I do not own the vampire jokes.
I do not own Twilight.
So, yes, I don't own anything.
For the next three days I was not very happy. The birthday 'fun' had started to begin. I had been told that I couldn't sleep in my room, and I had to share with my mother and father. I don't mean to be ungrateful or anything but I swear I heard them… you know. Anyway, getting rid of that life-scarring image Alice had insisted that I did not come to the big house to eat dinner or anything, just because of the stupid decorations she had insisted on putting up. Dad and mum had tried to stop her but let's face it, Alice can walk over anyone.
"Happy birthday!" I heard my mother shout on the eighth of September, my birthday.
"I want to sleep…" I mumbled, pulling the patterned duvet over my head, forgetting to be happy and excited like a normal child.
"Come on sweetheart, Alice is going to slit your throat if you don't show up at the big house in twenty minutes." I groaned, trying to retrieve my slumber.
"No…" I said, squeezing my eyes shut and putting my hands over my ears, though we all knew that wouldn't help.
"Darling, I've left your pink towel on your chair, so that you can have a shower." I glanced up at my mum, and knew that a person like her would suck it up and pretend she was having the time of her life for her sister. I groaned again, knowing that Alice would not give in; she would literally come and drag me from my bed. Argh.
I rolled out of bed, trailing my towel to the bathroom and having a long, hot shower. The heat felt good against my skin, it was so cold in England in the autumn. Autumn, not even winter! And I could swear that it was already minus degrees.
When I finally tore myself from the shower I went and got dressed, knowing it wouldn't matter what I wore because Alice would give me clothes for a present anyway. I settled on an Abercrombie denim skirt, thick grey woollen tights with a navy blue Jack Wills polo shirt, as well as a favourite Abercrombie hoodie. Smelling food, I slid down the oak banister gracefully and headed for the kitchen, and seeking out the traditional English breakfast that Dad was making.
"I think everyone is taking this 'English' thing a bit too seriously." I commented, noticing the golden yellow eggs being fried in the saucepan. Dad turned around, and grinned.
"We're in England!" He replied, pouring me a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, as well as sliding a cup of tea onto the table. I picked it up, letting it warm my ice-cold hands slowly. I murmured something unintelligible, but began to eat my breakfast anyway. It wasn't long before I was dragged outside, but I got to run at full speed, having a race with Dad, on the way to the big house. I'm not usually aloud to race because he thought that I might get upset when he won. Hilariously, and ironically, I won! It was brilliant! My birthday, I have to admit, was getting off to a good start. Of course, that all changed as we headed up the marble steps into the big house. Glancing around me I couldn't help but let my eye be drawn to the huge balloons tied to trees, reading 'HAPPY BRITHDAY NESSIE!', not to mention the traditional birthday tune being blasted out by a music player. I took a deep breath, and let myself in.
No one was there. I looked around me, but there was not a soul in sight. The lounge was decorated spectacularly, though, but no one was shouting 'happy birthday' or chuckling or hugging me. That was not what I was most surprised at, I had seen enough cheesy movies, where everyone yells 'surprise' and jumps out from behind a sofa to know that's what they were going to do. No, what I was most surprised to see was that there were no presents. I frowned, confused, and my Dad patted me on the arm.
"Brace yourself." He whispered, his voice hushed and very quiet. I looked up at him, and when I looked back everyone was standing in a cluster.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Emmett yelled, pulling me into one of his famous bear hugs.
"Emmett, you were meant to wait for your cue." Rosalie whispered, her voice rather threatening.
"I don't mind!" I shouted, pulling my family into a giant group hug. But, soon enough Alice had to put order in and her foot down.
"Presents!" She shrieked.
"But…" I trailed off, sensing that Alice hadn't had enough space for presents in the lounge. She held onto my hand and led me out into the garden, where, waiting for me, were a mountain load of presents.
"Oh my God…"
"Open my first! Open mine first!" Emmett yelped, hitting me on the side of the arm in order to get attention. I turned around to see that he was only holding one present, and it wasn't that large. Though, still larger than what I'd have liked.
"'kay." I muttered, aware that everyone was gathering around me, and sitting on the floor like they do at children's parties. I sat down also, before tearing off the flowery patterned wrapping paper. Boxing gloves! Ah, they may come in handy in the future; it wasn't my fault that Jacob immediately came to my mind.
"Thanks!" I shouted, catapulting myself at my uncle, who caught me neatly.
"Well, I thought, since you're only half vampire you're not as strong as the rest of us!" I elbowed him in the stomach, but he only laughed his booming laugh.
"Nessie! Nessie, here!" Carlisle handed me a rectangular shaped present. I laughed – I had a feeling it may have been a book. Sure enough, as I ripped off the pink paper a book called 'Vampire Jokes' fell out. I looked at the cover, a tiny bit puzzled about why he thought it was appropriate.
"Er... Thanks." I said. Granddad laughed.
"Read them I found some rather amusing." I nodded, and opened the book at a random page, "Okay. 'Why was Dracula not at his desk?'" The others shook their heads, looking thoughtful. "'He was taking a coffin break.'" I chuckled at this, and knew that this book would cause me amusement.
"Nessie." Jasper pointed behind him at something very large, wrapped up, though I cant imagine how they wrapped it. I knew what it was instantly, and I was shocked and horrified. A trampoline.
"Whoa. Jasper, you shouldn't have."
"Well… I –'
"Seriously you shouldn't have." I muttered darkly, though I felt compelled to rip off the paper and have a bounce. I did this, flipping backwards and forwards, joined only by Emmett, and I was thankful for the gift.
"Well, there are many more but Nessie will have to come back to her home to see my present." Grandma said, and she smiled excitedly.
I think this chapter turned into crap. So, I haven't finished all the presents but I was thinking that it might be soooo boring. So, please review because if you don't then I will be forced to write a whole lot more of complete crap (if you think of it that way) and all you subscribers who don't bother reviewing will be sorry! Muhaha.
Please tell me what to do. Cos, if this chapter was exceptionally boring then if you like I'll just say what each person gave her and move on…
PLEASE REVIEW!!