But Ziva was not fine and they both knew it. She had refused to see the psychiatrist Vance had sent her too so she was stuck at her desk doing paper work unable to return to the field. But it was more then the incredible boredom that Ziva was suffering, all the time she was left alone her thoughts circled round and round going from one horrific memory to the next, reliving every tortuous experience, every touch of callous, groping hands. All those hours spent in utter darkness and or with the staggeringly bright light in her face both equally as blinding, disorienting.
But she would not talk about it, not to anyone. She would brush the others off, not being able to cope with the concern and pity in their eyes. That is what got to her, the pity. If they had yelled and screamed at her for being so stupid, for being so weak she could have coped, could have yelled right back but this ability of theirs to empathise, she just could not deal with it. So Ziva did what she had always done. Pretended.
Tony sighed, he hated it when she used the word "fine", the word that people used in small talk or else as in Ziva's case just to plain lie.
"You don't look fine, Zi-vah" he said stretching her name out the way he use too. She visually flinched her voice came out as a hiss "Don't you ever call me that again, not ever". She glared at him until he held up his hands in surrender "Okay I won't, why cant I use it, I use to" . Ziva's eyes flicked from his to look at McGee who was concentrating very hard on the bit off paper in front of him.
"Because I said so Tony"
"Why?" he was leaning forward at his desk now, pushing her further then he had done before, further then what Gibbs would let him.
Thwack
"Because her name is Ziva, DiNozzo, now get back to work. Ziva go and check on Abby see if she has found a match on our fingerprints yet." She stood up and headed for the stairs, they watched her go, as far as they were all aware Ziva had not set foot in the elevator once since she had returned to work.
Gibbs stood up and walked over to Tony's desk "You can't call her that Tony because that is what they called her, when they was messing with her mind and I told you, not to push her, she will talk when she is ready."
"Do you really think she will Gibbs, or will she do what she always does and ignore it."
"You can't ignore something like that Tony, but nor can you make her talk she will hate you for it, just be there."
Tony leant back into his office chair "I'm trying"
Gibbs nodded and moved back to his desk.
"Ar, Boss we got a hit on the bolo I put out" McGee called out
"what are you waiting for?" McGee and Tony grabbed their gear and were in the elevator just seconds after Gibbs. The doors slide shut with their customary ding just as Ziva left the stair well to find their desks empty, she sighed and sat down at her desk, not noticing the yellow post-it note stuck to the top of the folder she was working on that said in McGees's messy scrawl "Bolo"
She slide her cell out of her pocket and rang McGee, he was the easiest to talk to, he did not try and ask her questions she was not able to answer, she knew this annoyed Gibbs and upset Tony but they would just have to deal with it.
"McGee"
"Abby got a hit on the finger prints, they belong to our main suspect"
"Yer, okay we are after him now anyway. Got a hit on the Bolo"
Ziva felt a flash of jealous anger, she wanted to be the one doing something, not stuck here at this stupid desk.
"Would it have killed you to have left a note McGee" she all but growled down the phone.
"I did" McGee protested "A yellow post-it on the folder, I guess it fell on the floor or something, sorry"
"Oh, sorry Tim" Ziva's vice sounded small down the other end of the phone.
"Hey don't worry about it, I got to go, we've found him" the connection ended. Ziva was staring at the bright yellow post-it when a single tear ran down her cheek. She dashed it away angrily glancing round to check no one had seen, pulled the post-it off the folder and threw it in the bin. She ran back over the facts and evidence they had that pointed this man out as the man responsible for the grisly murders of two women in this area of the city. It had been a metro case until the fist victim was identified as a sailor.