A/N: Sorry it took 10 days to post, Teachers have been relentless with the homework :(. but hey, this chapter is longer than I first speculated so :D. no seriously this is like 1000 words more than I thought it would be. so tell me, what would you like best? a flash back chapter to a certain point in Finn and Rachel's relationship? or another chapter that involves Finn's life in Alaska. I'm going to do both eventually, just wanted to know which one you'd like best.

Twilight

[June 21st, 2013]

Rachel laid there, sprawled out on her sway couch piece, looking up at the ceiling fan whirl round and round inside of her apartment on the Upper West Side of New York. Her eyes would sometimes fixate on a single blade and just follow it with her gaze, She was planning to just watch it until she fell asleep. She pressed her nose down to the collar of the dress shirt that she was wearing and let the unique and intoxicating scent fill her nostrils. Her fingers trailed downward on the buttons of the shirt, she couldn't even imagine how many times her fingers have unbuttoned this shirt. She let out a slight moan as she imagined what laid beneath the shirt almost every time she opened it. It was a very soft shirt, she could see why he liked it so much. In fact...

It was Finn's favorite dress shirt.

She took it from his dresser a couple of days after he ran away.

After he ran away from me.

Rachel began to feel nauseated from eating too much rocky road ice cream (She knew that wasn't the reason her stomach was aching, and she tried to ignore the real reason.) She rolled her body around to face the TV were she was watching Funny Girl for the 4th time that day, she was going for the record. To say she felt pathetic would be an understatement, Crying like a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum, watching a sad movie, and eating a tub of ice cream, all over a boy she broke-up with. To say that would be the worst decision of her entire life, now that would be an understatement.

But she was only trying to do what was best for Finn, she was doing it because she loved him, and he deserved a good future for himself, even if that future didn't involve her. Finn had a chance to go to college in Lima, although it wasn't exactly the best college in the world, it would give Finn the opportunity to get an education and a good job. Were as if he followed her to New York, he would be pumping gas, and isn't that the future he specifically told her he didn't want?

Rachel closed her eyes and began to imagine Finn, she curled up in her blanket and visualized Finn cuddling with her the way he used to after they made love, his strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist, his big muscular chest exerting heat onto her face. She started to melt as she imagined him giving her his famous lopsided grin that showed off his dimples so well. And Oh, how she missed looking into his warm, innocent eyes.

She was brought out of her trance by the loud and obnoxious knocking on her door. She groaned loudly into the empty room, pressed the pause button on her remote, and got up too see who was outside her apartment. She mentally cursed the architects for putting the peephole on her door so high up, thank god for her ballet classes that allowed her to easily stand on her toes. When her eyes focused on the figures outside of her door she groaned inwardly.

It was Kurt and Mercedes.

Both Kurt and Mercedes were attending Juilliard University. Kurt was attending because of his very soothing soprano voice that caught the attention of Juilliard's Alumni from his performance at Regionals in New York their junior year. Mercedes had come along way from her sophomore year (Despite the fact that she refused voice lessons from Rachel time after time) she had a lot more control over her voice and her vocal range had even expanded a bit. Rachel toned the diva act down a notch after her fling with Charice her junior year (Seriously, how can you fit that much Diva in an even smaller package than Rachel was?) and it almost ceased to exist her senior year. And as a result, Kurt and Mercedes seemed to do the same. They had even managed to become good friends (After Kurt stopped criticizing her wardrobe.) And the group became even closer when they found out they were all going to New York together.

Normally Rachel would be excited to see them, but not today. Today she just wanted to be alone, eat her ice cream, and watch Funny Girl. So she decided just to sit still, and wait for them to go away. Another knock came, this time louder. She could tell that now they were both knocking with all their might.

"Rachel, we know you're in there!" Kurt yelled, it came out loud and clear even through the apartment's thick walls.

"You were supposed to meet us for dinner at Sardi's at Nine!" Mercedes stated in her usual sassy way.

Oh crap. She was supposed to call them to cancel their plans together, but got too caught up in her own self-loathing to do so.

Rachel stood there next to the door, holding her breath as if they could hear her inhale and exhale. She closed her eyes and chanted to herself for them to leave. A couple of seconds later she heard them stir outside.

"Fine. If you won't invite us in, we'll have to do it ourselves," Rachel let out her long-and well needed-breath. not even a second later, the door nob began to turn. The door swung open forcefully and she was met face-to-face with a furious Kurt and an aggravated Mercedes with her arms folded and a repugnant look on her face.

There faces softened when they noticed her appearance, Wearing a dingy pair of short-shorts, Large and wrinkled button-up dress shirt. Even in the darkened apartment, she looked pale and it was apparent to both of them that she had been crying.

"Rachel," Mercedes said sympathetically as she stepped forward. "What's wrong, hot mama?" Mercedes placed her hands on her shoulders, Rachel looked down, not wanting them to see the apparent tears that were falling.

She finally swallowed the lump in her throat and muttered "Nothing, I'm... I'm fine," She jerked away from Mercedes grip and made a beeline over towards the couch. Kurt sauntered over and sat down next to Rachel.

"Rachel, we heard you missed your show tonight," Kurt threw out there, placing a protective arm around her shoulder.

Rachel had a radiating smile plastered on her face for a whole month after she received the role of Roxie Hart on the Broadway revival of Chicago. Although she thought she could do the part of Velma Kelly far more justice than she ever could with Roxie, The director of the show didn't give her an opportunity to audition for the role. partially because the role had been filled with an actress who was already well-respected in the Theater Community, Rachel knew a victory when she saw one, and she wasn't about to complain about a main character role on a famous musical such as Chicago. But there was a catch though. Rachel had to cut and dye her long, shiny brown hair, blonde. At first, all Rachel could think about was how the hair dye would damage the roots in her hair, then she realized it was a very, very small price to pay for her career.

But all she could think about when her hair was being chopped off, when her hair was being exposed to the harmful liquid.

All she could think about was Finn complementing her on her long, shiny, brown hair.

"I felt ill," Rachel masked her voice to make it seem like her throat was congested. Both Kurt and Mercedes didn't buy it.

"Rachel," Mercedes began, walking slowly towards the couch, and chuckling a bit before continuing "You had the flu back in December for 2 weeks, and you didn't miss a single show,"

"That's only because I didn't want that tall, perfect nose, blond, Katie, to steal my spotlight," Rachel said her name like swear. Rachel had worked her perfectly toned buttocks off to get on Broadway, and she wasn't about to let some dumb blonde harlot to take that away from her.

"It's true," Kurt shrugged "Whether you like her or not Rachel, you have to realize that she is very talented. Which is exactly why you can't give her an opportunity to perform, especially on a Friday night show,"

"I know, I know," Rachel sighed "I'm going to be able to make both shows Saturday, I'm just feeling down today, that's all," Rachel whipped her head around so they couldn't see the tears still beckoning to fall.

Okay this is weird, Kurt thought to himself. Rachel is not one to keep things to herself, she didn't even ramble on about how Katie's vocals are sub-par or anything. I haven't seen her this depressed since... No, it can't be... Kurt pulled out his iphone from his new designer jacket to check the date, his heart nearly pounded out of his chest when he read the date that the small device shined. Kurt turned back to look at Mercedes with a horrified look on his face. Mercedes just stood there and mouthed "What?", Kurt looked back at Rachel with his mouth wide open. He placed his hand on her shoulder and Rachel turned around, with tears in her eyes, to meet Kurt's gaze. Kurt eyed the dress shirt she was wearing curiously.

"That was Finn's dress shirt, wasn't it?" Kurt said silently, he looked up to meet her eyes again to say the last part of the sentence. Rachel sobbed as she closed her eyes and let all the tears she was holding back roll down her cheeks. Kurt drew her in for a hug as Mercedes came from behind and sat down next to them and joined them in a crushing group hug.

About 30 minutes later, Rachel had composed herself and Kurt and Mercedes were sitting on the couch adjacent to the one Rachel was laying on.

The Finn subject was something they all avoided, All Kurt and Mercedes knew was that Rachel said something, something that really, really hurt Finn. Bad. And that she regretted every word of what she said. Along with her reasoning for breaking up with him in the first place (Which both of them thought was very idiotic.)

"So tell us," Mercedes prodded, taking a sip from the soy coffee Kurt had brewed up in the kitchen "What did you say to Finn that day?" Mercedes finished, solemnly. Rachel lifted her head up slightly off of the plaid pillow it was laying on.

She could feel her eyes welling up as she thought about what she said "I can't... I can't repeat what I said that day. You guys would despise me if I did..." Her voice trailed off. Kurt and Mercedes knew better than to reopen that still healing wound. So they backed off.

"I really thought he was going to propose to me," Rachel said sadly.

"What?" Kurt sputtered.

"It was apart of my plan," Rachel said shyly

"Leave it to white girl to have a plan on how her man is gonna propose," Mercedes commented sarcastically. Rachel eyes darkened, and it was obvious that she was glaring at Mercedes.

"Ugh, sorry, continue."

"Thank you, now, as I was saying," For a moment there, Rachel sounded like the huge Diva that she was sophomore year. Both Kurt and Mercedes admired her for not letting the Big Apple change her at all. "My plan was to schedule a bunch of auditions the first few weeks in New York, while Finn went job hunting. After we both got healthily paying jobs, and we finally got used to the living with each other, I was hoping Finn could save up and buy me a ring, nothing fancy, just a silver band that's all..." Mercedes could tell she was imagining every little detail of how Finn would propose, If they were still together.

As Rachel was imagining the proposal scenario (And most likely the wedding and honeymoon too.) Mercedes phone vibrated, she pulled it out and saw it was a text message from Kurt.

Kurt: Should we tell her about the ring?

Mercedes looked up at Kurt who was humming 'Single Ladies' under his breath. She rolled her eyes at him. Kurt found out about the ring one day when he was looking for his new and very expensive hairspray. He found Finn in his bedroom admiring the ring, and Finn later explained to him with a goofy grin that he was planning on proposing soon. The ring wasn't just a silver band. It was a golden one with a small diamond on top. It had taken Finn all summer to conjure up the money to buy the ring. And of course, Kurt likes good gossip peace, so he just had to tell Mercedes.

Mercedes quickly texted him back.

Mercedes: It would break her heart all over again.

Mercedes glanced over at Rachel who was still too busy imagining Finn to notice that she and Kurt were texting.

She found solace in her memory's of Finn, she looked peaceful, it was the happiest they've seen her in a while. Rachel was good at putting on a show face, no, she was excellent at putting on a show face. But if you didn't catch her looking from time to time, you could see slightest bit of dullness in her brown eyes, sadness, grief, regret, her eyes said it all.

Mercedes leaned over and whispered "We should go," sadly into his ear. Kurt nodded and stood up.

"Well Rachel," Kurt began, Rachel jumped slightly after she was abruptly brought out of her day dream. "We outta get going, we've got to be at the beauty salon at 8 in the morning, sharp." Rachel stood up and muttered a "Bye" before Mercedes hugged her and gave her a welcoming "Call me if you need someone to talk to" Kurt hugged her afterwards and a few minutes later, Rachel was alone in her apartment.

She heard a faint noise coming from outside, she walked over to the window and saw it was raining. No.

It was Drizzling.

She shivered.

For a second there, she thought she heard Finn say her name. Not in the usual cheery way he used to, He said it sadly, softly, like a prayer.

It was just wind.

And with that, Rachel trotted to her bedroom, where she fell asleep to the sound of the rain, the drizzle. From time to time she could hear his voice faintly saying her name.

"Rachel..."

A/N2: so what did you think? Review please.