A/N: Once again, I even offend myself by writing this, and I hope you find this funny. I imagine Felix to be an Emmett-esc type of guy, if that helps at all.

"Darn it Felix! I have had it for the last time!" Caius shouted.

"Um, old dude, you've had it for the last time for the last twenty-nine times." Felix stated calmly, and then walked off. Chelsea, Demetri, and Alec were all watching while many other members of the guard were pretending not to watch. Felix had spray-painted Caius's throne pink with little butterflies, while singing the Barbie song and trying to knock Caius unconscious. Aro walked up to the three that were plainly watching.

"I would like you three to write a list of things that Felix isn't allowed to do. And please, try to see the future like Alice so I won't have to keep trying to get her into the Volturi, ok?" He asked. They all nodded. "O' happy day! This is so amazing that you will do it! I'm so happy! Oh, amazing, this door has hinges! Incredible, this carpet is blue! Oh my, this is so intriguing, there's a bowl of oatmeal right there!" Aro continued his happy talk all the way down the hall.

"Well, guys, let's get started." Chelsea said. They went and got some paper and a pen from Gianna, and passed Felix carving profanities into the wall as Caius ran after him. "That's our first one then." And so they started on their list.

Carve (insert profanity and/or rhyming cuss word here) into a wall.

Hog the Wii

Chase after fat tourists when it's feeding time

Drink a cup of who-knows-what and spit it out when Caius starts talking

Hack the Pentagon

Encourage terrorist groups founded by a Saudi Arabian guy

Dye Caius's hair lime green

Replace all chairs with toilets

As you're driving by and see a couple of guys walking down the street roll down the window and yell out: "Hey lovebirds!"

Rip band-aids off of small children really fast as you're walking by

Go riding down staircases on a mattress and two ducks

Dye Caius's hair hot pink with orange spots

Prank call Best Buy

Dress like a gangster

Give heavy metal bands gigs in the castle

Burn Heidi's clothes

Wear fake side-burns

Staple Marcus's face into a smile

Paint Caius's throne bright pink with butterflies

Remove all paint remover from the castle

Go eco-friendly hippie (a.k.a "green".)

Rob McDonalds

Squirt everyone you see with Capri Sun

Say: "Oh man this blood is good!" really loud in public

Throw taco's at random people

Continually check yourself in and break out of a mental asylum

Become the rocking horse and hair brush burglar

Get some really big speakers, turn the volume up on full, and yell (insert profanities and/or rhyming cuss words here)

Replace all the blood with ketchup

Start a scrapbook on all the things you've done

Spray-paint the castle hot pink

Put graffiti all over Caius's bedroom

Sneak the wives out of the tower continuously

Ignore this list

"I think this is good enough for now." Alec finished off the list. The group then put up copies of it everywhere in the castle and in huge words on Felix's bedroom wall.

"Ah, excellent. I see you have finished your task." Aro said. "But don't you think the list could be a bit longer though?"

"Yeah, we're going to work on that later." Demetri said.

"Well that's just wonderful! The absolute highlight of my day! Oh my, a chipmunk! Isn't that just fabulous?" Aro started walking off again. The trio shrugged at each other and proceeded to find out that Felix had put up posters of them with big glasses, mustaches, pink clothes, and curly hair. Oh yeah, and terrible acne.

"I knew something like this was going to happen. We might as well start on the next list guys." Demetri looked around. Guys? Guys? Girl and guy? Girl and guy who has not hit puberty yet? Dang it." He stalked off. Felix then snuck through the hallway and scribbled all over the lists of things for him not to do, and then started throwing taco's at random people.

THE END (or not)

A/N: Funny? Like it? Review! I hate people who read stories and don't bother to review when the author is begging them to. Of course, that makes me a hypocrite. Seriously, review!