*Clare's pov*
"Clare I am so sorry." Eli whispered into my ear.
We were lying in my bed and I had my head on his chest and he had his arms wrapped around me. I'd finally stopped crying, much to Eli's delight. We hadn't talked at all since he came over. Neither of us wanted to. The day had been so hectic. I didn't know what had happened at his house. All I know was that someone called the cops. I hadn't wanted to ask him.
"Eli it's not your fault." I assured him. I knew he didn't believe me. But it really wasn't.
"Clare it is my fault. If it wasn't for me none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have even met you." I didn't know what to say to that. He had a point.
"When you said you were going to take care of things." I began. "What did you mean?"
He was quiet. "I was going to shoot him. I would have if my mom didn't come in."
I gasped. Did Eli just say he was going to shoot someone? "Where did you get a gun?"
Eli was quiet again. I knew he didn't want to answer, but I needed to know. "I got it awhile back. I was going to scare Fitz with it. I guess he had the same idea."
I didn't know what to say to that. I also didn't know why he had a loaded gun just to scare someone. I contemplated whether I should ask, I decided against it.
"Go to sleep Clare." Eli said kissing the top of my head and reached over to turn off the lamp beside my bed.
Eli was staying the night. I didn't know what happened but he didn't want to go home. I was more than happy to have him here with me. If he wasn't here I don't know what I'd be doing. I'd probably be lying on the floor crying. Or I might be doing something a lot worse. I didn't know and I didn't want to think about it.
I stared at my alarm clock next to my bed and watched as the numbers slowly changed. I listened to the pattern of Eli's breathing. I listened as the rain began to bounce off of the roof. Patterns. Order. That's what my life used to have. Now it had nothing. What happened? Just a few weeks ago my life was perfect.
I thought back over the events of the day. It started off fairly normal. Then it all went downhill from there.
I never thought I'd say this but I was actually jealous of Darcy. She didn't remember being raped. I remember every detail. It wasn't fair.
"Clare wake up." Eli shook me.
I woke up with a gasp. I was crying.
"You were screaming." Eli told me.
Was I? I couldn't remember what I was dreaming about. I'm sure it was about what happened to me. Whatever it was I didn't feel like talking about it. I rolled over and layed my head back down, leaving Eli sitting in the dark.
I woke up to the sun shining through my window, and the clock on the wall declaring it was 6:30am. I'd barely slept four hours. That was a first for me. I carefully got out of bed, doing my best not to disturb the sleeping Eli who had his arm around my waist. I looked down at him and smiled. He was so cute asleep, I leaned down and kissed his hand before walking over to my bedroom window. The sky was grey but there was sun beginning to break through.
I went into my bathroom and took a shower before Eli woke up. I made a decision last night when I was laying in bed. I was going to go on with my life. I was going to start today pretending like nothing happened. I wanted people to keep treating me like Clare, not like 'Clare who was raped.' I remember how everyone was with Darcy. They sat there and judged her every move. Waiting for any sign that she might be unstable. They were waiting for her to snap, and she did. That gave me a thought. What if I snapped? What if I lost it? I wouldn't let that happen.
I got out of the shower and did my hair and makeup. When I finished I noticed Eli was still asleep.
"Eli time to wake up." I called as I walked over to my mirror and put in a pair of earrings.
"What's going on?" He asked sleepily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"Well school starts in 30 minutes and you're not awake." I told him, flashing him a smile.
He gave me a look. I knew that look. I'd seen it to many times. He was questioning my sanity.
"Clare I don't think you should be going to school." He got up and began trying to fix his hair. I loved how concerned he was about his look.
"Eli I'm fine. I can do this." I assured him. I grabbed my bag from my closet and motioned for Eli to follow me.
Eli drove us to school. I caught him glancing at me from the corner of his eye but I tried to ignore him.
We met Adam at his locker. "Wow look who's here." He smiled at me and gave me a hug.
The three of us made small talk until the bell rang. Eli kissed me on the head before he left and whispered in my ear "Are you going to be ok?" I nodded. I was. I hoped I was.
Eli went one direction while Adam and I went the other. As we walked to class together I was quiet.
"Clare are you going to be alright?" Adam asked me, pulling me aside.
I could say 'yes' but it would be a lie. I didn't want to pretend anymore. I'd only been doing it for a short amount of time and I was already exhausted. Instead I just shook my head. I tried to keep the tears that were forming in my eyes away, but I couldn't. Seeing this Adam pulled me into a tight hug and wouldn't let go.
"It's going to be okay Clare. It'll be fine. You have us." He was right. I had him and Eli. They could get me through anything. I was going to be just fine.
A/N: This was the last chapter. Thank you for all the positive reviews, they mean a lot. I'm sorry if the end was too sudden, I felt like it was at a good place to end it. I also will be doing another Degrassi story soon, so keep an eye out for that. Thank you 3