December '03

Britney's POV

There's really nothing better than this. Being surrounded by my family and friends on my birthday. Tears fill my eyes as I see my mother walking towards me with a cake while everyone sings me happy birthday. As the song ends, everyone claps and my mother places the cake with twenty two candles in front of me.

"Make a wish Brit, and make it good!" I hear my brother say in the crowd.

I smile and close my eyes, trying to think of something to wish for. But the only thing that comes to my mind is Justin. The only thing I want and need is him. That's the one thing that I can't deny. So I take a deep breath and think of him as I make my wish, blowing out the candles right after. Everyone cheers as my dad kisses me on the head and my mom begins to cut the cake. Larry comes and sits next to me with a glass of wine in his hand.

"I'm so proud of you, Britney," he says as he puts his arm around my shoulders. I smile and lean into his embrace. "The album went number one, just like we knew it would. The second single is a huge hit. The tour preparations are coming along great. You're on the right path, hun."

I smile at him and say thank you. I'm definitely proud of this album and the accomplishments that its made. And I know I wouldn't have been able to make it happen if I were in the state I was in.

My mom hands me a piece of cake, and before I can take a bite my sister calls my name from behind me.

"Britney! Telephone!" I watch as she runs towards me with the phone in her hand and a huge smile on her face. I give her a questioning look as I take the phone from her.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know," she says with a shrug as she runs off. But I know that the smile on her face means that she knows exactly who it is.

I raise the phone to my ear as I place the plate down in front of me.

"Hello?"

There's silence for a moment, but then he finally speaks up.

"Happy birthday."

My breath catches in my throat as I hear his voice. I can feel myself start to sweat and my heart pound as I hear him breathing on the other end.

"Aren't you gonna say thank you?" He says with a nervous chuckle when I don't reply.

But thank you aren't the words that I want to say to him, and its not what comes out.

"You have some nerve calling me," I say bitterly. I look up to see everyone's eyes on me and I decide to take this into the other room.

"I've spent five birthdays with you," he says softly, "If I didn't at least wish you a happy birthday I wouldn't feel right."

I laugh at his statement as I sit in front of the giant Christmas tree in my living room.

"I'd rather you not call at all during this time of year," I say harshly.

He and I both know that the holidays aren't an exactly easy time for us. The months of December and January hold so much meaning to both of us, and I knew it would be especially hard to get through it this year.

"How have you been?" He says, decided to change the subject. "I hear you've been doing well."

"You mean have I stopped drinking?" I ask sarcastically. "Have I stopped being that crazy drunk girl that goes out every night?"

"Actually, yeah, that's exactly what I mean."

I don't know what to say to him. I'm embarrassed that he knows that I had a problem, but at least he doesn't know that its all because of him. Or does he?

"I also wanted to congratulate you on your album," he says, cutting the tension a little bit. "Its amazing. It really is."

"Thanks," I say quietly. "I worked really hard on it."

Please don't bring up the song. Please don't bring up the song. Please don't bring up the song.

"And um, I just wanted to say thank you for 'Everytime.'"

Shit.

"It really means a lot to me, and it really touches me. Its one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard."

"What makes you think its about you?" I say harshly.

"Well…I think its pretty obvious," he says with a laugh.

"You're so fucking vain," I say with a grunt.

"Are you seriously gonna sit here and tell me that its not about me?" He asks. I sit in silence as I contemplate his question. I can't lie to him about this. Its too painfully obvious.

"I'll take your silence as a yes," he says.

I'm about to speak up and say something, but I hear a female voice in the background. I listen carefully to the words she says, although I wish I didn't.

"Baby, aren't you gonna come to bed? I've been waiting for you."

My heart drops and my face adopts an expression of disgust when I hear another woman talking to the man I love desperately in this way. That bitch. I could kill her.

He attempts to muffle the phone, but I can still hear him.

"Yeah I'll be there in a second."

"Sounds like you've got a girl to fuck," I say very angrily as tears fall down my face.

"Britney, don't be like that."

"Be like what? I still hate you for how easily you moved on," I say as all my emotions pour out of me before I even know it. "We were trying to patch things up in January of this year and three months later you have a new girlfriend? Do you know how much that hurt me? How much that still hurts me?"

"Brit, calm down. I never meant to hurt you-"

"Bullshit. All you do lately is hurt me. You should have never fucking called here. Don't ever call me ever again."

I angrily hang up the phone and throw my head in my hands as the tears fall rapidly. I begin to sob and it becomes hard to breath as the pain in my heart is ripping me apart. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. That's all I can think as my body goes numb with pain. I was supposed to marry him. I was supposed to have his children. That man said he couldn't breath without me yet he's moved on like its nothing. He shattered me to the very core, and for that I will never forgive him.

I pick my head up and look around the room and my eyes land on a newly opened bottle of red wine…my favorite. I contemplate what I promised my family about drinking. I said I would stop. But right now the pain in my chest is nearly killing me and I can't take it. All I need is one drink. Just one. I've proven to myself that I can stop easily, so what is the harm of one drink? Its my damn birthday after all.