Author's Note: This is rated M for a reason. There will be sexual scenes in this story. If you are uncomfortable with this, do not read. Trust me, I don't care if you read or not...
The first time he had seen her, it had been an accident. She grabbed the towel while he mouthed words of excuse and stumbled away. It was a brief moment, one that had lasted all of two seconds before it was cut short by something other than shameful looks, a horse being stolen, but one that stayed within his mind for more than he cared to admit.
The second time he had been more careful. A wall of leaves and vines and being downwind helped him to creep up to the very edge of the water where she was. His feet were well worn into that of a woodsman, and he stepped on them with the lightness of a feather. Still, it didn't help that the blood rushed to his ears as he kneeled, letting his legs go numb for fear of making a noise and having her turn her head and see him, and know what he was doing, what he was seeing.
The third time it had become a drug to him. Her fresh smell of soap and a light flower perfume that she had found reminded him always of how she looked, how she felt. With the touch of flesh being denied to them, it was the only way he could see her, view her as the person he wanted to be with, wanted to touch and desire. The unfairness of it all resonated loudly before he had been able to push it down, along with the strong feeling of simply going over to her and just having her right there in the water.
But still, he never breathed a single word of what he saw, not to her, not to anyone. He knew it was a violation of her. Kahlan could not know what how many times he saw her, how many times he had betrayed her trust, seeing her body without her intention. Though she never said it, he knew that she felt intruded upon, felt that the sight of her should be a gift that should be given away willingly and only with her permission-when it hadn't turned out that way, it was unbearable.
And still, still, he couldn't stop.
It was the only way for him to be close to her in that way, and he wasn't about to let anything, even his own damn conscience, get in the way of that.
So when they crossed a river that day, it was with her in mind that he decided that they had had enough traveling for the day. Aydindril was still at least two fortnights or so away and with the world was back in order, he didn't get any protest from anyone.
As they set their bags down on the smooth rocks and grass, Richard glanced over at Kahlan, her long hair sweeping down in front of her, its long layers falling over her curves. He felt the breath in his lungs become more shallow as he watched her straighten up and lean back, one hand up against her face, brushing the sweat out of her eyes.
Those blue eyes. The same ones that made a stone from tears. Ones that had clouded with Confession, had sent all of her magic through him only to be confounded with confusion when he didn't bow down to her. And even now, he felt her eyes on him, wondering, hoping, that what had happened hadn't just been a fluke. That her touch didn't, couldn't, effect him the way it had countless others.
He couldn't wait any longer.
Kahlan breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, a small sigh escaping her.
The heat. It was unbearable. The rocks they laid on where warm from where the sun had beat down on them all day long. The air itself felt heavy, it weighted down on her chest and made her sweat.
She couldn't sleep. She could barely keep from constantly moving, trying to find that one comfortable spot where she could finally rest.
"Damn it," she muttered, sitting up. It was no use trying to fool herself now.
During the day, she could blame the heat, the weight of the bags upon her shoulders, but now, at night, the reality of what was making her restless hit her, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to face it.
Richard lay a few paces away from her, his body curled up on his side. If she listened, she could barely hear the soft sound of his breathing. She could see his face, though it was obscured slightly by his hair.
She wanted to kiss him.
Not just to kiss him. She wanted to reach over and wake him, and then tell him to kiss her like he had all those times she wasn't expecting it. Only, she wanted him to continue, to press on with his mouth and do things she never would have allowed. She wanted to relinquish the power, to feel him with her fingers touching his back, his stomach…
Her heart fluttered, and Kahlan never felt more hot or sticky.
Zedd and Cara were so close, it would only take one sound to wake Cara. And she would know with just a look into Kahlan's eyes, the wanton desire that Mord Sith were trained to know and she would see it there, not hidden by any mask. Then the fantasy, the kiss she wanted so bad, it would never happen.
She pushed off the ground with her hands.
She needed a bath. A quick, cool dip in the water to wash away this thoughts, the temptations, to get rid of the heat within. To rid herself of her companions, just for a moment, so that when she came back she would be cool and collected and not reach for Richard's shirt or pull him down and kiss him. She needed to get away, to leave before all her inhibitions let loose and-
His eyes opened.
She was standing up when he opened his eyes, the whites of his eyes visible in the half moon light. With him sleeping so close, of course he heard her move, and now he was awake, watching her.
She just stared back at him.
Did he see? Did he know what she was thinking about? Impossible, surely, and yet, her breathing slowed, and she felt the weight of the clothes on her skin, the hot, stinky mess of leather and clothe. And all she wanted to do was touch him, and let him take care of the heat that was building within her, release it so she could rest.
What was it that she wanted? Away, yes, she needed to get away. Away from this heat, away from her painful desire, away from him.
She swallowed, her chest rising as she took in a quick breath. His eyes had flicked downward as she did so, and a swoosh of heat flooded her senses. She knew that she had an effect on him, a cursed effect by simple causes that she sometimes had no control over.
The thought of it scared her. That her actions had repercussions she couldn't stop and it served only as a reminder of something she couldn't have.
Away, Kahlan, get away now.
Even as she turned, the dreaded thought came to her that he would follow. And knowing him, he would want a small moment alone with her, to reaffirm himself that she was there, that she wasn't going to pull away from him. He would want some words of love and calm, talk of their children, anything to connect.
But having him close, within reach instead of that safe distance where her arms couldn't snare out and wrap him to her…
All she could hope for was that he waited a few moments, just a few, enough so that she could compose herself, rid herself of the heat and the fear of what she would do the second they were alone.
Please, Richard, stay away…
Disclaimer: I do not own LOTS characters