A parody of Bleach Chapter 403. I'm not sure if this is the best, but I wanted to write something, and this is what I got.
"You know, I've been wondering." Ichigo started staring at the explosion that had consumed Aizen. "In terms of physics, wouldn't being exploded from the inside kind of decompose someone's body, no matter how powerful they are?"
"Kurosaki, we are essentially dead, and yet we live to fight, we fly, can change the physical properties of swords that are apparently linked to our souls, create explosions practically out of nothing, survive life threatening injuries frequently and only now you are questioning the law of physics?" Gin asked as he stared at where is boss was.
"Shut up! I have a test in physics coming up soon!"
"Why are you two not fighting?" Isshin Kurosaki questioned the two fighters as he also stared at where Aizen used to be.
"Well, there's no point anymore. Urahara just came and is hogging the fight to himself, so we mutually decided without speaking to each other that we would stop fighting to watch." Gin proclaimed, his signature grin sliding back on his face.
"Yeah, what he- wait what? When did I ever agree with you on something?" Ichigo growled.
"Just now."
A black coat flew in front of the three of them, seemingly dramatic.
"Urahara-san, you don't look very dramatic." Ichigo pointed out. "Wait, when did I ever start showing respect to you? What the hell is going on when I talk today?" Ichigo wailed. Considering that he prided himself on never showing respect, it was quite understandable.
"It's not over yet." Urahara said gravely, a dark shadow falling over his eyes.
"Huh?" Ichigo glared at Urahara, not quite catching his words as he was still wondering about his sudden respect to authority.
"Urahara, I'm pretty sure-" Isshin started.
"He'll come out, soon enough!" Urahara finished theatrically, obviously not listening to anyone.
"No one listens to me anymore." Isshin grumbled.
A bright light prevented anyone from answering him, not that anyone was going to.
After the light had subsided somewhat, the four figures who were actually doing something watched as Aizen stepped forward, transformed into something so terrible, so horrible, so any other word that Ichigo could not think of at the moment to describe Aizen's new…
spandex garbage bag outfit.
"Wha-what the hell is that?" Ichigo demanded as he stared at Aizen's new 'god-like' outfit.
"Isn't it terrible, Ichigo Kurosaki?" Aizen murmured as he walked closer to Ichigo who was staring flabbergasted-ish without shame. Gin was on the ground laughing at the absurdity of it all. Isshin glanced once at Aizen's approaching figure before looking away to ponder on why no one would listen to him. It probably began when his beloved wife died…
"So you lured me in with a Level 90 kido, and then let me burn myself within my own technique." Aizen spoke to Urahara while still walking to where Ichigo was.
"OI! Stay away from me! If you're fighting Urahara, you go towards him, not me! I do not want to be anywhere near you right now!" Ichigo shouted, raising his arms in a cross over his chest as if to defend himself from Aizen.
"What are you talking about, Kurosaki?" Aizen sighed as he ceased in his path towards the youngest person who was fighting.
"Remember the stalker pedophile label you have acquired? That's still there. Just so you know." Ichigo explained.
"So you're saying if it had been anyone else walking towards you right now, you would have no problem with them?" Aizen said, annoyed.
"Well, maybe with Ishida, but yeah, that's the general context."
"…I hate you so much, Kurosaki."
"Which one?"
"Currently? You. But your father isn't that far behind." Turning back to Urahara, who was strangely silent the whole time, Aizen continued to talk to him, (and ignore Ichigo at the same time).
"Unfortunately for you, the hogyoku you created surpasses you own understanding." Aizen began his monologue.
"Wait, I thought I already went over this? Your precious hogyoku? It thinks it is a fairy godmother ball thing, remember? You obviously don't understand it very well if you forgot that." Urahara interrupted.
"You guys are boring." Gin suddenly said, having stopped laughing. "Quit talking and start massacre- I mean fighting each other. Yes, that is what I meant."
"Now that your techniques won't work, you turn to force?" Aizen asked, acting as if fighting Urahara was his plan all along and Gin hadn't said a single word.
Urahara readied Benehime, his lovely zanpakto, all ready to fight the walking trash bag, uh, he meant Aizen.
However, before Urahara could move, Isshin had finally decided to stop questioning whether anyone bothered to listen to him and start an oppressive attack against Aizen.
Needless to say, Aizen's new spandex trash bag look at increased his flexibility and dexterity.
"Dude, I could swear it seems like Aizen is the new Spider-man." Ichigo muttered.
"Nah, Spider-man is too good for Aizen. He is more like that Venom dude." Gin commented.
"You mean that black suited reporter Spider-man copy-cat from the third movie?"
"Yeah, him."
"He shouldn't even count as a villain, that movie sucked."
"It had some interesting elements to it." Gin argued. And the two started on an argument about Spider-man while the three older Shinigami and 'God' trash bag continued to fight.
"What do you think you're doing?" Aizen demanded to know as his limbs were caught in chains. Where the hell did these chains come from?"
Aizen looked up briefly to see a flash of black. Oh shit.
"You-" was all he managed before the legendary Goddess of Flash, Yoruichi smashed into him.
"Bastard!" Aizen managed to choke out as Yoruichi's fist sank into his gut.
"I'm a fucking woman, you bastard! If anything call me a bitch!" Yoruichi shrieked as she pushed harder into Aizen.
A crash followed Aizen as he was pushed into several buildings below him.
"You know, why is the illusion of the city still up if everyone knows it's a fake and it keeps getting destroyed?" Ichigo asked Gin, as their previous argument concluded with no winner.
Gin shrugged. "You guys set it up. Shouldn't you know?"
"Hell if I know. Nothing ever makes sense and I know now to never question it."
"Uh huh."
"How's that?" Yoruichi sounded smug as she straightened from her crouching position.
"Get out of there!" Urahara shouted right before a flash teleported behind Yoruichi. In a flash she was crouched near Urahara, her wrist guard broken as Aizen stepped forward, with little damage except for the large cracks running down his body.
"What's the matter? It's not over yet." Aizen confidently said as he relaxed his pose.
"Hurry up and make your next move. I will smash each one to smithereens until the very last one collapses."
"Uh, what are you talking about?" Isshin asked. Aizen shrugged.
"Gin was holding up signs of what my speech should have been right then and I was simply reading it." Gin whistled as he discreetly hid the pieces of paper in his sleeves.
"Well, are you talking about the columns or people? Because I really don't think people can collapse if you smash them to smithereens. More like just die."
"SHUT UP! Can't you not be judgmental for once? Ask Gin about it, he made it up!" Aizen screamed. Urahara, Isshin, Yoruichi, and Aizen all stared at Gin.
"Well, Creepy-kid and I were bored of watching you fight. So we made speeches. And now we're playing cards."
"I'm not creepy, damnit! And we're playing rummy!" Ichigo protested.
"Why not poker?" Gin asked.
"Because you have a good poker face. And I suck at poker, so we're not playing!" Ichigo argued.
"Alright, alright. Fine. Then can we play Speed?"
The four opponents ignored the more immature fighters who were supposed to be fighting and glared at their respective enemy. Isshin, Urahara, and Yoruichi all glared at Aizen who was trying to stare at all three of them at the same time and was failing.
"So, the fight is against three shinigami and a walking trash bag." Isshin commented.
"Why are you calling me a trash bag? I'm almost a God!"
"Have you looked at your new outfit?"
"I'm still a God!"
"Fine. Three shinigami against the God of Disney, trash bags, and what I have yet to hear, stalking pedophiles." Isshin smirked.
Aizen was left gaping like a fish at the nicknames.
End
Hope you guys enjoyed it! It didn't as easy to write as the previous two chapters, but I tried.