Please forgive me for taking so long to get this posted. I needed the right song, and I have spent the last couple weeks wracking my brain out trying to find the perfect song. I almost wrote one for the chapter, but got lost on the chorus. I think this one's better, though. I hope it's worth the wait!! Let me know what you think.
I woke up to a silent house. I shot up from the bed, worry wracking my brain. Oh, God. Where are they? Calm down, Bella. Edward is with Lizzie; he wouldn't leave her by herself. I noticed a note laying on my nightstand, and picked it up and read it. Worry and concern washed over me once again. If he took her hunting that means he knows... OH NO!! I was going to tell him before this happened! What if he leaves again? Is he going to be mad at me for not contacting them when I found out I was pregnant? Is he going to want to be her father? I paced the room as the thoughts raced through my head. I fought back my worries, and changed out of my denim skirt and into a pair of jeans. I made my way downstairs, convincing myself that everything would be okay, no matter what happened. I threw the windows open to let the air in. The breeze flowing in and out of the house helping me relax, I sat down in front of the piano. I'm nowhere as good as Edward, but three years of piano lessons had paid off. I mentally chose a song, and began singing as the notes danced on air.
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have
for me over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
Tears fell silently down my face as I finished playing the song. I could no longer contain the overwhelming emotions that I had fought to suppress over the last few days. I prayed that he would change me. I couldn't die. I wasn't ready. I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. The piano bench slid backwards as I stood up. I paced back and forth with my hands in my hair, tears falling heavier and heavier. I screamed out in rage and fear as I picked up a flower vase and threw it across the room, sending flowers, glass, and water spraying across the floor on the other side of the room. I sunk down to the floor, letting myself completely go. I felt a pair of chilly arms engulfing me. I turned into Edward's chest and clung to him with everything in me as sobs racked my body. He held me close, softly running his hand over my back in a soothing motion.
"Shh... I'm here, Bella, I'm here. We will get through this, together. Everything will be okay.", he whispered in my ear. I felt myself slowly start to calm down. He lifted me me into his arms, and carried me over to the sofa, sitting down with me in his lap. He used his thumb to brush my hair from my face, and then wiped the tears away. I raised my face, peering into those deep, golden orbs. I could feel the love he still had for me as we sat there. The worry dissipated from his face, replaced by as soft smile.
"I am sorry I left. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you while you were pregnant with our child. I should have been there, and I regret every second I spent away from the two of you. I just don't understand why you didn't contact us sooner. "
"I wanted you to come back because you wanted to, not because I was pregnant. I know you left still loving me, but I felt like I needed to let it be. I guess at the time it seemed like the right decision, but looking back, I wish I had written to Alice sooner. Things could have been so much more beautiful for us. We could have had-" tears started peeking out the corners of my eyes again-" could have maybe- gotten married, and... and... had more kids before all this happened. I'm so sorry, Edward. I wish I hadn't kept you out of the loop."
Edward held me close as the tears dampened his shirt. I sat up, and reached onto the table behind him, pulling a tissue from its box. I wiped the remaining tears from my face, and sighed. Edward's beautiful face was swimming with worry.
"Bella, love, are you okay? What's on your mind?"
"Everything.... the tumor, our daughter, my parents, us.. Everything is on my mind. I'm angry. Why did I have to get a tumor? I am far from ready to leave this world. I want to watch Lizzie grow up, and go to college and fall in love. I want us back. I am nowhere near ready to give it all up, and I am so scared, Edward." His strong arms wrapped around me in a blanket of comfort.
"I love you so much, Bella. I know you are scared, and I am here. I will be here every step of the way. And no matter what happens, you have me and the rest of the family, okay?" He stood up from the sofa, my hand in his.
"Where's Lizzie? Is she with the others?" I had been so busy with my breakdown, I hadn't gotten around to asking. He lifted our hands, which were still entwined, to his lips and kissed my hand. I grabbed my cell phone and keys off the table by the front door, and locked the door on the way out.
"Yes. Alice met up with us and offered to take Lizzie shopping before dinner, which apparently exited her very much. She knew that you and I needed some time to talk, anyways. In fact, it's time we head to the house. Alice said you were joining us for dinner?" I laughed, knowing that the only ones that would be eating would be Lizzie and me.
"Yeah, but I need to call Charlie and let him know that I won't be over for dinner. Do you think I might be able to take him a plate?"
"Sure, love. I don't see a problem with that." I pulled my cell out of my pocket as I reached the Xterra. Edward started to get in the driver's seat.
"Oh no you don't, mister. I don't let anyone drive my car. I'm not making an exception for you." He smirked as he crawled in the passenger seat. Charlie picked up.
"Bella, are you okay? I haven't heard from you in all day."
"Yeah, Dad. I am fine. Listen, I can't come for dinner tonight, but I wil bring you something to eat, okay? Did you talk to mom?"
"I called her and talked to her this morning. She's wants to come up here and visit, but I told her to wait and talk to you first. I didn't want her overwhelming you, seeing as how you are overwhelmed by enough as it is. So, if you want her to come, then let her know. What time should I expect you?"
"I'm not sure, but it won't be late. I love you, Dad."
"I love you too, Bells. Kiss my girl for ." I hung up, and backed out of the driveway. I turned on the radio, and Flobots came on. I sighed as I made my way to that massive house where I had spent some of the best days of my youth, the wind blowing my hair around my face through the open windows. I mentally prepared myself for seeing my family for the first time in 5 years.