JOAN'S FLASHFORWARD

Chapter 12 Love in the Time of Flashforwards

Grace lay naked in the bed, looking up at her beloved.

Actually the bed was not real, and the real Grace was in her cot fast asleep wearing shorts and a T-shirt. This was the Dreamworld. In exchange for their willingness to separate in the real world – Grace working for a famine-relief organization, Luke going to Harvard to his improve his intellectual skills – God had given them the ability to meet occasionally in their dreams.

"Grace – I can't."

Grace tried to hide her disappointment, but it was difficult to hide one's body language when one's lover could see one's entire body. Grace had especially been looking forward to this reunion. There was a chance that she might die within six months. Grace was not a follower of the "eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die" philosophy; she worked hard at her job. But it meant that the few meetings with Luke were precious to her, especially since they seemed too far and few in between.

But she knew that what Joan used to call "a case of the importations" was very embarrassing for a male, and the Luke was more sensitive than most. "Is there something I can do---?" Maybe if she tried to be more seductive?

"No – I don't think – " Suddenly Luke blurted out, "The last time I saw you in bed, it was my flashforward, and you were dying."

Damn, that was frank. But Grace valued frankness, and admired it in Luke.

"Maybe I should lie down on the floor instead," Grace said half-seriously.

"That's not the point, Grace. I love you, and the best way that I can express that is by saving your life."

"I'm not sick yet, Luke. I've had tests done; they've come up negative. When they come up positive, I'll fly back to Europe or the States."

"It may be too late then, Grace. Lots of diseases are curable if caught early and deadly if you wait too long for treatment. We don't know what disease you're going to get. Are these tests exhaustive? "

Grace was tempted to say Yes, and end the matter. But Luke's frankness deserved honesty in turn from her. "No. The doctor said that they're the best that can be done in the field."

"Then get out of the field, and get stronger tests, Grace!" Luke's tone was exasperated. It seemed like a simple solution.

"It wouldn't be fair, Luke. We try to share the conditions of the people we're helping. Am I going to drop everything and fly away because of a case of hypochondria?"

"A flashforward is not a case of hypochondria, Grace! It's an indication of what will happen if you don't try to prevent it."

"I---"

"Grace, look at it this way. If you're sick, you could be a carrier, like Typhoid Mary. By getting yourself tested, you ARE helping the other people."

"Hmm – looked at that way – all right, I'll do it. It shouldn't be hard to explain my concern to the camp doctors. After all, everybody's had flashforwards."

"Thank you, Grace." He sighed in relief.

Luke circled around and climbed in the bed. But now it was Grace's turn to have a disturbing idea. "Luke, could you think back to your flashforward? I can't examine mine because I was delirious during it."

"It's not pleasant to think of, Grace, but I'll do it if you ask. Why?"

"What did your future self remember? Did he remember having a flashforward himself, six months earlier?"

"Hmmmm."

"If he did, he would have talked MY future self into having herself tested, right?" The pronouns were weird, but Grace hoped that she was getting her point across. "But she was dying anyway. Did something go wrong?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking -- between my future self being concerned with you, and my being confused by what was going on, I didn't think of looking at his memories. Damn."

"Has anybody else remembered remembering their flashforward, if you know what I mean?"

"Interesting question. I'll look into it when I wake up."

"Fine. But in the meantime –"

Grace's willingness to have more tests seemed to have relieved Luke's anxiety, and solved his attack of "importations". Indeed, the subsequent lovemaking was wilder than most of their encounters. Grace was sure that afterward that she remembered Luke coming out with the line "Hail Grace, full of Mary—"

- - -

RRRING.

Joan picked up the phone. She knew her Dad was in a state of shock, and he shouldn't have to deal with a caller in that mood. "Girardi residence."

"Thank God it's you, Joan. This is Lily."

"Hi."

"What happened?"

"I tried to explain everything to Dad. I think he's half convinced."

"Half?"

"Dad has always been of two minds about God. One mind says He doesn't exist. The other mind says He does exist, but Dad doesn't approve of how He runs things. I think I've persuaded him that a God is involved, but he's not happy about it. From his point of view, God has invaded our family and persuaded everybody to lie to him."

"Including me. I hope he doesn't hate me."

"He's upstairs now trying to thrash things out in his head. I called Mom and suggested that it's best to leave him alone while he does that. She's staying at a fellow artist's place. You might want to stay away, too, if you have a place to spend the night."

"Welllllll --- that was the other thing I was calling about. Henry and I have reached an --- understanding."

"You mean you're going to sleep together?" Joan's tone was curious, not accusing.

"Um, yes – though I'd prefer to say 'making love'. I hope you don't think I'm betraying your brother, Joan."

"No, you're not betraying Kevin. He'll always be a part of your life, but he can't dominate it. It's time to move on. If anything, it may be better to give Terry a new Dad."

"Thank you for understanding, Joan."

"I'll cover up for you with Mom."

"No, Joan, we've talked about it. For days I've been puzzled about my feelings about Henry – if I go with him, am I letting myself be influenced by my vision? If I don't go, is it just because I'm trying to defy fate? Helen told me that I should just put the vision out of my head and listen to my heart – even if it came up with a different answer than Helen would have liked. I don't want any more secrets splitting the family."

"OK. Though I will, um, not mention it to Dad tonight. Too much else going on here. Have a nice, um, whatever."

"Thanks, Joan." Lily cut off her phone call.

Joan played for a while with her niece, trying to put all the complications out of her mind and to see the universe with the innocent eyes of a child. Then she heard footsteps at the top of the stairway and realized that her father had come to some sort of resolution.

"Hello, Joan."

"Hi, Dad," Joan said cautiously.

"I've thought about it over and over, and gotten nowhere. When I'm at the office and in this frame of mind, I know that I've got to talk to the suspect, the witness, whatever."

"You wanna talk with God?" asked Joan.

"I need your opinion about it. What if I argue with God, say that I disapprove of the way He's running the world? Will He throw me into Hell?"

"No, Dad. He believes in free will. He'll try to convince you that you're wrong, that's all. I can tell you in advance, He respects you. He's praised you as a man who always tries to do the right thing, without having a divine command ordering you to do it."

"Then I'll speak with Him. Can you ask Him to come?"

Joan shook her head. "It doesn't work that way, Dad. He appears when He wants. But—"

DING-DONG went the doorbell.

"---I think that's Him right now."

TO BE CONTINUED