Part Two of the AkuRoku experience!
Okay, so this may spawn out into a multi-chap future-fic, but okay, I can deal with that. The pairing is just too cute. I love AkuRoku, and I think I always will... plus, they're excellent fan-fic fodder, as I've stated before. I love writing about them - and I'm hoping I'll get Ax's feelings right.
Well, anyway.
Love,
Nana.
Part Two:
I felt like someone took a knife to my chest when you left, Roxas. I know - it sounds lame, right? How could I feel anything? I wasn't capable of emotion. And neither were you - you left almost without a word to anyone; your last words to me were "No one would miss me."
No one did miss you... but me.
I tried to pretend like I didn't even notice you were gone. What bothered me was that I did; we all know what we are. You, Roxas, were the only one who could feel anything, and that was because you couldn't remember your past life. I didn't grieve for Xion when she died, so why did I grieve for you when you weren't even dead? Why did I want you close to me, even when I knew you had better reasons for leaving than any of us? What was it that made me want to grab you and force you back into the Organization?
It didn't make sense.
I remember buying ice cream when you left. I bought it for you all the time - remember? We'd eat it on the roof, watch the sun set, and talk about whatever was interesting at the time. I bragged a lot about Larxene - honestly, I was only sleeping with her because it felt good at the time. Who'd have any emotional connection with that stupid bitch? And besides, it wasn't like you were interested, and I wasn't going to ask you. That would be too weird - you and I were friends. Friends didn't sleep with each other and still remain friends.
I protected our friendship in the same way I tried to protect you.
It's strange; I kept trying to protect you, despite the fact that you were obviously more powerful than me - despite the fact that I couldn't protect you from something that you couldn't defeat. Then, you ran away. I went looking for you. Eventually, I found you in Twilight Town. I tried to get you to come back with me, certain that you would, that everything would be okay again.
You didn't.
Now I know that you didn't remember me; but it felt like a rejection back then. You wouldn't go back with me, even though we both knew you were going to die if you didn't. The Organization had already found you; it was only a matter of time. I wanted to save you from them.
But most of all, I wanted you to come back to me.
I didn't know what this was. I'd never felt such intense emotions in my life, even when I was Lea. How was this possible? Had you inspired this? Did you and Xion change me because of what you were? I didn't know; but I felt like more of a Nobody once you left. I didn't even think about Xion. I couldn't. How weird was that?
Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore. I kidnapped Kairi, trying to lure him back to me... trying to lure you back to me. And sure enough, he chased me until he finally got cornered by a bunch of Nobodies. I thought I could finally take him back to you; I thought I could save you, let you become whole again.
Then, he asked me where she was, instead of asking if we'd met before. I felt myself shatter.
It made sense - he loved Kairi. He'd chased after her for thousands of miles, looking for a way to find her, make her whole again; you found a part of her when you met Namine. So, didn't that mean that you were supposed to fall in love with Namine? Weren't you already in love with Namine? You listened to her instead of going with me; you followed her commands implicitly, right until Sora replaced you. So, once Namine went back to Kairi... I wondered if you'd even want to be near me. I wondered if I would have disgusted you.
I disgusted myself.
I won't deny that his question hurt me. I thought... I knew, by then, that I'd somehow fallen in love with you, despite the fact that I didn't have a heart. You made me feel whole again. I wasn't incomplete when I was with you - we were two parts of the same being, a machine that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. But... when I looked into Sora's eyes, I realized that you wouldn't need me once you returned to him. You only needed me while you were incomplete.
I wanted to stop him, to kill him where he stood; but I knew what it was like to have a heart. I knew I couldn't let die. I knew you needed your heart more than I needed you.
And now, as I stare up at this tumultuous, multi-colored sky, I find myself wishing you could be here to see it with me. I wonder where you are... and if Sora will find you. And I feel like even the dissipating ashes of my body seem to say those four tiny, insignificant words I couldn't bring myself to say while I was alive.
"I love you, Roxas."
And somehow, I don't feel so incomplete anymore.