Author: Sorry for not updating this for a while. I was diagnosed with a heavy bout of procrastination, which prevented me from writing, and well, I couldn't be bothered getting rid of it.

We've left Harry in his "WTF?" face for a while now and I think it's time the wind changed again.

Hagrid: You all right there Harry? You're awfully quiet.

Harry: I would be giving you a cauldron full of whoop-ass at the moment, but apparently this is a cue for a sentimental scene. I've been trying to avoid doing it, as it's pathetic to watch a 11 year old pull off sentimentality.

Hagrid: How abut I do it for you? I'd like that.

Harry: My douche senses are tingling...Must want what I didn't want just because someone else wants it now in my stupid childish fashion...

Hagrid: Fucking kids...

Harry: WOE IS ME! MY PARENTS WERE KILLED BY THAT MAN WEREN'T THEY? THE MAN THAT GAVE ME THIS GODAWFUL CRAYON DRAWING!

Hagrid: Stop being so melodramatic. No one actually gives a crap about you. We'd all prefer you dead. *under breath* whiny brat...

Harry: What was his name? No one else seems to want to say it so it only makes sense that you would.

Hagrid: I don't want to...

Harry: Why not?

Hagrid: Somehow me saying it will alert him, as if he cares that badly about recognition...he's an attention whore in the first place so why would he care? So I'm not saying it out of fear that he'll go out of his way to kill me.

Harry: Oh come on. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase?

Hagrid: I need you to understand something completely irrelevant beforehand. Can you handle that?

Harry: I think I can spare a few of my brain cells...not completely sure though...

Hagrid: Not all wizards are good. Some go bad.

Harry: PEOPLE? GOING BAD!?! MADNESS!?! I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH BLASPHEMY! THE MEDIA NEEDS TO BE ALERTED THIS INSTANCE!

Hagrid: As I was saying...HARRY!

Harry: *looks up from laptop from which he was writing a blog on his newfound discovery*

Hagrid: There was this once wizard who went as bad as you can get!

Harry: So you're saying that only wizards can go bad. Not witches? So all witches are all little pure angels that were sent down the heavens to bring us all eternal salvat-

Hagrid: No. I said only wizards as in our world women aren't our equals. They need to cook and clean for us, nothing else. As I was saying, his name was V-...Vo-...Vol-...Vecto-...

Harry: Try writing it down, Professor Quirrell *snicker*

Hagrid: No I can't spell it. Well spell in general. In fact, I cannot read and write. That's the brilliant education you'll be getting.

Harry: Well ain't that great to know...

Hagrid: The man's name is...Voldermort.

Harry: OH MY GOD! HAGRID! LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO GET KILLED!

Hagrid: AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT?

Harry: Kidding.

Hagrid: *glares*

Harry: You only get killed in 7 years time :3

Hagrid: Wu-wut?

Harry: You were talking about Voldermort yes?

Hagrid: SHH! Don't say his name so loudly!

Harry: God forbid someone hears and thinks they'll be killed from witnessing someone say it. Besides, no one is in this dump anyway...

Hagrid: His ruling was a dark time Harry. Voldermort started gathering followe-

Harry: Why are you saying his name so casually now? Just a second ago you were all QQ about the mere thought of him.

Hagrid: Just watch the dodgy flashback scene. *plays video of Voldermort opening a gate with his mind alone! JESUS CHRIST THAT MUST PROVE HE'S EVIL! ZOMG HE'S USING ALOHAMORA NOW! THE EVIL! IT BURNS MY EYES!*

Hagrid: He started to gather followers. Anyone that refused wound up dead.

Harry: Seems pretty usual...

Hagrid: You're parents fought against him.

*Flashback shows Harry's not so hot mum holding him with no care in the world. "ZOMG GO AWAY" she says as she runs into the middle of the room as a...grenade? goes off. "OWW THE PAIN OF THE AIR! IT BURNS!" she yells whilst no one cares.*

Hagrid: But no one lived once he decided to kill them.

Harry: That would be the case with one of the greatest wizards of our time...

*Clip shows Harry's mum dieing whilst wearing her orgasm face. Wait a second. WHERE THE HELL IS BABY HARRY? SHE WAS JUST HOLDING HIM! *thud sound as baby is dropped down flight of stairs*

Hagrid: And that's how you got your scar.

Harry: What?

Hagrid: Just bullshitting you. *clip goes to Voldermort going to kill Harry whilst the baby has his "srs bizness" face on.

Baby Harry: I'm not scared of you! I'm a goddamn baby! I'm unstoppable!

Harry: Me? Voldermort tried to kill me?

Hagrid: Well he originally went to get your parents to join him, but he just felt like killing you for the lulz. That isn't an ordinary cut on the side of your face Harry. I mark like that only comes from being touched-

Harry: O.o

Hagrid: By a curse, an evil curse.

Harry: Oh thank god. What happened to V-...You-Know-Who.

Hagrid: Oh come on Harry, I've said so you can. Anyway, some say he died. To me, that is a load of Codswallop. I reckon he's still out there, too tired to carry on.

Harry: Well that sure makes me feel better about everything.

Hagrid *cheerful* One thing is certain though. Something about you stumped him that night and he's gonna try to find you and kill you whether it's the last thing he does.

Harry: Goddamnit.

Sorry for such a short update, but I feel that there is too much comedy gold to be had with the Kings Cross Station scene. Please review and give me any criticism you wish. And if you can, tell your friends if you liked it :3