July 2003 – One Month Later

Justin's POV

One month into the tour and I'm already exhausted. Every night when I'm on stage, I love every minute of it, but my heart just isn't in it this time. I can't really put my finger on it. I think I've just been over worked, really. But nobody cares or notices but me. Ken certainly doesn't give a shit. That's evident in the way he's talking to me right now. He never asks my opinion on anything. He just tells me what I'm going to do and that's that. The only thing I've had freedom on this whole year is my music. Thank God.

"So I talked to Christina," Ken says as he leans his elbows on the table. I'm trying to eat my lunch and he's still yappin away about business. What a prick. "And she said she's more than happy for another leg in the US." He doesn't ask my opinion, he just opens his lap top and starts typing away. "Maybe we could even do a European leg. A short one, of course." Still, he's not even looking at me. "And I really think you should go to Asia."

"No."

He finally looks up from his laptop, confusion clearly on his face.

"What do you mean, no?" He asks as he watches me chew my food.

"I said no. This tour is just one leg. That's it. I can't do anymore than that."

"Justin, just one leg of a tour is almost unheard of!" He says with a baffled expression.

"I don't give a shit," I say as I stand up from the table. "I'm done with all of this. After this tour is over I'm taking a damn break, and that's final." I quickly walk out of the hotel room and down the hall, getting away from him as fast as I can. I quickly get on the elevator and head down a couple of stories where I know Trace is staying.

I don't know why I'm in such a foul mood today. I've actually been feeling pretty good lately. But something has definitely gotten to me today. It started as soon as I woke up and we checked into the hotel.

As I'm looking around the elevator its then that it hits me. I'm in Louisiana. The show tonight is in New Orleans. I haven't been to this state since we broke up. Just the smell of the air reminds me of her. I couldn't even count the number of amazing memories we've had while we stayed in New Orleans or Kentwood, which is just barely an hour away from where I'm staying.

I wonder how her mother is doing. I wonder how her sister is doing. I wonder how she is doing.

The pain never stops. It never goes away. It's a slow and steady pain that pokes like a sharp needle in the core of my heart. I've been able to suppress the feeling lately with Cameron being a distraction and all. But it happens at least once a day, every day. When I allow myself to think about her and that shooting pain almost makes me fall to my knees. Whose idea was it to come here, anyway?

I step off the elevator and head for Trace's room with my hands in my pockets. I approach his suite, that I pay for, and find that the door is cracked open. I can hear his laughter from inside the room and I step in the find him reading an article in a tabloid.

"What are you doing?" I say with a chuckle as I see the goofy grin on his face.

"Man, have you been reading the papers lately?" He asks as he gets up from the couch and walks toward me.

I roll my eyes and reply, "You know I don't read that shit, Trace."

"Well, let me read it for you," he says as his grin becomes bigger, if that's at all possible.

"America's sweetheart is now America's slut," he barely is able to say before he breaks out laughing. I angrily grab the paper from him and look down at the page, startled to see a picture of Britney. "Go on man," he says, still laughing, "read it!"

Spears has developed quite the reputation for being a party girl and a man eater. Instead of working on her new album, she chooses to party literally every night. And instead of finding a nice stable boyfriend, she is almost always seen leaving a club with a new guy on her arm. Sources close to Spears claim that she has gotten out of control and that she is definitely living dangerously.

"She's developed quite the drinking habit," says the source who has been Britney's party buddy for the past couple of weeks. "That girl just doesn't stop. She's also seemed to develop a strong hate towards men, although she takes a new one home every night."

When asked to comment on the rumors that Britney is a heavy drug user, she refused to reply, saying, "that's something I'll definitely get in trouble for if I discuss it."

So how long will this behavior last for the former innocent mouseketeer? Is it just a phase, or will it prove to be her downfall?

I shake my head as I angrily throw the paper onto the ground.

"That's bullshit," I say angrily. "Complete bullshit. Britney doesn't drink. She never has. And she definitely would never fucking touch drugs."

"Think again," he says as he turns the volume up on the TV.

I watch as the news woman shows a video clip of Britney walking out of the club, barely able to hold herself up. At one point she stumbles and falls, but her body guard catches her before she hits the ground. Her body guard immediately puts a jacket over her head as he assists her into her awaiting vehicle.

"Just another day in the life of a party girl," Trace says with a chuckle.

"This shit isn't funny, Trace," I say as I grab the remote and turn off the TV. I can feel my blood boiling in anger over what she's doing. Doesn't she know its dangerous? "There's no way her mom, or especially her dad, is letting her do this to herself."

"The girl is 21," he says matter-of-factly. "She can do whatever she damn well pleases. And it appears as though what she wants to do is party and fuck."

"Trace shut the fuck up!" I yell as I reach my boiling point. "That's not Britney. That girl is somebody else."

"Like you know her now?" Trace asks with raised eyebrows. "A year after a break up can really change a person. Looks as though its changed her for the worse."

I watch him walk into his bedroom to leave me standing alone with my racing thoughts. Could this all be because of me? What should I do? Should I even get involved? Yes, of course I have to. I can't let the girl that I love slowly kill herself.