I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS – ONLY ALEXIS I GUESS

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Chapter 8

I stood in Dimitri's room silently for just a while longer before going over to the bedside table and picking up the letter that he was originally going to give to me.

I picked up the letter and hesitated for a moment before opening it, "do i really want to know what he says?" i whispered to myself. I decided I would read it seeing as it would constantly be on my mind if i didn't read it.

I opened it up and read the first line: "Roza," i felt tears swelling up again. If that word was going to set me off, then how would i be able to read the whole letter?

I knew i had to though. I had to just read it and get it over and done with. I sat on his bed, which immediately gave off his smell as soon as my bum hit the matress. I breathed it in, probably looking slightly stalkerish, but no one was around to see that.

Then i remembered that his door was still wide open from when Dimitri walked out, leaving me heart-broken and crying. I quickly got up, paced over to the door and shut it close. At least now i wont have anyone walking past and see me sitting in a Dimitri's room - especially since this was a guardian dorm.

"God Rose. Stop stalling and read the god damn letter already!" i said to myself once again. I would have to stop talking to myself i thought.

I sat down once again on Dimitri's old bed and continued to read the letter:

Roza,

I know that I left so soon. I'm so, so sorry that i didn't say goodbye.

I knew i wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to you when i love you too much. I would never be able to let you go. I would have wanted you to lay with me, in my arms, forever.

I want you to know that I am so sorry for the pain i have caused you over the past few weeks. I'm so sorry that I didn't admit my love for you, but i thought it was the best thing for both of us.

I was clearly wrong. I know that you want us to be together, and believe me, so do I. I would die for you Roza. But we have our jobs that we have worked our whole lives for and I would hate for you to mess that up for me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing i did that to you, and I'm sure you would feel the same way.

So i must leave you now. I know that you will probably be angry with me at first for not saying goodbye, but i know that you will soon learn that it was the best way. I love you so, so much. And nothing, and i mean NOTHING will ever change that.

Yours always

Dimitri xx

By that time i was balling my eyes out. Images flashed into my mind from when we first met, to when he said goodbye. I knew i shouldn't have read that letter. But then i would have regretted it if i hadn't. But i would have to burn this letter. I couldn't keep his goodbye. I turned and layed down on his bed – head on the pillow, smelling his scent. I grabbed a few tissues from the bedside table and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

Knock Knock Knock

I widened my eyes and sat up immediately. I wiped my eyes quickly and slowly walked towards the door. If someone caught me in here, crying, then they would know. Maybe i could make up a lie about how he was such a good guardian and i didn't want him to leave...so i came to his room, started crying and smelling his pillow? Yeh...that might not work...

I got to the door and waited...

"Rose? You in there? It's Lissa."

I immediately opened the door and stood in front of Lissa.

She looked worried and concerned, "The bond pulled me into your head Rose and i saw you reading the letter and what it said, and all your feelings and those moments you shared with him, oh Rose I'm so sorry," She pulled me into a hug and i rested my head on her shoulder, crying.

She led me into the room and shut the door behind her and sat on the bed with me. She let me cry for longer and waited patiently for me to calm down, like a best friend.

When i had finally calmed down, i blew my nose, wiped my eyes and went into his bathroom to splash my face with water.

After that, Lissa led me back to my room to clean myself up and rest for a few hours before dinner. She told me she would take care of everything to make sure i wouldn't get into trouble for missing out on class. And i made sure she wouldn't mention anything about Dimitri.

When she left, i had a long, hot shower and put on some clean clothes. I walked around my room, unable to face the outside world just yet. So i sat on my bed and went into Lissa's mind.

She was in Kivora's office by then as her previous class had finished, "So Rose was unable to attend class as she isn't feeling well at the moment and – " she knew i had come into her head. She didn't say anything but just froze mid sentence.

Kivora didn't notice her change and replied, "Well tell Rose i send her my best regards." She smiled and Lissa took that as her queue to leave. When she reached the door Kivora stopped her by saying, "Oh Princess. I'm sorry, but i fail to understand why you wouldn't just heal Rose?"

"Shit. What do we do now?" I thought

"It's ok Rose, I'll handle it," i flinched as Lissa replied back to me in thought, forgetting for a second that she could actually hear me

She walked to Kivora and started at her in the eye. Kivora was all of a sudden in a slight daze, "Rose is feeling sick and she was unable to attend classes. You won't ask any more questions but agree to what i am saying. Is that ok?"

"Yes" replied Kivora still in her daze until she snapped out of it. "Well then, tell Rose i hope she gets better. Thank you Princess" said Kivora, oblivious to what just happened

"No, thankyou Headmistress" Lissa smiled innocently

I then pulled out of Lissa's mind, i still sat on my bed. Compulsion? She used compulsion on the Headmistress? You have got to be kidding me! I was shocked, disappointed, angry and worried. She was now using compulsion on the Headmistress. I have to stop her.

I stood up, and ran out of the room. I walked to where Lissa's next class was and waited out the front of the room until i saw her walking up to it.

She smiled at me, but i grabbed her arm and pulled her into a corner. This reminded me of what Dimitri did to me when i was having one of my moments...Oh Dimitri.

No i needed to focus on another problem right now. I needed to focus on Lissa.

"Ow Rose. What...what are you doing...can you please let me...go" she pulled out of my arm and looked at me with disgust and rubbed her arm.

"What the hell Liss. Why did you use compulsion on Kivora?"

"Because she was going to ask questions and I didn't know what to say –"

"Liss. I know you. You always work a crowd. You could have just done that with her. You know that by using compulsion it can make you...you know?...insane..." i trailed off and immediately felt bad. I could see hurt in her eyes and they started to get watery. But she must have held it back because they disappeared straight away.

"I know" she bowed her head, "I know i shouldn't have done that Rose. But i was just panicking a bit because i didn't know what to say...honestly." she looked up at me "And that was the first thing that came to my head, I'm so sorry Rose. I promise i wont ever do that again"

I put both my arms of her shoulders and looked at her straight in the eyes, "Liss. It's ok, I'm not mad, I'm just shocked ok?" Ok so maybe i lied a bit, "But just please don't do it again. You know what it did to you last time with Jesse and Ralf so just please think of other options before you do that ok?"

"Ok" she replied and we both smiled at eachother before quickly hugging and parting.

I went back to my room to rest while Lissa went to her next class.

When it came to dinner, i hopped out of my bed and walked down to the cafeteria. I sat with Lissa and Christian and ate and chicken salad and had an ice-cream sundae for dessert.

Adrian joined us later – not alone.

"Lissa, Christian, little Dhampier" he nodded his head as he said each of our names and also gave me a quick wink when he said my name. "I would like you all to meet Alexis." He gestured to Alexis who smiled and waved at all of us. "Alexis, this is everyone" he motioned his hands at us.

Him and Alexis joined us and we continued to eat our dinner with a awkward silence.

Lissa was the one to break the ice. "So Adrian, how about we practise some more magic tomorrow after classes? I really want you to teach me how to walk in dreams" i felt Lissa become more annoyed because she really wanted to know how do it so badly, but what caught my eye was Christian tensing up and looked like he was about to explode with anger.

He almost-slammed down his fork and stood up, "Alright I'm done. I'm going to the library quickly to finish off some homework," It seemed like i was the only one who really knew that he was furious with Adrian and Lissa spending time together – even if it was for spirit reasons.

"Oh, ok then. Would you like me to come with you?" Lissa asked staring up at him

"No it's cool. You and Adrian continue to talk about your practises or whatever you guys get up to..."

"Christian!" Lissa whispered, but it was filled with anger and power. It made me flinch

"Lissa" Christian imitated back with a slightly sarcastic tone

"What has gotten into you? One minute you're fine, and the next...oh god Christian! Do you seriously think there is something going on between Adrian and I? Really? I thought you trusted me" Lissa then turned around so her back was towards Christian and started to talk to me

I saw Christian's hurt, embarrassment and anger all mixed together. He didn't say another word but just walked away. Lissa gave him a quick, icy glance before turning back to Adrian, Alexis and I, "I am so sorry for that. Christian can be a real tool sometimes" she said rolling her eyes.

"Thats ok, I've got to go anyway to finish off some homework. But i'll see you later Adrian?" Alexis said. It was the first real sentence i had heard her say.

"Yeh sure. I'll come past your dorm later," he kissed her on the cheek and she smiled and walked off. Ok so obviously something was going on there between them. I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised at Adrian, finally finding someone and that means he could possibly stop stalking me.

Adrian interrupted my thoughts, "So what do you guys think of Alexis?"

"Um, well, she didn't really speak much. But other than that, she seemed really nice" Lissa answered

Adrian smiled and nodded and turned to me, waiting for my answer, "Yeh, she seems nice i guess" he gave me a questioning look before rolling his eyes,

"Do i sense a bit of jealousy coming from you little Dhampier?" he said in a seductive tone

"Funny Adrian. Real funny." I said sarcastically "but unfortunately no. I just didn't hear her talk thats all." I innocently smiled, but made sure it wsa obviously forced

"Very well. But don't think that this will stop me from visiting you in your dreams Rose." He winked at me and smiled, "I would never give that up." He stood up and gave a quick 'Adrian' bow before walking away.

I rolled my eyes and continued to eat my sundae, "So how was your afternoon? Get enough rest?" Lissa asked looking up to me. That hit a sensitive stop. I hadn't thought about Dimitri or anything since i came down for dinner. But i guess i knew that wouldn't last.

"Yeh i got a bit" i halfed a smile and looked down, trying to give her the hint that i didn't want to talk about it. She did. But unfortunately it created an awkward silence between us.

"Well then, i guess i'll go back to my room then. Goodnight." I knew it was early but i just needed to be alone, away from everyone.

"Oh ok...do you want me to come?" Lissa asked

"No it's cool" i started topack up my mess and stand up, but Lissa stopped me

"I can walk you up then?"

"No, really Lissa, I'm fine" i smiled hoping it would convince her.

I picked up my rubbish, "Don't worry Rose, i can take that for you," she held her hand out for my rubbish, " Just go up and rest,"

Now she was really starting to piss me off, "Lissa," i almost yelled "I'm ok alright? Just leave me to be. I'm not going into depression. I don't need a helper 24/7 ok?" Alright so it was a bit harsh, but she had to know

"Oh..." she was taken back "well just tell me if you need any help" she lowed her face, clearely sad, making me feel bad

"Sorry Liss. But I'm alright ok? I really appreciate your help with everything, i do, but i just need to be alone. Spy on me if that will help," she knew what i meant by that and i immediately regretted saying those words. I didn't want her spying on me – i wanted to be alone.

"Ok then. Well goodnight" she smiled at me and i started to walk away, taking my rubbish, when i stopped and smiled – having a thought - and walked back to her, dropping the rubbish in front of her.

She looked at me, "well since you offered" i smiled and walked away, seeing her stick out her tongue as i turned around. I chuckled to myself.

As i was walking back to my room, i passed many spots which triggered off memories with Dimitri. I wanted to burst into tears, but i didn't. And i was hoping that Lissa wasn't spying on me in that moment – otherwise she would come looking for me and not leave my side.

I got to my room and went straight to bed – so tired and not in the mood for anything. I layed, staring up at the ceiling thinking about times with Dimitri:

That time when he first found Lissa and I and brought us back to the academy. His tall body and his brown hair tied up in a low ponytail. His smell, his eyes. How he convinced Kivora in letting me stay. Agreeing with her that he would train me – eventhough i doubt he wanted to.

Those training lessons that we shared. Running laps with him. Trying to beat him but failing. His body sweating as he would pack up the equipment while i pretended to pack up – but was secretly always watching him.

That night. That night we shared in the cabin. The night i lost my virginity to him and every bit was worth it. His soft, warm skin rubbing against mine. My fingers getting caught up in his hair as he kissed my desperate lips. His hands moving up and down my stomach and waist.

Those other times that were equally enjoyable. I wish we could repeat everything. I wanted to so badly turn back time a couple of days ago and make sure that he wouldn't transfer.

Cold air blowing my hair shook me back into reality and i realised that i hadn't noticed but i had walked to the cabin. I stood a few meters away from it and stared. I slowly walked up to it and stood outside the door for a few moments before entering.

It was exactly the same. The bed was sitting over against the wall. I pictured Dimitri and I laying on it. Him moving my hair out of my face and telling me that he loved me.

Tears dropped from my face to the floor. I went and sat over at the dining table and cried – resting my face in my hands.

And then a thought hit me. I wiped my eyes and headed for the door, glancing over at the bed again before closing the door behind me and walking to my room.

I knew Lissa would be disappointed about my choice but i had to do it. It was probably a stupid idea but i wanted to so badly do it. It was my only chance.

I had to do it.