+Heart of the Fire+
It all had to be a terrible dream; when she opened her eyes, the world would be realigned and everything that had happened would just be a distant memory...
Tug sat on one end of the sofa, knees tucked under her chin, staring into the heart of the fire, which crackled merrily and flooded the small room with a warm orange glow, keeping the darkness that had enveloped the rest of the drafty old building at bay. Aside from the popping embers and the whistle of the wind over the chimney, the Newsboys Lodging House was uncharacteristically quiet. It was a strange phenomenon that happened only in the wee hours of the morning, when those who called the place home were tucked away in their beds, dreaming about headlines and girls. In a few hours time they would be roused, to begin their long day of work.
For Tug, the silence was eerie and unsettling; she was more accustomed to the chaos that associated itself with a group of young boys. As it was such a late hour, they all were sound asleep in their bunks two floors above her, re-energizing. She, however, was wide awake, staring mindlessly at the dancing flames; her mind was too active with worry for sleep. Never before had she been at the Lodging House this late, but she had good reason; she was waiting - waiting for Skittery, who was long overdue.
Earlier that day he had asked her to meet him at the Lodge when they were finished selling, but he never showed up. Some of the other boys said that he had returned for a little while and then left again, but none of them seemed to know where he had gone or why. He left without saying a word to anyone; this really worried Tug, because he had never done this to her before - he always met up with her, particularly when it was his idea. It also concerned her that not one of the other boys could tell her anything; usually - as there were so many of them - somebody knew something.
All of this made it too easy for Tug to think the worst.
She was in the middle of stifling a yawn when a sharp noise punctured the silence, making her jump slightly. Straining her ears, she listened carefully as the back door fell shut. It was followed by heavy footsteps trudging down the hall. The footsteps stopped just outside the door. Whirling around, Tug saw the shadowed figure of Skittery lurking just outside the doorway. Relieved, she vaulted from the sofa and hurried toward him, but stopped short when he stepped into the room; his face was twisted with anger - anger that seemed directed straight toward her.
He said nothing, shaking his head with that same dark expression as he inched further into the room.
"Where have you been?" Tug demanded, choosing to ignore the odd behavior.
His head continued to shake while he growled, "How could you?"
"Wh-What?" she stammered, eyes wide -- startled by the tone of his voice. She watched as he stumbled forward, catching himself on the back of the sofa. His movement pushed the thick, pungent stench of alcohol through the air. Tug crinkled her nose, disgusted by the strong odor and slightly alarmed by the discovery -- though it helped to explain his behavior a bit. Frowning, she slowly asked, "Skittery -- have you been drinkin'?"
Skittery rolled his eyes and grunted, "Don't try to change the subject!"
"What subject?" Tug replied incredulously, eyebrows raised. She took a small step toward him, cautiously -- uncertain of how to handle him in this state. "Look, why don't ya just sleep this off. We can talk later, alright? I just wanted to--"
"Oh, don't act like ya don't know what I'm talkin' about..."
"I don't know what yer talkin' about!"
"I'm talkin' about you and Mush," he barked, the words rolled off his tongue with great distaste. He glared accusingly, though his eyes seemed unable to focus on her completely.
Tug stared at him, caught completely off guard. He could not possibly know about what had happened between them earlier that day, could he? A chill ran up her spine at the thought, but she quickly down-played his insinuation.
"Yeah? What about me and Mush?" she replied as nonchalantly as she could manage, swallowing the nerves that had lept into her throat.
The color in Skittery's cheeks deepened and spread quickly to his ears as Tug's flat ambiguous response fueled his anger. With his jaw set, he spoke through clenched teeth.
"I know about you two." He scowled at the gut-wrenching thought. "And don't even try to deny it, 'cause Tumbler saw the two of ya kissin' earlier today."
Tug blanched; her skin suddenly felt ice cold, prickling with goose-pimples. A hand flew up to cover her surprise and she was beginning to feel a little queasy. They had been seen? The situation had just turned from bad to ugly -- and from the look on Skittery's face, Tug could tell it was only going to get worse.
"He - He did?" she whispered through her fingers, horrified. All other words of explanation that had been forming died when she saw heartbreak overtake the fury in his eyes. Her heart panged with guilt as she watched him slump against the back of the sofa.
"Gawd - It's really true then," he said, choking on the words. His wide, unfocused eyes slide to the floor as he ran his fingers through his disheveled brown locks.
"Skittery, I am so sorry..." she offered in a small voice, but he didn't seem to be listening.
"How long has this been going on? How long, Tug?"
She shook her head firmly. "It's not like that--"
He gave a pained laugh and shook his head, still looking distant. "I should've known. You'se two always goin' off, sellin' together -- I should've known..."
"Skittery," she said anxiously, raising her voice, determined to get his attention. He finally looked up, but didn't quite meet her eye. "It ain't like that -- I swear."
"Really?" he said with a snort of disbelief. Tug could see the anger building in his eyes again. "If it ain't like that then why were ya kissin' him, huh?"
"It wasn't--"
"Yer my girl -- you ain't supposed to be kissin' no one but me!"
"It happened so fast. It didn't mean nothin', Skittery -- honest. It didn't mean nothin'."
"You still kissed him!" he growled, pushing himself away from the sofa's support and wobbling slightly. He shook his head sadly. "How can I trust you anymore?"
It was like a slap to the face; Tug stood there paralyzed by his words. She could feel the tears prickle in her eyes as she stared at him -- devastated. Her heart pounded rapidly against her chest, aching with every beat. The kiss, at the time, seemed like such an insignificant little mishap, something that could be forgiven and forgotten, but instead it was bringing the world down around her. Tug drew in a shaky breath. It had to be the alcohol talking; he was blowing this way out of proportion, wasn't he?
"You don't mean that," she whispered, the words hardly finding their way out. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he offered no suggestion that things would be alright, not even the slightest glance to give her hope that they would move past this argument. He simply stared at floor with his arms folded over his chest. "Skittery -- please --it was a terrible mistake. I'm sorry. It meant nothing. I am so sorry -- Skittery..."
His eyes, wet with tears, rolled upward to look at her. He shook his head slowly.
"Sorry ain't gonna fix it -- not this time. I just don't think I can trust you anymore..."
He turned and walked from the room without another word, leaving Tug to stare mindlessly at the spot where he had been standing. She stood there, frozen with shock and heartbreak, until someone appeared at her side -- it was Jack. For whatever reason, he guided her safely back home, though his kind actions and words were hardly noticed as her entire being was clouded by what had just happened.
Tug opened her eyes. She was still in the room, curled up under the bed sheet, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. The pillow that cradled her head felt damp from the many tears that had fallen over the last few hours as she tried to purge the horrible feelings that had consumed her: the shock, the devastation, and above all, the guilt.
She battled with herself as the scene continued to replay in her mind. What could she have done differently? There had to have been something she could have said, something she could have done to make a difference. It didn't matter how she analyzed it, because there was nothing she could do about it now. It was over.
Somehow she would have to move past the overwhelming emotion and figure out how to set things right. But, with the memory of Skittery's obvious heartbreak so close at hand, the idea seemed nearly impossible.
And she knew there was only herself to blame.
A/N: So, I would really appreciate some feedback on this chapter. I'm not sure if I captured it properly. I think aside from Tug's emotion, I hope it kind of showed how much Skittery loved Tug, which is why he is taking it so hard. -shrug- Leave your thoughts, let me know.