Aphrodisiac

by Porphyria's Lover

After the war, Harry lands in a world where he is a criminal imprisoned in Azkaban for murder of hundreds. His parents and Sirius are alive, he's a feared Death Eater, and Draco Malfoy is the only one who can help him through this strange new world.

2. Who Do You Think You Are?

Aphrodisiac

By: Porphyria's Lover

Written for azzie adams.

Chapter Two: Tearing Love Apart

Lily Potter sat her cup of tea down on the kitchen table as she heard the miniature stampede coming down the stairs. She waved her wand and three plates full of heated pancakes came to settle on the table in front of the other chairs. Three glasses filled themselves full of milk and silverware placed themselves around the plates as two children and a full-grown man came running into the room, laughing.

She smiled as they all fell into their seats, all out of the breath for one reason or another. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed one vacant chair, but she pushed it out of her mind.

"What on earth have you all been doing?" She asked as the two younger ones started on their pancakes.

The young boy with messy black hair and hazel eyes had a syrupy grin. "Just playing Alice in Wonderland in the attic."

"Is that so?" Lily asked, glancing at James, who shrugged.

"They love that gag."

"Ty was being mean though. He always gets to be the Hatter, and I'm always Alice."

"Why wouldn't Julie be Alice? She's the girl."

"Don't argue, just eat. We have to pick up your stuff at Diagon today, and I want to get there before the crowd settles in," Lily said as she buttered Ty's hotcakes for him before banishing her own dishes into the sink.

"Can I get a broom today? I'm a third year now, and everyone else in my year has one," Ty whined.

"That's not entirely true," James said, laughing at his son's antics. "But of course you should have a broom! If you want to try out for the Quidditch team this year!" He said excitedly.

Lily extinguished his excitement quickly though. "How about we get your studies under control first and then we can think about you trying out for sports. Your charms and potions could use some work and I don't want another letter about you being uncooperative during Professor Snape's class."

James coughed. "C'mon, Lil. You know he's just being a ponce."

"You let Harry do Quidditch when he was a first year…" Ty grumbled, pushing his food around. "Why could he and I can't?"

Lily knew this was coming, but she couldn't help the sad sigh that escaped her lips. James put a hand on hers in comfort, but she pulled herself together.

"Harry didn't have your problems with charms."

Ty made a dissatisfied noise, but went back to eating before he ran back upstairs to get ready for their trip. Lily looked at Julie, who was staring at the empty seat next to her, where her oldest brother used to sit.

"Julie? Are you done with your breakfast?" Lily asked gently, nudging the plate toward the 11-year-old redhead.

Julie looked at her, green eyes sparkling. "Yes. I'm going to change." She ran up the stairs after her brother.

Lily collected the plates and put them in the sink.

James glanced at her, before getting himself up and straightening his robes. "Well, I'd better be off. Work's going to be a madhouse to, what with the fucking field day the Death Eaters have had these past few days."

Lily nodded, shaking her head. "They've been more reckless since the fiasco at Azkaban. Do you think anyone escaped? Is that why they're getting more excited?"

James shook his head. "They haven't said anything. I expect I'll find out today, but as far as I know, nothing big has happened. It was probably just a riot or something. No one's ever escaped Azkaban. It'll be fine. I'm sure they've got it under control."

Lily licked her lips, looking at her husband. "You'd tell me if something had happened, right?"

James looked regretfully at his wife. "I wouldn't hide something like that from you. If anyone deserves to know, it would be us."

He watched as she sighed and waved her wand, and the dishes started to wash themselves and fly back into the cupboards. "Anyway, we shouldn't talk about it in front of the kids."

"Ty says they treat him differently at school. Like they're afraid of him. The Slytherins don't bully him like they do the others."

"I think that's a bit of a blessing, don't you?"

"James…"

"I know, I know." James wanted nothing more than for their lives to be uncomplicated, but it was hard when their oldest son was the most feared Death Eater in history, aside from Voldemort himself. Even after two years since Harry was captured, people were still terrified of him. It showed in the way that they treated his family. Parents were afraid that if their children bullied Ty or Julie that somehow Harry could hurt them even from Azkaban. It didn't matter that they were estranged, and that Harry hadn't made contact or even showed any concern for them since he became a Death Eater. They feared him, and so they feared his family.

"Just try to keep their minds off it. Last thing we need is more questions about what Harry's done. Anymore details and they'll start being afraid of him," James said, pulling his cloak over his shoulders.

He kissed Lily's cheek and called goodbye up the stairs before he flooed away. All the time he was thinking, 'Perhaps they should fear him.'

No I can't take one more step towards you, because all that's waiting is regret…

Harry's stomach started growling hours before he caught sight of London. It wasn't appetizing, but he started on the scraps that he found in the muggle dumpster behind a Greek restaurant. He ate his fill of pita bread before he had a look around.

He didn't recognize that part of London, at least not without some help. He flew around to get a better feel for his surroundings.

After making a remarkable escape from Azkaban, he knew that it would indeed be safer to stay in his animagus form. He began to wish that he had made his animagus form an owl since it would have been much easier to be inconspicuous in the wizarding world as an owl, but then again, he had never thought he would need to be hiding from anyone other than audacious fans and the current Minister of Magic.

It was pure luck when he found the London tunnel, which he knew was close to the Leaky Cauldron. He wasn't aiming for Diagon Alley, however. For the first time in his life, he felt that he would actually be safer in Knockturn.

He reached the back yard of the Leaky Cauldron, landing on a barrel that was apparently full of Firewhisky because of the smell that inflamed Harry's nostrils. He hopped up and down a few times, getting used to having claws for feet. It was the longest he had been forced to stay in this form, and to be honest it was a little limiting in the walking department. Not to mention how much more fragile bird bones were and he couldn't do his haphazard running around as he could do when he was human.

He decided then and there that the first thing he needed to do when he was back to his old self was to get a cloak. Preferably an invisible one, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. The second thing was to find out exactly what had happened to him that put him in a world where he was the one everyone needed to be protected from. He had wished he wouldn't have to be a hero but that definitely didn't translate to he wanted to be the enemy.

The third thing—which he was still contemplating—was to find out more about his life here, in this place. He would have to pick up a paper and figure out what exactly was going on. He was a Death Eater. Who were his friends? Did that mean that his parents weren't actually good parents? Did they do something to him that would make him turn into a monster? That would be just his luck. He gets his parents but, dash it all, they were horrible and treated him worse that the Dursleys did.

And what about Sirius and Remus? Were they around? Was Sirius ever put in Azkaban and had Remus become a recluse?

Harry was still thinking when the back door of the Leaky Cauldron opened, and a wizard strode into the alley. He looked around first, spotting Harry the raven, but passing him off as just searching for scraps. He tapped the five bricks and stood back to watch as they separated.

Harry took that opportunity and flew into Diagon Alley, and felt an enormous amount of relief that it was exactly as it was in his world. The streets teeming with students getting ready for school. He guessed it must be late August from the amount of children and parents following them around with bags and cauldrons and books. He swooped low and landed on the sign for Flourish and Blotts. He observed the groups of students looking with awe at all the new things. Across the street was the Quidditch store and Harry thought fondly about all the years that he had spent in that store, buying all the newest and greatest equipment. Unfortunately, that brought back memories of Sirius.

Harry was desperate to find out more about his family in this place. One part of his wish had been granted, and he was going to take advantage of that.

He noticed that no one seemed to be worried that there was a Death Eater on the loose. Harry wondered if he really was that bad of a Death Eater that his escape didn't cause some kind of mad frenzy. Or perhaps they didn't know, and the Ministry was just as corrupt here as they were in his world. Sadly, that was also comforting that some things would never change. People were just as stupid here as they were in Harry's world.

Harry was just about to call it off when he noticed a familiar group of redheads making their way through the crowds. His heart leaped when he saw the face of Ron Weasley shoving his way close to the Quidditch window to fawn over the new broom. He was in Hogwarts robes, Gryffindor. He must have still been in school then. Harry had just recently turned nineteen before he left, and Ron looked like he was still seventeen. Harry wondered if his current self was also the same age, or in this time he was older than Ron.

Fred and George soon joined Ron at the window, and Harry was happy to see that in this time Fred was still alive.

Before Harry could get too wrapped up in his thoughts though, a scowl crossed Ron's face as he caught the reflection of someone in the window. Harry saw the streak of blond hair as Ron turned to glare at the boy behind him.

Draco Malfoy looked almost the same as he had in Harry's world, except he was a bit taller. He was on the same level as Ron, and they stared each other down in the middle of the alley.

Harry couldn't help himself. He flew down low right over the Quidditch shop to listen to the conversation being had.

"Fawning over the things you'll never have, Ronald?" Malfoy's voice was the same sneer it had always been.

"I'll have you know I have plenty of money this year, what with all the Death Eaters the ministry is catching these days. Better warn your father, because you know he's next."

Draco looked furious, but apparently he had thought of something that made up for the remark. "Oh, don't worry about us, Weasley. We're more than fine. In fact, I'd be watching the Prophet very closely over the next few days. The Auror Department is about to be taken down a few pegs. Keep that in mind when your father starts working overtime, won't you?"

Draco winked at the fuming Weasley as he turned and swept down the alley. Harry briefly admired the graceful way he sauntered down the street before he realized what he was doing and shook himself, ruffling his feathers. He looked down at Ron, wondering what Draco could have been going on about.

"What does he know? All he's doing is trying to make it seem like the Ministry doesn't have his family on the run," Fred said, blowing Malfoy's comments off.

"What do you think he means when he says to be watching the Prophet?" George asked, looking at his brothers.

"Watching the Prophet to see Lucius Malfoy taken away to Azkaban with the rest of You-Know-Who's helpers," Ginny Weasley said, coming closer after she heard the last of the conversation.

A dark look crossed Ron's face, and the twin's shared a look before laying a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing you could do about it, mate."

Ron brushed them off. "Got it. I'm going to get some ice cream. You coming?" He called over his shoulder as he made his way through the crowd.

Harry wanted to follow him, but figured that it wasn't the best time to be stalking his friend especially as a graceless bird. It was at that point that he really needed more information about the current events.

While no one was looking, he hoped, he trapped an issue of the Daily Prophet in his beak and flew off to the roofs of the stores.

Harry stretched his toes as he turned back into himself. It was nice having skin as opposed to feathers. He was beginning to catch himself straightening his features when he wasn't paying attention.

He cracked his back and then turned to the paper. On the front there was a picture of a burning house under the headline, 'Death Eaters attack with more zeal than ever.' Other parts of the story flashed in his head.

'23 Dead...'

'...Aftermath leaves Aurors shaken...'

'Death Eaters becoming restless...'

'…Dark Lord calling for more attacks…'

'Ministry helpless…'

'…trouble in Azkaban…'

Harry caught the last reference and turned the page, seeing a short article on Azkaban. There was no definite information, only rumors that something that happened at the prison a few nights ago, the night that Harry escaped.

Well, Harry thought. At least I still have a knack for calling attention to myself.

There was a list of prisoners that were in the highest security cells, along with implications of what would happen if any of them were to escape, which had never happened before.

The first name on the list was his own.

Harry Potter. Imprisoned August 25th, 1996. Death Eater, Inner Circle. Highest security prisoner, guilty of over 200 deaths of muggles and wizards, misuse of dark arts, torture of hundreds, and assisting in the deaths of many others, including the killings of three Hogwarts students in 1994.

Harry ran a hand through his already unruly hair. Over 200 murders on his hands? Torture, raids, Hogwarts? Who had he killed in Hogwarts? He ran a mental list of people he had thought about killing before, but he had never thought he could actually do it. His only thought was that it wasn't any of his friends. He knew how horrible he sounded, but if he had caused the deaths of Hermione, Seamus, Dean, Neville, or any of his teachers, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

Then he remembered. It wasn't him. It was… that other him. The one that could kill hundreds of people and torture others and be friends with Voldemort and the Malfoys and get thrown in Azkaban and feel no remorse. That wasn't him. It couldn't be. This was some mentally messed up Harry that had no conscience.

Harry checked the date on the paper. August 27th.

He had broken out exactly two years after he had been imprisoned.

Oh, what a coincidence.

Harry barely registered the flapping of wings coming toward him, but when he looked up, his heart stopped.

"Hedwig?"

The snowy owl cocked her head to the side, as if wondering if it was actually Harry standing in front of her. In her mouth, was a slip of paper. The owl dropped it, and hopped closer to Harry, looking him over before squawking at him as though angry at him.

Harry reached a hand out, but retracted it as she bit it, causing him to bleed. "Oh, don't be like that. I've had a hell of a few days, you know." Harry scowled, putting his finger into his mouth.

Hedwig ruffled her feathers, and Harry rolled his eyes. "OK, I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. The entire world hates me right now, it's only fitting for you to do the same."

But Hedwig chirped again, and seemed to calm herself. She flew onto his shoulder, pecking him in the head a few times before settling herself there. Apparently, it didn't take her long to forgive him. Harry patted her head and stroked her feathers before he picked up the paper that she had delivered to him.

He felt his stomach drop.

Harry—

I have received news of your escape. Allow me to commend you for being the first wizard to do so. You deserve the fear that you instill in the world.

Having said that, I'm surprised you haven't tried to contact me. But you may be in hiding, I'm sure. Our mutual friend has informed me that you have the entire world searching for you, so it would be best for you to lay low until they calm down.

I welcome you back into my service, my son. Reply at your earliest convenience with Hedwig. She's been inconsolable without you. As have I.

Be well.

V.

You lost the love I loved the most…

James appeared in the Ministry to see complete chaos. People were running every which way with frazzled looks in their eyes and he knew instantly that something was terribly wrong.

The second he stepped out of the fire though, all eyes turned to him. They all pinned him with stares containing terror, nervousness, concern, sadness, and sometimes even anger.

He strode slowly through the hall, trying to ignore the looks he was receiving. He went straight to his office and closed the door, taking a deep breath, wondering what in the world was going on.

As soon as he caught his breath, there was a thundering knock on the door. He ran a hand through his hair, and turned to open the door.

He let out a breath as he saw his two best friends standing at the threshold, but then glared when he saw the anxious looks on their faces.

"Not you too."

Sirius Black sighed in relief as he saw his friend in perfect condition. "Oh, James. Sorry, I just thought… I was thinking…"

Remus Lupin interrupted him with a much more calm voice. "What he's trying to say is that we were worried for you and Lily. Why are you so late?"

James rolled his eyes. "Don't get on me about that. Lily's taking the kids to Diagon today for their school stuff and I wanted to be there to see them off. Apparently, I picked a bad day to spend time with them though, since the last few days have been so hectic."

Sirius grimaced. "Yeah. It's been rough. And it's about to get worse."

James crowed, laughing bitterly. "Go ahead, make my day."

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. "You better come with us. Kingsley's called a meeting, and you know that can't be good."

"Dismal, actually, but I figured that I should have a talk with you three before that."

The three men turned to see Kingsley Shackelbolt standing in doorway with a grim look on his face. Until he looked at James, and then the look became regretful. "I take you haven't heard any of the rumors floating around…?"

"WHAT! There's gossip and I don't know about it!" Sirius cried, horrified at the thought. "Say it ain't so!" He leaned in close to Kingsley and ask in a low voice. "This isn't about Beatrice is it? Because I swear on my mother's grave, that baby isn't mine!"

"Calm down, Black. It has nothing to do with your bed-hopping, though for your sake I would cut it out or you're likely to land in a bed with a Death Eater, and then there'll be some tears."

Sirius shut up after that, gaining glares from his friends, particularly Remus.

"No, I'm afraid this is very bad news. Worse than Black's potential alimony law suits."

"Azkaban, right?" James asked, and Kingsley nodded. "Finally figure out what the hell happened? The Minister's been keeping it under wraps. You'd think he'd at least let the Auror Department know."

"Well, this is a very heavy blow, and I would advice you three in particular to keep alert since it directly affects you, and the rest of your family, James." Kingsley gave James a meaningful look, and all the color drained out of his face as he realized what he was implying.

"Harry?" He croaked. Even after so long, it was still hard to say his oldest boy's name. All he could see when he said it was a little twelve-year-old boy begging for a broom since he'd made the Quidditch team his first year. Asking his father for tips on being a Seeker. Helping his mother cook, and wrestling with Ty and reading Julie to sleep at night after she'd had a nightmare.

"He's escaped. Wednesday night. They have no idea how, either. He fooled some guards into his cell when he wouldn't respond to their calls and they came to check if he was even still in there and he slipped out and shut the door behind them."

James fell into his chair, leaning his head back. He felt his body turn cold and thought for a moment that he would pass out.

Sirius and Remus were shocked themselves. Harry had been Sirius' godson, and his favorite playmate since he was a baby. Remus loved him as a son as well, and they both had felt immense betrayal when they'd learned Harry had gone dark. He had only been fourteen at the time.

"He hasn't made contact with anyone but our insiders say that You-Know-Who knows he's escaped. Harry hasn't contacted him though, as far as the inner circle knows. He's been labeled on the run. That's what the riot in Azkaban was about," Kingsley sighed. "Death Eaters think he will be their salvation. That if he can break out, then he will break back in and set them all free. We hope that's not his intent, but they have upped security since that night. James…"

James looked straight at the head of the department, already knowing what he was going to say.

"If they catch Harry again, there's nothing we can do to stop the Minister from ordering the kiss. He was being lenient before. People who have done not even half of what Harry has have gotten way worse than him."

James nodded, swallowing thickly. His boy. The exact likeness of him. More so than even Ty, was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it. And though he knew it was the worst to think such things, he prayed with all of his might that Harry would remain lost. He prayed that he would stay hidden, and perhaps they would never catch him. Despite what he had done, Harry was his son, and he could never think the worst of him. The Dark Lord had done something to him, and James wouldn't rest until he paid for what he did to Harry.

Kingsley nodded, signaling his departure. "You needn't come to the meeting. I'll leave you to it. If you need to take a day off, I'll understand. Until he turns up, there's really nothing to do but wait. I'll let you know if anything comes up."

After he left, Sirius pulled up a seat next to James, placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

"What am I going to tell Lily?"

Remus sighed. "What can you tell her? Only the truth."

"I thought this was over," James cried, feeling the tears start to fall down his face. "I put him out of my mind for so long, and now it's impossible to ignore."

Sirius licked his lips, breathing steadily. For a moment, he was irrationally angry at Harry. Did he even care how much pain he was putting his family through? Was it too much to ask that he just disappear from the face of the earth so that he couldn't hurt them anymore? But deep down, Sirius was in pain as well. He felt as though he had failed Harry. If he had paid more attention to him, would he have defected? Would he have felt the need to seek the Dark Lord's attention? Would he be the angry and bitter child that he had become?

"This is no one's fault but Voldemort's."

James and Sirius looked at Remus, whose jaw was set and determined. "No one but Voldemort is responsible for what happened to him. There was nothing we could have done. We know as well as anyone how seductive the dark arts can be. How desirable power is. Harry was an impressionable 14-year-old boy. It could have been anyone."

"Yeah, but why him? Why is my son the one he singled out? For once, why was it my family?" James yelled, bitter at the whole situation.

Remus gulped. He couldn't find an answer for his best friend. And just when he thought that he had gotten a grip on himself, he felt tears fall down his own face.

"My Harry…" James sighed, not even bothering to wipe away the tears. "Why… Harry?"

Who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars

Collecting a Jar of Hearts. Tearing Love Apart.

AN: So, thank you for all the reviews. I appreciate your support. I'll try to update as quickly as possible, and keep my grammar in check. If you see any blatant contradictions, please let me know. I'll try to keep the plotholes to a minimum. Once again, thank you!

*PL