August 2003

Justin's POV

Finally. Its been weeks trying to track down this girl who never seems to stay in the same place for more than one night. I have a show in Miami at the same time that she decided to come and party over here. The more and more I pay attention to what's going on with her the more I realize that this girl probably doesn't sleep. I wonder what she's running from.

It wasn't hard to find where she's staying. I still remember the hotel she likes. I still remember her code names. And I still remember the suite that we always used to share, that I must admit, I was surprised to find out she was staying in there.

There's a really heavy lightening storm outside, so hopefully things go smoothly, because if they don't and she kicks me out, I'll have nowhere to go until the storm passes. As I'm waiting for the elevator to take me all the way up to the top floor my phone vibrates in my pocket. Its Cameron.

"Hey Cam," I say as I clear my throat.

"Hey babe! What are you doing?" Her voice is calm yet cheerful. Does this girl ever feel down? I have yet to see her sad, which I guess is a good thing. It balances out how low I can get, especially of late.

"I'm just uh, getting ready for rehearsal," I say, trying my best to sound convincing. Lying is something I'm not used to. I would never imagine lying to Britney in a million years. But right now, I think its necessary.

"I thought you had rehearsals earlier?"

"Yeah well, something went wrong so we have to practice it again."

"Such a perfectionist," she says as I hear her giggle. I give her a chuckle, even though its not genuine.

"Hey babe, I gotta go," I say as the elevator opens. "I'll call you after the show."

I hang up before she has the chance to respond and walk down the all too familiar hallway. Its been forever since I've been here. She must have a lot more strength than I do, because there's no way I would be able to stay here. Its haunting.

I walk all the way down to the end of the hallway where the presidential suite is. I stand in front of the door with my hand raised, ready to knock. But I can't bring myself to do it. What if she's with another guy? I probably wouldn't be able to control myself. I'd kill him right then and there. But what if she's not? What if she's waiting for me, hoping I would come and save her?

I decide to push these childish thoughts out of my head and I grow the balls to actually knock. I hear shuffling and voices, none of them male. Thank God. The door opens to reveal Felicia. She looks distraught, stressed, and as if she's about to break down and cry at any moment. And the look on her face gets worse as she sees that its me on the other side of the door.

"What on earth are you doing here?" She asks as she closes the door so its open just enough so that I can see her face. "You should leave, now."

"I'm not leaving. I came here for a reason."

"No," she says as she shakes her head franticly. "You need to leave."

Its then that I hear her voice approaching, and Felicia immediately closes the door in my face. I put my ear against the door so that I can decipher what they're saying. Even though she sounds very angry and sad, the sound of her voice almost brings me to tears.

"Who's at the door?"

"Nobody, Britney. Go back in your room."

"My friends are gonna be here at any minute, you better tell me when they come."

"Those people you call friends are low life's!" I hear her scream. I've never heard Felicia yell like this before, ever. "And I'm not going to allow you to keep ruining yourself like this!"

I hear Britney laugh, but its not a happy laugh. Its a very sad and tired laugh.

"You're such a drama queen. Tell me who's at the fucking door!"

"Fine, you think you're so strong? Its Justin. Justin came to see you."

My heart beats fast as I hear complete silence after she says this. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, she speaks. But I almost wished she hadn't.

"Tell that piece of shit to stay the fuck away from me. I don't ever want to see his face again."

"Fine. Keep pushing the only good people out of your life Britney!"

I hear a door slam as Felicia opens the door again to reveal her tear stained face. I've never seen her like this.

"Its so bad, Justin," she says as she cries. "I don't know who this person is, but its not Britney. She doesn't smile anymore, she doesn't laugh. She barely eats, she smokes like a chimney. She drinks every single god damn day and I just know she's been doing drugs. I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody knows what to do."

"Felicia, just let me talk to her," I say as I step toward her.

"She doesn't want to see you. I'm sorry."

"Let me in," I say firmly. She reluctantly moves to the side as I step in and make my way towards the room we used to share. The door is closed and the light is off, and I know that after she slammed the door she slumped down onto the floor. And I know she's still sitting there now.

I cautiously walk towards the door, giving her a warning that I'm coming, but that I won't enter. I kneel onto the ground and rest my forehead and hands against the door, getting as close to her as I possibly can knowing that she's sitting right on the other side. I wait a moment as I hear her soft sniffles and quiet sobs.

"Go away."

It was a tiny sound, as if it came from a mouse. The sound of her voice in those two words revealed how broken she truly was.

"What are you doing to yourself?" I whisper back. I hear a sob escape, but she quickly recovers.

"What the fuck do you care?"

This breaks my heart, for her to think that I don't care about her. I know I've done and said some stupid shit, but I live and breath for this girl. She should know that.

"Britney, I'm worried about you. I don't want you to get too deep into this that you can't come out. You remember how bad your dad was, and you always said you didn't want to end up like that. So what are you doing now? Its exactly the same."

"Don't talk about my father," she says angrily. "You don't have the right to talk about my family anymore. You're a fucking stranger to me."

"Don't say that," I beg as a tear falls from my eye. "Britney I love you and-"

"Fuck off. You love Cameron," she says sarcastically. "You can move on like its nothing and like I never existed so I don't even know why you're here. Go back to your new girlfriend."

"Britney, that's not the issue right now. The issue is that your life is at stake here, and I love you. I don't want you to continue to hurt yourself."

She stays silent for a moment, and I think that she's actually considering my words.

"Go away."

It sounded the same as it did the first time she said it, and my heart breaks all over again.

"Britney please open the door," I beg as the tears continue to fall.

"I don't want to see your face," she says, her voice shaky. "Just get the fuck out of my hotel room."

"Justin," I hear Felicia say behind me as she touches her hand to my back. "You need to leave. I know you don't know it, but you're only making it worse."

I turn around to look at her and I see the seriousness in her eyes. She's right. I'm just fueling her anger and bitterness. The longer I stay here, the more she'll try to forget me later. I get up off of the floor and dry my eyes. I lean into the door once more before I leave. "I love you Britney. I love you so much." I wait for her to answer, but she doesn't.

I leave the hotel as the storm outside is still raging. But I couldn't care less. I walk out into the storm and the rain, hoping that the girl that I love will come back.