Slightly Spirited Away
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl
Angeline Fowl loved the weekend. The twins came home from St Bartleby's, Timmy abandoned his work in favor of more leisurely pursuits, unless there was an emergency Holly had the two days off and even Artemis left his, whatever he was doing when he wasn't in plain sight.
Angeline could hardly be expected to keep track of her son's projects, he was a man now and well there were just so many of them besides that's what his not quite wife was for. Heaven's knew Holly did a far better job of it than she had ever done.
The Fowl family plus the Butler siblings and Holly Short were currently seated at an antique table in the manors grand dining hall and Angeline felt that all was right with the world.
"Juliet would you pass the toast please?" She asked.
"Yes Mrs Fowl" The blonde girl said a little less perkily than usual before picking up the silver toast rack and passing it to the Lady of the House. Next to her Myles' face fell into his cereal where the cold milk promptly woke him and he sat bolt upright again cornflakes sticking in his hair. Juliet silently handed him a napkin which the bleary eyed boy took with a yawn.
"Cover your mouth dear" Angeline said not looking up from buttering her toast. Myles nodded or rather he began to fall asleep again but managed to snap out of it before he took another dip in his breakfast.
It wasn't long however before his head started drooping again. This time Myles was brought back to the waking world by a shout of surprise followed by a string of angry guttural sounds coming from Holly, who was seated at the other side of the table with Ariel in her lap. And beige sludge dripping down her face.
"Language Holly, there are little ears present" Artemis said mildly not looking up from the newspaper he was currently reading. Holly glared at him though the effect was thoroughly ruined by the baby food still sticking to her face. In her lap Ariel giggled and attempted to push a pudgy hand against her mothers cheek. Holly caught it before she could complete her mission and used her free hand to grab a napkin to wipe her face.
"Now lets try this again Airy Fairy" Holly said taking another plastic spoonful of the bowl of extremely unappetizing looking mush she had placed in front of her.
She bought the spoon to Ariel's mouth and the game was on.
Holly angled the spoon to the right Ariel ducked left she came in from the left Ariel went right, she tried the direct approach the infant shied back.
"Oh come on it's not that bad, barley and mushrooms Mmmm"
"Is that what it is! No wonder she's not eating it. Yuck!" Beckett announced from his place next to Myles.
"Try giving her banana, she likes banana" Artemis said engrossed in another newspaper. He had a stack of them next to him, he had already read all the Irish ones and was currently on Scotland working his way down to England and Wales before moving across the channel and beginning on Europe. He wasn't sure where he would go from there Asia or Africa? Holly gave a growl of frustration as Ariel evaded yet another attempt at feeding her.
"She can't always just eat what she likes!"
"Why ever not?" Holly made a point of ignoring her not exactly husband and continued
"All fairies start solids on barley and mushrooms..."
"Yes and then they grow up to consider nettles and voles fine cuisine"
"...and Frond help me your daughter won't be any different!"
"Only my daughter now is she?"
"She's always only yours when she's difficult!"
"That's hardly fair"
Any rebuttal that Holly might have offered was cut short as Ariel took another handful of her intended breakfast and attempted to put her hand up her mothers nose.
Holly let out a cry of surprise which quickly turned into something resembling a sneeze crossed with a cough. She spluttered and gasped while Ariel thinking the sight before her was the most entertaining thing she had ever seen burst into giggles.
It turned out generations of authors and folklorists had been correct when they had likened the laughter of fairies to chiming bells. Well statistically Artemis supposed they had to be correct about something.
He peered over his newspaper at the scene across the table. Holly was trying to wipe the puree off her face while keeping a firm hold on a squirming Ariel. It was a rather comical site considering the infants disproportion to her mother.
While it was true that Ariel was slightly too small for a human baby she was also slightly too large for a Fairy one and at the rate she was growing it seemed she was destined to live a life of contradiction.
The scenes humor only grew as Beckett's Border Collie; Selkie left her perch at the boys feet to lick Holly's face. Ariel squealed with delight at the animals arrival and immediately began to try and pet her.
"Selkie No! Don't eat that!" Beckett cried as Ariel's hands finally made contact spreading a coat of beige sludge across the Collie's black and white fur. The dog broke away from Holly and turned her attention to Ariel licking her hands. She shrieked with laughter at the sensation. Holly growled a few Gnommish words, which Artemis raised an eyebrow at, and attempted to lift Ariel away from Selkie unfortunately being that she wasn't much bigger than the dog it wasn't easy. The fact that Ariel also didn't want to be dragged away also wasn't helping, she squirmed in her mothers arms and continued reaching for Selkie.
"Oh ee Oh ee" She cried. Holly sighed deeply and turned to the Border Collie who was looking up at Ariel with large brown eyes, tail wagging furiously. She spoke softly to her in a flurry of animal sounds that made the hair on the human populace of the room stand up but sent Selkie wandering back to Beckett and resuming her position at his feet.
"Oh ee" Ariel said mournfully
"No, no Doggie" Holly said firmly taking yet another napkin to wipe her face off with, most of the puree however had already dripped down to land on her Tank top. Ariel wasn't any cleaner. The clothes Holly had spent the better part of an hour trying to wrestle her into (Ariel it would seem had inherited her mother's claustrophobia to the point where having her face covered even only for the briefest of seconds while she was being dressed was something she detested ) were also covered in Mushroom Barely sludge.
Angeline who had until this point been far to preoccupied enjoying her Marmalade toast looked up as her Grandmother sense started tingling. A smile alighted her face, this was an opportunity she could not pass up.
"Holly why don't you go get cleaned up I can take care of Ariel" She announced. Holly's face lit up in an expression of sheer gratitude that every parent could immediately recognize and sympathize with. She gave Ariel to Angeline and left the dining hall standing on her tip toes to punch Artemis' shoulder as she went.
"What was that for?" The genius protested
"You could have helped!"
"Helped? I did help! I was up half the night trying to get her to go to sleep! That's helping!"
"Give up Son just give up" Artemis Sr advised his eldest somberly.
Angeline turned her full attention on to the little (extremely grubby it had to be said) angel resting in her arms. If she were of a more melodramatic inclination she probably would have burst into maniacal laughter but as she wasn't she simply allowed her smile to grow wider and ignoring the suspicious gaze Artemis was throwing her over his Newspaper, swept out of the room.
Fowl Manor was to put it simply big. And occasionally dreary, but that's what you get for living in a castle that was (against your personal will) a National Heritage site, the inability to change any of the period features. Sure some of them were charming, Angeline herself had commissioned the restoration of the Grand Halls ceiling to it's original Gothic splendor. Others she could very well do without. Like the Gargoyles for instance. Most people ordained the outside of their houses with Gargoyles, although make no mistake there were plenty out there too, but apparently the Fowls of the Fifteenth century had been fond enough of them to have them indoors as well.
They were also particularly ugly gargoyles. With large bulbous eyes and snarling grotesque features, some had even been carved from the archways in a position that made it seem they were living creatures about to shake off their stone shells and pounce on the next human unfortunate enough to pass under them. It gave Angeline the creeps. Not Ariel though she gleefully reached for the stone structures, along with anything else that looked potentially fun to interact with babbling away in her happy baby talk.
Angeline really didn't see what Holly and Artemis were so worked up about. She would have loved to have had a baby like Ariel. She was almost always happy, enjoyed being held, easy to calm down. Yes she may difficult to feed and get down for a nap but what baby wasn't? As far as she was concerned Artemis and Holly had hit the baby jackpot, especially considering Ariel was their first.
Her first child had been fussy and dour, never slept. He didn't even smile until his incisors came in so he looked like a Vampire. Beckett and Myles may have been an improvement if not for the fact there were two of them so any good trait the one had was canceled out by a bad trait from the other.
"Let's get you cleaned up my Darling!" Angeline smiled as she finally made it to the Nursery (She loved living in a castle make no mistake but sometimes just sometimes, she wished she lived in a regular narrow little row house where everything was only a few steps away, she wasn't getting any younger you know.) The room was flooded with early morning light that Angeline completely ignored as she made a beeline for the rooms en-suite. A room that held many fond memories of NOT having to potty train Artemis and Myles and rather unfond ones of potty training Beckett.
Wasn't that what nannies were for?
The Nurseries en-suite was unique in that it was designed and fitted out for children (and indirectly Holly) The sink and toilet were appropriately miniature as were the cabinets. The only things that retained their full size were the bath (As all parents know, once they come to peace with the fact that Bath time is happening, all children love a big tub to splash in with enough room to accommodate all their boats and barbie dolls) and the changing table.
Angeline carefully lay Ariel down on it.
"Now let's get you out of those dirty clothes shall we?" She began to unclip the plastic clasps the secured the onesie Holly had dressed her in. Ariel sensing where this was going to eventually lead to began to squirm and gave a whimpering sound. Her eyes began to fill with tears.
"Oh no, no, no, no Darling don't cry it'll only be a second then it will all be over I promise!" Angeline said quickly pressing a quick kiss to the infants forehead. Then as quickly as she could she wrapped her hands around the fabric to stretch it and tugged it over Ariel's head.
"See now that wasn't so bad was it Airy Fairy? No it wasn't, no it wasn't" She almost brought the infant up to her face to snuggle her but remembered the puree still sticking to Ariel's face and hands just in time.
Leaving her granddaughter lying on the changing table Angeline lent down to pluck a cloth from the row of perfectly rolled face cloths sitting neatly in the cabinet and still leaning she ran it under the sink. She wrung it out before delicately running it across Ariel's hands and mouth wiping away her intended breakfast.
"There squeaky clean! Now isn't that better?" Angeline asked. Unfortunately Ariel was far too preoccupied sucking on her left hand to answer.
"Now you just stay there Darling I'll be right back"
Every designer and celebrity that had ever ventured into Children's Fashion had a mention in the wardrobe Angeline had assembled for Ariel and boundless labels greeted her as she opened the Antique dresser in Ariel's room.
After much internal debate Angeline finally decided on a pink and white leotard Onesie and Tutu. Selecting a headband with a fabric flowerette detail Angeline mentally prepared herself for the battle that was about to commence.
Dressing Ariel.
The infant was still lying exactly as Angeline had left her, peering up at the ceiling as though it held some great secret about the universe. Her face broke into a wide smile as her grandmother's face interrupted her view of the mysteries of life.
Then she saw the clothing.
While it was still a little early to tell if she had inherited anything of her father's intellect Ariel could still certainly put two and two together.
She immediately began to struggle. Waving her arms about wildly and kicking her feet. Her whimpers turned into a low keening whine that nearly broke Angeline's heart.
"Oh come now Sweetheart it's not that bad" She said unclipping the metal clasps at the shoulder and crotch of the onsie. Ariel knowing what was coming next changed her whine to an all out wail flailing her limbs about in the desperate hope her Grandmother would be incapable of grasping one. Of course this tactic had never worked before but Ariel wasn't sure what else she could do.
Angeline grabbed a hold of a pudgy little arm and expertly maneuvered it through the appropriate sleeve before reaching for the next one and repeating the process.
Now came the hard part, getting the fabric over Ariel's head. The infant wasn't making it any easier Thrashing her head to and fro tears, streaming down her cheeks, blue eyes pleading not to be put through such torture. In the End it was all Angeline could do to shut her eyes scrunch the material up into a simple loop and yank it down across Ariel's face as quickly as she could.
Ariel's cries settled back into a dull whimper as she realized the worst was over. Angeline breathed a sigh of relief as she busied herself with securing the garments clasps. The Tutu skirt was no problem at all, Ariel only ever seemed to mind being dressed when her face was covered and had no problem with skirts. She was however slightly annoyed with the headband especially as it covered the pointy tips of her ears.
"Who's the prettiest little girl in the world? You Are! Yes You are!" Angeline smiled bringing Ariel up to her face and rubbing their noses together. The usual happy response Ariel gave to such interactions was delayed as she still wasn't entirely sure whether she should completely lower her guard just yet, this woman had after all just pulled a garment over her head. But in the end she remembered that this woman was also her grandmother and that they did lots of fun things together.
"Alright Darling let's go!" Angeline cried triumphantly all but gliding out of the nursery.
Learning her mistake from last time Angeline no longer hid nappy bags in Antique furniture. Now she hid them in whatever secret passage way or hidey hole took her fancy. The Manor was rife with them.
Her current hiding place of choice was the Priest Hole located behind a false panel in the Manor's Drawing room. There was barely enough floor space for the bag Angeline shuddered to think of it ever serving as a hiding space for an actual person. She felt certain that Artemis would never think to look for a Nappy Bag there, he would probably assume she was using hiding locations better suited to the bags size. Such as the now empty space that had once held a safe under a removable paving stone in the Manor's Chapel.
Resting Ariel against her hip Angeline rummaged through the recently liberated nappy bag checking it had everything Ariel could possibly need. Nappies, check, change of clothes , check, dummy, check, baby wipes, check, an assortment of toys, check. Now all that was needed was a jar of baby food and everything would be good to go.
People would be cooing over Ariel before the day was out!
Breakfast was over, so Angeline felt certain no one would be in the kitchen. She entered it as breezily as you please and immediately regretted it.
Beckett and Myles were both seated at the counter. Well Myles was sitting at the counter Beckett was sitting on the counter. The kitchens phone being tugged back and forth between them. From the floor Selkie watched the scene with a mild interest.
"I'm calling her!" Beckett Announced giving a harsh pull on the device.
"No I am I'm the one she was waving at!" Myles protested.
"Are not she was waving at me!"
"You're such a Simpleton any fool would know she was waving at me!"
"I'm the one she gave the number to her dorm phone too"
"I'm the one she told to call her!"
Angeline didn't need to ask who 'She' was. She knew full well the cause of her youngest sons current rivalry.
Vanessa St Croix.
A young Heiress stemming from Monaco who had recently been transferred to St Bartleby's Sister School: Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
A school famous for being one of the few in the world that still doubled as a Convent. Young Miss St Croix had earned her place in such a learning environment by having a track record with Boarding Schools that would have put Artemis to shame. This was her tenth in three years.
It would appear Miss St Croix had no desire to attend boarding, or indeed any form of school and made a habit of running away from every one her father placed her in. An Exasperated Mr St Croix had sent her to Our Lady under the impression that even if she did manage to leave the school she would still be stuck on a tiny Island in the Atlantic Ocean. There was also the stern warning that if Our Lady didn't work Vanessa's education would be continued in New Zealand.
Myles and Beckett were in love. Or as close as you got to it when you were twelve years old and the only time you saw the object of your affections was when the two schools joined for whatever reasons. Or she managed to cross the wall and river that separated the two institutions on their respective Eastern and Western corners.
Now if only Vanessa would make her mind up and decide which one of them she liked best because they were having a very hard time trying to figure it out for themselves. Angeline had tried to suggest they invite Vanessa to spend a weekend at the Manor but the twins had informer that because of her infamous track record Vanessa was forbidden from leaving the school grounds.
The only reason she could make it into St Bartleby's undetected was the girls of Our Lady covered for her as she returned with gifts from their boyfriends. And Cigarette's she pilfered off the Priest who taught Religious Education and preformed the schools weekly Mass.
She sold them for five Euro's a piece and was doing a roaring trade.
You really couldn't blame the boys for being head over heals for her, they were Fowls and therefore had a natural attraction to the less than legal side of the tracks. Whatever form it took.
Ah First love, Angeline sighed, she could still remember the first boy she had ever crushed on. It hadn't worked out, obviously. Mainly because she had never had enough courage to say so much as one word to him.
She supposed however being married to a charming rogue who happened to be a billionaire wasn't too bad. No not too bad at all.
Fortunately the boys were far too engrossed over who should be the one to phone young Miss St Croix that they didn't see their mother come in.
As quietly as she could Angeline tiptoed to the walk in pantry. She would have made it if Ariel had spotted Selkie and twisted in her arms trying to reach for the dog with a happy cry of
"Oh ee!"
Beckett and Myles both looked up their grip on the phone loosening.
"Hello Darlings!" Angeline said brightly continuing on to the pantry like nothing was wrong. Hoping that maybe just maybe if she did they wouldn't think anything was wrong. No such luck
"Mum what are you doing?" Beckett asked
"Me? Oh just getting a snack"
"But we just had breakfast" Myles frowned
"Well you know what those health experts are always saying, it's good to eat lots of little meals through the day"
"Oh ee" Ariel cried straining in Angeline's arms to get closer to Selkie.
"You wanna see the Doggie Ariel?" Beckett said sliding off the bench fluidly and plucking Ariel from his mothers arms to bring her closer to Selkie.
The border collies tail was wagging enough to break something as Ariel was lowered in front of her. She eagerly licked the child's face causing Ariel to burst into laughter.
"Oh ee, oh ee!" She said happily
"Doggie Ariel, Dog-gie"Myles announced "come on say 'Doggie'"
"No! Say Beckett! Beck-ett!"
"There is no way her first word is going to be your name!"
"Well it's sure not going to be Myles!"
"Oh yeah? Say Myles Ariel Mile-es come on just a simple Mmm sound you can do it!"
"Mmmm" Ariel said Myles grinned triumphantly
"Now an 'I' sound"
"Quit it you can't coach her!" Beckett protested.
"Why not?"
"Cause you just can't it's not fair if you coach her, she has to say it on her own!"
"Bet you forty Euro's she'll say my name before yours anyway" Myles said
"You're on, but no coaching!" Beckett agreed
"Ah, ah what are you gonna give me if I win?"
"This" Beckett reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a piece of notebook paper with a number jotted down in flowing writing.
"It's Vanessa's cellphone number"
"Hah! I knew it!" Myles announced a grin that seemed eerily similar to his older brother's spreading across his face.
"Knew what?" Beckett asked
"I knew Vanessa gave you her cell number and I knew I could bait you into holding it over me but you know what I knew most of all"
"What?"
"That you would forget I have a photographic memory"
And with that Myles snatched the phone that Beckett had relinquished his grip on in order to hold Ariel up and sprinted out of the kitchen.
"I'm gonna kill you!" Beckett cried practically shoving Ariel back into Angeline's arms as he tore off after his brother. Selkie thinking this was a wonderful game followed close behind him.
"Oh ee" Ariel said mournfully.
Angeline tried her hardest to contain the urge to preform a little happy dance but in the end it was too much and she broke into a little make shift jig. Twirling around while lifting Ariel into the air.
It was on her third twirl that she noticed Butler standing in the doorway. He appeared as stoic as ever but Angeline had known the man long enough to recognize the slightest of barely noticeable twitches just above his eye meant that he was preforming the Butler version of a raised eyebrow.
Angeline hurriedly regained her composure.
"Did you happen to see the Twins go past on your way here?" She asked
"No Mrs Fowl I didn't"
"Oh, well can I help you with anything?"
"Artemis sent me to get Ariel he wants to test her on the motion pad again. He's having a bit of trouble programing the movement of her left arm" Butler explained.
Angeline silently handed her granddaughter over.
Foiled again.
STORY NOTES
Weekend Boarders: I'm sure everyone who's read Artemis Fowl knows that St Bartelby's is a Boarding school. But I wanted to have the twins in the story so I made them Weekend Boarders. Weekend Boarders are students who spend their weeks living at the school but come home for the weekends. This way the boys can attend St Bartelby's and still pop up in my stories from time to time.
Barley and Mushrooms: There is a lot of debate as to what the fairies in Artemis Fowl actually eat. I tend to think it differs from species to species, Dwarfs and Pixies are obviously Omnivores while Trolls are most likely carnivious. But Elves while being Omnivores as well are generally portrayed and accepted as vegetarians. I would also imagine them as Vegan mainly through a built up intollerance to animal products they haven't had easy acess to during their mellenia underground. I tend to think mushrooms would hold the same place in Fairy society that potatoes hold in Western Society, a staple food. Mainly because of their availability to the Lower Elements. The best solid food to start infants on is cereal, such as Barley, oats, rice anything from the cereal group as they are low on allergens and can be easily intergrated with liquids.
Selkie: Allow me to introduce my first Artemis Fowl O.C Beckett Fowl's Border Collie, Selkie. I was inspired to give Beckett a dog when I saw a few kids playing with their dog at the park across the road from my house. He strikes me as the type of kid who should have a dog.
Talk to the Animals: In 'The Artic Incident' it is revealed that all langauges including animal ones stem from Gnommish and therefore fairies can talk to animals, Holly used this ability in 'The Time Paradox' I'm sure we all remember it...
Heritage sites: If you're from a country as young as mine you might be unfamiliar with the concept of National Heritage sites. Basically they're what it says on the tin, national Heritage sites are places that are important to the history of their country, such as battlefeilds and castles. Considering it's long history I imagine Fowl Manor would count as one.
Gargoyles: Anyone who has studied architectural history will know that Gargoyles are not named for their appearence but rather their function as a waterspout. When used simply for decorative purposes Gargoyles are called 'Grotesques' but I didn't think anyone would understand what I meant if I used that term.
Priest Holes: Priest Holes were used in England during the reign of Henry the Eigth and Elizabeth when Catholicsm was outlawed. Priest Holes were small secret rooms that priests could hide in should they need to while they preformed mass in peoples homes. I don't know if Irish homes would have needed them.
Personal Chapel: Many castles have their own chapels.
Vanessa St Croix: My second O.C. Well I'm not sure if she really counts as an O.C as I'm not planning to do anything with her other than mention her in passing.
Okay that's all for the second installment of Slightly Spirited Away please tell me what you thought. I accept critism just please be constructive and polite. As always I apologuise for my poor spelling and punctuation.
Ari Out!