Disclaimer: Don't own it. It really is that simple. For all the proof that Slayers is not mine, just read on.

Mischievous

Depraved work of Valeria H

Heroes lived by morals and justice, villains existed to manipulate and confound but human's transformed into chimera's functioned on sarcasm and copious amounts of caffeine. Zelgadis Greywords had always had an appreciation for coffee but recently he'd developed a newfound respect for the mighty cup of ground beans, the only part of his life which still made sense. As they claimed their tables and ordered at yet another 'All you can eat for a silver piece Restaurant' (per Lina's demands) Zelgadis' mind dwelled on the bizarre events of the past couple of days. With his caffeine injection now in front of him he could finally begin to make sense of it all.

It had seemed to originate with the reappearance of Xellos. Whatever he had discussed with Lina had forced the young sorceress to go insane. It was the only explanation for her actions; the random muttering always followed by the bouts of hysterical laughter. Also, her continual comments about zebra's, who knew what the crazy girl was thinking, only confirmed that she had finally lost the plot. He couldn't blame her though. Anyone would lose whatever faint grasp on sanity they had after travelling with their party.

To start, there was Gourry, the idiot accomplice. While kind, helpful and an extraordinary swordsman, he was just a few stars short of a galaxy. The loss of the Sword of Light, his most powerful and valuable possession, would have been painful for Lina as she had her heart set on inheriting it after its owner would have mysteriously vanished/been injured. Well, that's what he got for playing indentured servant to Lina Inverse.

Then there was Amelia wil Tesla Seyruun. The idealistic princess could be very trying and while more times than not he was forced to endure her company there was no escape from her impassioned Justice speeches. He had grown bored of being referred to as a good person at heart, just misunderstood as well as a warrior of justice or whatever particular course they were campaigning for this week but this was nothing compared to the damage such fallacies were doing to the volatile sorceress' reputation.

Of course there was the added complication of being constantly hassled by Mazoku who never seemed to understand that; no, they didn't want to be used as pawns in some twisted scheme. Particularly a certain annoying priest who appeared when you didn't want him and vanished right when he could be helpful. Like as a diversion, or better, a shield.

And there was him. Having been cursed as a chimera had given Zelgadis a gloomy outlook and travelling with a moody, pessimistic shaman who basically ignored you because they were consumed with their own problems was not on everyone's to-do list and probably wouldn't win him any awards for 'ideal travelling companion'. But it was who he was. And something else he happened to be lately was confused.

The irrational reappearance of Xellos would most likely mean that they had once again been chosen to deal with some Mazoku dispute or provide free entertainment. Yet they hadn't been pointed in any direction, been given no cryptic advice as to the location of some great treasure that could assist them or even been attacked by anything more dangerous than the obligatory unkempt bandits that made the mistake of trying to purloin the belongings of a group of wizards. This lack of action was very odd for Xellos, as was the fact that they had only seen him briefly that one day. Once Amelia and her 'Justice-Loving sidekick had returned he vacated the area with haste. He didn't even stick around for a traditional bout of mockery and superiority.

And why was he thinking about this? There was nothing to be confused about. The truth was simple; Xellos was Mazoku, seemingly harmless at first glance but very dangerous. Interaction with said Mazoku could be hazardous to one's health and mental stability. The fact that he left so soon should have been a blessing, not this emotional conflict and torture.

Yet here he sat, inhaling the calming aroma of coffee and casually sipping the substance that was his life source, appallingly conflicted. As far as any of his travelling companions were aware he hated the trickster and in many ways this was true. He loathed the smile that was so malevolent beneath all the disarming cheer, detested the need for everything to be a secret, despised being used as a disposable pawn that could easily be manipulated and just as easily eliminated. But behind that hatred there was also respect, for the power, the occasional assistance, all of it seasoned with a healthy dose of fear. Then there was his foible, that desperate need for knowledge that was fulfilled through Xellos' verbal memoirs, brief glimpses into an ancient world which history had only skimmed the surface of. The life that their trickster accomplice pretended for himself now was a lie in comparison to his past and nowhere near as fascinating. And there was the overwhelming nature of that touch. The feel of those pale hands on stony hide was not the pale imitation of feeling that resulted from human contact, it was real warmth to stroke his physical form, caress his astral manifestation. So while he desired an escape from his demons, he also craved that presence.

Laying head on the table, Zelgadis lamented what seemed to be the Mother of All's punishment for his selfish conduct, though considering she was Mazoku herself you'd think there would be a reward instead. All of this was just too much for him right now. It wasn't fair; he hadn't even finished the first cup of coffee! When had he been reduced to this? It was Xellos for god's sake!

"My, my, what do we have here?"

He leapt out of his chair, surprised by the very familiar and very irritating tone of mirth. "Xellos!" The sudden race of his heartbeat was from fear, nothing else. He wouldn't allow it to be anything more. As he lowered himself back into his seat stone hands gripped the table to stabilise him, keep him from reaching out and choking the nuisance, or...doing other highly stimulating but irrational things. "What are you doing here?"

The priest seemed to seriously consider his question, not an action that occurred under normal circumstances. "Well, under normal circumstances I would have to say 'That is a secret'. But I suppose I'm feeling generous today so I'll share just one little secret with you." When had his table suddenly acquired another resident? He didn't remember inviting Xellos to sit and yet there he was, sitting on the table, drapes of what looked like cloth dipping into the neglected cup of coffee. He couldn't even sit in a chair and act normal; no, he had to sit inches away from Zelgadis with the sole intent of disturbing an already confounded mind. "I've been following this most fascinating creature. It's rather adorable and very intriguing to me."

Xellos was leaning towards him now, but instead of heeding the rational response of his mind to run to safety now he ignored it in favour of drifting closer. It was all the damn coffee's fault; he was addicted and the aroma that now surrounded his companion was rapidly overpowering any remaining will, leading him right towards what he wished could have remained an unwelcome fate. But as unfair fates would have it he was mesmerised and he wanted to know more, wanted to know everything. "And what are you following?"

That face was presently only inches away and there was the subtle caress of breath on his face, causing an increase in his own breathing pattern. The pause before the answer was painfully drawn out, causing Zelgadis to grip the table tighter. As chips of wood fell to the floor he watched those lips part, waiting for the words he both feared and hoped.

They didn't come. "Sorry, I must have misheard what you just said. What are you following?"

"Zebra." Yes, that was what he had heard. He was smiling like an idiot and that irritating chirpy voice made it known that, even though he had said he was divulging a secret, this particular secret was one he was more than happy to keep to amuse himself.

"A zebra."

"That's right."

"You're following a zebra."

"Oh yes. Very fun."

Everyone was insane. First a sorcery genius muttering about zebra's, now the Mazoku priest was stalkingthe things. He'd feel sorry for the monochromatic beast if he wasn't so disappointed. Now he wished he'd hidden the excitement that had risen at the thought of being privy to those hidden thoughts. But with Xellos now wandering off to his next source of amusement it was a little late for that.

All this left Zelgadis feeling like a fool, but two could play at that game. If the trickster was going to turn up randomly to annoy him then he had better be prepared for the reprisal. The Mazoku would soon realise just how vengeful Zelgadis Greywords could be, especially when he was feeling mischievous...

When had flirting become a realistic retaliation to Mazoku attack? This would definitely be awkward, not to mention embarrassing. It wasn't in Zelgadis' nature to, ugh did he really have to think of it this way, flirt. Fluttering eyelashes was all very well but given that his were made of wire it would make for an interesting conversation if anyone saw. But revenge called for all kinds of lows and this was the best plan.

Surveying his surroundings, the chimera took stock of his situation before he made a complete fool out of himself. Three of them; one unconscious, another drunk and the final his unsuspecting victim. At least two out of three wouldn't be recalling the evening, and the third wouldn't bring it up in casual conversation unless there was some way it would benefit him.

His target was sipping tea, easily deluding his audience into accepting the innocent priest facade he wore, rather than the mentally unstable individual that the shaman was certain was his true form. Zebras?! Dear Lord, why did he travel with these people? But he needed to focus, needed the element of surprise while there was still a chance of this travesty of a strategy actually working.

One step, two steps...why was it so difficult to be stealthy when one's body was comprised of stone? Still, his target hadn't acknowledged his presence yet. Three steps, four steps...almost there and the torture over with. Five steps, six steps...a slight turn of the head, followed by an over dramatised yawn. Typical Xellos. Now for the final seventh step, to allow him to stand directly behind the soon to be casualty of vicious flirtatious assault. With as much speed as was possible without shattering the table with enthusiasm, he placed his hands on either side of his foe and placed his lips next to the unsuspecting ear. "Still having fun?" It was somewhat frightening that he could accomplish the soft, wistful voice on the first try. But the slight jump of the prisoner made Zelgadis' insecurities about this vanish. He'd make this worth it.

"Is there something you're here for?" The squeak was confirmation. Definitely worth it.

Time for take two. "Hm, couldn't quite hear that." Another spectacular verbal assault on the target. But this kind of success could not last for long.

The priest was there and then he wasn't; a quick teleportation had resulted in Xellos' new position on the table facing him but that sort of action was not a shock anymore. Aubergine eyes wide open at last, pupils dilated, that was a shock. Those eyes only ever opened when there was a revelation of Xellos' dark intent, but there had been rare occurrences where they were opened out of surprise. There wasn't any sense of eminent doom right now, only astonishment at what was happening. If this wasn't so utterly humiliating he would have laughed in the tricksters face, final payment for all the deception. And why couldn't he laugh in that face? He seemed somewhat hypnotised.

"Zebra."

Confused would be another way to explain it.

"I'm Zelgadis, remember?"

The enthralling creature before him tilted his head, purple tresses sliding across pale skin not even attempting to defy gravity, to reveal a genuine smile that transformed its face. No longer was he playing the manipulating demon, tho he still wasn't quite human, he was still more approachable, still intriguing, still enticing. "How could I forget?" That should not have sounded as comforting as it did. "Zelgadis." Nor should his name ever be said with such desire. He shouldn't find a dangerous monster suddenly invading his personal space welcome conclusion though. Then again, it seemed to be a day for events that shouldn't take place.

Like there should be no realistic situation in which Xellos would be kissing him, but here they were. Okay, this was not part of the plan. Forcing Xellos into a submissive role, check. Xellos following up with much appreciated sexual assault, not originally on the list but probably should have been.

After being merged with a stone golem he was used to his body feeling heavy and unresponsive. His lips were stone, cold, numb, and yet in this moment they felt as if made of flesh for the first time in years. They burned and it overwhelmed him. As disturbing as it should have been to receive his first kiss from a Mazoku, he timidly requested more, reaching out and grabbing hold of robes to hold his assailant in place as he began to respond with more enthusiasm. Tightening his grip he found himself having a very firm hold on empty space.

While there was certainly an empty tavern in front of him, there was still a nagging feeling that someone else was still present, even if his eyes were telling him otherwise. His senses were not disappointed. "Oh dear. It seems we'll have to postpone this delightful pursuit until another time."

And then he was gone, leaving Zelgadis to his thoughts. The plan had been perfect and early on he had the advantage, until the priest went and molested him. But this wasn't over. He'd known in the beginning that Mazoku never liked to lose and weren't ones to back down from a challenge, especially one issued by a human. It was just the first part of what was soon to become pointless warfare. Xellos would be back, and when he showed his snide face again it would take an obsessed shaman to make him regret teasing this chimera.

A.N: I'd like to thank my momma and ... who am I kidding? I saw I had a review and was ecstatic, hence I wrote more. Part three has suggested itself to me so I shall go forth and write more.