I still don't own them. Just so you know.
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This outtake is for Carenl aka nerac. she mentioned that she wanted to know about the conversation between Phil and Edward the morning after the accident. I tried to get Edward to tell me about it, but he said it was "guy time" and refused to spill. Phil, on the other hand, is quite the chatty little bitch. This ridiculously long outtake is for Caren, because she asked and Phil answered.
It's all your fault. ;-)
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Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
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Sunday, June 27, 2010 - Trion, GA - Phil's POV
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"Your truck's all ready for you," I said, pulling my little girl against me. "I even made sure it had a full tank of gas. Esme said it would be easier for both of you if we didn't tell your mom. She would try to convince you to stay."
"Thanks, Dad," Bella replied. She snuggled further into my chest. I wanted to destroy whatever was causing her pain.
Wendy. Bella. Wendy. Green. Bella. Purple. Wendy. Red. Bella.
"You need to go now, Bella," Esme said, her arms around the two of us. I glared at her over Bella's head, but her face never shifted, the color around her never shifting.
Indigo, mostly truth.
"Everything will be all right here," I said, rocking my daughter like the child I still saw her as. "Your mom will take care of your booth, and we'll deal with your trailer."
Bella began to pull away so I released my hold, feeling as if she were taking my heart with her. More tears fell from her eyes as I watched, wishing there was more I could do. She turned toward her truck, but Esme grabbed her and began whispering in her ear. Esme eventually released her hold on Bella, then backed toward me.
"I'll call you when I get there," Bella said as she grabbed the keys from my hand and hopped into her truck. Within seconds she was tearing down the aisle and out onto the highway. The roar of her engine faded into the distance without even a hint of a slow-down.
There was nothing I could do for her, at least not right now.
I rubbed my hand roughly over my face, noticing I needed to shave before I went to the grounds for work. That meant I needed to go to the Winnie, which meant I would see my wife.
Damn it, Renee's gonna kill me.
"You had damn well better be right," I said.
Renee and I had relied on Esme's sight for years, especially when it came to Bella. She was a good woman - honest and loyal. Esme had helped us take Bella from a painfully shy, lonely little girl to the vivacious, amazing woman she was today. She had kept us informed about Bella's gifts, and she pushed and pulled and prodded along with us to rescue Bella from her isolation. Esme was like another parent.
And she rarely, if ever, lied to me. She knew better than to try.
"It's getting clearer the farther she drives away. We just have to keep him from following her for a few days."
I placed my arm around her shoulder and pointed to the boy in question, rushing toward us with a pained look on his face.
"He's your responsibility. You deal with keeping him here. If I have to talk to him right now, he may end up a eunuch."
I spun and walked back toward the Winnebago before I did something I would regret later. In six years of sobriety, I hadn't wanted a drink as badly as I did at that moment. I chanted the Serenity Prayer in my head, willing the pain and rage I felt to back off.
I wanted to kill the ass hole.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
I wanted a drink.
Courage to change the things I can;
I wanted a hundred drinks.
And wisdom to know the difference.
I wanted the numbness only a little Johnnie Walker Red would give me.
I reached into my pocket for the one thing I knew would save me. Flipping my cell phone open, I pressed a single button and brought it to my face, waiting for the telltale sound of salvation.
Waiting for the voice of my sponsor.
"This is Caius. Speak."
"Caius, it's Phil."
"Hey, Phil. What's going on?"
"I need help."
"Okay, man. First things first – you want to drink?"
"Yeah."
"Good. At least you're not trying to lie to me. Are you working the program?"
"Chanting the damn Serenity Prayer right now."
"Good, man, good. Are you in danger of taking a drink?"
"Not really. I want one - like really fucking want one - but I don't keep anything around."
"Where are you?"
"In camp...at a carnival in some podunk town in Alabama."
"Where's Renee?"
"In the Winnie. Shit, she's gonna kill me."
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
"What happened?"
"Bella met a guy."
"Yeah?" Caius asked, obviously not understanding how huge this was.
"He's her Renee."
He whistled under his breath, the sound marred by static through the speaker. "Isn't she a little young?"
"She's twenty, almost twenty-one."
"Really? When the fuck did that happen?"
"Don't ask me, man. I still see her as a terrified little girl with those big eyes, you know?"
"Jesus, she's all grown up." He was silent for a few seconds as I paced outside the Winnie. "Okay, so Bella met her soul mate, yeah? That's good, right?"
"Cai, you have no clue, man. She met him Friday night, and this morning she's crying her eyes out because of something he did." I shook my head slowly, looking at the ground. "Jesus, I haven't seen those tears in a lot of damn years, ya know?"
"It wasn't your fault," he said. Caius knew me like no one else - knew every secret, every tell.
He knew I wasn't only talking about Bella's tears anymore.
"I know," I said, nodding. "I know it wasn't my fault. But knowing doesn't stop the guilt. It doesn't stop the," I paused, curling my hands into fists, "the... fear that it could happen again. If I'm not careful, he could hurt her. I could lose Bella just like I lost-" I stopped, not wanting to say her name.
Saying her name would make me drink. Drinking would make me lose my family.
Courage to change the things I can;
"Listen, Phil. What happened to Wendy was... horrific. But it wasn't your fault. If this guy's really her Renee, then you have nothing to worry about. He'd never lay a hand on her, man. He's gonna turn himself inside out to make her happy – just like I did, just like you did. To be honest, I feel kind of sorry for the poor bastard. He has no idea what he's in for."
I chuckled a bit, remembering the hell I lived in before Renee. Caius was right; the second he gave into the draw of his fíorghrá, he was going to be ripped apart and put back together with Bella as his center, his heart.
"Besides, you've taught Bella well. Boxing lessons, self-defense classes, karate, endurance training – the girl could probably kick your ass. On second thought, she could definitely kick your scrawny ass."
I snorted a laugh. I had spent a lot of money making sure Bella knew how to defend herself. There wasn't time with Wendy. I wasn't old enough to understand the monsters lurking back then, but I made sure Bella was ready for them.
Losing my sister was hard enough. Losing the girl I thought of as my daughter would kill me.
And yeah, she probably could kick my ass. I was okay with that.
"So, what's the guy like?"
"Are we really talking about boys? What, you gonna braid my hair next?" I laughed. Calling Caius was the right thing to do. I still felt like shit, but at least I didn't want to deal with it by drinking anymore. I took a deep breath and held it, feeling the claws of my addiction slowly release me from their grasp.
At least for the moment.
"Fuck off, you pussy. I'm just curious. Gotta make sure he's not one of those Elmo losers."
"It's emo, man, not Elmo. I'm pretty sure that's some kind of puppet thing. And the guy's not a loser - mom was a carnie, dad was a lawyer, grew up in some fancy neighborhood in Chicago, college graduate… he's the whole nine."
"So, what's the problem?"
"He fucking made her cry. Already! Hasn't even known her forty-eight hours, and she's sobbing in my arms."
"And - what'd you do?"
"What could I do? I gave her an out. I filled her truck up with gas and told her to drive."
Caius snorted through the phone. "Renee's gonna kill you."
I sighed. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know."
We were silent for a minute, and I finally stopped pacing. I needed to go inside. I was going to have to tell Renee Bella was hurting, and I sent her off to Tennessee alone.
Damn it, she's gonna kill me.
"Better?" Caius asked. One word; one simple word… yet so not simple.
"Yeah, thanks. You saved my ass again."
"It's what I'm here for, man. So, what're you gonna do about Bella's guy?
"I'm going to have a little chat with him tomorrow... see if he's a stand-up guy."
"And if he's not?"
And wisdom to know the difference.
"I'm gonna cut his fucking balls off - what else?"
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~*•*~ serenity ~*•*~
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Monday morning came too fast. The night had been rough – Renee was furious with me when I told her what Esme and I had done. She tried repeatedly to call Bella, but it always went straight to voicemail.
After several long hours of arguing and apologizing… and maybe a little begging… she finally conceded I had done the right thing. Bella deserved a shot with her fíorghrá, and we trusted Esme to help those two kids navigate the sometimes rocky road of love.
I rolled my head to see the clock, groaning as I realized I needed to get out of bed. We were tearing down the rides today, and Emmett needed me to help him with the Kiddie Train. The bolts along the undercarriage had a tendency to shear if too much torque was used to loosen their caps, so they had to be removed by hand. None of the other ride jockeys had the patience for the train. Shit, I didn't really have enough patience for the train, especially not in the mood I was in.
Today was going to be a rough day.
I didn't want to leave, but we needed the money I was making disassembling the rides. Wintering in Hawaii was going to be expensive, but it was what Renee wanted.
And damn if I was going to tell her no.
I snuggled against her, pulling her warm body closer to mine. My morning wood rested comfortably along the swell of her ass, and I couldn't help but grind my hips against her. Sparks of pleasure exploded along my body, causing me to groan softly. I heard her sigh in response, so I moved against her again. I slid my hand up along her stomach to her breast, kneading the soft flesh as her breathing increased. I smiled against her hair when I felt her nipple harden against my palm.
"I gotta get up, Mrs. Dwyer," I murmured. I placed small, feathery kisses along her exposed flesh – her ear, her cheek, her neck, her shoulder – flicking my tongue against her every third kiss or so.
Fuck, I love the taste of her skin.
She pushed back with her hips, wiggling her ass and sending every ounce of my blood straight to my dick.
"Unless that's a figment of my imagination, I'm pretty sure you're already up, Mr. Dwyer." She giggled as her hand began running up and down my arm.
She's amber today; she's always amber.
We stayed there, my body wrapped around hers, knowing hands exploring familiar flesh. I loved mornings like these when we could be quiet together, when we could simply be us.
After several minutes, I sighed into her neck. "I really do have to get up. Emmett needs some help with disassembly," I whispered, placing one last, wet kiss to her neck. I pulled back and smiled, noticing a small hickey just below her ear. "What're you going to do this morning?"
She stretched slowly, rolling onto her back and looking up at me. I groaned softly as the sheet slid down her naked body. Staring at her breasts was not going to help the hard-on I was sporting. Of course, neither was the hand she was running along said hard-on.
"I really do have to go."
"I know, I know." She brought her hand up to my face, rubbing her fingers along the scruff on my jaw. "I'm going to try to track down Bella. I know she's an adult, but I can't stop worrying about her. And then I'm going to pack up her place and ours so we can get on the road when you get back."
"What're we going to do about the Jayco?" I rolled away from her, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and scratching my stomach as I yawned. I flexed my abs out of habit.
Yeah, gonna have to work on the six-pack.
"I'm going to ask around, see if anyone can pull it to a lot near the next stop. If not, we'll have to store it somewhere around here."
"Sounds like you've got a master plan all worked out." I stood up and walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and an Eclipse Entertainment shirt. Renee smirked at me as I fastened the buttons on my jeans, sans boxers.
Over the years, I'd learned almost everything about her – her likes, her dislikes, her desires, her needs. I studied hard; understanding that knowledge would help me give her what she wanted before she had to ask for it. For example, I knew she'd want me to fuck her fast and hard if I went commando under my button-flies all day.
And damn if I was going to tell her no.
I left for the grounds after five minutes of getting ready and ten minutes of groping my naked wife.
Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.
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~*•*~ serenity ~*•*~
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It was almost two in the afternoon by the time we finished loading the disassembled rides for transport, and I was starving. Most of the other guys were headed back to camp so they could start their vacations, but there was still one thing left to deal with before I could leave this town.
Edward Masen.
"Good afternoon, Phil," Esme said as I rounded the corner of her mobile home. She was sitting on the steps leading to her main door, a glass of tea at her side. "What can I do for you today?"
"Esme." I nodded my head once in greeting. "I'm here to see Edward."
"I don't think that's such a good idea," she replied stiffly.
"I'm not asking for permission."
The color only I ever saw around her shifted. Esme normally glowed indigo, meaning whatever she said was mostly half-truths. I was used to indigo with her. A color that far along the cool end of the spectrum would have put me on my guard with other people, but not Esme. I trusted her at indigo.
"You're too late," she said, glancing away from my eyes. "He's not here." I was surprised when her color became even cooler, closer to green.
Turquoise. Lies.
I crossed my arms over my chest and cocked my head to the right. Only Esme and Renee knew about my gift. I couldn't understand why she would choose to lie to me. She knew the second the untrue words passed her lips her color would shift, and I would be able to tell she was being dishonest.
"Esme-"
"He's my nephew, Phil," she said suddenly, her face softening. "I love him like he's my own son, and I'll do anything to protect him. You can't... you can't understand what I've already done..."
Amethyst to magenta and back. Shifting, glowing.
The colors around her surprised me again. Esme was never this truthful, never this unguarded.
"I'm not here to hurt him." Her eyes filled with unshed tears, and I groaned inwardly.
Damn it, she's going to cry.
"I can't see what's going to happen with him directly; he's too protected," she said. "I see more of his future through Bella's, and right now there's not much to see." She shook her head slowly, and I felt my anger at the boy slipping away. "I want them to have a chance. I want them to experience the love between fíorghrás. But they won't... not if we push too hard... not if we don't give Bella-"
"It's okay," Edward said through the screen on the door. "I want to talk to him." He disappeared back inside, and I continued to stare at Esme. A few seconds later, he walked out of the mobile home, stepping carefully around his aunt. I nodded once, acquiescing to her request not to push him into a decision. This had to be on his terms, not mine.
Esme gave me a small smile before picking up her empty glass. "Behave yourselves, boys." She stood slowly and walked to where Edward stood. I really looked at him for the first time since I met him Saturday night. His color was there, nearly the same indigo as his aunt's standard shade, but his was more transparent. It almost blended into the darkness of the grass around him at parts.
There's definitely something different about this boy.
Esme placed a hand on Edward's cheek, looking into his eyes for a few seconds, and then turned to walk up the stairs.
"Oh, and Phil?" she said just as she reached her door.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"You're going to need these." She tossed a set of keys in my direction, and I caught them easily.
"These for your car?" I asked Edward as I held the keys up.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. You're driving."
We pulled up in front of the bar within five minutes.
"This is one bad-ass car," I said as the engine roar died down. "C'mon, kid. Let's get a drink." I stepped out of the classic Mustang and shut the door.
The inside of the bar was cool and dark. Most of the light in the space came from fluorescent signs lining the walls advertising various brands of beer. There was a pool table in the far corner, and I headed straight for it.
"You play?" I asked as I pulled a cue stick from the wall.
"I've played once or twice." He pulled the rack out from under the table and began collecting the balls.
"Ever played Nine Ball?" He shook his head. "It's easy and quick. Each ball has to be pocketed in ascending numerical order. Whoever shoots the nine-ball home wins. You don't need the rack, just set the balls up in a tight diamond; nine in the middle, one in the front." I motioned toward the bar. "I'll get the first round." I set the cue down and walked toward where the bartender waited.
"Uh, I don't drink… alcohol, I mean," Edward said nervously.
Orange; almost as truthful as Renee.
"I don't remember saying anything about alcohol," I replied with a smirk.
When I came back to the table, Edward had the balls racked and was chalking his cue. I handed him a can of Mello Yello, and he nodded his head in thanks.
"I assume you want to talk about Bella," he said. The faded color around him didn't change, and he never looked away from my eyes. I nodded toward the table, allowing him the first turn. He broke well but left the table open.
"My sister was killed when I was nineteen." Edward's eyes darted back to mine, and seeing the color so similar to Esme's reminded me of her words. Don't push. "I was living in Florida, playing ball for a minor league team at the time." I took my shot, pocketing the one-ball before lining up with my next object ball. "She was," I paused, my voice growing thick as the pictures began flashing behind my eyes, "she was beautiful and kind and a hell of a lot better than I could ever hope to be." I shot again, banking the six-ball to knock the two-ball into the corner pocket. I never looked at Edward, just let him sit and listen to what I was telling him. I cleared my throat and made my next shot, the three-ball bouncing off the bumpers just a bit beyond the edge of the pocket. I switched places with Edward.
"She called me on a Wednesday to say she had met the man she was going to marry, and she was dead three days later." I paused as Edward took his shot, pocketing the three-ball and moving around the table. "I didn't handle it well."
He stopped and glanced up at me. I waited until he had chalked up and was reevaluating the table before continuing. "I started drinking… heavily. I got kicked out of the league, got arrested a time or two, got my ass kicked… if there was something I shouldn't have been doing, I did it." Edward took his next shot, missing the side pocket by a few inches. I picked up my cue stick and walked to the opposite side of the table, checking angles and possibilities as I went.
"I met Renee on a Friday." I chalked up my cue stick. "She was a patron at a carnival in Arizona. I was literally sweating my balls off when this beautiful woman walked up to me." I moved to the opposite side of the table. "Three seconds was all it took for her to steal my heart from my chest - just three." Four-ball. "I met her on a Friday, she moved in with me on a Tuesday," five-ball, "and was packing up to leave by the next Monday."
I took my shot, the six-ball missing the side pocket by less than an inch. I walked over to my soda and took a swig as Edward lined up his next shot.
"Meeting her didn't solve all my problems. I wanted to be better for her, but within the first week I got drunk with a bunch of other carnies and wound up in a holding cell somewhere in Colorado." Edward banked the six-ball into the side pocket. "By the time I made it back to camp, Renee was packing her things. It took me two days, but she finally agreed to stay on the condition that I quit drinking."
"A.A. made me realize how much my sister's death affected me." Edward shot the seven-ball into the corner pocket and looked up at me while chalking his cue again. "I was damaged... broken. But Renee didn't care. She loved me, broken insides and all."
He aimed his next shot but miscued, and I took my spot at the side of the table.
"Renee wasn't the only one that had to make adjustments. The age difference was a bit of a shock, not to mention the fact she had a kid only ten years younger than me." I chuckled at the memories of my misadventures with a younger Bella. "You have no idea how many times people would mistake Bella for my little sister." I tapped the eight-ball lightly, missing the pocket.
"I've been sober for six years; not because of me, but because of Renee. She's my heart, my strength. She's the reason I get out of bed in the morning and what pulls me home at the end of the night. She's my everything." Edward pulled the cue stick back, his eyes focused on the eight-ball in front of him. "And Bella's yours."
Edward shot wild, the stick running along the felt unevenly. I watched as the cue ball slammed into the corner pocket and dropped.
"Scratch - my shot," I said as I retrieved the white ball and placed it on the felt. He just stood there, staring at me with his mouth gaping as he seemed to collect his thoughts. I lined up and struck, knocking the eight-ball down the table but not pocketing it.
"Look, kid, I don't know your story. I don't know what it is that's making you resist her, and I don't want to know. If you have something in your past holding you back, you need to fix it, forget it, or just get the fuck over it. Because this thing you're going through - this desperate need to be near her - it's permanent for us. The woman in a pair of fíorghrás has it easy. It'll hurt if they're separated from their match, but they'll be able to function. They'll be able to live their life and adjust to the loneliness. But the man?" I took a swig from my soda, tossing the empty can into the trash. "He's never the same."
I walked around the table and settled onto one of the high stools along the wall. "That pain in your chest, the one screaming at you to find her? It's never going to stop. It'll drive you to the point of madness everyday for the rest of your life." He shot, smiling when the eight-ball dropped quietly into the side pocket. "But if you accept it, if you choose to keep her in your life?" I grinned at him, thinking of how much joy just the thought of my Renee brought me on a daily basis. "She'll be your Earth, your moon and your stars. She'll be the gravity that holds you down and the wind that lifts you up. You'll want to give her everything in the world just to see her smile." I paused, my thoughts on my Renee.
"Man, you will never, ever, regret it."
His eyes darted back and forth as he seemed to consider what I said. "I already fucked it up. I said," he blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair, "I said things I shouldn't have. I said… and she… she's never going to forgive me."
Magenta, leaning toward red. At least he wasn't trying to lie to me.
I noticed the hopeless look on his face. I knew that look; I'd worn that look a time or two myself. "How do you know?" I asked.
He shook his head, obviously torn between what he wanted to do and what he thought he should do. Esme said not to push, but she never said I couldn't nudge him just a bit.
Nodding my head at the nine-ball on the table, I said, "Your shot, kid. Are you gonna take it or let the chance to win pass you by?"
He walked around the side of the table slowly as I sat, watching him. I could tell he was thinking hard, making a decision that would affect the rest of his life. His eyes met mine as he pulled back and shot, dropping the nine-ball easily.
"I need to know where she went," he said. I nodded to him, hanging my cue back on the wall and turning toward the door.
"That's not going to be a problem." I held the door open for him, squinting as my eyes adjusted to the brightness outside the bar. We were back on the road to camp seconds later. I heard him chuckle and looked over. "What's so funny?"
"When you showed up today, I thought you were going to threaten to kick my ass or something," he replied with a relieved smile. I snorted in response.
"I wanted to at first," I said. "But when I realized how honest you were being with me, I figured I'd give you a chance to make the right decision." He pulled up in front of the Winnie, and we both stepped out of the car. I grinned automatically when Renee walked outside, her arms folded over her chest.
"You see that woman right there?" I asked, pointing at the reason for my existence. "Without her, I would probably be dead right now. And if I weren't, I'd be wishing I were. She owns my heart. I changed every aspect of my life to be a good husband to Renee… and a good father to Bella. As much as I wanted to rip your balls off for hurting her, I knew you had to be hurting just as much as she is." I shrugged at him. "I figured I'd give you all the information I could about this crazy phenomenon and let you decide whether to see this through or run away from it."
"And if I would have chosen to run?"
"As long as you didn't lie to me, I would have let you go. It wouldn't have been easy to tell Bella you weren't coming back, but her mother and I would have gotten her through it." I took a step toward the Winnie, my body reacting to the nearness of Renee. I wanted to get inside, needing to be alone with her.
"And if I would have lied?" he asked. I glanced back at him quickly, feeling the itch to be near my wife beginning along my skin.
"I would have done everything in my power to cause you as much pain as you caused my little girl."
I walked toward Renee, finding peace in her amber glow. She smiled at me, holding out her hand as I approached.
"How would you have known? If I had lied, I mean. Not that I would have," he said from behind me. I spared a glance over my shoulder, giving him a hard stare.
Still red, still truthful.
"I always know, kid."
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~*•*~ serenity ~*•*~
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Friday, July 2, 2010 - New London, AL - Phil's POV
"Hey, Phil?"
"Yeah." I pulled a black t-shirt over my head before walking toward the bathroom where Renee was getting out of the shower.
"Can you do me a favor and go make sure Bella's awake? She's not answering her phone."
I watched her move from the doorway. The bruises along her chest and sides were dark, and her stilted arm movements told me they were painful.
"Did you take your pain medicine?" I asked, coming up behind her. I ran my fingers lightly over the bruise on her right side. When the Jeep crashed into Bella's trailer yesterday, and I saw it bearing down on her, I thought my world was about to end. For one brief moment, I knew life without Renee was a definite possibility. My prayers were answered, though, when I reached where she lay on the ground and realized she was alive.
"Not yet," she replied. She was struggling to pull her shirt over her head, so I took the fabric from her fingers and gently lowered it over her body. I wanted to grab her and wrap my arms around her small body. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me and how lost I would be without her. I wanted to act like some sappy character in one of those damn movies she liked so much and say things like, "You complete me" and "I have crossed oceans of time to find you."
Dressing her made me feel a completely different set of emotions than undressing her.
I kissed the top of her head as she adjusted the shirt to lie against her skin properly. "I'll tell you what – you take your medicine, and I'll go wake sleeping beauty over there."
She gave me a small smile, the one reserved for me, the one that revealed her weakness. The one that told me how much she needed me.
I loved that little smile.
"Okay," she said. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen behind me. She opened her pill bottles while I poured her a glass of water from the pitcher in the refrigerator.
"Sit down and rest, Mrs. Dwyer. I'll be back in a flash." I kissed her lips once, twice, three times before turning for the door. The morning was overcast, the air heavy. We were going to have to work fast to fix Bella's trailer. Rain and holes in walls didn't really mix.
I pulled the spare key from my pocket, grabbing the doorknob out of habit. I was surprised when it turned. Bella was going to get an earful from me if she had left her front door unlocked all night. I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
It took me a few seconds to realize what I was seeing. Sofa bed, white sheet, Bella's brown hair spread across the pillow… all relatively normal. What wasn't normal was the second head on the pillow, the mess of brownish curls standing out against the white. For just a moment, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. There was no way that boy was in bed with my daughter. There was no way he was curled around her with his hands on her…
He groaned softly in his sleep and pulled her body closer to his. I saw red. Not like the truthful red light around someone - more like the red stains that would be on my jeans once I was done kicking the shit out of Edward fucking Masen.
I raised my foot, kicking what I really hoped was his leg with my heel. He jolted awake and looked around. If I hadn't been so furious at him for taking advantage of my little girl, I might have smirked at the way his eyes widened in fear when he saw me.
"You've got three minutes to get dressed and meet me outside."
I stepped back out of the trailer, closing the door behind me and walking toward the Winnie.
He's dead. He's fucking dead. She's scared, and he took advantage of her. If I find out he pushed her to do something she didn't want, he's worse than dead.
I slammed the door on my mobile home and stalked around the living area like a caged animal. The words that were my mantra whenever my emotions got the best of me popped into my head unbidden.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
He slept with my baby. He had his hands on her… I had to stop; I couldn't think of what I saw back there. If I did, I'd kill him the second I saw him. No, what's done was done – I couldn't change the past.
Courage to change the things I can;
I could change this, though. I could kick the boy's ass from one end of this parking lot to the other. Then, when I was done with him, I could lock Bella in the Winnie until she was old enough not to fall for the ploys of punks like him.
Renee came out from the bedroom, looking concerned.
"What's wrong?" she asked. I shook my head, still pacing around the Winnie like a madman. "Phil? Baby? Please tell me what happened?"
"Mother fucker!" I yelled. I slammed my fist into the cabinet over the dinette, cracking the wood. I looked at it before turning back to my wife, still glaring angrily. Her eyes told me all I needed to know.
I scared her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" All the fury from a moment before left my body, and I slumped into a chair in defeat. "I'm so sorry, Renee. I didn't mean to lose my temper."
"What happened?" she asked. I opened my arms, begging her silently to come to me, to forgive me for my overzealous response to what I saw at Bella's.
"She… she wasn't alone." Renee sat gingerly in my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her carefully. I needed her right now, needed her warmth and her smell to calm me. "Her door was unlocked so I walked in. They were on the sofa bed."
"Why was her door unlocked?"
"I don't know," I replied sharply. "The door isn't the point of this conversation. She was on the sofa bed… with him."
"Him, who? Edward?" she asked. I nodded against her shoulder. "Why were they on the sofa bed?"
"Is that seriously what you're going to ask? Our daughter's in bed with a man right now, and you want to know why she chose the sofa bed over… oh God, I don't want to think about it." I pushed her off my lap and stood to resume pacing.
"She's not a little girl, Phil." I glanced at her and felt my anger bubble back up. She looked like she was about to laugh.
Nothing about this was funny!
"Maybe not, but she's not ready for… that," I said, pointing in the direction of her trailer. "She's a sensible girl. There's no way she would have… he had to have… fuck, if he pushed her into something-"
"You stop right there, Phil Dwyer," Renee interrupted angrily. I stopped pacing immediately. Renee didn't get mad often. "Bella is not a child. She's an adult, and she has the right to live her life like one. If she felt she was ready for whatever happened over there, then she was ready."
"But he must have pushed her into it. They just met; there's no way she could be ready for… for… that after only knowing him a week."
Renee smiled at me, and I felt my anger slip. "I was ready for that after less than a day, if you remember correctly."
"Renee… don't."
"Don't what? Remind you of how much we wanted to be together when we first met? How difficult it was to keep our hands off each other?" She walked up to me, running her hands up my chest. I felt my anger slip further. She stretched up onto her toes, her lips brushing my ear lobe, and I grabbed her waist to pull her closer. "How wild and desperate and loud we were our first time together?"
"Why are you doing this?" I whispered. My body was reacting to her nearness, her words, her moist breath against my face. Shit, there was no way I could kick the boy's ass with a hard-on.
"Did you notice her windows?" she asked. She rubbed the side of her face against mine, and I groaned softly.
"Windows? No, I didn't. I was too busy noticing some boy wrapped around our daughter like a fucking pretzel." I rubbed my hands up her back carefully, not wanting to put pressure on her injuries.
"It was a hot night. I'd bet she slept with her windows open, just like we did." She dropped back onto her heels, resting her head against my chest. I thought about what she said but still didn't understand the point.
"And your point is?"
"My point is sex between fíorghrás is intense, especially the first time. If they had done anything more than cuddle on the sofa bed, we would have heard them." She stepped away from me, giggling. I felt a sense of relief as I realized the truth behind her words.
"So… they just, what? Cuddled?" I asked, hoping. She nodded, giving me a wide grin as she continued to back toward the bedroom.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
"Huh, cuddling's okay, I guess." I wanted to follow her and show her how much I appreciated her calming me, but I knew there was no time. "I've gotta run to the hardware store to buy the supplies for Bella's trailer." She stopped and nodded, still staring at me with a happy smile on her face. "I'm taking Edward with me."
Her smile faltered. "You be nice to him, Phil. He's important to Bella."
I grinned at her as I opened the door and stepped outside.
"Don't worry, Mrs. Dwyer. I'll be nice." I was about to close the door when a thought occurred to me. I leaned back into the Winnie. "Oh, and Renee?"
"Yeah?" she said as she turned around and met my gaze.
"I'll be moving the Winnie to a new spot in camp tonight." Her laughter followed me as I walked toward Edward. He was standing outside Bella's Jayco, his hands in his pockets, looking awfully nervous.
"You ready to go, boy?" I asked. His eyes met mine as he nodded. The fear was gone; he looked determined and only slightly worried. His color was bright orange and much easier to see today than when we were at the bar last week.
I pulled the spare set of keys from my pocket and unlocked the doors.
"Good. Get in the truck."
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~*•*~ serenity ~*•*~
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We didn't speak at all on the forty-minute drive to the hardware store. I was too busy trying to decide what to say, what words I could use to instill the fear of my foot up his ass. I didn't want to completely scare him off for fear of what Renee and Bella would say. I just wanted him to know I was watching him, that he had better treat my baby right… or else.
We were walking into the vestibule when he finally broke the silence.
"Nothing happened last night, Phil."
I side-eyed him, not slowing my steps. "Then what the hell did I walk in on this morning?"
I walked toward the contractor's desk, knowing those guys would be able to help me find all the things I needed to fix the trailer. The store was huge. There was no way I was going to spend half my morning walking around it with Edward like a couple of batty old ladies at the local Wal-mart.
"I was sleeping on the sofa bed, and she was in her room. She had a nightmare at some point and came out to talk to me."
"So you're trying to tell me my daughter's the one responsible here? You want me to think she's the one to blame, and you're just some innocent little boy?"
He shook his head quickly. "No! It's not her fault. Hell, it's not anyone's fault. We're both adults; she had a nightmare and needed comforting. There was nothing untoward about it."
We reached the counter, and I told the burly man in flannel what I needed. Luckily for us, it was a slow morning, so he took one of the other guys and went off into the bowels of the store to collect the stuff we needed.
"Look, Phil," Edward said as we sat next to each other on a bench by the hotdog stand. "I know you're worried about Bella, but I would never do anything hurt her."
"Again." He looked at me, his confusion evident. "You would never do anything to hurt her… again. You already did once, if you remember." I crossed my arms over my chest as I watched him absorb my words.
At least he had the decency to look ashamed.
After a few seconds, the determination I noticed this morning returned. He looked me square in the eye, and I noticed his color shift from bright orange to the clearest lemon yellow I had ever seen.
Absolute and utter truth. No restraint.
"I know I screwed up in Trion. I hurt her, and I'm sure that had to be hard on you, as a father, to see her in pain. But it was hard on me, too. I don't ever want to see that look of hurt on her face. I just," he paused and ran his hand through his hair, "I just want to make her happy. That's all. Her smile has become my home, and her laugh is… everything to me." He paused as I looked away. I hadn't prepared myself for this, for him to bear his soul this way. "She had a nightmare, Phil. She was upset, and she came to me to calm her. I couldn't turn her away."
I glanced back at him as he looked out the window. He was still yellow, still honest. I couldn't fault him for wanting her to feel safe, as much as I may not have liked how he did it.
"I could never deny her… anything," he whispered, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.
"Oh, man. You are so fucked," I said, clapping him on the back as I stood up. "C'mon, I'll buy you a hotdog for breakfast."
Edward didn't say much as we loaded the truck and drove back to camp through a drizzling rain. I felt lighter, less angry, more serene. My little girl had found her soul mate, the man who would take care of her and love her forever. And he was honest with me. When most boys would have tried to lie their way through our conversation, Edward acted like a man, staying true and honest. His color never faltered, never even faded.
He was someone I could trust.
Renee was just stepping out of the Winnie when we pulled up. "Gimme a minute," I said as I jumped out of the truck and rushed over to her. I pulled my shirt off and held it over her head so she would stay dry.
"Thanks, baby," she said, rubbing her hand along my arm as we walked. "I see the young man survived."
I chuckled and glanced at Edward as he began pulling the supplies out of the bed of the truck. "Yeah, well. He's not so bad."
Renee looked up at me with a brilliant smile. "I thought you were ready to kill him this morning."
I shrugged and leaned down to kiss her nose as we reached the door to Bella's trailer.
"The boy's got character," I said. I glanced at him once more, before turning back to the owner of my heart. "She's his Renee."
She smiled softly at me, reaching up with one hand to trail her soft fingers over my cheek. I leaned into her when I saw her stretching toward me, our lips meeting in a gentle kiss.
"And he's her Phil."
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