This chapter is brought to you by: My Simple Plan CD finally arriving! I ordered it over a week ago and it finally got here.
Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto. We kinda own Mike.
Suddenly Mike's head popped off, and Linda began laughing hysterically.
Mike's wings started flapping.
"He wants to talk but he can't. Linda, this is all your fault." I said, stroking the giant chicken.
"Okay then, I'll do something." She declared, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes.
A few minutes later, she appeared with pens and rubbers, and started to draw on Mike's body. Out of nowhere, 'Macho Man' started playing. As soon as the face was finished, Mike somehow started talking.
"What the heck? I want my head!"
"It was Fiona's fault." Linda stated.
"Was not." I stuck my tongue out at her.
Linda started laughing "You look so stupid when you do that."
Mike sat down and sulked for awhile, while Linda and I dissolved in the darkness to get ice-cream from his van. I started to panic.
"When did it get dark? Where are we? How did we get here? How are we going to get ho-" I was interrupted by my best friend, who started choking me.
"Stop asking so many questions!"
In real life Linda isn't the interrupter. Suddenly, Itachi came in, completely of nowhere, because he likes to do that.
"Fiona, stop making come back! Or I'll have to kill you again."
"You couldn't even manage it the first time, what makes you think you can do it now?"
Itachi started choking me, but was pulled off by Linda.
"Stop choking her! That's my job."
Itachi rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll strangle her instead."
And so he did. Or he was just about to when...
"Wait, aren't they the same thing?" Linda asked suspiciously.
"Well, we'll soon find out." Itachi replied; just before Mike sat on him. Still sulking, he exclaimed: "Stop choking her and give me a head!"
Suddenly, inspiration hit, and I grinned evilly. "I know! We'll give him Itachi's head!"
"Awesome! I'll get my tools, then." Linda came back a few seconds later, carrying her magical bag of tools.
"Linda, why do you look like a surgeon?" I asked, nervously eying the bag.
"'Cause I'm awesome, that's why."
I shrugged. "Fair enough. Anyway, Mike can you hold Itachi down? We'll cut his head off for you."
Mike grinned. Or he would have, only he doesn't have a head so...
"Oh, one minute." I placed a pair sunglasses over Itachi's eyes. "There. Now we don't have to look at him!" (Haha, I bet you thought it was so he couldn't use his sharingan on us.)
Linda started to cut his head off with a machete she took from her bag, and gazed with blood thirsty eyes, as the scarlet liquid spilled out of his neck. Once she was finished, I gingerly picked up his head and placed in it a bag, tying it up with a cruel grin on my face. Mike started to get scared as he thought things through, he didn't want Itachi's head, it was so ugly!
"On second thoughts, I don't want his head." Mike said, backing away.
Itachi's arms started waving crazily.
"Whoa, we'd better cut those off too." I smirked, taking out a knife.
"Yeah, we can sell them on eBay!" Linda replied enthusiastically.
I quickly swapped roles with Linda, so I had the knife. (Ooh, big knife. Shiny!) I started to cut his arms off with great difficulty since they were waving around so much. Eventually, I just held the knife in mid-air and waited for his arms to swing into it. It was pretty gory. Not to mention fun!
Linda collected the bodiless arms and placed them in the bag, along with his head.
"Hey, Itachi, now you have someone to talk too!" I teased.
"But they can't talk back," he sobbed.
I started to laugh and so did Linda.
"I love being a murderer! It's much fun when you're killing stuff and not getting killed." Linda yelled.
"Yeah...maybe that's why we like Left 4 Dead so much..." I pondered. "Who cares anyway, why don't we just steal Itachi's ring and take his place in the Akatsuki?"
Itachi sniffled. "I care."
"Shut up jackass, nobody asked you."
"Actually, you did..."
I glared at him. Or the bag...whatever.
We started to leave, while Mike was stalking us.
"Fiona, cheese is following us. So coffee mouse. Do you have a map to the Akatsuki base?"
"Course I do, it's eh...here somewhere." I looked in my imaginary rucksack, the one with the headless bunny.
"You sure like headless pets." Linda said dryly, raising an eyebrow.
I ignored her and continued my search. Eventually, I sighed in defeat, "I can't find it, but I'm sure my awesome navigating will get us there."
- 5 hours later-
"WHERE THE HECK ARE WE?" Linda screamed.
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?" I yelled back.
"Oh I don't know... maybe because you're the FREAKIN' NAVIGATOR!"
I stared at her. "Wow, was that sarcasm?"
"Yes it was. Was that?"
"No."
"Good."
"I know where to go!" Mike exclaimed suddenly.
"Why didn't you fudging say that then you fudging fudgecase!" Linda yelled, without turning around.
"Coffee mouse. I think we should jelly cheese sometime."
"Later, when we are in the Akatsuki base. Okay?"
"Yay! Jelly the fudging cheese with the whipped cream!" I cheered.
"Subtly..."
Mike glared at us, with his drawn-on-eyes.
"Are we talking about me? And what does 'coffee mouse' mean?"
"Course we're not talking about you, we're talking about a mouse. That likes to drink coffee." I stated, in a matter-of-fact-way.
"You like coffee?" Mike asked excitedly.
I shook my head, "No-"
Suddenly, Linda started choking me with Gai (my pillow) and explained, "You were asking for it."
Once she was finished, I yelled: "HE IS NOT MY FREAKIN' PILLOW! THAT SOUNDS SO PERVY!."
(I have a totally pwnsome pillow and Linda was jealous of it, so she called it Gai and mocks me with it. After she typed that though, I started hitting her with a dictionary ^_^)
"Argh, stop hitting me with your book!" Linda screamed.
Mike just stared at us, thinking we were crazy.
Suddenly, the she-male of the Akatsuki came out and exclaimed: "Hey danna was right, un; those kids really are insane."
But he couldn't say any more because Linda whacked him with my book.
"Hey! That's my book, you're ruining it!" I exclaimed.
"It's Deidara's fault. AKA he-she." Linda says innocently.
Deidara glared at us. But just as he was about to speak, I glomped him.
"WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU A FANGIRL OR SOMETHING?"
"Or something." I replied calmly as I jumped off him. "I just felt like glomping someone, and you were right in front of me so..."
Everyone stared at me.
"Hey, at least it stopped you two arguing!" I said defensively, placing my book back in my rucksack.
"At least I don't act that childish..." Linda said.
"Whatever."
Linda searched in her pocket, her face lighting up when she found what she was looking for. It was a book with *Death note* written on it. Mike and Deidara backed away. I stepped forward, chuckling at their cowardly faces and asked "What's that?"
"Well, the Death note has something to do with your answer. I am officially a Shinigami as I love killing stuff." Linda said with glee.
"Well, I want to be a female shinobi!"
"We could partner up and take over the anime world!"
"Awesome!" I said with a smile.
TRANSLATIONS
Coffee mouse: Don't look round.
Jelly: Kill
Cheese: Stalker
The Whipped Cream: … Okay, that doesn't really have a meaning. That's just me being random, as usual :D
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