Disclaimer: Penguins of Madagascar and all related characters are the property of Nickelodeon, DreamWorks, and any or all related affiliates. This fiction was created for the purpose of having fun and being creative, no money is being made in any way from it's creation and posting.
Paternity Pursuit
Chapter 15
By
Wildgoose
(The scene opens up curbside outside of the zoo. It is about nine o'clock at night and the penguins are seen hiding in the bushes just outside of the gates. There is minimal traffic on the streets at this time of night but there is still the occasional car, bus, or taxi. )
Skipper: Well, …that was certainly easier than it was last time.
Kowalski: Undoubtedly, …but I must point out that the reason for the ease of our egress this time was due to the fact that we didn't set fire to anything and we didn't take the time to beat up any zoo employees.
Private: That always makes things easier doesn't it. (Rico nods with enthusiasm.) So what's the plan Skipper?
Skipper: I was just about to ask Kowalski the very same thing, Private. (turns to Kowalski.) Like the young Private said, Kowalski. Let's have those options! (Kowalski stands there in deep thought for a moment and then begins to crunch some numbers on his abacus before standing there in thought again.) Well, …let's have it!
Kowalski: I'm still working on it, Skipper. You'll have to give me a minute or two.
Skipper: Biscuits and gravy! It's never taken you anywhere near this long to come with options before. What gives man?
Kowalski: The problem isn't coming up with the options Skipper, ….I've got plenty of them for you. The problem is our transportation, ….to get where we want to go we're going to need a taxi or bus. Both of them cost money and our cash reserves are uncertain at this moment because Rico's been spending on his girlfriend and he won't show me what we have left. (Kitsune looks insulted and whips out her notepad.)
Kitsune: (writes) Rico only bought me dinner the one time, …that could not have depleted your reserves. (Rico looks away and begins to whistle.) What…?
Skipper: Let's see it Rico, ….what have we got left? (Rico reluctantly coughs up he remaining funds.) Thirty dollars?
Rico: (grunts) Wait for it…. (He hacks a few more times and then spews some change into Skippers flipper)
Skipper: And eighty four cents, …well doesn't that just make us rich. (Pause) We started out with two hundred and only spent on our cab to the airport. How much could you possibly have spent for diner on this girl?
Rico: (grunts) Not that much. (Smiles weakly)
Private: So where could it all have gone?
Kowalski: He spent it somehow, …that's where it all went. No doubt on his new girlfriend! Females, …they're all about the money these days. If you've got no money to flaunt then you'll be a single bird for the rest…. (Kowalski gags heavily as the blade of a sword is thrust against his throat.)
Kitsune: (hands Kowalski a note.) You're rant is wearing thin very fast, ….Rico has spent nothing more on me and you insult my honor by implying that I'm so two dimensional. (Rico reaches out and takes the note from Kowalski, reads it, and then gently grabs the blade and pulls it away from Kowalski's throat.)
Rico: (looks Kitsune in the eyes and grunts his words.) The part about me is true, …I did spend the money. (He looks at Skipper.) I'm sorry.
Skipper: (sighs) Love can make anybody lose their head for a while, ….It's forgiven. Just tell us what you spent on.
Rico: (Grunts) It's supposed to be a surprise.
Skipper: For the risk of impairing this mission it had better be a darned good one.
Rico: I…. (Gags as Kitsune puts the blade to his throat.)
Kitsune: (writes) So now YOU think I'm shallow? (Rico shakes his head no.)
Private: Rico, ….if you care that strongly why don't you just ask her to marry you? (Kitsune drops her blade and backs away a few feet with a look of panic in her eyes. In an instant she turns to bolt away but collides with Marlene and her family.)
Marlene: Hey guys, …did I hear that somebody's getting married? I thought only humans go through that.
Kowalski: Marlene, …where did you come from?
Marlene: I wanted to come with, … but I don't have anybody I trust to baby sit so I brought the whole family. (Looks about.) I was part of this whole thing too, you know. You guys did what you did to help me.
Skipper: But you've got a family now, …we can't put them at risk.
Marlene: We're just going to apologize to the zookeeper, right? What risk is there?
Skipper: That's what Manfried and Johnson said when they thought that they had extinguished the fuse on that stick of dynamite. There were parts of them everywhere.
Pups: COOL!
Marlene: (scolding) NO, it's not. You know as many times that you brought those guys up in conversation, I'd always wondered how they actually bought it. (Kitsune starts to withdraw again so Marlene grabs her flipper.) Hey Skipper, …can you watch the kids for a minute? (doesn't wait for a reply.) Thanks! (Marlene walks about ten feet away with Kitsune.) SO, …..what seems to be such a big problem that the great samurai is actually afraid?
Kitsune: (writes) I fear nothing!
Marlene: Right, ..that's why you freaked and tried to run away when somebody suggested forming a family.
Kitsune: (Writes) I wasn't trying to run away, …I was going to check our flank to make sure all was clear.
Marlene: You must not lie very often because you're terrible at it. (Kitsune gives her an angry stare.) What, …you're going to kill me? Okay, …but you'll be the one responsible for my kids. If you can't handle somebody wanting to be with you then good luck with my little guys. (Kitsune looks away for a moment.) Look, …did Rico actually ask? (Kitsune shakes her head no.) Then what are you freaking out about? (Kitsune looks slightly relieved as they begin to walk back to the group.) By the way, …if Rico eventually does ask then I call dibs on maid of honor.
Kitsune: (writes) What's a maid of honor?
(The scene fades out and comes back outside of a building as a bus passes by. The entire group of animals jumps off the back bumper of the bus in series with most of them landing on their feet with the grace of a gymnast. Marlene and her two male pups are another story as they tumble up against the curb.)
Skipper: You pick things up pretty quickly, Yoshi.
Yoshi: I learned from the best, sir.
Skipper: I guess we'll have to work on your brothers over there. (Points to Marlene and her boys as they rub aching parts of their anatomy.) Come on people, let's get a move on. The night isn't getting any younger and our zookeeper is in one of the apartments of this building.
Kowalski: Um, ….actually Skipper it's the building across the street. We jumped off on the wrong side of the avenue.
Marlene: (holds up her paws.) Hey, don't look at me. We were all following you guys, remember?
Skipper: Make a note Kowalski, …we need to run sense of direction drills when we get home.
Kowalski: (whips out a notepad.) Consider it noted, Skipper. (The groups proceeds to cross the street occasionally dodging an oncoming car. Once across they spy a doorman standing just outside of the door to the building. )
Private: Um Skipper, …I think we may have a problem.
Rico: Uh huh.
Skipper: Yea, yea, …I see the one human all by his lonesome. (All of the animals stand there staring at the doorman who stares right back uncertain of what he should do. After a moment he fumbles about for his cell phone to call animal control.)
Kitsune: (writes) I think he wants to play it the hard way. I've got this…..
Skipper: (After reading the note he grabs her flipper.) Zero Casualties, ….we need to keep this mission as covert as possible. (Kitsune sighs and puts her sword away before belly sliding over to the door man and rapidly climbing up the inside of his pant leg, up though the mans shirt, and emerging partially from the mans collar next to his head sending buttons scattering across the sidewalk as a result. The Doorman turns his head as much as possible to stare in fear at this animal that has invaded his personal space. Kitsune opens her mouth and leans toward the man as if she's going to bite his head off causing the man to whimper uncontrollably as he thinks he's about to be mauled. Instead of biting, .. Kitsune simply licks the man's cheek slowly and as she does so the man rolls his eyes up and falls to the floor with Kitsune leaping out just in time to land on her feet.)
Kitsune: (writes) Zero casualties as ordered, …and done with taste. (She walks back over to the man and wipes her beak with his pant leg. Skipper and Kowalski exchange disgusted glances while Rico elbows Private gently in the ribs.)
Rico: That's my girl!
Private: Apparently so.
Skipper: Time is short people, …I need a volunteer to hit that blue button on the wall and get this door open. (All of the pups raise their paws in earnest.) Alright, …the three of you make a go of it. I want to see coordination people, …go, go! (Yoshi immediately takes charge.)
Yoshi: You heard our dad, …move it! Older brother stand against the wall, …younger brother stand on his shoulders, ….I'll take top side. (They carry out the instructions like a circus act and a moment later Yoshi hit's the blue handicap button causing the door to swing open.)
Skipper: Great job kids, …let's move people! (The entire group heads through the door before it swings shut again and once inside as skipper walks past, Kowalski makes a comment.)
Kowalski: Did they just call you dad…..? (Skipper pretends not to hear and leads the group to the elevator. Once inside they are surprised when the door is stopped from closing by a wrinkly arm that is thrust between the doors causing them to reopen. Once open a little old lady gets in and stands next to them with indifference while she pushes one of the buttons.)
Private: Um, …Skipper?
Skipper: I see her Kowalski, …nobody make a move. (The elderly lady turns in their direction and adjusts her coke bottle glasses.)
Lady: My, ….it's quite late for you kids to be out and about isn't it? Tomorrow's a school day you know. (The penguins exchange glances at each other several times uncertain of what to do next.) You know it's quite disrespectful not to acknowledge your elders, …in my day a person in my position would have taken a rod to your rear ends.
Kowalski: I believe it to be to our advantage to avoid a confrontation with this old bag, Skipper. We need to find a way to respond.
Skipper: I'm listening, what have you got for me.
Kowalski: I recall Marlene saying that she'd been learning how to say things in human.
Marlene: Badly, …don't forget that I said it comes out badly. Nature didn't really design me to speak their language.
Skipper: (Oblivious.) Really, …I don't remember that? Let's hear it, Marlene.
Marlene: It's a few words, ..it's not like I'm conversational or anything. Not to mention I sound horrible, …I'm pretty sure I mentioned that a few times already. (In the background the old woman begins to tap her cane on the elevator floor.)
Rico: (grunts) Old bag's getting antsy.
Skipper: I'll take whatever you've got, Marlene. Let's hear it.
Marlene: (sighs deeply.) Alright, ….hopefully I won't have to repeat myself. (She takes several deep breaths and gives it a try. The voice is very high pitched and squeaky.) "Nice day."
Old lady: (chuckles) You must have just turned a teenager young lady, …your voice is changing. Have no fear, …that will come to an end before you know it and soon enough you'll be thinking about boys. (The elevator dings and the doors swing open.) This is my floor, …I'll see you again in the halls deary. (The woman gets out and the doors close. Rico quickly hit's the button so the elevator will continue on it's way.)
Kitsune: (writes) That was impressive, …you could actually make out the words.
Marlene: Really, …how about you Skipper? What did you think?
Skipper: (faux unimpressed.) Not bad, …it needs work though to be useful in these situations.
Private: It was better than any of us could have done, anyway. How did you learn to speak their language?
Marlene: I can't really, …it's just a few words. And it was really hard, …like I said before. Nature didn't design me to speak their language. (The elevator dings again and the doors swing open.)
Skipper: Our stop people, …we've got a job to do! (The group piles off of the elevator and begins to work their way down the hall despite the occasional person moving up against the wall to stay clear of them.)
Kowalski: Pardon my insubordination Skipper, …but I thought that this mission was supposed to be covert. We appear to be quite noticeable like this.
Skipper: I've always wanted to be able to freak people out just for the fun of it. Besides, they're tenants. The cops have probably learned to ignore their quirky little phone calls.
Private: So, ….you're using the ignorance of the authorities to our advantage?
Kowalski: Presumed ignorance, …we'll know soon enough if animal control shows up to rain on our parade.
Skipper: Fear not Kowalski, …we'll be out of here before you know it. (Pause) But just in case, …You brought that grapple gun of yours right Kitsune? (She nods) If necessary we'll escape by rooftop. (Pause.) By the way, ..what room number are we looking for?
Kowalski: Number twenty three A. We're at number twenty, so it should just be few more doors.
Skipper: Excellent! (Once in front of the door the pups do their little circus act and try to turn the knob only to find the door locked.) Fishcakes, ..these humans must be even more paranoid than I am.
Marlene: I didn't think that was possible, Skipper. (Kitsune snickers a very hoarse laugh in the background causing everybody to turn and stare at her.) What on earth was that?
Kitsune: (writes) Sorry.
Marlene: I thought you couldn't speak.
Kitsune: (Writes) I can't, ….that's about the most you'll ever hear out of me.
Marlene: Can you try, …even if it sounds like that?
Kitsune: (rolls her eyes and makes an equally horse attempt.) "I'll try…" (She's forced to stop due to a fit of coughing.)
Marlene: Never mind, …I was just curious. Sorry I asked. (Kitsune makes a no problem gesture with her flipper.) So what do we do now, Skipper? (Rico regurgitates a brick of C-4 in response.)
Skipper: No good, Rico. That will bring the authorities to this door without question. (Pause) Kowalski, …think you can pick he lock? (Kowalski stares at it for a moment.)
Kowalski: Hmm, …a Magnalock 20/20 with titanium tumblers.
Skipper: Should I take that as a no go?
Kowalski: (laughs) What could ever give you that idea, …I was just admiring the construction. I'll need to get up there. (The penguins leap on shoulders to build a ladder to the door knob with Kowalski getting on top.) You know, Skipper. Having a fifth team member is coming in quite handy.
Skipper: Just pick the lock, Kowalski. We'll pat her on the back for her contributions later. (Kowalski pulls out a few paper clips and begins to work on the lock. After a few minutes the door opens an inch and the animals sneak in hugging the wall and moving behind the furniture.) Kowalski, …any sign of the target?
Kowalski: (pulls out his binoculars and scans the room.) Affirmative Skipper, …target is twenty feet away lying on the couch. There appears to be a large plaster cast on one of his legs, …also I should point out that the humming coming from the next room suggests that he is not alone.
Skipper: Fish sticks, …that complicates matters. We'll need to neutralize the other human before we can approach the target. Is he awake?
KowalskiL Unknown, …I can't see his eyes. However his posture seems to suggest that he may at least be semi conscious.
Skipper: We'll have to risk it. Kitsune, …you and Rico go take care of the other human. Remember, …zero casualties. (The two of them belly slide away without so much as a note.)
(The scene changes to the bathroom down the hall where Alice is primping herself in the mirror and adjusting her clothing in preparation to go out. She continues to hum to herself an unrecognizable tune when she hears something enter the bathroom. She looks about but see's nothing. A moment later she gets the feeling that she's being watched and looks about some more.)
Alice: Is that you, Steve? You know if you wanted to get freaky all of a sudden you could have said something before I actually got dressed. (Looks about and listens.) Steve? (a black feather slowly drifts downward in front of Alice's face.) What the…? (She looks up and See's Kitsune clinging to a light fixture on the ceiling. A moment later Kitsune gives it a kick causing the glass lens to come free and descend on Alice's horrified face seconds before Alice hit's the floor unconscious.)
(The scene changes back to the living room of the apartment as Kitsune and Rico rejoin the group.)
Rico: (grunts) It's done.
Kitsune: (writes) She'll have a headache when she wakes up but she'll live. (Points to the man on the couch) Is this the guy?
Skipper: This is the guy. Private, …begin wake up procedures! (Private jumps up onto the couch and begins to use his tail feathers to tickle the man's nose until he sneezes and wakes up.) Score one for the Private! ( The zookeeper sits up rubbing his eyes. Once done he looks at his feet in fatigue to notice that there are penguin feet all around him. He looks up slowly to see all of the animals and then stares at them for about five minutes.)
Steve: (groans) Let me guess, …you came to finish me off? (Looks at Kitsune and Marlene's pups.) You came with reinforcements this time. (Sighs and rubs his eyes before briefly pointing to Marlene.) Nice pups. (Looks at Kitsune.) You must be the new one I've heard about. (Sighs again.) Alright, …hurry up and finish me off. (Kitsune looks at Skipper in inquiry only to have Skipper shake his head.) How did you guys avoid Alice?
Kitsune: (writes and shows the note to Steve.) We put her to sleep.
Steve: You can write, ….I'd heard that about you. (Kitsune looks at him in curiosity.) So what brings you all here at this time of night if you're not here to finish what you started? (Kitsune begins to write notes translating for the other animals.)
Skipper: You've been gone from the zoo, ….everybody is unhappy because of it. The guy who took your place has sabotaged all of our freedoms. (Steve bursts out laughing.)
Steve: You guys send me to the hospital and put me on disability and then to top it off you expect things to be just hunky dory when you get back from your little excursion? (Looks at the penguins puzzled expressions.) Oh yea, ….I know where you guys went. I know all about your little ruse and the shenanigans you guys got into while in Philly. (Opens a drawer and pulls a file out and then drops it on the floor at the penguins feet.) I read Syron's report to Antarctic command. (The penguins beaks drop) Oh give me a break, …every zoo that has a penguin contingent has an overnight zookeeper that works for the command. How else would you be able to do what you do for so long with out being noticed. My only sin was giving you guys that extra few inches to run away with. I had to play along with Syron's B.S story and pretend I sent you on a covert op to investigate unconfirmed intel on Dr. Blowhole. (The penguins exchange glances before speaking again.)
Skipper: (forcefully.) Who do you report to?
Steve: Who I report to is beyond your clearance level but I can tell you that Antarctic command reports to the NSA. (National Security Agency) That's about as far as I can go on that without being shot. (pause) That's what I get for putting in six years of black ops with the marine corps. I get to put up with you guys. (Kitsune leaps up onto Steve's lap and puts her sword to his throat.)
Kitsune: (very raspy) You're a spy!
Steve: The Emperor penguin named Kitsune, …..Syron may have known all about you but Command has never heard of you. (Kitsune's angry expression melts and she backs off slightly.) I had to contact her by shortwave and then contact Japan. Mr. Takagi was overjoyed to hear about you. (Kitsune thrusts her sword back against his throat in a rage with tears pouring from her eyes and a small amount of saliva dripping from her beak.) That's about what Syron said you'd do. (Pause) You hate him that much, huh? (Kitusne looks about for her writing instruments and then writes frantically.)
Kitsune: (writes) He betrayed me and left me for dead!
Steve: (sighs) Well then you won't have to hate him for much longer. (Private speaks and then has to prompt Kitsune multiple times for a translation.)
Private: What exactly does that mean?
Steve: Mr. Takagi is dying, ….lung cancer I think. (Kitsune flipper begins to shake until she drops the sword to the floor and then plops onto her rump while still on Steve's lap.) Despite how you feel he made a dying mans request that I'm honor bound to keep. (Steve picks Kitsune up and holds her to his shoulder like a small child and begins to sing a song in Japanese that he had been requested to memorize. The other animals look on dumbstruck. After several moments the song stops but Kitsune remains on the shoulder) I think she might be there a while. (Kitsune hearing this backs off and resumes translating.)
Kitsune: (writes with tears still in her eyes.) I came to do a job, I will take my service issues up with Syron later. (She continues to write translations for the other animals.)
Marlene: What was that song?
Steve: I have no idea, I don't speak Japanese. I was just asked to memorize it. (Turns to Kitsune.) You may hate his guts, Kitsune. However it's clear as day that he still loves you.
Skipper: (Decides to change the subject.) Right, …um okay. Back to business, …we'd like to get things back to normal at the zoo. Will you come quietly?
Steve: You've got to be kidding me, …I've been waiting to hand in my resignation because of you guys. (Marlene steps forward and takes a few deep breaths and speaks her best human in that high pitched squeaky voice.)
Marlene: "We're …sorry."
Steve: Okay, ….I'm officially impressed. That was cool, …how long have you been working on that? (Marlene shrugs.) Alice has been telling me what's been going on at the zoo, …frankly I find it all funny. You've never known how good you had it until you burnt the bridge behind you. (Sighs) So you want me back, …what's it worth to you? (The animals look at each other in confusion.)
Skipper: This isn't a negotiation, …we need you to come along quietly or else!
Steve: Really, what are you going to do to me this time? Whatever it is it will only make me resign even faster and then you guys will be stuck with another operative permanently.
Skipper: This isn't going to fly, ….I need options Kowalski!
Kowalski: (jots something down on paper.) I'm sorry Skipper, ..any use of force will only make matters worse. It looks like we'll have to make a deal.
Skipper: Go a little deeper, …what do you mean by deal?
Private: I think he means we need to make amends somehow, Skipper.
Skipper: I know what he means, …I just like for him to spell It out once in a while. It strokes his ego a bit.
Private: Ah, …I see.
Skipper: Alright zookeeper, …what do you want? (Steve reaches behind the couch and pulls put a nine iron.)
Steve: Ideally, …payback sounds good. (Begins tapping the iron in his palm.)
Skipper: Kitsune, ….we could use your intimidation skills about now. (Kitsune doesn't respond after translating. She just sits there and stares at the paper.)
Kowalski: She appears to be in a psychological funk,, Skipper. She may be neutralized for the time being. (Kitsune picks up her head and then throws a star at the floor near Kowalski's foot and then writes.)
Kitsune: I'm upset, …not comatose. Just make a deal, …let him name Marlene's pups or something. (the note is shown to Marlene who after a moment of thought, gestures for one pup. The offer is then presented to Steve.)
Steve: You haven't named all of those guys yet? ( The sound of a ceramic vase tipping over followed by the sound of water spilling on the floor is heard in the background. Everybody turns to see one of the boy pups lapping the water off the floor.) I guess I have better things to be mad at, …and I seriously doubt I'm ever going to see my money again. In addition though you guys owe me a few favors from time to time. I like Chinese food too you know.
Skipper: (looks about at the others before responding.) We'll take that deal.
Steve: Very well, …apologies accepted. And I've got a name for that little trouble maker already. (Looks over at the pup still lapping at the water.) Hey pup, ..come here. (the pup bounds from table to chair over to the couch.) Do you like mythology? (The pup stares at him.) You're name is Loki.
Kowalski: The Norse deity of mischief, ….how interesting.
Steve: Well it wasn't about to be Thor. (Pause) So with that done, ….I assume you stashed Alice somewhere. (Looks at Kitsune) Syron told me you have a thing for duct tape, …you didn't did you? (The scene fades out.)
Chapter 16 coming soon.
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.