Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but you knew that already didn't you?

EPOV

Jesus Christ almighty! My head felt like it had taken a fucking sledgehammer to the back of it. What the fuck did I drink last night? Why, oh why do I always agree to let Jasper and Emmett throw parties in my apartment? Who cares if mine was bigger? Who cares if it was closer to campus? Who cares if there was a shop that always served us just around the corner? I'd be 21 in a few weeks and let me tell you, I'd be taking full fucking advantage of that I.D whenever I was around Emmett's place.

Those fuckers. They know exactly how to play me. Get a few beers down Edward, persuade him it'll 'only be a few select people' and then bam. I'm up at...what time was it anyway...8 o'fucking clock...the next morning with a thumping hangover. Why the fuck was I even awake?

"Yeaaaaaah! That's a touchdown mother licker!" I heard Emmett's deep booming voice floating in from my living room.

"Like fuck it was. I hate playing Madden with you. You're such a fucking cheater." And Jasper was still here too. Great. Exactly what I fucking needed.

"Screw you man. You just can't handle defeat from the master that is Emmett 'The Destroyer' McCarty!"

"The Destroyer? How old are you? 12?"

I groaned and tried burying my head in my pillow to drown out their petty argument. Jasper on his own is fine, Emmett on his own is also fine but throw them together and...well usually it's a fuckload of fun at the time, but not at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning when I have a massive hangover that is completely their faults.

Their shouts were getting louder so I decided to give up, throw on some sleep pants and tell them to shut the fuck up.

"Dudes!" I shouted as loudly as my head would allow. "Will you quiet the fuck down? Have you seen what time it is? Emmett why are there pretzels all over my carpet?"

"Jasper did it," he replied not taking his eyes off the screen.

"No I didn't. You threw them at me when I said Pringles owned pretzels any day of the week."

"Oh yeah," he said with a laugh. "That sounds about right. What's wrong with you anyway Eddy boy? A certain little brunette got your panties in a twist?"

"Eat shit Emmett," I grumbled as I wandered into my kitchen in search of coffee. "And don't think I can't hear you laughing Jasper."

"And how it literary theory treating you?" Jasper said as he joined me in the kitchen and started eating cornflakes straight out of the box.

"It's great," I said with a fake smile.

"Like fuck it is. I don't know why you're still taking it. It's all bullshit."

"You know why I'm still taking Jasper and where the fuck is all my coffee?" I'd now looked in four cupboards and had no luck.

"EMMETT! WHERE'S THE COFFEE?"

"Jasper. Shut. Up. What part of my head feels like it's been split in two do you not understand?"

"Take a chill pill mon amigo," Emmett said, also joining us in the kitchen. "Check the cupboard under the sink."

"Under the sink is full of bleach and dish cloths. Why would I ever put my coffee in there?" I asked as I bent down and opened the cupboard.

"I don't know. But you must have put it there cause look, there it is!"

"Emmett why did you put my coffee under the sink? You don't even drink coffee."

"I didn't. I have no idea why it's th...oh yeah, I told Vicky to put it there."

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. One, they had persuaded me to have this party. Two, they were the ones that got me absolutely fucked. Three, they woke me up at 8am. Four, I now had no coffee.

"Emmett you're such a cock. Who is Vicky?"

"Vicky! You know from last night? Red-head, very long legs," he winked.

"Yeah, Edward. Vicky!" Jasper chimed in.

"Look. I don't know what the fuck you gave me to drink last night. But the last thing I can remember is playing beer-pong with Garrett," I said, searching through the rest of my cupboards looking for more coffee.

"Yeah I think there may have been some vodka or tequila –"

"- or both-"

"- mixed in with that beer," Jasper supplied with a little help from Emmett.

"Thanks guys."

"Yeah well you didn't mind at the time. You were having a great time, just like you always do when me and Emmett throw you a party."

"Just wait 'til you see the pictures!" Yeah thanks Emmett, that's just what I need.

"Dude, we only did it to cheer you up because you've been bitching about some essay that you don't even need to do."

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. The mother fucking essay.

"Well-fucking-done, Jasper! Look at his face. Why'd you have to go and remind him, you idiot?!" Emmett said throwing more of my pretzels at him.

"Excellent. I have an entire essay to write on something I know fuck all about and to top it off I have to do it while feeling like death. Yeah, way to go on cheering me up guys," I said with mock cheerfulness even throwing in a cheesy thumbs up.

"No problem man!" Jasper laughed.

"Edward. Look don't you think it's about time you dropped this act? You're fucking pre-med, why are you still taking some bullshit English class?"

"You, just like him," I said, pointing my finger at Jasper, "know exactly why I'm still taking the class. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to Mario's because your fuck of the evening has drank all my coffee and I have a 2,000 word essay to write."

I walked into my room and threw on whatever clothes I could find and grabbed my laptop and stupid English text book. It was Sunday morning; nobody I cared about was going to be up this early. I quickly brushed my teeth, didn't bother to shave and grabbed my keys.

As I was leaving my apartment I heard Jasper shouting to me from the kitchen, "You can take that class forever if you like. If you don't speak to her it won't make any difference!"

I slammed the door behind me when I heard Emmett laughing. Fuckers.

***

So basically there was a girl. Isn't there always I hear you ask? Yeah well, not with me. Not normally anyway. I was Edward Cullen! Jasper Hale, Emmett McCarty and Edward Cullen did not obsess over girls. No girl had ever forced us into celibacy from her mere presence. And if such a girl were to exist we'd have the fucking balls to talk to her.

Yeah well, apparently not.

Let me start at the beginning. I'm a pre-med student. Maths, biology, chemistry, even physics I can eat for breakfast. They were my thing; it all just came naturally. Unfortunately, reading a fucking time table did not come naturally to me. Seriously, they make those things so fucking confusing; there is no need for half the shit they put on them. If they just left out all the unnecessary rooms and times and –

Sorry. I digress. Anyway, at the start of this semester my time table changed the fuck around. I mean days, times, length of lessons, room numbers – the whole shebang. So there I was, wandering around campus trying to make sense of this piece of paper and I thought I'd figured it out. Biology A in Room 2 of the Hicks Building; Wednesdays at 1pm and Fridays at fucking 9am.

So there I was on the Wednesday (whoever thought it was a good idea to start term halfway through the week was a fucking idiot), pretty damn pleased with myself because I found my room and it was pretty empty so I had my pick of seats which was very important.

Now please don't think I'm a big-headed, up-myself jerk – because I promise you I'm not. However, I know I'm not exactly the worst guy in the world to look at and unfortunately a lot of the girls around here only care about that, hence a lot of unwanted attention. Emmett thinks I'm mad for not taking all the action I can and Jasper's too chill about everything to care but I just found it annoying and kind of embarrassing for the most part. Hence why my seat choice was so important. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the beauty of the window seat. Now you may think I'm just talking shit but you have my solemn vow that when beating off unwanted attention, a window to stare out of while showing your blatant disinterest is completely fucking priceless.

And thanks to my God-like schedule reading skills the best window seat in this room now belonged to yours truly.

So anyway, there I was feeling all pleased with myself and shit and she walks in. It took literally all I had not to just stare at her, to be honest I think I was very discrete, and have been for the past five weeks, with the amount of perving I've done on her.

Isabella Swan. With her long brown hair, and pretty eyes, and perfect skin, and shit what am I, a chick? (For the record I feel as though I should point out that she has the best ass I've ever seen and a pretty awesome rack as well. You know, just saying).

I didn't know what it was about her but I knew I had to talk to her. At that point I didn't even know her name but that wouldn't stop me. I'd never had a problem talking to girls, why should this one be any different right?

Well I'll tell you why.

Five minutes later, instead of Professor Banner walking in like I'd expected, some squat little man with a receding hairline walked in and chalked up 'Mr Berty' on the blackboard. At first I assumed we had a cover. Then the dude opened his mouth and fucked up the rest of my semester.

"Hello, everybody. I trust you all had a satisfactory break over the holidays and now it's time to get start on Literary Theory. If there is anybody here that didn't enrol for this class I suggest you leave now or else you're going to be extremely bored."

All I could think was fuck. I didn't want to be in a fucking English class! I knew nothing about books! I had the typically, clichéd messy doctor's handwriting. I hadn't studied literature, let only literary theory, since high school and I just didn't want to be here.

But I couldn't get up and walk out because I'd look like a complete and utter dick in front of the super hot girl because I couldn't even read a schedule. I was also pretty stoked about getting to spend four hours a week in the same room as her. But shit. How could I talk to her now? She'd want to know stuff like my major and if she found out I was pre-med then she'd want to know why I was taking an English class (which, it became apparent, most of the English majors didn't even want to be in). I suppose I could have just lied and said I wanted a "varied educational experience" but that would have been complete bullshit and I don't know man, I just didn't want to lie to this girl.

So there I was. Stuck in a class that I hated and didn't belong in, but at the same time didn't want to leave because there was a girl in there that I was wildly attracted to and felt some inexplicable draw towards. The only problem was I had no idea how to talk to this girl without her finding out I was a complete idiot.

Fuck my life.

After that day I transferred from some random physics class that I didn't actually need to do and into Literary Theory and stocked up on textbooks in the hope that they would help me.

I also put my investigative talents to good use. Note they are 'investigative' talents – not 'stalking' talents.

Basically I overheard somebody shout after her one day and stored the fact they called her 'Bella' in my mind. So naturally later that day I headed over to the English Department and looked up the class list for Lit Theory. The only person that could possibly have been her was one 'Isabella Swan' and a quick search on Facebook confirmed that. Unluckily for me everything she could set to private was private (I couldn't be bothered with that shit, I had nothing to hide on there) but I could see her profile picture in which she was drinking cocktails with a blonde that looked kind of fierce and some dark haired chick that reminded me of a china doll.

And that has pretty much been my life for the past 5 weeks. I still haven't spoken to her, basically because I'm scared but also because I feel like I've missed the boat when introducing yourself to someone in class is socially acceptable. I haven't slept with any other girls, let alone been on any dates, because they aren't her. I've been scraping by in a class I don't need to go to and I've been keeping on top of my other work as well. Oh and Jasper and Emmett have been ripping me at every opportunity for being pussy whipped by, in Emmett's words, 'a pussy you don't even have access to.' Nice.

And that brings me up to now. Sitting in Mario's with, finally, a large latte while I try to work my way through an essay on post-modernism. Give me molecular abnormalities any day over this. I had a splitting headache and reading through all of this without my contacts was making it a million times worse. Thank fuck I thought to bring my laptop in its case rather than just carry it because after a little rummaging I found my pair of black rimmed glasses. I didn't usually wear them purely because I found contact lenses easier but I'd never been more thankful to put my glasses on in my life.

A few hours and a couple of hundred pages of reading later I was brought out of my 'objective truth' (what bullshit) haze by the sound of a cup smashing, a slew of hurried apologies and what I can only describe as a cackle of laughter.

I looked up to see the one and only Bella with a bright red face trying to pick up shards of ceramic from the ground, while her dark haired friend was trying to stop her cutting herself and the blonde stood there cackling. What a bitch. Her friend was obviously embarrassed and all she could do was laugh? Bitch reminded me of Emmett. Mario was also hovering around with a dustpan and brush trying to stop Bella from apologizing.

"Mario," the dark haired one said, standing up, shit she was really tiny! "Give me the brush, can you put our coffees into take away cups and Bella will have a new mocha, thanks."

"What?! I don't want to leave!" I heard bitchy-blondie say. "We just got here and this is bound to be brilliant!" What was bound to be brilliant? They were in a coffee shop.

"Rose, please?" I heard Bella pleading from the floor. Wow she really wanted to get out of here. Was she that embarrassed about the cup? Mario wouldn't care and by the sounds of their conversation with him they were regulars in here anyway.

"Fine," Rose as I now knew her to be called huffed. "Alice you owe me five bucks by the way."

Ah short-stuff is called Alice.

"What?! Why?"

"I'll explain when we get back to Bella's."

"Why are we going back to mine? We've been there since Friday night when – ouch! Oh shit it's bleeding. Guys, do something!"

And there it was, the cut I knew was going to come but was too chicken shit to move from my place in the corner to stop. Before I could even stop myself to think about the consequences of my actions I was up and out of my seat, looking like a tramp by the way, and crouching down next to Bella.

"Hi, I'm Edward," I said by way of introduction. "I'm a pre-med here. Can you let me take a look at your hand?"

She didn't say anything in return; in fact she didn't even look like she was breathing and she had her eyes scrunched up really tight. Oh fuck man; she was even more beautiful up close. Yeah that's right I said beautiful; not hot, or smoking or anything like that. She was beautiful. I officially needed my balls reattached but whatever. She was bleeding a hell of a fucking lot, how the hell did she cut herself so bad, and I had a job to do.

"Can someone hand me a cloth or something to wrap around her hand please." Somebody handed me a hand towel. "Bella, you're going to have to go to the hospital, you're going to need stitches."

Her eyes flashed open and she looked me straight in the eye.

FUCK. I CALLED HER BELLA. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW HER NAME.

"Wh-what?" She asked me quietly.

I cleared my throat before answering, trying to sound more professional again, and said, "Your cut. It's pretty bad and you need stitches. Can you get to the hospital?"

"Yeah its fine we can take her," piped up Alice from behind me. Considering her friend was bleeding all over the place she had a pretty massive grin on her face. Sometimes best friends could be really fucking scary. The only thing worse than best friends were dads. "Come on Bells, up you get. We've got our weekly visit with the ER."

"Weekly visit?" I asked confusedly, standing up as well.

"Yeah Bella here is a total klutz," Blondie said.

"Rosalie, shut up and get me to the hospital. Edward, uh, thanks for helping me. I'll see you on Wednesday."

And with that they gathered up their stuff and left the shop.

Well, fuck! I'd spoken to her! At long fucking last I'd spoken to her. However, I'd called her by her name when nobody had 'told' me it which meant she probably thought I was some weird stalker freak and I'd revealed I was pre-med which meant I'd have to fess up about why I was in her class.

Ah once again, fuck my life.

Then her final words came back to me – "I'll see you on Wednesday."

I'll see you on Wednesday...when we had Lit Theory...she recognised me...she knew who I was!

Shit, maybe my life wasn't fucked after all! Maybe Jazz and Em were right and I did need to chill the fuck out.

... that's when I made my way back to my table and realised that I still had a 2,000 word essay to write or Bella wouldn't be seeing me Wednesday at all.

Yep, fuck my life.

A/N: Well there's chapter 2! How do we like EPOV? Is he as much of a stalker as Bella? I feel some more anecdotes involving Jasper and Emmett are in order as well :)

Chapter 3 will be on its way shortly! and please let me know what you thought!