual tears were slipping from their prisons, dammit, he hates showing such weakness in front of anyone. Tears were reserved for dark, empty rooms. "She needs to understand, that she is my little angel, my salvation, the very reason I get up in the mornings."

McCoy looks away, and passes an arm across his face, his voice was tight, "Dammit."

As the doctor was trying to regain some form of control, Jim just sat. Sat and thought. Sometimes he would glance sideways at Bones, but otherwise makes no indication into what he was thinking. McCoy himself stands up and makes his way to the bathroom, he splashes some cold water onto his face and breathes in and out deeply. He actually feels somewhat better, some of his darker emotions shifting to grey. Maybe eventually, with a lot of time, they would become light, and disappear like wisps of smoke.

When Leonard feels like he has regained control over his emotions once again, he exits the bathroom. Jim wasn't in the room. A note was on his pillow though.

Went to see mom again, don't wait up for me. –Jim

Bones smiles slightly. He discards the note and settles down into his bed. He still has a chapter to read before turning in.

There it is! Next chapter: A medical seminar!