DISCLAIMER: I still don't own anything... although I do have 358/2 Days, and will be getting Birth By Sleep soon. Good times.

Chapter 3: Round Two

A/N: I think you know by now not to expect the requisite talking here, right?

"In round two, ten seconds are taken off the clock, meaning that you have three minutes and twenty seconds. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round; that's Kairi. Let's play… the Weakest Link! Kairi: Is Snow White a Princess of Heart or of Fart?"

Kairi takes a moment to process that Anne did actually say fart. It's really quite hard to believe, but she recovers quickly and says, "Princess of Heart"

"Correct. Mickey: If someone is mocking something, they are said to be taking the what?"

"Mickey."

"No, the correct answer is taking the piss. Leon: Lightning of Final Fantasy XIII uses a weapon called a Gunblade. In what way does it differ from yours?"

"It actually functions as a gun as well as a sword"

"Correct. Aeris: Which Final Fantasy character's name was allegedly mistranslated in the initial western release, a so-called mistake which later resulted in a totally unnecessary and highly undesirable retcon?"

"Um... me?"

"Correct. Sephiroth: Which Final Fantasy final boss theme is the longest ever recorded in the history of the Final Fantasy series?"

Sephiroth scowls, clearly wanting the answer to be One-Winged Angel, but he grudgingly gives his answer as "Dancing Mad" instead.

"Correct. Axel: How many members of Organization XIII still have not had the names of their original selves revealed?"

"Uh... four."

"Correct. Roxas..."

This time, Sora has taken the precaution of moving to Roxas's podium early.

"Bank."

"...how many Kairi lookalikes have been seen in the Kingdom Hearts series so far?"

Sparing only enough time to finish giving the answer as "One", Sora immediately starts back towards his own podium, determined to be able to catch his breath for a change.

"No, the correct answer is two. Sora: The Paopu fruit has what property?"

"If two people share it, their destinies are forever tied together."

"No, it's actually just a very potent aphrodisiac. Riku: What is Rikku's cousin's name?"

Predictably enough, Riku misses the very slight difference in pronunciation.

"I don't have any cou..."

"The correct answer is Yuna. Kairi: Why are you so damn useless?"

"Because I fit into the 'Hero's love interest' cliché?"

"Correct. Mickey: Who is the next coolest mouse after you?"

There is quite a long pause before Mickey finally comes up with an answer.

"Dangermouse?"

"Correct. Leon: What is the origin of the concept of 'Pandora's Box', after which the Lunatic Pandora is named?"

"Greek Mythology."

"Correct. Aeris: Give two examples of amusing anagrams of your father's name."

"Um... Fat-ass Grime... and... Aeris Fags (TM)."

"Correct. Sephiroth: In Dissidia Final Fantasy, which of the villains breaks the fourth wall by humming the Victory Fanfare? "

The keen observer will, at this point, notice a vein pulsing just above Sephiroth's eye. The sensible observer might decide to take cover. "...Kefka."

"Correct. Axel: If McDonalds were to produce a dessert item based on you, what would it most likely be called?"

In the pause before Axel answers, Sora moves to Roxas's podium.

"The... McFlurry of Dancing Flames?"

"Correct. Roxas: What combination of Panels must be equipped in order to dual-wield Oathkeeper and Oblivion in Mission Mode?"

"Zero Gear and three Ability units."

"Correct. Sora..."

Due to the length of the previous answer, Sora doesn't have time to get to his podium early, and is therefore once again slightly out of breath.

"...how many times have you tried to get Donald to damn well wear some trousers?"

"OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

Even Sorceror Nobody was beginning to wonder how long it would be before he put a meme in. It was inevitable, really, and it definitely won't be the only one.

"I'll accept. Riku: Where the hell are all the adults on Destiny Islands?"

Seriously, it's a good question. We only hear Sora's mother briefly in Kingdom Hearts, and thats it. Do Sora's father and Riku's parents even exist? We can surmise that Selphie's don't, because she was raised in that pathetic excuse for a backstory known as Edea's Orphanage. Wakka's were killed by Sin, and Jecht is probably off playing Blitzball or something. As for Tidus's mother... ah, who cares about all this anyway? Let's just get on with the fanfic, shall we?

"They don't exist until Nomura decides that they do."

"Correct."

At this point, the fanfare (or whatever you want to call it) is heard.

"That completes a chain of nine correct answers, meaning that your total prize fund is now 5000 Munny. Whose world's average IQ will drop when they go home? Who thinks that a Xigbar is somewhere to buy alcohol? It's time to vote off who you think is the Weakest Link"

The Weakest Link in this round is Mickey, with one wrong answer and a lot of lost time when answering questions. The strongest link is Leon, but who will the players vote for?

"It's time to reveal who you think is the Weakest Link"

As the camera pans across, the votes are more varied than in the previous round. Sora, Riku, Axel and Roxas have voted for Mickey, while Kairi and Mickey have voted for Riku. Leon and Sephiroth have voted for Sora, and Aeris has voted for Axel.

"Kairi, why have you voted for Riku?"

"Well... it's just that... well, I've heard a lot of rumours that Sora is actually gay for Riku."

At this point, both Sora and Riku's jaws hit the floor with an audible clang. Their looks of utter incredulity are absolutely priceless. Meanwhile, Anne continues...

"Oh, really? Who told you that?"

"Well, a couple of my female friends read a lot of stuff on the internet, and..."

Anne interrupts. "So basically, you heard it from a load of yaoi fanfiction."

Sora and Riku seem immeasurably relieved by this explanation, while Kairi hangs her head, blushing a little. Anne now turns to pick on someone else.

"Why have you voted for Axel, Aeris?"

"He has the wrong kind of spiky hair for my tastes. He sounds like one of the Turks, too, and I'm not exactly keen on the Shin-Ra company."

Anne doesn't press the issue any further. "The actual weakest link was Mickey, and he also has the most votes. You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"

Cut to Mickey's soliloquy:

"Welp, I'm slightly surprised to have gone out so early, but I did have quite a bad round. I wish the others the best of luck. Apart from Sephiroth, that is. I don't know exactly what it is about him, but I just don't like him at all."

A third chapter! O.o It's partly due to a friend on the Final Fantasy Wiki who asked me when an update could be expected. That gave me the incentive to write this whole chapter from scratch in the space of just under two hours. See, I told you all, R&R does get me to work faster! Thanks, Bond em7!

There has been a minor change to the previous chapter in light of the release of certain character information from Birth By Sleep.

I've also realised that I made a slight error in the Munny total. It was 2550, which is impossible because when the banked amount reaches the maximum, even if not by a full chain, the round ends. However, since I don't want to have to rewrite a chunk at the end of the chapter, I've put in a small "explanatory" line. Basically, I'm saying that this version of the Weakest Link works slightly differently from the real one. If you have a problem with that, tough! :P

Update: Quick question: what do you think a supreme transcendental nonentity can do with MS Paint and a few Chain of Memories sprites?

ht tp: / / i7 59 . pho tobu cket . co m / albums / xx238 / SorcerorNobody / KHWLJawdrop . pn g? t= 1282851355

Update 2: Since the above URL was "broken" last time (presumably a deliberate act of sabotage to prevent external linking or something), I've restored it. However, as a failsafe, I've added a spaces to break up the parts of the URL that this site seems to be picking up on. Simply copy and paste it into your browser's address bar, and remove all 25 spaces.