Disclaimer: Don't own it, I just obsess over it :/
"A slow strangle with your feet on the floor
I've got 14 angels and we're sleeping alone
In the back of a cave, where the rest of us go
To feel normal
I call baby up. Leave me alone.
I'm in pain but I won't let you Band-Aid my wound
I am mad at a stage where I can't seem to handle my own
(can't even handle my)"
- "A Quite Mind" by Blue October
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Eli looked at his watched, it was early in the morning, and he knew that Clare would be leaving for school soon.
At exactly 7:30 Clare made her way down her door steps.
"So predictable," Eli said to himself.
He ran up behind her and grabbed her around the waist, making her squeal in surprise.
"Eli!" Clare shrieked, realizing it was just her boyfriend being his usual self.
" Good Morning Blue eyes."
"Good Morning to you too," she said turning around and giving him a good morning kiss.
"I should come meet you more often," he said.
"I think you should," she said in between kisses. "But as much as I'm enjoying this, my mom could come out any minute."
"Yea, dealing with parents first thing in the morning isn't my cup of tea," holding her hand he led her toward Morty.
"Wait," Clare said. "How about we don't go to school?"
Eli eyed her suspiciously "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"
"What? You don't want to spend time with me?" Clare put a innocent expression on her face.
"You make a very tempting request, and where exactly does Miss Edwards want to go, if not school?"
"Oh I don't know, your house? Your parents aren't home right?" she said with a mischievous grin.
"You and me…alone in my house?" Eli was surprise at Clare's suggestion, and it showed in his voice.
"Don't get ahead of your self there," she said punching his arm playfully. "There will be no funny business, it'll be better then wondering around, nothing is open this early."
"My house it is then." he lead her toward Morty, opening the passenger door for her.
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" ...heart rate is dropping fast."
Eli heard voices around him.
"Eli," the paramedic lean over him shinning a light in his eyes. "Can you hear me?"
He could hear a siren and the movement of a vehicle underneath him. He faintly recognized that he was in an ambulance.
"He is loosing consciousness again," one of the paramedics said.
"Eli, this is going to burn a little," the paramedic closest to him shot an injection through his IV tube.
There was no time for Eli to feel the burn of the medicine. By the time it had made its way through his veins, He had already lost consciousness.
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Clare Edwards was laying in his bed. Yea, they weren't doing anything, but he couldn't get over how beautiful she looked right next to him. He was a guy after all.
"Eli, why do you like me?" Clare asked, interrupting the comfortable silence they had going.
"What brought this on?" he slowly caressed her cheek, her skin was soft and warm.
"I'm just , you know, curious."
"Beside your undeniable Beauty, you are also smart, and-" he stopped himself mid sentence.
"And?" Clare's bright, innocent eyes looked up at him. He couldn't help but feel his heart flutter.
"…and because every time I see you, I feel like kissing you."
He must of said the right thing, since her reaction was to leaned over and kiss him.
What he had said, although correct, wasn't what he truly wanted to say. He didn't know if he was ready to utter those words just yet. He had love one other person, and it didn't end well. But even so, Eli knew that he couldn't deny the strong feelings he was feeling for the girl currently laying in his arms.
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Eli ran down the stairs of his house. He was already late for homeroom. He ran into the kitchen to grab his keys from the the counter. He found his mom drinking her morning coffee before she headed out the door.
"Good morning," she said, taking a sip of her drink.
"Morning mom, I got run." he grabbed an apple from the fridge.
"Hold on a second, Elijah." she said, making Eli stop in his tracks. "I got a call from Julia's mom... there is going to be a service for Julia next weekend, she wanted to let you know in case you wanted to show up."
He knew Julia's death anniversary was coming up, he had avoided think about it. But hearing someone even mention anything related to Julia's death made it everything so raw again.
"Thanks for letting me know, got run now!"He tried to sound unaffected by the news.
Julia.
He still remembered her smile…her laugh.
The way she would bite her pencils when she was thinking hard.
….her tear stained face when she had left his house the night of the accident.
How he didn't think to chase after her.
How if he would of stopped her, even for a minute or 2, how it could have made all the difference.
How much he felt he owed her...
... how he had failed her.
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Eli looked at Julia's photograph. After having the conversation with Clare, after the freak out he had over loosing said photograph, Eli couldn't help but rethink things.
"Julia, are you really looking down on me from heaven?" without realizing what he was doing, he had drove to the place where Julia had her accident.
"It's not fair Julia, you should be here with me."
It was moments like these that Eli dare to admit…that he was in pain.
"Want to know something? Not that you don't already know this," he said, still speaking to the photograph. "Clare, makes me feel…alive. But the worst is that it scares me. The thing with Fitz was a close call, but either way, one wrong move and Clare could of gotten hurt. I don't know if I could risk her getting hurt."
Eli looked at his surrounding, he was sitting in his hearse talking to a picture of his dead ex-girlfriend. Eli shook his head in disbelieve.
"I could never forget you, Julia," he ran a finger down the photograph, staring at Julia's smiling face. "but how do I move on? I can't seem to let you go…I want to be honest with Clare. I'm afraid she'll just get hurt because of me."
Eli had never been one to be so open and straight forward with his feelings.
"Want to know something else Julia? I think I'm falling in Love again. And that scares me the most."
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"We need to get him into the ER, he is loosing a lot of blood."
Eli wasn't sure where the most pain was coming from. His head wouldn't let him think straight and he was certain that his left arm was broken. He felt himself being wheeled somewhere, and even in his state of confusion, the smell of rubbing alcohol engulfed him, they had arrived at the hospital.
"We need to stabilize him," Eli heard someone say.
He remembered pushing Clare at of the way, and then getting hit himself. What had happened to Clare?
"Clare?" Eli said so faintly that the doctor was barely able to hear.
"Son, we are going try to get you all better, can you tell me what happened?"
But Eli didn't listening to the doctor. He could only think about Clare.
"Where is Clare?" this time Eli spoke louder using most of his energy in the process.
"Try not to over exert yourself there, Son," Eli heard the doctor tell him. "Do you know who he is talking about?"
The doctor asked the paramedic.
"There was a girl at the scene," the paramedic said.
Eli wanted to hear more, find out if Clare was okay, but the pounding in his head was getting unbearable. Eli fought to stay awake. But his body was fighting against him . 'is this how Julia felt.' he couldn't help but think, before his body had shut down on him.
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Eli needed time to think, so what better place then his favorite comic book store. Just the old comics and him, seemed like the perfect way to spend his time.
"Found you, looks like you weren't hiding very well." Clare said from behind him. Her being there surprised him, but her tone of voice annoyed him.
"I wasn't hiding," he wasn't, he just need to get away for a bit.
"Oh really, then why weren't you at school?"
"What's with the third degree? I just didn't feel like going." What was her problem?
"I guess this is it huh?"
"What are you talking about?" Eli asked, confused at her was it?
"I get it Eli, I've taken the hint. It's better that we figured this sooner then later." Clare said, her arms crossed in front of her.
"Taken the hint?" Eli didn't realize that he had been hinting at something.
"You are pushing me away, avoiding me, and you haven't been honest with me lately…If you don't want to be with me just come out an say it." Clare proclaimed.
Eli couldn't help but mentally hit himself. He hadn't purposely been avoiding her. But without realizing it, he had became a little distant. He just needed more time to sort through stuff, he need to time to evaluate things. Only then did he know he could be fully open with Clare, and they can both leave the past behind them once and for all.
"Ok, yes, I admit I haven't been a very good boyfriend lately. But that doesn't mean I want us to break up. I've just been dealing with stuff . Now, can we not talk about this here, this is a public place after all." Eli wanted to cut the subject short.
"By dealing with stuff you mean Julia?"
"Clare, I thought you where being understanding." Eli didn't expect her to throw the issue with Julia in his face.
Clare shook her head at him.
"I can't compete with some who is dead, Eli," Clare said exasperated.
"Ok, I am stopping this conversation. You are clearly not thinking straight." Eli said, he didn't like the way the conversation was going.
"Do you love me?" she asked.
"What? Are you seriously asking me this right now?"
"I am dead serious," and Eli believed she was.
But he couldn't be honest with her, not right now.
"Not now Clare, please not now." Eli pleaded with her.
"Then when Eli? It's a simple yes or no." Clare said.
"Don't do this, Clare," he said.
"I'm tired of this," she said. "I love you with all my heart. See, I can say it."
She loved him? Eli felt his heart drop at her words, wishing he had more control over his metal stability to be able to say those same words back.
"I understand if its hard to be happy knowing someone you love isn't with you. But it feels like you are not making an effort. Don't you see that this is creating a hole between us that keeps getting bigger….and I don't think I can pretend its not a big deal." Clare said.
'What are you saying?" Eli asked, dreading her answer. He wasn't expecting the conversation to take a turn like this.
"You were right, maybe we should of stayed away from each other." Clare said, and Eli knew she fully meant those words.
And he panicked.
"Clare, not now. I know I can't be completely honest with my feelings right now. But I do care, I truly do. Just give me more time." Eli held on to Clare's shoulders, she just had to wait a little longer.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't think my heart is strong enough."
He watched turn and walk away, with unshed tears in her eyes. It took Eli 5 seconds to realize, he wasn't going to make the same mistake of not chasing after someone.
Hurrying to catch up to her, he ran through the store. Outside, he was almost to her, when he saw the car and a oblivious Clare moving in its path.
Not again...
"CLARE!" he screamed, and mad a spring in enough time to push her out of the way.
Not her..
He was impacted by the car instead, taking the wind out of him and knocking him to the ground.
Everything felt like it was in slow motion. He hardly remember hitting the floor, his body was in shock.
"Eli!"
That was Clare, that was her voice. Why did she sound like she was so far away?
"Help!" she screamed. "Somebody help us!"
How ironic, that a car accident had killed his girlfriend, and now it would kill him. But at least it wasn't Clare lying on the ground and injured. All that mattered was that Clare was saved.
I guess I'll see you soon Julia...
He could see Clare's face above him, tear stained and worried. He wanted to wipe each tear away.
"Clare," …I love you.
He was sure of it now, but felt like it was to late.
AN: Whoa, yea this chapter took me awhile. I wanted to give you guys a solid chapter and I hope it meets your expectations. I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story and added me to their favorites list. Each time I got a new review it made me smile. Give me your thoughts on this chapter, what you liked, what you didn't like, anything! You follow me on twitter or tumblr under the name LovelyVerity.
PS- I still haven't found a Beta reader (so sorry for the grammar mistakes, I swear I read this chapter a million times to correct stuff) So if you are interested let me know!