Today, the Zetsuboushitta will be left to Nozomu. He hasn't had one in a while, and he deserves it. He is the main character. Majiru can't do it, he isn't negative enough. Jun can't do it, he's too cool. Aoyama might be negative enough, but he doesn't appear enough.

Just to let you know, I get 50% of my plot ideas from the manga and anime, and 30% of plot ideas from the opening and ending sequences, such as the Kuusou Rumba, Hito Toshite Jiku ga Buretieru, the new Kuusou Rumba Rap ops, and Romanesque and Marionette endings. They seem to hold a certain amount of plot to them, even though they actually don't (and I mean the images and the song). I found out that the FINAL opening sequence I like is the Kuusou Rumba Rap. Can't compete with Rappubito.

"I personally liked the feel of Bure."

Well Kafuka, that's probably because it sounds a bit happier than the others.... and you are positive after all...

"I also like Romanesque because we all looked really sexy!"

And she says this so innocently.... because she is innocent. I liked Marionette because it emulated the feel of what the series is about. At most times the students tend to have more fun hanging out with their beloved Sensei than spending time at home, with their families. They are stringed along in his depressing misadventures, as though they were puppets. Following the teacher, true teacher's pet.

"But you have to admit, Romanesque sounds like it fits Itoshiki-sensei's personality well!"

........ You have a point there, Kafuka. Even if you all look sexy in Romanesque, the music and singing sound slightly melancholic.... just like sensei!

The anime is gone, but the manga continues. For all people who ran out of tissues due to the end of the anime, look at the bottom of this chapter for the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Club! Accepting New members!

Disclaimer: "You all know that Shuji Nonohana doesn't own Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei! Sillies!" Um, thank you Kafuka, but I can speak for myself....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 8: Love Hurts. A lot. No, I don't mean psychologically, I mean physically. There is no possible way to damage a psyche, except through brain damage. Which is Physical.

Nozomu had a great plan. He didn't know why he didn't think of it before. He walked into the classroom that day....

"Sensei!" Shouted out a positively happy Kafuka, "You've returned!"

"Hai, I have returned." The whole class was about to get up.... "And before any of you try to kill me so that I'll commit to one or more of these girls, I'm glad to announce that I'll commit to one (or more depending on my situation) once they finish high school!"

At this, everyone sat down, relieved. Their sensei was gonna hold up to his commitments!..... Or so they thought.

'Fortunately for me, nobody passes my class, and they are in an infinite state of 17.... at least until they pass my class, so I won't have to uphold that promise for a while.' He had come to a realization that unless they pass, they don't age. So yeah.

After the bell rang, and school was over and done with, someone had something on her agenda.... for sensei. 'Bricks, check. Fruit knives, check. Explosives, check. Pencils, check. Pencil..... sharpener, check! Ready!' If you haven't figured out who this is yet, I'll give you a hint. It's Mayo Mitama. Damn, that wasn't a hint! I just flat out told you who it was!

'It's been too long since I physically beat my beloved within an inch of his life.... ahh.....'

For those who don't remember, she is a sadist who enjoys beating up Nozomu to express her love. An unusual method to say the least, but it's still love, and I have no right to criticize it.

The whole time he walked home, Nozomu felt that someone was following him. 'It must be Tsunetsuki-san again.' While he was technically correct, it was also Mayo who was following him. Next to Matoi. They had come to a compromise.

"Okay, but we share, okay?" Mayo only nodded in response (which is weird, because we hear her thoughts, but we never actually hear her speak) as she walked up behind her teacher. She tapped his shoulder.

He turned around and said, "Hello, Mitama-sa-" he was cut off as a brick made contact with his forehead. "Ouch..." Instead of taking offense, Nozomu kept it to himself. He knew that it really was Mitama, but regardless of whether or not she did do anything, prejudging was still rude, and even if the others didn't know, it was enough that he knew that she was a sadist.

So he just took it as a greeting from her. "Ah, yes, good afternoon to you too."

Mayo blushed at this. He was able to understand her ruthless beating!

Nozomu's blood rushed out of his head (represented by blue lines appearing on his head). He had been hurt by her so much, that he actually knows the language of S&M.

Then, she stabbed his shoulder. "Ah yes, I'm doing well, how are you?" She stabbed his hand. "Ah, you are doing well? That's good." Nozomu wasn't sure how much more he could take. He decided to keep the conversation going himself, or else he fears he would become anemic. "So how about a walk in the park? I mean, that is where I spend most of my time, and I'd like to show someone my favorite spots!" He figured that if she was busy admiring his favorite spots in the park, she wouldn't hurt him. Mayo nodded in response.

At the park....

"Allow me to show you.... this tree."

Nozomu showed Mayo the largest, and most elegant tree in the park.

"Yes, this tree is quite beautiful.... making it a perfect place for suicide!"

Mayo just watched him earnestly.

"I hate being a nuisance! That's why this tree is so great. Even if people remember this as a tree that I hung on, people will forget about it due to the fact that this tree is so beautiful and elegant!"

Then he took her to a tree up on a hill. Or a cliff. I can't really tell.

"And this tree is for if I want a beautiful death! Dying while watching the sun set on the horizon... my silhouette will make for great dramatic effect.... a truly beautiful death!"

Mayo still watched him.

Lastly, he took her to a secluded area with a bunch of trees.

"And this is where my dead body will be less of a problem! Nobody will recognize a dead body among all of these trees in a secluded area for at least a couple of weeks!"

Mayo walked up to him.... and smashed his face in with a brick.

"Well, I just have to wait until everyone's affection subsides!"

Mayo gave him a very small pinch that really hurt.

"You sound just like Komori saying that. Look, nobody is wrong, I'm just saying that love for a pitiful person such as myself is more than likely to subside, given that I'm such a damn twisted person." Guess what I just referenced.

Mayo gave this some thought. Mostly because I'm sure that most of you have been left behind on this S&M language. 'That's only what he thinks. His mental state isn't the best, but the side of his personality that allows him to care about others.... that doesn't make him twisted.' He had already evidenced that he cares for others by not wanting to cause them trouble.

Mayo stuck 29 firecrackers to his body, and fled before he exploded.

"Ouch..... she either said, 'How can you say that when I love you,' or 'why is it that you're so pathetic?' Sigh, either way, those are compliments that should go unheard."

Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash.

"Zetsuboushitta! Living in a society where my opinions don't matter has left me in despair! She didn't listen to me, she wants to believe that she loves me! Or, based on the second possibility of what she may have said, she doesn't care about what I told her anyways, and called me pathetic! Usually people are called pathetic when a comment was made, but the insult giver will usually only do that because of the face value of the words themselves, not the deep meaning behind the words!" Fortunately for us, it was the former sentence that she said, making things a bit less complex.

Before leaving, the wind blew, and Nozomu noticed a young man with a receding hair line. "Ah, hello. Have we met before."

The young man just sobbed. And nodded. "You don't really seem that familiar.... but your lack of presence overall reminds me of this feeling that I have with one of the empty desks in my class." The young man ran away.

"I'm Kagerou Usui dammit!" he said as he ran away.

"Is he really? I wouldn't know, since I've never seen Usui-kun before."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mid-point in the chapter! Well, its more like 1/3 point, or 1/4 point, because unlike those other times, I'm going all out on this chapter!

Kafuka: "Shuji heard that in his latest chapter, ato-san used up more than 10 pages!"

Haga: "And while he doesn't expect to catch up, he does want to break the 10 page barrier. He sorta looks up to authors and authoresses like ato-san and Sei-sama."

Haga! Don't reveal such embarrassing things about me! And what the heck are you doing here? You aren't really that much of a regular character....

Haga: Yes, well, you use so many characters in the main story, that the only ones with time to do this are me, Aoyama, Kino, Okusa, Kobushi, Marui, Kotonon, Chie-sensei, Ikkyu-san, and Kafuka, who MAKES TIME to do this out of the kindness of her heart.

So you remembered my plans for Harumi Fujiyoshi?

Haga: Nope. Coincidence.

I really question my intelligence after letting this pervert help me.

Haga: I'm not a pervert!

You've tried to grope Kafuka like, three times already!

Haga: No! I just thought that she was suffering cardiac arrest....

LIES! ALL LIES!

Kafuka: But what I HAD been suffering cardiac arrest? Haga would have saved me!

Haga: So you understand....

No! She doesn't!

Haga: I'll strike you a deal. You keep quiet, and I let you see prime photos of *whisper* in a bathing suit?

My favorite girl? No, that would be betraying them, and I will not betray anyone!

Haga: How about nude?

....... Dude, seriously, what the fuck?

Haga: Don't be like that.....

Why the hell do you even have those pictures? And of my favorite Zetsubou girl, no less!

Haga: If you keep quiet, I'll give you a regular picture.

Okay. But if I see you make any bad choices....

Haga: I can expect to be picked up by the police at your request.

Good, we understand each other.

Kafuka: He isn't a pervert! He's just very appreciative of women's beauty.

Kafuka-chan, I'm too tired from dealing with this pervert to argue about your over-optimism.

Haga: Plus, he's only stalling this mid-point talk to catch up with ato-san.

Sh-shut up!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nozomu walked home. After he got home, he fell off a cliff and died. After he died, he went into the kitchen and stabbed himself in the nose, with a spoon. The sky turned green with anger, and rained bowls of chili. Nozomu died. After Nozomu ate all of the chili, he became the master of the universe. However, Buddha didn't like this, so he zapped Nozomu with lightning and Nozomu died. Nozomu then fell up the sky and crashed into a mongoose who kicked him in his hair and he fell and died. The mongoose felt bad for Nozomu and bought him a drink. Nozomu drank his martini and pinched the bartender and took his hat and stuck it in his skin follicles. Nozomu was a good boy. He went to India where he ate cheeseburgers for the rest of his life. After his life, he went back to India to eat more cheeseburgers. He died from a cheese overdose. He then fell into the pits of X-Box. Bill Gates pissed in Nozomu's face and Nozomu blew up. Nozomu then proceeded to throw a turkey at Jesus. Jesus died. After that, everyone in the world went nuts and threw up their hats and congratulated Nozomu on BEING STUPID and killed him. After Nozomu got home, he said "What a day." He went to sleep and was raped by Mikoto.

Okay, I'll give anyone $10,000,000,000 if they can guess what the hell it is I just parodied!

Haga: Stalling!

SHUT UP HAGA!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Nozomu got home, he stumbled upon a devastating scene. Majiru was lying in bed, of this much he was certain but.....

"Majiru..... are you sleeping with someone else!?"

"Mmmm.... huh? Oh."

Meru popped up next to him. Oh, it's the stupid four-eyes. What the hell are you looking at?

"Oh, I thought this was Meru's house."

Nozomu was left in shock. "So you did something inappropriate because you thought this was Meru's house?!!"

"We didn't do what you think we did. I'm just getting into the habit of comforting Meru."

"By sleeping with her?!"

You want that to happen, don't you? You get some sick sexual thrill of off seeing two young people in bed? Pervert.

"No! That's not it!"

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!

"Zetsuboushitta! Being called a pervert under false pretenses has left me in despair! Nowadays, even the smallest act, no matter how innocent it was, is considered perversion! If a guy walks in on a girl in the shower without knowing she is there, he's considered a pervert, even though it's an accident! When the wind blows up girls skirts (i.e. Kaere) the man behind her is considered a pervert, even though he doesn't control the wind, or if he wasn't even looking! If a girl is seen reading yaoi doujinshi (i.e. Harumi) she is considered a pervert! But if it's a certain pairing, then she just truly loves seeing those two together, she isn't just a crazed otaku who likes seeing boys doing it!"

A few miles away, Harumi and Kaere sneezed. They each thought, 'Is someone talking about me?'

"This society's inclination to label people so quickly has left me in despair!"

"Nozomu, isn't this like, your second 'Zetsuboushitta' this chapter?"

"Well, if I don't practice, I'll get rusty."

"Ah."

Nozomu had completely forgotten about the Meru/Majiru innocent sleeping incident.

He had actually come to get his raincoat and umbrella, as he had planned a walk through the park, but heard that it was going to rain.

He was right. As he sat on the park bench with umbrella in hand, it poured rain. In the distance, he could see a girl in the distance, standing at the base of a tree. It was Kafuka.

She looked up and smiled. "Thank you, Pink Gabriel, for keeping me dry." She looked back down, and saw Nozomu.

"You can't just stay dry by standing under that tree. The water will drop from the branches."

"It's all right. As long as I'm just a little dry, I'll be all right!"

Nozomu walked away. 'It'll be her own fault if she becomes ill.... huh?'

He looked back to see Kafuka walking in the rain, going in the opposite direction. 'What's she....?'

Kafuka was thinking deeply about something. 'I can trust him..... my secret will be safe with him... I'm positive.... I can tell him....' Her thoughts were cut off, as she saw an umbrella loom over her.

"Kafuka, you really are going to catch cold walking in the rain like that." Said Nozomu. "I can't riddle myself with more regret, so stay under this umbrella." Nozomu was pessimistic, but he wasn't so cold hearted that he would leave a girl out in the rain.

"...... thank you, Pink Supervisor."

They both said nothing the whole way....

"So your house is just a bit up ahead, Kafuka?"

"Yes."

They finally approached Kafuka's home.

'I can tell him, I can tell him, I can tell him....' Kept running through her head. It wasn't that she was troubled by it, she just wanted to let him know.

"Ah, I still need to get dinner. Take care, Kafuka."

And sensei ran off, without letting Kafuka say anything.

"Sensei...."

Nozomu pondered 'What was she doing?'

'I need to tell him...'

Back at the park, Nozomu sat on a bench under the beautiful tree that would overshadow his death. He saw two girls walking by. "Ah, Abiru, Harumi."

"Hello Sensei!"

"Hi."

"What are you two doing out here?"

Abiru answered "We're looking for Kafuka."

"Yeah, we thought that since it was raining, she'd come to her usual spot under Pink Gabriel."

Nozomu thought for a second. 'Before telling those two that I took her home, I'd better ask them why she would willingly stand out in the rain under a tree...'

"Why would she stand under a tree in the rain?"

"W-well, because it's raining, y'know?"

"I'm not convinced."

Abiru bluntly stated, "Look, you won't get anything out of us, so look for someone looser, you hear?"

Nozomu asked, "Nami-san?"

"She's the type to not think of the consequences of answering the questions you want to ask, because she doesn't know of the consequences yet. She's the only one who doesn't know, she's left in the dark, like any other person."

"You mean, she's normally left in the dark?"

"Yes, normally."

Somewhere in the distance, a shout of "Don't say Normal!" could be heard.

Nozomu made for the school, but was immediately stopped in his tracks by both Abiru and Harumi.

"Sensei, that information doesn't come cheap...." said Abiru.

"...... Huh?"

"We want you to do something for us....." said Harumi.

"....... uh?"

The next morning....

"That was terrible..... I can't ever ask those two for anything ever again...."

Let me explain. Nozomu had been forced to cosplay in hundreds of various animal tails and ears all night..... in the nude. "How embarrassing... and they said I had to pay even more if I ask them again..... I don't wanna imagine what that payment will be like..." Nozomu walked to the school. It was already late in the morning, and although he didn't really care since he was a truant teacher, he wanted to know. Why would Kafuka voluntarily stand out in the rain? It just doesn't seem like her. Until he found out, the paradox wouldn't allow him to sleep, so he went to school anyways.

He was five minutes late for class, which wasn't new to his class. He went on a long rant about how true love is never reached by anyone, or some nonsense. He wasn't really paying attention to his own lecture. His attention was mainly focused on Kafuka. She had been sitting there, smiling like always, but today, she didn't protest to anything. This was unusual to her. The only thing that she did normally, for her, was not agree with him. She didn't argue, but she didn't do anything that made it seem like she like his ideas. Mayo threw a pencil at him. 'Um, that time she said, "If true love isn't achievable, why does half of your class love you?" Because it's teenaged love, of course. Mayo is awfully talkative lately....' While not my favorite Zetsubou girl, she is in my top five.

After school ended, Nozomu sought out Nami Hitou, the world's most normal girl (with exception of the random extra characters). "Don't say Normal!"

"What? Kafuka did that?"

"Yes, and I don't know why. Can you tell me?"

"Well, this is only traceable by one fact. And it has to do with you..."

"Me? How?" Now Nozomu was intrigued.

"Lend me your ear."

For the next five minutes, Nami whispered a secret not yet known into Nozomu's ear. Then....

Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash.

"ZETSUBOUSHITTA!!!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm truly a devil. These chapters run in a sequence. Nozomu - Jun - Majiru - Nozomu - Jun - Majiru and so on. You won't figure out about this "Secret" until three chapters from now. Sumimasen!

I broke the ten page barrier! I may not have caught up, but this is the first time I've made ten pages in a chapter!

Haga: You filled up extra space with extras.

SHUT. UP. HAGA.

Got the URL for Yahoo groups? Add, /group/zetsubou/

Or just search for "zetsubou" in the search for groups area. Join the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Group!

The Daily Death Theater

And in conclusion, this will be the last Daily Death Theater. Now that 65% of this story is Drama now, and only 45% is comedic (but still retains the comedy genre), I'm looking into something more dramatic. And what could be more dramatic than.... suicide? Next chapter, It will be replaced by Life of Despair: Suicide Theater. Hey, it's a fan of the old Death Theater, and he's got a plastic bag full of goodies to reward me! He's showing me the inside of the bag.... huh? There's nothing in here! So what's the bag fo-

*ah*! ............................

Suffocation.