SPN's My Bloody Valentine Parody

By Eli_Rogue

AN: Originally, Chapter 1 was designed to be a one-shot based on some screencaps from the episode. But since llliberty and Darkqueenkat (you can find them through the reviews link to this story) subscribed to story alerts for this story, I was obligated to write at least another chapter. Therefore, any of you who like the addition(s) may forward your thanks to them by R&R-ing one of their stories. But only if you R&R mine first.

As he watched the scene unfold before him, Cupid realized he might have hit Castiel with too much love mojo. Oopsie, he thought as his big brother molested the older Winchester and then passed out. Maybe it was because he'd never tried his mojo on an Angel before. Maybe Castiel was just a lightweight. He wasn't smart enough to figure it out.

"Dude," Sam said, "why didn't you tell me you two were a thing?"

Dean gasped indignantly. "We're not!"

Oh yeah? Cupid thought. We'll see about that! He nocked a particularly potent arrow onto his bow – he figured Dean had a higher tolerance for his mojo than most humans and was pretty sure he would need an extra push to allow himself to admit his love for Castiel.

Cupid aimed his bow at the largest, least dangerous target on Dean's body: his ass. He drew the string back and released.

Dean huffed at the thought of him and Cas being an item. Not that the Angel was a bad kisser. On the contrary; he was a very good kisser. Not that he would ever admit it to Sam. Or Cas. Or himself. Frustrated, he started to pace.

Just then, he felt something very fast graze his right ass cheek.

Cupid gasped in shock and horror when Dean moved. His motion caused the arrow to merely nick him before continuing on its merry way to Castiel's abdomen. Cas groaned loudly when it hit him, and he started to twitch everywhere.

Dean turned toward the source of the gasp. Cupid was hovering in the corner of the room, partially obscured by the column, shortbow in hand. The moronic demi-Angel looked horrified, and Dean followed his line of sight to see what the idiot had done this time.

What he saw was Castiel still unconscious, groaning and twitching on the floor with a golden arrow protruding from his belly. The arrow slowly dissolved into pink mist, leaving a perfectly round hole in Castiel's crisp, white shirt. Cas's twitching settled, and his body relaxed against the floor as a creepy, unnatural smile crept onto his face.

Dean actually growled as he turned on Cupid. "What the Hell did you do?!" he screamed.

"Don't yell at me!" Cupid wailed, teleporting right in front of Dean without his bow. He engulfed Dean in a massive apology hug and sobbed. "I- didn't- mean- to-oo-oo-oo!" he managed between sobs.

Dean was still furious at Cupid, but realized it was in his own best interest to act like he wasn't. "It's okay," he lied. "Really. Let me go, calm down, and just tell me what happened." Before I wring your freaking neck.

Cupid complied and continued to sniffle pitifully as Dean exchanged homicidal looks with Sam. Finally, Cupid explained through hiccups, "I was aiming for – hic – you, but you – hic – moved."

Dean had to close his eyes and grind his teeth to stop himself from screaming at Cupid again. The last thing he needed right then was more cherub snot slathered on his suit and tie.

Sam, however, was more capable of speech at the moment. In fact, he seemed frustratingly amused by the situation. "Cupid?" He spoke as if he were talking to a 3-year-old. "Why were you trying to shoot Dean?"

"So he and – hic – Castiel could – hic – fall in love and – hic – live happily ever – hic – after...."

Sam covered his mouth in a poor attempt to cover his snickering, and Dean gave him one of his death glares. He'd had enough. "Listen to me, you sorry little motherfu-"

Cupid wailed again, and a couple of light bulbs exploded. "I didn't – hic – know! I swear, I – hic – didn't know he was such – hic – a lightweight!" He cried loudly for a few seconds, gasped for air, then added, "I didn't even – hic – hit him with that much – hic – at first! Wah!"

"At first?!" Dean sputtered. "How much did he get?!"

"Just a – hic – little! Not even – hic – half of the normal – hic – amount!"

Sam took over the conversation, hoping that Cupid would tell them everything pertinent before he got too upset to continue. "And his reaction was unusual?"

"Uh-huh," Cupid whined, nodding. "People just get doe-eyed and sappy when I shoot them. It's never been that extreme." At least his hiccups were gone.

"And how much was in the second arrow?" Sam asked calmly. Dean, however was dreading the answer.

Cupid seemed reluctant to answer. He fidgeted in place, asking, "Do you promise you won't be mad?"

"NO!" Dean shouted.

"Yes," Sam overruled, shooting a glare at Dean. "We promise."

Cupid mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Dean asked sharply.

Cupid sighed heavily. "It was double."

Dean paled.

"Double what he got before?" Sam asked.

"Double what I normally do."

Dean paled further.

"So what's the antidote?"

"There isn't one," Cupid complained, then added, "It lasts 24 hours."

Dean snarled at Cupid, who stepped backward defensively. Before he could do anything, however, Cas let out a loud, weary groan, and everyone stopped to stare at him. He started to sit up, breathing heavily. Dean felt his heart sink into his stomach.

Cupid reached behind himself, conjuring a brown paper bag. He forced it into Dean's hands, saying, "You might need this," and disappeared.

Sam checked on Cas, who was still woozy but becoming more alert at an alarming rate.

Dean opened the bag, hoping for Angel-roofies or a chastity belt. He pulled out a bottle and read it.

K-Y New! Tingling Jelly Personal Lubricant Mint Scented

"Son of a bitch!" Oh, yes... Cupid would die.

tbc.

AN: I know: I'm terrible for leaving it here. My apologies. More reviews, faster updating.