Chapter 2

xoxoxoxoxo

"Doctor Mallard, if you don't get your assistant under control, he's out of here!" Vance fumed.

"Of course, Director. Jimmy has seemed a trifle…manic today. I'm sure it's just youthful hijinks, but I will speak to him." Ducky spoke with more confidence than he felt. He didn't like being called before Vance, even behind Vance's closed doors, but even more than that, Jimmy's behavior did disturb him. "I'm dreadfully sorry that it coincided with the SECNAV's visit."

Vance softened a little. It didn't do to rile Ducky; the man might just decide to retire and then Vance would have to find a replacement. "Well, it was partly my fault for not giving you warning about the visit. I only had a half hour's notice, myself. But please assure me that Palmer isn't like this every day!"

"He is not. This is an aberration."

"Keep an eye on him, Doctor. We can't afford to get a bad image."

"Yes, Director." Sensing that he was being dismissed, Ducky went out…hoping that Jimmy wasn't getting into trouble in his absence.

xoxoxoxoxo

Abby strolled into Autopsy, a vial in her hand. "Hi there, Jimster! Is the Duckman around? I have the results of the sample, and I'm bringing the rest back."

Jhoe (still impersonating Jimmy) looked on at awe at the beautiful woman before him. She wore a very short pleated skirt; a t-shirt adorned with frolicking skeletons, knee-high boots, and earrings adorned with large silver skulls. Such was the woman he'd been looking for all his life! "Hello," he breathed.

"Something wrong, Jimmy? You act like you don't know me."

"I, um…of course I know you! What a silly idea; not knowing you!" Jhoe broke out in peals of laughter, intended to sound hearty.

Instead, they unnerved Abby, because that wasn't a type of laugh she'd ever heard from Jimmy. "Ummm…okay. Anyway, where's Duckster?"

Jhoe crossed the short distance to where she stood. Taking her hands in his, he gazed deeply into her strong green eyes. "Marry me," he said soulfully. "My kingdom shall be yours! You will be my Princess, and one day, when I am King, you shall be Queen, and rule by my side!"

She stared back at him. "Are you crazy, Palmer? You don't have a kingdom! Don't you think I, Abby Sciuto, forensic scientist and puzzle-solver-extraordinaire, would know if you did?"

Ahbby! "Ah…ahahaha…it was a little joke. Say you'll be mine, and I would not stop at a kingdom, my precious Ahbby; I will conquer all of Europe for you, and lay it at your feet. Would you like that, my little enchantress?"

Her eyes were wide. "Palmer, there is weird, and then there is you. Today, you are weird beyond your own standards! Tell Ducky to come see me in my lab when he gets a moment." Breaking her hands away from his, and still grasping the vial, she stormed out.

xoxoxoxoxo

When Ducky returned to Autopsy, "Jimmy", spent with the excitement of the day, was now fast asleep in a chair at the side of the room. Ducky sighed and looked at the two bodies, which were still out. The lad had done a good job with his cutting, Ducky noticed. He was learning. "Mr. Palmer!" Ducky bellowed, startling his assistant into wakefulness. "Clean the implements, put our guests away, and then go home. The last thing I need the Director to see is you sleeping on the job."

"Uh…yes, Doctor. Uh…is there a service, or servants, who do the cleaning? I shall summon them for you."

Ducky's eyes narrowed. "The only servant around here is you, Mr. Palmer. Now get to work!" He went out of the room, muttering.

When Jhoe finished cleaning the implements (the sink being a likely place for that, he thought), he took off the scrubs and put back on the clothes he'd "borrowed" from Jimmy. Then, whistling, he walked back out of NCIS the way he came in, and giving the surprised guards a hefty tip.

xoxoxoxoxo

Once back at the hotel, he smiled on seeing Jimmy and Jhon, still tied up and looking disgruntled. "I had a marvelous time, my good man!" he said to Jimmy. "Simply marvelous! And you get paid to do that? What fun!"

Jimmy grimaced. "And they never suspected you weren't me?"

"No! Why would they?"

Stopping to think, Jimmy honestly couldn't remember a time when his coworkers had been surprised by his behavior. "Forget it."

"It was delightful! Your Director was there with an overbearing man from your Navy—"

"The SECNAV, probably," Jimmy groaned.

"—and a film crew—"

"I'm dead!"

"—and I met a most captivating creature name Ahbby—"

"Abby?"

"—to whom I have proposed marriage. Of course you will attend the wedding."

"I'm really dead now."

Jhoe laughed. "What a delightful sense of humor you have, my friend! Just like me. Just like me! And you will need it. I have to give a speech tomorrow before your Congress. I don't want to do it, so I shan't."

"I'm supposed to give that speech, you rogue!" Jhon shouted.

"Now, now; brother dear. You are full of silly ideas like fair trade and economic cooperation and peaceful coexistence. Those are hardly the sentiments that made Rhumbhertia the world power it is today!"

"Rhumbhertia isn't a world power! It's barely 110 square kilometres in size! And we have been living peacefully with our neighbors for over 300 years!"

"An oversight, which will be tolerated no longer. Our friend Palmer, here, will give the speech I have prepared, while I am having another day of fun cavorting with the recently deceased. The world shall tremble afterwards! And then we will return home…well, I will, dear brother, with the sad news that you drowned in the Potomac River and your body was not recovered. And I will take the throne when dear Papa dies. It will be a new day for Rhumbhertia."

"I have just one question," said Jimmy. "Did you learn about America from watching a lot of old movies?"

"Why…yes!"

"Thought so." Now, how do I get us out of this?

xoxoxoxoxo

Back at NCIS, Ducky was fussing over having to do the work of two. When Gibbs came in for a status report, Ducky nearly chased him out with a scalpel. "Whatever it was, I didn't do it, Duck," Gibbs said mildly, hands raised, and Ducky relented.

"Sorry, Jethro. I am having to do the work of ten, it seems…If you are here to give me yet another case, then find another agency. I am booked up."

"Where's Palmer?"

"I sent him home. He was behaving oddly."

"Even odder than this morning, when he was tossing body parts like pizza dough?"

Ducky ignored that, as he was usually inclined to defend Jimmy. "So I am 'by my lonesome', as you might say. Up to my ears in work."

"Is he gone?" Abby said, coming in. "Palmer? He isn't here? Well, good!" She crossed her arms. "Let me tell you about your assistant, Ducky! Not only was he supposed to give you a message from me—I have your test results—but he was very weird."

"How so?" asked Gibbs.

"He—" Abby clamped her mouth shut. Suddenly it felt wrong to talk about Jimmy behind his back, if it got him into trouble. "Well, he was just weird. He's probably having an off day." With difficulty, she kept from laughing. "Uh, you wanted test results, and here they are!" Handing them over, she ran back out.

xoxoxoxoxo

In her lab, reluctant to go back to work, Abby's mind wandered. What if Jimmy said was true? What would it be like to be a princess, married into a royal family, and living in a fairy tale palace? One with dungeons? That made her heart sing. And a court jester? Jimmy could double as the jester. Wait; Jimmy telling jokes to himself? Well, lots of people laugh at their own jokes, I guess…

She shook her head to clear it. This was all an illusion, a product of a mind gone out of control. Abby had been flattered by many men in her lifetime, but the gentle ones, like Jimmy, like Tim, deserved a little care. Tim had been treated less than kindly by her, she knew now, but she'd never figured out a way to repair that damage. With Jimmy, though, she could make repairs while the wounds were still fresh. Maybe...

xoxoxoxoxo

Vance still had a headache when the SECNAV phoned him in mid-afternoon.

"Vance, we have another chance for a photo op. We'll switch from an Autopsy theme to an international-cooperation one. The crown prince of Rhumbhertia is speaking before Congress tomorrow. Military readiness is one of his themes, so I'll be there. I want you to be there, too."

"Yes, sir," Vance said, while typing RUMBIRDIA on a Google search and coming up blank. Silently he cursed Palmer for getting him stuck with spending a day on Capitol Hill. If Palmer got in his sight in the next 48 hours, he was a dead man.