Sorry for the slow update! I was on vacation for a week and got ENGAGED! And when I got back I had to work 7 days in a row! Busy, Busy!
So here is your next installment in the saga that is Rukia and Kaien! I do hope you enjoy. Please give me some feedback if you read this! Flattery is ALWAYS appreciated but CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is good as well! And feel free to give me ideas..I may just use them!

I own NOTHING. Credit goes to Tite Kubo (is that right?) for creating the wonderous world that is Bleach!
There are, as usual, spoilers. This chapter is particularly LOADED with them. So if you don't know Kaien's history and don't want to know yet, you might not want to read.


Definitions:
Domo-arigato: Thank you (formal)
Dou itashi mashite: You're welcome (formal)
Taicho/fukutaicho: Captain/Vice Captain
Nejibana: Kaien's zanpakuto(sword)
Matte: Wait, stop
Metastacia: Hollow that killed Kaien

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Mind racing and eyes wide, Rukia turned back towards Kaien. He had remained crouched on the far side of the porch, his charcoal eyes downcast. She reached out a tentative hand to offer him the sheet. When he made no more to take the simple cloth from her, Rukia closed the distance between them slowly and wrapped the sheet around his trembling body, careful not to touch him directly. Turning his head away from her, Kaien raised one hand to hold the ends of the sheet together around his shoulders.

"Domo-arigato." His words were so hushed that Rukia almost didn't hear them.

"Dou itashi mashite." It was strange for her to hear Kaien speak so formally. Without thinking, Rukia had responded in a similar fashion.

Placing her hands gently on Kaien's shoulders, she helped her former fukutaicho to his feet. A glint of something silver on the ground caught Rukia's attention. A quick glance down caused her violet eyes to widen again, a sharp gasp escaping her lips. She looked up at Kaien and saw he'd not even noticed her reaction nor did he seem interested in what had startled her. His demeanor remained unchanged: shoulders slumped and eyes averted, staring blankly at the ground.

She looked back down. Nejibana, Kaien's zanpakuto, lay at their feet. Rukia hadn't even realized that he'd had it. For all the notice he took of Nejibana on the ground, Kaien himself either did not know it was there or simply did not care. Quietly bending down, she picked up his forgotten zanpakuto and led Kaien into the Kuchiki household.

Inside on the kitchen table Rukia found a fresh set of clothes presumably for Kaien: clean black hakama with matching black kimono. Nii-sama must have left these out for Kaien. The clothes would likely be just a little too short for him, but the bagginess would account for that. At any rate, it was better than nothing.

Rukia showed Kaien to the bathroom so that he could clean up and get dressed. As she began to pull the door closed, she thought she heard him say something.

"Kaien-dono...d-did you say something?"

"Matte.Don't leave, Rukia."

Her eyes immediately dropped to the bathroom floor, a deep scarlet spreading quickly across her cheeks.

"Kaien! I can't-"

"Kudasai, Rukia." His pleading eyes told her that she couldn't leave him.

Whether or not this man was Kaien, Rukia sensed that he wasn't dangerous. At the very least she was certain by now that he was not Aaroniero. Several times already, this man had had the opportunity to end her life. This rang especially true now that Rukia knew he'd had Nejibana at his side the entire time they'd been outside. Never once had she seen the intent to kill in his eyes nor felt any flare in his reiatsu. Everything about this man screamed Kaien, albeit a very broken and confused Kaien.

"H-hai." Stepping inside the bathroom, Rukia gently closed the door behind her. She could not imagine the humiliation Kaien must be feeling but she could certainly sense it emanating from his being. He obviously needed her help both in cleaning himself and getting dressed; asking for that help from anyone, let alone someone who was once a subordinate, surely would be a blow to his pride. Not to mention the fact that he had shown up without any clothes on to begin with. Rukia didn't know how it was possible that Kaien was here, but with every passing moment she became more and more convinced that this was Kaien. She could feel it in her heart...in her soul...

She turned on the faucet and began to draw a warm bath. As steam slowly filled the small room, Rukia turned to look at the man she'd loved so many years ago. He was looking back at her, watching her every move with oh-so-familiar grayish-green eyes. She thought she saw a spark of life in those eyes for the tiniest fraction of a second just then...something resembling the faintest hint of interest and curiosity. It was gone before she could analyze it. One thing she was certain of: there was absolutely no malice in those eyes.

You really are Kaien, aren't you? I can feel it...I can feel you. But what are you doing here? How is this possible? And what happened to you to break your spirit so badly? Do you even know? Do you even remember...?

When Rukia lowered her eyes, Kaien stepped towards the now-filled bath-tub. He let the bed-sheet fall away from his tall frame and gingerly lowered himself into the steamy water. Rukia picked up a wash cloth and kneeled beside the bath-tub, dipping the cloth into the water. When she looked up, charcoal eyes met her own. Although still clouded with confusion, his eyes no longer held a sense of "lost."

As she began to gently wipe the dirt off of Kaien's face, Rukia sensed a subtle change in his reiatsu. She felt a wave of comfort and trust roll over her. And something else...was it...love? With an inaudible gasp, she realized that these were the feelings Kaien was having towards her. Certainly it wasn't the kind of love she felt for him... She was most likely mistaken....it must be gratitude she was feeling. That was it.

"Rukia..."

"Shh, Kaien-dono. Whatever it is, it can wait."

In silence, Rukia cleansed Kaien of the dirt that soiled his body and the worry and tension that troubled his mind. She rubbed the soft, soapy cloth gently across his chest and shoulders. As she allowed warm water to trickle down his arm, a dark tattoo became visible through the dirt: the Shiba family crest. Carefully, almost reverently, Rukia ran her fingers slowly over the dark ink. It was nearly too much for her to handle.

Taking a deep and shaky breath, she lathered her hands with more soap and began running her fingers through Kaien's dark, spiky hair. His eyes closed and his head fell forward gently as she tenderly massaged his scalp. She could no longer ignore the quiet buzz that seemed to fill the room...it felt electric, causing the hairs on her arms and the back of her neck to stand up. As Rukia entangled her fingers in midnight black hair, she could not suppress a shudder than ran down her spine. Kaien seemed to sense it, opening his eyes to look deep into her own. His gaze was so piercing that it sent another shiver through her body.

"Rukia...." His voice was huskier now, and when he said her name this time there was an undercurrent of something to it. It was definitely not confusion.

Her hands slid down to the back of his neck coming to rest nestled in the hair there. It was only then that she realized how close their faces had come to one another; she could feel Kaien's breath on her cheek. He leaned forward slightly until his lips were nearly touching Rukia's own, which were parted in both her nervousness and her desire. With the exception of her dream only hours previously, she had never been in such an intimate position with Kaien.

All she had to do was lean forward...just a tiny bit...and their lips would finally meet...

Suddenly, she jumped up and backed away from the bath-tub, startling Kaien whose eyes opened wide as he looked up at her. She thought she saw hurt in those beautiful eyes and it killed her inside to know she was the cause of it. She wanted to run over to him and throw her arms around him, capturing his lips with her own, finally showing him how she'd felt for so many, many decades. She wanted to tell him how much she'd missed him, how her heart felt like it would burst now that he was back, how her soul suddenly felt complete in a way that she couldn't describe.

But she couldn't. She stood frozen, her back against the wall. This was Kaien-dono! She couldn't just kiss him. And when he was in such a state? She was horrified at what she'd almost done. On top of all the other reasons she could think of that made it wrong, she felt like it would be taking advantage of Kaien to kiss him now, when he was so confused and lost. Baka! You don't even know for sure if it's him! What if it's a trap? But she knew in her heart this was no trap. This was simply Kaien-dono. He was confused and misreading his own feelings of gratitude as something else...something more. Wherever he had been all these years had obviously not been a pleasant place. He was probably just so overwhelmed at seeing familiar faces that he didn't even know how to react to things, such as someone taking care of him.

He was still looking at her with those hurt-filled eyes.

"Here," she said, looking away and holding out a towel. He reached out and gingerly took it from her. She cleared her throat. "I'll go and pour us some tea."

"Domo, Rukia..." His words were barely a whisper.

She quickly exited the bathroom and made her way back to the kitchen, breathing hard. She tried to calm herself as she poured two cups of tea and put them on the table along with a small plate containing Pocky. The thin, chocolate dipped pretzel sticks were a favorite treat of Nii-sama and were therefore the most abundant snack to be found in the cupboards. Trying to calm both her nerves and her breathing, Rukia kneeled down on one of the small cushions surrounding the table, sitting on her crossed ankles.

Minutes later, when Kaien stepped out of the bathroom, he looked shockingly like his old self. Seeing him in his usual uniform of black hakama and kimono, Rukia suddenly remembered that she was only wearing a simple cotton shift. Instantly self-conscious, she made a move to get up to put on more appropriate clothing. Kaien must have sensed her intentions. He placed a hand gently on her shoulder, stilling any further movement.

"It's okay, Rukia, please don't be embarrassed. You look...nice. The violet...it matches your eyes." His voice was halting and his smile hesitant; a mixture of shyness and reservation. And although his comment caused the blush on her cheeks to deepen, it warmed Rukia's heart at the same time.

"Thank you..." her voice trailed off as Kaien's charcoal eyes studied her with open curiosity. His eyes continued to hold hers as he lowered himself onto a cushion across the table from Rukia. Unable to look away, she raised her cup and took a sip of tea. Seeming to take this as his cue, Kaien did the same. The air was thick with nervous tension and unspoken thoughts.

For several minutes the two simply sat in silence, sipping tea and staring at each other. It was as if they were studying one another, waiting for the other to make the first move, speak the first words. Rukia felt she should say something but words would not come. There was so much to say, so much she wanted to ask this man sitting before her but she had no idea where to begin. She was also overcome with a deep sorrow. Seeing Kaien had forced her to once again relive that awful night so many, many years ago. She could see very clearly in her mind the look on Kaien's face as her zanpakuto pierced his heart, the unbelievable words of gratitude and apology that were his last. Did he remember that it had be she who had ended his life all those years ago? Could he ever forgive her? Was he here for revenge?

"Kaien-dono," she began tentatively. "How are you here? Where have you been all these years?"

It was with a deep sigh that Kaien responded. "I don't know." His eyes dropped to his tea as he absentmindedly reached for one of the thin chocolate-covered pretzels. He put the snack in his mouth and chewed slowly, contemplatively, carefully thinking over his next words. Rukia remained silent, watching his features as he struggled with what he wanted to say. When it seemed he was completely at a loss, she spoke.

"Why don't you start with the last thing you do remember."

"It seems like so long ago..." With a shy smile he amended his statement. "It probably was a long time ago. I remember being here, in Seretei. There was a terrible hollow, worse than any we had seen in awhile. Metastacia." His eyes darkened at the memory and his voice became thick with grief. "It killed my wife, Miyako. I swore that I would get revenge and destroy Metastacia. We found its lair and I requested to fight the hollow alone, a request which Ukitake-Taicho reluctantly granted. I remember fighting Metastacia for what felt like an eternity and then...."

Rukia did not even realize she'd been holding her breath until that moment. She let it out slowly, quietly. This was the part she feared the most. Would Kaien remember and resent her? Although suddenly intimidated, she could not take her eyes away from his. She watched a sea of emotions play across Kaien's face as memories washed over him. Rukia was beginning to think she could take no more when he finally broke the silence.

"Oh, Rukia," he whispered, his eyes bright with unshed tears and understanding. He reached a hand out towards her and brushed the single black bang from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. He ran his fingertips along her fine cheekbone, the touch as soft as a butterfly's wing against her skin. Where his skin made contact with hers, Rukia felt an almost electric jolt. It was not at all unpleasant.

"Rukia, it's not your fault." His words were as soft as his touch. It was as if he could read her thoughts. "I don't blame you, not at all... Rukia, you did what you had to do!"

"I wanted to help you, Kaien!" Rukia couldn't help her outburst. She met his eyes as her words spilled forth fervently. "I wanted so badly to fight at your side but Ukitake-Taicho would not let me! He said you were fighting for your pride..." Her voice faded as she recalled Ukitake-Taicho's words that fateful day:

Rukia, remember this. There are two types of fights. Whenever we are in battle, we must be fighting one of the two. The fight for life or…the fight for pride! Right now…he is fighting for his pride! His wife's pride…his men's pride… Most importantly…his own personal pride. Dismiss this as his stubbornness…and let him fight alone like this…

It had nearly killed her to watch Kaien fight what she knew would inevitably become a losing battle. But she did not dare to go against her taicho. Deep down, the raven-haired shinigami knew the truth in his words, knew that intruding on Kaien's fight with Metastacia would only serve to frustrate and distract him. And so she had watched in horror....watched as Kaien became weak from fighting....watched as the hollow maliciously merged itself with Kaien, overpowering his spirit and taking possession of his body. When Metastacia used Kaien's body to attack them, Ukitaki-Taicho had told Rukia to run and she hesitated only momentarily.

Rukia's own memory of what had happened next seemed fragmented. She remembered Ukitake-Taicho telling her to run. She had complied, but returned only minutes later, ashamed of running and wanting to help her taicho. She remembered her fear and hatred of the hollow who had taken over Kaien's body and her immense grief at Kaien's defeat. She'd had no time to think when Kaien turned and leaped towards her. Only, this...thing... was no longer Kaien but a sick and twisted mockery of the man she loved, eyes glowing orange and a menacing grin playing across his once beautiful lips.

Without thinking, she had raised Sode no Shirayuki. Metastacia was impaled through the heart. Although she had saved her life and the life of Ukitaki-Taicho, Rukia felt little happiness in the victory. Trembling, she had raised her eyes to meet Kaien's, not knowing what she would find. His face had returned to normal, except for the little trickle of blood that slowly flowed from the corner of his mouth. And although his eyes were once again a beautiful and unique shade of greenish-gray, their vibrancy was fading fast.

With his dying words, Kaien had thanked Ukitake-Taicho for letting him fight alone. Then, he leaned his head on Rukia's shoulder, bringing both arms up to embrace her, and whispered his gratitude into her ear. Rukia wrapped her free arm around Kaien, holding him tight against her as he, with his last breath, whispered an apology.

Coming out of her dark memories, Rukia's hands formed into tiny fists in her lap. She did not know when she had started crying but tears were streaming freely down her cheeks. Kaien wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.

"I wanted to help you." She felt compelled to repeat the words, as if in repetition they could somehow change the past. "I wanted to help you..." Her voice fell to a whisper as tears continued to flow unchecked from downcast violet eyes.

"It's okay, Rukia-chan. Please don't cry. I meant what I said to you that day. I don't remember the minutes when my body was under possession, but I remember the moment of my...my death. I never resented you for what you did; you had no other choice. I was grateful for your strength." He paused only briefly. "And I am truly sorry for what I put you through...for what you were forced to do."

Again, the pair sat in silence, just looking at each other. Kaien continued to caress Rukia's cheek until eventually her tears stopped. He let his hand linger on her skin for another minute before allowing it to slowly drop to his side. Rukia grabbed a napkin off the table and self-consciously wiped her tear-stained face.

Apparently wanting to change the subject and ease Rukia's pain, Kaien eventually continued. "That's all I can really remember. The next thing I knew, I woke up in the middle of a large field with no clothes. I had no possession with me other than Nejibana. Actually, when I awoke I didn't even have my memories. I didn't know who I was."

Rukia looked at him in disbelief. He just woke up in a large field? He didn't even know who he was?

"Not knowing what else to do, I picked up Nejibana - not really knowing what it was at the time, only that it must be mine - and began walking. As the days went by, my memory came back slowly, piece by piece. I still have no memory of where I went when I died or how I ended up where I was when I woke up. I don't even know how long it's been since I...died." He paused, reflecting on his recent journey.

"And then I saw your face, Rukia." These words caused a blush to once again creep across Rukia's cheeks.

"What? I don't understand."

"In my mind, I saw your face. It was like a beacon to me, a shining star that I followed day and night. I knew that I had to find you, that if I could just get to you things would somehow make sense again. Do you remember what I told you about the heart and about dying, Rukia? When you die, your heart remains with whoever was with you. That's why you should never die alone. When I died, my heart remained with you, Rukia. That's why I needed so badly to get back to you. That's my theory, anyway." His voice was very quiet as he admitted this.

"Oh." It seemed entirely inadequate but it was all she could manage. She could feel the burn not only in her cheeks but also on the tops of her ears now.

Kaien continued. "And so I walked, day and night. I slept on the ground and I ate whatever vegetation appeared to be edible. I don't know how long I journeyed to find you, Rukia. I searched for your reiatsu but it was useless; I couldn't feel you anywhere, no matter how intently I focused. I couldn't feel anyone's reiatsu for that matter. I had no clue as to where I was and that damn field seemed to go on forever! For awhile, I began to think I wasn't even in Seretei but rather some sort of shinigami Hell."

Rukia stared into Kaien's hazy eyes, transfixed by his words. In her fear and then excitement to see Kaien again she hadn't even noticed how gaunt he looked. Who knew how long it'd been since he'd had anything decent to eat? She felt the urge to get up and get some real food but at the same time she was held hostage by his story.

"I felt certain I would never find you, that I was cursed to wander for eternity in my own personal Hell. I began to lose hope and was just about to give up. But then, finally, I could feel your reiatsu! It was so faint...but it was something!" Kaien sounded excited, life returning to his voice. "So I followed it and eventually I found myself in Seretei. The familiarity and nostalgia of it all literally brought me to my knees. I was home." His eyes had drifted closed and a faint smile played at the corner of his lips. "I could feel your reiatsu so strong at that point. I was on the brink of exhaustion but I wasn't about to stop now that I was so close..."

"So you quit sleeping..." That, at least, explained Kaien's ragged and exhausted appearance on her porch hours ago.

It was Kaien's turn to blush crimson. "So I quit sleeping," he confirmed. "I became obsessed with a singular goal...finding you. It gave me a reason to keep moving, to not give up. And now that I'm here...I feel....content." His eyes had dropped to his now-cold cup of tea.

Rukia reached out tentatively and covered Kaien's large hand with her own smaller one. He raised his eyes and met her soft yet piercing gaze. It was her turn once again to comfort him.

"It's okay, Kaien. Everything's going to be alright now. You're back, and you can stay here for as long as you need to...for as long as you like. But I think right now you need to get some sleep. Here-" she shoved the plate of small chocolate covered pretzels into Kaien's hands, "-take these with you! You need something to eat. And tomorrow we'll figure everything out. Okay?"

The small shinigami had risen to her feet and Kaien followed her lead. Instead of following her, however, he set the plate down and pulled Rukia tightly against his chest. Although momentarily stunned by his show of affection, she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around Kaien's waist and return the gesture, pressing her cheek to the much-taller shinigami's chest. He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Domo, Rukia. For everything."

"Arigato, Kaien."

Kaien reluctantly released his hold on Rukia and retrieved the plate of pretzels from the table with a shy smile. "I am pretty hungry." Rukia promptly raided the cupboards and loaded Kaien's arms with all the snacks she could find, making him laugh his old familiar laugh. "Always taking care of me!"

She returned his shy smile and showed him to the guest room at the end of the hall. It was close to her own room, separated only by the bathroom.

As she settled back into her own bed that night Rukia's mind was alive with thoughts. She knew she should send a Hell-butterfly to Ukitake-Taicho to let him know of Kaien's miraculous yet inexplicable return. But she did not want to disturb him at this hour nor did she want a formal investigation just yet. Although she was fairly certain Ukitake-Taicho would handle the situation with the utmost discretion, there was also the chance that he would be suspicious of the news and contact Yamamoto-Genryusai immediately. She wanted to give Kaien an opportunity to rest first if that were the case.

Rukia knew in her heart that the man she had just spent the last several hours with was in fact Shiba Kaien. There was not a trace of doubt in her mind. She knew that she could convince Ukitake-Taicho of this if she could only get him to meet with Kaien in person first. Yes, she decided, the Hell-butterfly can wait.

Her thoughts inevitably turned to Kaien. Thinking about all he'd gone through made her heart ache in a way she'd experienced only once before - when Kaien had died. And what did he mean when he'd said that getting to her had been his only goal, his beacon of hope? Was that because he had died in her presence? Or was it something more, something deeper?

She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she tried to force her body into sleep. Kaien was back. How, she didn't know. And for the moment, she didn't care.