Protect Me by Nehan Shinzui

A/N: Well, I promised to give you something worth reading this time and I believe that I have. I had to think about this one for awhile(like almost four whole days) because I needed to figure out Cash and what writing style I wanted to use. I've also been really sick over the weekend and I was gonna start this chapter sooner but I felt so weak. I hate colds! I wish it were still summer because I can stand the heat a lot better than I can stand the cold. Lol, you'll never catch me in Chicago if I can't even stand the California standard of cold. Well, without further ado, I present to you Chapter 5! :)

Chapter 5: Love and its Intentions

Cash had in by no means been raised in a happy or stable family. His father had been one of his mother's johns--a man she liked to call "Curly Fuck Joe"--that had ripped her off an ounce of meth that she so desperately needed. The boy could not remember a time when he had been loved by his mother though sometimes, when she was good and high enough she liked to say that she liked him. Cash was not an idiot--he could tell when someone was lying to him and he had lost interest in trying to make his mother feel any different. Tina--known to her many clients as Candy--had once been beautiful and athletic, a popular girl at her school that could wrap anyone she liked around her finger--and often did. She'd had long, thick, shiny black hair that flowed past her shoulders in an elegant body wave and she'd once had gorgeously toned skin and healthy muscles and a body to die for. Or at least that's what Cash was able to piece together from the old decrepit pictures he'd found in the run-down attic when he was a small boy. Alas, the lure of drugs had hit hard after the death of Tina's parents in a fire on the top floors of the building where they worked--they had died slowly and in agony that Tina continuously began to imagine. She'd started using after she was offered heroine at a party once. Cash sighed. You would never be able to recognize her for the person she was then; her once luxorious hair now hid in short gray patches on her head under various brightly colored wigs and weaves. Her once smooth skin was now pockmarked with holes from when she injected herself with drugs. Her once plump, full lips were now dry and cracked, with burns and cuts on them from smoking burning hot pipes. She'd maintained enough of her body that she was good enough for fucking for about two to three hours as long as she was promised a way to get high. Cash wondered if he should be more compassionate to his mother--after all she'd kept him hadn't she? Instead of throwing him away (like so many other crackwhores had literally done) she'd kept him in the house. But, he doubted sometimes rather she really knew he was there. He would remain bitter towards her for the rest of his days; he had not forgotten how he had lost his virginity at the age of eight because a client had been willing to pay extra for him. Cash's life had been full of nothing but anger and hatred since he was a little boy--that is, until the day he'd met a certain green-eyed hero. They'd both been around nine years old and Cash had been brooding over a considerably rough night at his so-called "home", when the Tennyson had come across him and brightened up his day with his enigmatic cheerfulness and good-heartedness. They'd hung out multiple times after that with Cash becoming increasingly more possesive over him. One day, however he'd gone too far and had hit him, causing Ben to break it off with him. Despite this, Cash had, and always would have a burning passion for Ben--a passion that he'd do anything to make Ben aware of.

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Laying on a pallet on the floor Cash contemplated how he was going to exit his house; something that should've been simple turned into something habitually complex. He could go the normal way, which was through the small, filthy, and rusted kitchenette. However, this came at the risk of having to look at his slowly and painfully decaying mother, whose cold and hate-filled eyes he tried to avoid at all times; he did not feel like hearing the bitch begging him for money either. He could go through the living room and take a chance at running in on his mother and a client--honestly, where was the class these days? Or, he could quite simply, go through his windows and risk only the stares of a couple people who lived in his shit-hole neighborhood. Deciding the latter was the easiest choice he stood and walked over to the cracked window-pane. Just when his leg was halfway over the ledge though, Cash's door opened revealing his mother. He gasped a little in shock but this soon turned into a sigh of annoyance as Tina started give him something he called the "weepy gold-digger eyes". He thought he knew what this was about and her words confirmed it.

"Hon, ya think ya ken do'sa work fa' me, yeah?" she asked her words slurred and bleary, her body swaying dangerously. That stupid bitch! She expected him to do anything for her after--Fuck no! He'd told her personally he'd burn in hell before he'd do that again--he'd die before he sold himself to another man or woman! Cash would never, ever, be the bottom man again...if anybody was gonna be the fucker it would be him!

"I told you not to come in my room wasted, Ma! Hell no I can't do any work for you! Ya don't even feed me hardly ever you--"

"Chill the fuck out Cash Money1 (he winced at the nickname) I just wanted ya's ta' sells som'pin fa' me,yeah?"

The teen glared at her. "The fuck ya gonna sell some shit and you smoke it?" he muttered condescendingly.

Tina only stared stupidly at him, gurgling. Then, suddenly, violently, she snapped.

"I SLAVE OVER A HOT STOVE FOR YOU AND WORK DAY AND NIGHT SELLING MY BODY SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR SELFISH HEAD AND YOU CAN'T DO EVEN ONE THING FOR YA MAMA!" She started screaming, wailing and wringing her fists around savagely(yeah, I don't know how to do a crackhead so deal).

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, YOU SHIT! YOU MAKE ME SICK I SHOULD'VE HAD THAT ABORTION, BUT NO, I HAD TO SPIT YOU OUT, AND LOOK! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE! I CAN'T EVEN GIVE YOU AWAY CUZ WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER WANT YOU ANYWAY YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU CAN'T EVEN GET LAID, I HATE YOU,HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU!!! NO ONE'S GONNA LOVE YOU EVER! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I--"

And so she rambled on and on, spittle flying from her mouth. Cash sat stoically for awhile listening to her pathetic and idiotic rant rather calmly, but once she started trying to throw her pans at him he felt that he should leave. The dark-haired man walked rather leisurely down the street contemplating his later appointment with Ben; after all it wasn't like he hadn't heard those words all his life.

BKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBBCBCBCBBCBCBCBCBCBBKBKBKBKBKBKKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBBCCBBCCBBCBCASH?KEV?BEN? GASP!

"Ben, what are those?" Cash pointed to his neck. He was now struggling enormously to control his tone as he looked at the marks that tainted what was his. He and Ben were sitting at the park and it was about around 6:00 p.m. though it looked a lot later because winter was settling in for sure now. Cash had taken him here because every second alone with Ben was precious and the park was almost empty this time of day when he noticed them. The smaller boy flushed.

Trying to make it sound like a throwaway question Cash asked in a tone of forced casualness,

"So who'd ya get 'em from? Those hickies?"

He saw green-eyes lower themselves. Ben seemed awfully nervous and hesitant to explain, something the taller one most definitely did not like. Cash felt his rage grow largely and he sat seething--as with earlier, he thought he knew what this was about.

And as with earlier his suspicions were justified.

"It--it was Kevin." Ben soon got flustered and found himself spilling everything that happened between him and the mutant. He felt, for some reason, apologetic and he felt strangely guilty. Ben got up to the part where he and Kevin were on the couch before Cash cut him off.

"So you fucked." It was a statement, not a question and it was said in a very icy tone.

"Wha--? No! I told him to stop I--"

"Liar." Cash spat his anger boiling over, his limbs shaking. "You're a liar, Tennyson!" he snarled. He spang up and marched shakily over to a tree his entire being trembling in apoplectic rage.

Fucking bitch gave his motherfucking virginity away to motherfucking Kevin fucking Levin, where in the fucking fuck does he get off?!!

This wasn't supposed to be happening! It was never supposed to happen this way! Cash was supposed to capture Ben's heart and his virginity and then break him completely--not...this! Ben was supposed to fall hard for him, so hard that he'd do anything for him and all the stupid bitch had thought of him as was a friend!

"No one's ever gonna love you!"

No.

It was not like his mother said! Someone was going to love him whether they liked it or not! But..he didn't care anyway because he didn't care about what his mother thought anyway because she was a stupid crackwhore, and she was wrong, wrong,wrong! Ma was always, always wrong and even if she wasn't and nobody did like him he didn't care! Because he and Ben were going to make love tonight, just like Kevin Levin hadn't gotten to his virginity first, because he didn't care about fucking Kevin either! Yes,yes that's how it was all gonna be. Turning around, reassured he felt a pleasant bliss wash over him as a smile spread across his face. He gave a jovial laugh, showing Ben he had been kidding, after he saw the nervous look shoot across the Tennyson's face.

"God, Tennyson, you scare easily." he said, still laughing because tonight was going to be an amazing night. It was going to be fucking spectacular.

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In the space between Ben's time in Cash's car and getting to the seclusion of the lake, Ben got two calls that may have been a great deal of help to him(or at least a form of a heads-up)had he picked up the phone. His voicemail picked up each time.

"Hey, Ben it's Julie. Just called to check up on you, see how you're doing. Um, I heard you were hanging with Cash and...um i-d-k but I don't really like him that much. It's you're business and all I guess but that's just what Willi just told me when I asked where she thought you were cuz I was tryna catch up with you and she knows Gwen from her extra Honors class at her school and she said---"

BEEP.

"Where are you, Tennyson?! Gwen fucking keeps bitching at me and I think she thinks I kidnapped you are something, it's really fucking irritating. You'd better hurry the fuck up and do whatever the hell you're doing cuz I can't take much more of this shit and if I find out you've been hanging with that asshole again I swear to Christ I'm gonna--"

Funny, how such different people could feel so similarily in accordance to one person.

Funny, how warnings often fall on deaf ears.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHTWISSSHAHATETEDLEMONSSSSSSSSSHAHAHAHAHA

The lake was beautiful, this time of night. Fireflies danced and the moonlight spread across the lake making it glitter. Ben didn't really get why they were here, but he wasn't really complaining; after all, he had nothing better to do. It was actually kind of nice out here at night, sort of...romantic. This, oddly enough made him think of Kevin. Kevin...and to think he'd gone from being an insane sociopath to...well, whatever he was to him now. As he sat on the grass he felt a pair of hands grab his shoulder and jumped slightly, then, understanding that it was Cash calmed down. Leaning into his ear, the dark-boy whispered,

"So you and Levin fucked, yeah?" his voice coarse but detached.

Ben sighed in exasperation. "No, I told you that. We almost did but I stopped him because..." he hesitated. Why had he stopped him? Ben winced as he felt Cash's grip tighten on his shoulders. The taller boy felt a cold rage fill him once more.

"You don't have to lie to me, Benji. I don't care."

"What the fuck, I'm not lying I'm still a virgin!"

Cash leaned in closer, his body pressing against Ben's back, taunting him with his erection. The former began to plant small little kisses on his neck.

"It's actually really good, Benny. Now you can compare and see who's the better fucker." He licked his earlobe, gently.

Tennyson froze for a second, and then, realizing what he was feeling against his back, flung his head backwards connecting with Cash's chin instead of his nose which he didn't mind all that much because it got the coal-haired boy to relinquish his grip long ennough that Ben ws able to jerk forward and then stand up, nearly stumbling as he rushed to step back from him.

"What the fuck, man?! The hell is wrong with you?!"

"I love you."

Ben felt his senses go numb as he heard this shocking confession. He felt oddly dazed.

"You--you what?"

"I said I love you, I've always loved you and I want to make love to you tonight."

Ben stared at him for about five seconds. Then he punched Cash in the face.

And then many things happened at once. The chestnut-haired boy was aware of a certain tilting of his body as he was thrown backwards closer to the lake; he felt a splash as he landed in the water; there was a strange grunting noise from the boy that was now above him; there was a small scuffle and then,

Ben gasped instinctively as he discovered that he was now facing down in the area of the lake that was shallow enough that he it would only come up to his knees normally, but was deep enough that if his face was pressed down into he would drown.

Cash's voice was manic, twisted, but tinted with an obviously pleasureable excitement as he began roughly beating Ben's back with his fist, pushing his face harder into the water.

"You're gonna love me tonight!" he shouted spittle flying from his mouth. He started to fumble with his pants, which was a little difficult because one hand was clutching Ben's neck holding his head under the water. When Ben's struggles began to get weaker and more feeble, Cash pulled him out and layed him on his back. The brunette saw stars; everything was a strange blur and he felt about ready to throw up. He was barely aware of what was happening to him. Tennyson was aware of a tugging sensation at his pants and then---

Once, in a health class taken in some other forgotten time, he had learned about the more sensitive parts of the body and what damage could be done when they were roughly used; woeds like rip and tear at the time had seemed to him to be metaphorically used, throwaway words2.

But now he got to feel what it was like. Now, he understood how accurate those words were.

Cash had lifted Ben's legs up over his shoulders and as he thrust inside him without preperation or warning, the latter almost screamed, his back being pressed roughly into the sandy waters. Never had he felt this sort of pain in all his life. It felt like he were being fucked with a rusty pipe and the lack of air he'd sustained from being half-drowned did not help things.

Cash bent over him, and caressing his face gently, almost lovingly as he whispered.

"I love you so much, Ben."

. Thrust.

As Cash continued to plunge in and out of Ben's tight depths, the brunette moaning in pain he started to wonder whether he had led Cash on; after all he must have hadn't he? Something had to have set the darker man off, and hadn't he always defended him whenever his friends tried to warn him? Hadn't he trusted him again?

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust,. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.

Faster and faster and deeper and deeper, Cash went brutally battering the boy beneath him as they both grunted or yelled in pleasure or pain, respectively.

" I love you so much, Ben." Cash reiterated.

Did he start to trust Cash again because he loved him? No...that couldn't be it because---

"Do--(thrust)--do you--(thrust thrust thrust thrust thrust)--l-love me too?"

Thrust. Thrust.

The pain was unbearable. Ben just wanted it to go away. He wanted it to stop.

"I just want to hear someone say it."

Do I really love him...or...no..of course not. I can't.

"Ben...please say you love me..."

There was something odd in Cash's voice this time--was it pain, regret?

"Please...tell me.."

It almost sounded...like he wanted to cry.

"I--"

Just say it--

"I-I l--love-"

Make the pain go away.

Cash thrust in harder than he'd had before causing Ben to scream loudly into the night air.

How stupid, stupid, stupid he had been! What kind of a moron let something like this happen to him? What kind of a man didn't realize when he was leading another man on? He deserved this in a way. This was the tennyson's punishment for his own stupidity. He should've listened to Gwen and Kevin and...Kevin! And he understood at last. Ben hadn't got warm in the face because of the heat that day; he hadn't wanted to hang out with Kevin so much, hadn't defended him, hadn't trusted him the moment he claimed he was reformed because they were friends. He hadn't let Kevin punch him because...how stupid he had been! Ben should've realized that morning when he had given Kevin that kiss that...

I love Kevin.

"I love you, Cash."

Ben finally fell unconcious as Cash climaxed deep inside him.

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His mother had been wrong! She was wrong, wrong, wrong! Someone did love him and they had made love near a lake under the stars and it had been so romantic and everything he had only ever dreamed of! All with the person he loved most in the world. It had been wonderful. Just like Cash had hoped it would be! Of course, when they had first begun doing it he had realized almost instantly that Ben hadn't been lying after all! He was a virgin and that must mean...Ben must've been saving himself for him this entire time and that was something that Kevin Levin hadn't beaten him to! Ha! Take that Levin!

Ben told me that he loved me and not you!

Ben was the first person that had ever told him that.

A/N: 1. I freaking had to. Sorry about that.

2.I can't write rape scenes that well. Sue me.

Gah! I thought it was gonna be good at first but after re-reading it I think it kinda sucks ass. I had to rush at the end and I've had some unpleasant things to think about (i.e. my mom's ugly stupid, dirty, asshole bald boyfriend) and I've been having to sneak around and update whenever I have to type up homework. It's kinda late to do my homework but...anything for reviews! Tell me whatya think beloveds!

Nehan Shinzui