1This is indeed a quick update(or it would be if this was up a couple of weeks ago), but I'm on a roll. New members have joined the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Group on Yahoo(a couple of weeks ago)! I'm psyched! Even though it's ato-san's group.... I'm still happy! Even if there is relatively little activity.

But although we may be getting new members... the fact remains that I get nervous with new people, even on the internet! In real life, I'm either a quiet mute, or a complete chatterbox! Since I can't be mute online, the only choice I had was complete chatterbox! I'm sure that if I speak to people, they'd be annoyed! (And for people I might speak to, I'm sorry if I ramble).

Zetsuboushitta! My awkward social graces have left me in despair! I'm either really annoying to be around, or really awkward!

Kafuka: I still enjoy your presence.

Thank you. Maybe I'll get over this problem of mine someday. But not today. Definitely not today.

Disclaimer: "The author often forgets this, so I'm filling in." Harumi! Get back in the story!

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Chapter 9: FEAR

Jun Kudou.... Retsu Taibun-san.... or just Retsu Taibun. A name he never wished to remember. He could vaguely see it in his mind. He saw two young children kissing..... a terrible incident.... and then a break up. He had remembered this.... he did not wish to remember it though. More precise details will only come if Nami can get it out of him.

He only remembered because it was a time when his life was brighter.... when he wasn't so colorless, when he expressed more emotion around others. Nowadays, he doesn't express much. He specialized more in touching others emotionally.

He heard a knock at his door. He heard his parents open and greet a guest. He heard footsteps heading for his room. Then he heard his door open. He didn't see who came in, he was lying on his bed, facing the wall.

"Mom, why did you bring someone in here? It's messy."

"Jun, your room is never clean enough for your standards, but no matter how many times you look at it, it's spotless. Anyways, you have a visitor."

"Let me guess.... Nami-chan?"

He turned over. "Itoshiki-sensei?"

"Yeah, you left this behind."

Nozomu tossed a book. Jun caught it. The title read, No Longer Human. "Thank you, sensei."

"Oh and Jun...."

"Yes, Sensei?"

"Try attending school sometime. I'm already causing enough problems by being truant, I don't want you following my bad example."

"Okay..." Said Jun halfheartedly.

"Also, it doesn't look good if the coolest guy in my class doesn't even show up."

"Eh?"

"You rival Kino for most popular male student, but you always come out on top."

"Really?" Jun said expectantly.

"Well, that's how you rank in the authors mind. Next is Kino, then Aoyama, then Haga, then that truant student, Usui."

Somewhere in the world, Usui is silently crying to himself.

"But that's all in the author's mind though, right?"

"Not true. You really are the most popular male student in my class."

And with that, Nozomu left.

Jun turned back over.

"Hello..."

Jun turned back over. It was Nami this time.

"Nami-chan!" Jun fell off his bed.

"What're you doing here?"

"I want to know why you left."

"I can't..... I just can't.... I'll tell you this though, I'm not cheating."

"I knew that. I still want to know."

Jun still didn't want to relive anything he didn't want to. Instead of telling her, he jumped out of his window (first story). "Jun!"

"I really can't tell you, you'd hate me!"

"I won't, come back!"

Jun was determined to make it away and keep this memory at bay.

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Haga: "Mid point already?"

No Haga, just 1/4 point, I needed to tell everyone something.

Aoyama: Oh, do tell. (Filling in for Kafuka, as she has been playing a MAJOR role as of yet)

Okay, here it is.... Y'know Cha La Head Cha La, The Dragonball Z opening? Aya Hirano (more commonly known as the voice of Konata Izumi from Lucky Star) sounds cute when she sings it.

Haga: "....... And you called me a pervert."

Aoyama: "Y'know, I thought the same thing. Sigh... we'll be labeled perverts for the rest of our lives, Shuji."

Think back to last chapter's Zetsuboushitta! It's an innocent act being labeled as perversion! I just think she has a really cute voice!

Haga: "And I bet that you imagine that voice saying naughty things...."

Aoyama: "Only when I feel lonely....."

I don't! But now that you brought the topic up, I can almost clearly hear dirty words being used by that cute voice! Arg!

Haga: "You perverts."

Aoyama: "He's right. I'm a worthless pervert..."

No Aoyama! You aren't worthless, or a pervert! It's natural for guys your age to think about that stuff! Even if it's something weird, like a voice fetish! And as for you Haga, go fuck off! You're the one that inserted those thoughts into my head!

Haga: "But even if I supplied it, you still enjoy it, don't you?"

Aoyama: "He's right, I do.... I'm a pervert...."

Don't listen to him Aoyama! He's the real pervert! Just because one enjoys something, does not make one a pervert! I mean, what person doesn't enjoy the things that a cute girl does?

Haga: "Hm.... I seem to have met a worthy adversary."

Aoyama: *Sulking in the corner because he still believes that he is a pervert*.

You're on Haga! Anytime, Anyplace!

(Haga will now be the main host alongside me and a guest, in spite of Haga only being a side character.)

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Just an FYI, the name of Jun's former beloved, Retsu Taibun, has a meaning.

Retsu comes from "bunretsu", meaning "break up". The "bun", in "Taibun", also originates from "Bunretsu". The "Tai" in "Taibun", comes from "Taisan", another word for "Break Up". If you add the honorific "san" to her name, then you get the other half of "Taisan". It's an interesting form of wordplay I've created, but it isn't at all obvious at first glance, because I had to move so much around. Although Retsu is a real name in Japan, I highly doubt that "Taibun" is a real name, or even a real word for that matter. Hold on, let me check....

One hour Later

Yep, I was right, it isn't a real word.

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While chasing Jun, Nami thought, 'Nothing can keep me from loving him.... I don't care what it is, if it's bothering him, I want to help him!' Dodging people on the street, Nami finally caught up with Jun. But then she saw Jun put on a red and white striped shirt and a matching striped hat. He then automatically disappeared into the crowd. "Huh?"

"This looks similar to that foreign book I bought...." Nami pulled out a book. "Where's Waldo?"

Nami looked in her book. Then she looked at the scene before her. They were both the same! A post-festival setting with everything! In theory, if she found Waldo in this book, she would find Jun!

One hour later....

"Almost...."

Three hours later....

"I'm seeing the clues...."

Five hours.....

"WALDO, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Having completely been caught up in finding Waldo, she had forgotten why she wanted to in the first place. Well, it's normal for people to get angry and forget what they need to do because they're pissed at Waldo because he breaks the law by being so hard to find.

"I'm not Normal!"

Nami ran up to a vendor and asked, "Excuse me sir, but have you seen Waldo anywhere?"

"I saw a guy in a striped shirt walking over to the bookshop."

Nami smacked her head. Of course the bookworm heads to the bookstore!

Meanwhile, at the bookstore....

"She won't find me here." Said Jun as he took off the striped shirt and hat from his uniform. "My entire class knows how into books I am, so they know that if I wanted to hide I wouldn't be in the bookstore." Well yeah, in layman's terms. But Nami is neither one of your other classmates or a layman! She's Normal!

"THAT'S IT!"

Nami stomped through the bookstore, walked up to Jun and said "I'll speak to you later Jun." Then, through some unexplainable phenomenon, she bypasses the fourth wall to come to speak to me?

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Special Segment that's actually connected to the story:

Uh oh! Shuji's in trouble!

Haga: Nami? What's going on? You can't be beyond the fourth wall while you're still a part of this chapter!

Nami: SHUJI. YOU BETTER SPEAK UP IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

Ahhhh! I've never seen you so angry! And I've never seen your hand so firmly gripped around anyone's neck like that! Gah!

Nami: Quit calling me normal!

Cough, cough *she let go*. Let's compromise. I'll only call you normal.... twice a chapter.

Nami: Once a chapter!

Okay.... but it'll be at the end of a chapter, recounting all the moments in the chapter you were normal. But it'll be just one utterance of "Normal". How's that?

Nami:................... Fine. But I swear to God, If you go back on your word.....

Nami, you almost look like Chiri, threatening me like that. Only she didn't have a gun.

Nami: Ah! Someone just touched my butt!

Haga: Shuji!

Haga you bastard! Don't try to blame ME for YOUR wrongdoings!

Haga: Don't blame me for your impulses.

Nami: *realizes all of Hell will break loose soon* I'd..... better leave.

*as she leaves, she hears a large explosion, but decides to ignore it*

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As Nami returns to the bookstore from beyond the fourth wall, and I return from my epic battle with Haga to narrate and author the story, Jun stands there dumbfounded. "Nami-chan... what was that?"

"I was taking care of some business with the author.... but anyway!"

Nami clasps Jun's hand in hers, and asks him, "What? What is it that makes you think that you'll be loathed? What is it that's so terrible that you run away from a girl that want to know, wants to care? What?"

Jun considered this: She might not loathe him for his past actions. She may find it difficult, but she might understand. He weighed the options.

Option one: He tells her and risks either her forgiving him (something he'd truly want) or total rejection meaning they won't ever talk to each other again.

Option two: Continue to push Nami away from him and his dark past, meaning he won't ever talk to her again anyway.

What did he have to lose?

"Okay Nami-chan.... here it is...."

Going back a bit... I'll use the flashback sequence, because it's cumbersome to write quotation marks at the beginning and end of every paragraph.

It was summer..... the cicadas were buzzing.... the smell of barbeque wafted through the air..... Jun Kudou, 7 years old, a completely naive boy, was about to find love.

Now you see, he had been friends with Retsu Taibun since they were born. Their mothers had known each other in college and high school, and conveniently, they lived only a block away from each other, so it was only natural that the children grew up knowing each other. But one day, Jun stumbled upon a book that his grandfather used to tell him about.

"This book, grandson, is the guide. It gives you signs. It tells you how to know.... when you've fallen in love."

Jun was a completely emotionless child at the time. Before he passed on, Jun's grandfather would try to get him to read all kinds of books on basic human emotion, and would emulate that towards his grandson, but to no avail. All Jun thought was, 'All he cares about are his stupid books. He doesn't really care about showing me what's in them, he just gets a kick out of trying something a book tells him to do.' For the most part, his grandfather had been following the books' instructions, trying to teach his grandson to feel things. But mixed in were years of experience. The experience of how he shunned from even his own family because he values books more than them, and the first feeling he ever learned to feel: guilt.

Even after Grandpa Kudou had passed on, Jun still felt nothing. 'He only cared about me because a book told him how to love. How stupid.'

"Hello Jun!" Said a cheery voice.

"Oh, hello Retsu."

Retsu Taibun. This is the starting point.

"Still the sullen, cold boy I've always known."

Jun frowned. "Look." Jun held out a book. "This is a book. It tells one if they love another person. There are other books.... but those emotions are boring. If I want to learn an emotion, it had damn well better be a strong one."

Retsu couldn't read his face.... but she a subtle amount of enthusiasm. Something she had never felt coming from Jun.

"You see Retsu, my life is dull. Maybe if I can feel things, that'll change. But I want you to help me with this."

Retsu put her hand on the book. "Okay. I'll help."

Jun had never read the book. He read it together with Retsu.

"A fleeting feeling of bliss in your chest...."

"You can't stop looking at their lips...."

"Nervous on the inside, but cool on the outside..."

"Retsu...... I love you."

"...... Huh?"

Jun was shaking. "I think that the first emotion I felt.... was the bliss I felt reading with you. This was the first time I read a book. I was.... happy. I read my first book. And then I thought about how YOU were with me reading this book. Before that, I never realized how much I enjoyed seeing your lips move..... how much I wanted to keep a cool image in front of you.... I love you.... but I don't know how to express any of these emotions I feel."

Retsu blushed at first. But then.... "Jun. I'm willing to help you learn to feel.... if you give me a kiss."

"What will a kiss do?"

"It's..... an expression of love."

"Do you love me too?"

Retsu thought for a moment. "Yes, Jun, I do." They kissed (and they were only seven dammit!).

For the next year, through processes that are too long to explain, Retsu helped Jun understand emotion, and expression. Jun felt happy.... but he came to a shocking realization later on.

One day....

Jun and Retsu were walking in the park, holding hands. Jun breaks the ice.

"Retsu.... I can't....."

"What is it Jun?"

"It doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

Jun's hand slipped out of hers. "I.... don't love you."

"What?"

"I just realized.... I feel the same way around you I feel around every girl I see."

"What! Jun what's wrong with you?"

"I read a book.... and it says that it's natural for a boy to feel that way around girls. It also says that true love feels different, like you want to be there for her for the rest of your life."

"What are you saying?"

"..... I can't possibly feel that way about every girl. I"m sorry, but.... I think we're only friends."

"......."

"I didn't know what emotion was, so I mistook one that every boy feels for love...."

"......"

"Retsu... I'm so- "

*Crack*

Jun felt his cheek stinging. Retsu's eyes filled with tears. "No Jun.... I'm sorry.... I feel so.... sorry.... for you...."

And with that, she ran off.

Back to the present....

"So that's why Nami-san. I was afraid that if you knew, you would think that I would do to you what I did to Retsu. You would hate me.... just because I might not really love you."

"Jun.... you don't really know, do you?"

Jun shook his head. "But it's true. I've never felt this way about anyone else. I might love you..... but I would hate for anyone to be disappointed and hurt again, so I didn't take any chances."

"Jun.... you fool...."

Nami pulled Jun into a hug.

"If you don't know what it is, then we'll find out together..... either way, you feel something toward me.... that alone, is enough reason for me to care..."

While they were embracing, a person in the crowd saw. She saw and squealed. Quietly.

"My dear Jun..... It's been so long."

This woman held a picture. It was of Jun... when he was 7 years old.

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Another long and complicated chapter! I hope you got all that, because I almost didn't! The Junami story is going along well (in my own opinion).

No spoilers for the next chapter! Except that it's a Majiru/Meru chapter.

You know, this is all happening in the "current" time-line in Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. Once I'm done writing 100 or so chapters, and I'm done with this fic, I plan on writing two more fics. One focusing on the semi (if you've watched the last episode of Goku) mysterious past of Itoshiki Nozomu, and the second focusing on the future of the characters in the same time line as this fic. Each will be probably 50 chapters and 100 chapters respectively, but I could be wrong.

Congrats on new Zetsubou Authors here! Thank you for contributing to the small archive that is the Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei fanfiction archive!

The Daily Suicide Theater

Sigh. Today, I pondered my school life. What is it? I have no friends. I sit down with people at lunch, but they call me annoying. I'm so shy that I won't make any friends in classes or passing periods. My grades are terrible. I'm failing two classes. I've failed my parents. A nuisance to society like me.... excuse me, but do you know where I might be able to buy some rope.

Next day. You see a rope hanging from a tree. Shoes and a stool lay on the ground under a corpse hanging from the tree. As the sun sets, the people from his school feel no remorse. The only thing they could think of was how tragically beautiful my body looked against the setting sun... I am dead.

(FYI none of these problems I have really constitute death, it's just an end-of-chapter Theater, so relax paranoid people).