Carlisle and Esme gave me a tour of the extravagant house. Every corner we turned was furnished expertly, especially the rooms. They were all brightly lit and welcoming, just as the foyer. That was a nice change. Though the Volterra had been decorated comfortably and had admirable architecture…it still didn't have this…atmosphere. Although I wouldn't allow myself to touch a single piece of furniture or the fact I felt so out of place and unsure, I couldn't help but feeling this overpowering sense of home.
Maybe that wasn't a good thing, but it sure felt right.
When we reached the very last room on the third floor, they came to a stop then turned to face me in one synchronized movement.
"Jamie it is to our understanding that you will be staying with us for while…" Carlisle began.
"So…we thought it was best to give you a room of your own for now." Esme finished for him, smiling at me timidly.
"Oh." was all I could manage. Their kindness was too much, I almost felt embarrassed, with me intruding and all. They already had such a large family, and a lovely one at that. I didn't belong with them, I was no saint. I didn't want to ruin this perfect place, this… perfect family, they didn't deserve it. Any of it. Maybe I was just being paranoid but…I just couldn't shake the thoughts clouding my mind. Maybe they didn't like me, maybe they were just being nice, maybe they wanted me gone, or maybe I would just screw this all up. With my human parents, there were times I was just plain rude. I would yell and curse, sometimes even a push or a shove. I didn't want that to happen with these people, not at all. I knew that it was normal to be angry as a teenager, but I just wanted to be this sweet and innocent girl, instead of this loud, mean, and outspoken person I truly was.
I especially hated how much I worried and I'm sure Edward would too. I really hope he couldn't hear this.
"Don't worry about hurting our feelings if you don't want to stay with us. That is perfectly understandable, no ones forcing you sweetheart," Esme said placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, misunderstanding my response.
"No, no I didn't mean it like that, I would be honored. It's just that you all are much to kind," Allowing a stranger they barely knew to stay in there house. Impossible, I couldn't resist smiling.
"This is nothing dear, we just want you to feel welcome," Esme gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, another motherly gesture. I didn't think it could possibly get more welcoming than this.
"Think nothing of it Jamie, our home is yours for as long as you desire." Carlisle added with a reassuring smile.
I smiled back with a tiny grin of my own. How could I possibly repay these people? The answer was simple, I couldn't. For now I could only help out in anyway I could offer. Maybe one day I would figure out how, but right now I was tired and in desperate need of solitude. The emotions inside me were building up, if I waited too long they would boil over, which would probably be very embarrassing afterward. I was pretty sure they wouldn't want to deal with a random emotional break down by someone they hardly knew. Better not go there. Best scenario was to get it out of my system before facing them again, so as not to scare them. 'Good plan,' I thought to myself.
"Sorry this was the best we could manage for now, we didn't have anything prepared…" Esme trailed off looking uncertain.
Carlisle opened the door widely, making room for me to pass through. I peaked around the corner of the shiny wooden door, looking into the mysterious room. My breath caught.
It was no closet of Alice's, but it was bigger than my room back home. What had really caught my attention was the transparent wall facing across from me. The outside was pitch black, but that didn't stop me from staring in astonishment.
"Esme…This is Fantastic."My voice was no more than a whisper. I couldn't seem to get over the beauty of the room. There was too much space for one person, but I could deal with that and thanks to the transparent back wall, the view would always be open to me. It was beautiful even in darkness.
"I hope you don't mind those boxes…this was a kind of temporary storage for us, but well find somewhere else for them." Carlisle said gesturing to the back wall.
I had vaguely noticed the 4 medium sized cardboard boxes in the back corner. It must have been old clothing or memento's they weren't willing to give up. It wasn't a big issue and I would try to get out of their lives as soon as I allowed, so they wouldn't have the trouble of looking after me, besides they were under no obligation to. Once again I was taken away by their generosity.
"No need to worry Carlisle, I don't need that much room and they hardly take up any of it. I'll do my best not touch them." I said as politely as I could manage.
"Nonsense, I'll have them out of here by tomorrow." Esme said shaking her head disapprovingly. "I should probably order you a new bed and a dresser too..." She sounded more like she was talking to herself than to me, but that was too much.
"Oh no Esme, I don't need anything. I don't sleep after all." My words came out in a rush. The idea of them spending money on me was horrific. A temporary home and a room of my own was enough! Especially from people who I had only just met. They should spend money on their real family, not some intruder.
"I insist. you are going to be staying with us for a while anyway, so you should at least have a decent room." Esme quietly pleaded. Her brow was furrowed in concern; she was already treating me like a family member. What kind souls they had.
I walked back a few paces back to where they were standing, and gently took her hand in both of mine and said "It is so generous to even consider buying me furniture, but this is enough. You have given me a roof to live under and a room to myself, which in itself is already too much. I could never pay you back for all your kindness. "I made sure to include both of them in my statement, because after all, it was both of them who were including me here.
"We insist." Carlisle spoke this time, "You are our guest, and we want make you comfortable here anyway we can." Carlisle smiled down at me; I could see the smile touch his liquid golden eyes, which made it harder to refuse.
"I just don't want the money to go to waste. It could go to much more useful things…" I could hear the little bit of concern in my voice as I said it, because truly I was concerned.
"Nothings going to waste, I promise," Esme's spoke solemnly, the smile still intact on her lips. "For now we'll let you get settled. We'll deal with it in the morning." She said flipping my hand over gently so she could pat it.
"Yes, I'm sure it's been a long day for you," Carlisle noted kindly. 'You have no idea' I said internally. It most certainly had been. Instead I just smiled up at the two wonderful people standing before me; it had been worth the trip.
"Is there anything else we can do for you?" Esme asked concerned again.
"I can't possibly think of anything else." With her hand still in mine, I squeezed it softly and released it, and tried to give them my most reassuring smile. It worked.
"Then we'll see you tomorrow I suppose," Carlisle gave me a kind nod, and began to turn for the door.
"Well there is one thing…" I said unsure, looking down briefly.
"What dear?" Esme chimed in. I could here a spark of curiosity in her voice and wondered if she really did want to spoil me, not just out of friendliness.
"I was wondering…if I could go out for a while. I just need time to clear my head is all." I peeked up them from the corner of my eye, hoping this was allowed. The emotions were almost burning in my chest; I needed to get out of here and out of here fast.
"I would think that's alright-" she said in a strange tone. It sounded mostly unsure, but I thought I could hear some panic behind it. "-But, please come back by morning. There are a few things that we must get done." She broke free of her confused expression and smiled warmly at me.
"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you both later then. "I ran past with a tight smile on my lips, wanting to get out of here as fast as possible without seeming rude. Then I realized I hadn't properly thanked them yet. That was rude. I sped back to their side to say one last thing.
"Thank you so much for all of this, you have no idea how much this means to me." I didn't have time to watch their reactions as I was already shooting faster than a bullet down the stairs, and the floors. I myself could hardly notice my surroundings. As I approached the main floor I wanted my entrance to be unnoticed, but I guess it couldn't be helped. I made sure to keep my focus on the grand front door, and not the six pairs of curious eyes watching my blurry figure. I had at least managed to open and close the door no louder than a whisper, hopefully not damaging it in the process. I ran as quickly as my new legs would allow through the thick underbrush of the forest, every so often a hidden branch would lash out of the shadows to stroke my face or a small fern would be uprooted from the ground as I whipped by, accidentally kicking them into the unseen abyss. My new senses saved me from running or crashing into anything covered by the dark, it felt so natural knowing which way to go or which turn to take, almost as if I had been living here for decades rather than hours. I followed my instincts until I had reached a small opening of tree's, just big enough for the clouded moonlight to hit the ground.
I planted the balls of my feet into the damp soil below me bringing me to a stop, right before the opening. I steadied myself and then took a few steps towards the center before dropping to take a seat on the wet grass. I flopped over onto my back, and then turned over to curl myself into a ball. There had been times on this trip that I had felt so feeble and defenseless, but that was nothing compared to right now. Even when the Volturi had captured me or when I was forced to stay with those terrible men, felt almost nice in comparison to this. Because right then, every single pain, stress, or emotion I had been hiding all came back to me.
I couldn't take it any longer.
I boiled over.