Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up...Just been super busy but things have calmed some so I should be able to update more often now...I hope to have the next one in a week...It takes me longer with these chapters to get them right on this story I am extrememly picky and it takes me longer to get them just right...Anywhooooo here is the new chapter I hope you all enjoy...I cant wait to put the next chapter up...Read Enjoy and Be Safe...

Bella and James

Things were going great between James and I. I wish I could say the same thing about my friendship with Carlisle. Ever since that day in my room he has been avoiding me and to tell you the truth it hurts like hell. James keeps telling me that if Carlisle is my true friend then he will be happy for me but I can help to feel like this is somehow my fault. Today is his party and well I don't know if he wanted me to come or not since he has been avoiding me and all.

I worry that my friendship with Carlisle may be coming to an end and it kills me I miss him so much. I know I should be happy I finally have a guy who likes me for me but something's missing and that missing piece is Carlisle. Speaking of James he should be here soon. He thinks we should go to the party but I'm not so sure about going. What if Carlisle sees me and decides to kick me out or something? Why do things have to be so complicated? I miss when things were simpler. Yeah I didn't have a boyfriend then but I also didn't have a constant headache.

I hear the doorbell, I sigh before making my way downstairs to get the door. I open it to see James standing there looking hot like always. I usher him in before closing the door. He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine. I'm still getting use to the fact that someone actually wants to kiss me. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip; I open up giving him access to my mouth. He explores the inside of my mouth dueling with my tongue as his hands move underneath the back of my shirt.

This is when I stop our kissing session. I pull back trying to catch my breath. Every time we make out I make sure his hands stay on the outside of my shirt, don't want him to feel the pudginess of my stomach. After I manage to catch my breath I speak "hello James. He smiles as he gathers me in his arms again "hello beautiful. So do you want to go to the party or would you prefer we stay here and find something to do?" The second option sounded so tempting but I made a promise to Carlisle. Even though he is avoiding me a promise is a promise. "We shall go" I know I sound dramatic but what can I say I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen.

When we arrived at Carlisle's house the party was in full swing. My bad feeling was still there but I decided to ignore it. We have been here for 30mins and Carlisle has yet to approach me, can't say I'm shocked. James leans down close to my ear so I can hear him over the loud music, "do you want something to drink?" I nod my head yes and watch him go to get something. As I am standing there I feel someone come stand besides me. It's Carlisle. He leans in just like James did and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Bella I need to talk to you. Come with me please" I sigh before saying yes.

I follow him to his room. It's been a long time since I have been up here. He sits on his bed patting the space besides him. I sit next to him and stare at a wall waiting for him to speak. "Bella look at me, I want to see your face when I tell you this." I can tell he has had a bit too much to drink so I have no clue what is going to come out of his mouth. "Bella I now know why I hate James so much. It's because I'm jealous of him. He was able to do what I was a coward to do and that's being with you. I love you Bella and always have."

No no no he is drunk and doesn't know what he is saying. "Carlisle your drunk and" but I don't get to finish because he has crashed his lips onto mine. Having him kiss me is like a dream come true so I kiss him back. I feel like I'm the queen of the world but then I feel guilt. James. I push Carlisle away from me then I slap him. He looks at me in shock as I feel the tears rolling down my face. I run from his room and out of his house. I can hear someone calling my name but I don't stop until get to my house. I collapse in front of my door out of breath. I can't believe he said what he said and the he kissed me. I kissed back. What am I going to do? What am I going to tell James? Why does my life have to be so complicated?

"Bella" I look up to see James standing in front of me. A new wave of tears falls down my face. James puts his arms around me comforting me. I don't deserve him or his comfort. "Beautiful what's wrong? I cry into his chest not wanting him to let go but knowing I had to tell him. I lift my head and look into his lovely concerned blue eyes. "I'm so sorry James" I choke out before I start to sob again. "Sshh Bell it's going to be ok. Everything's going to be ok. Just tell me what happened" I didn't deserve his compassion hell I didn't even deserve him. "I" I paused not sure how to tell him. "Just spit it out Bella you're starting to scare me." I pull away from him knowing that if I was going to tell him I needed to distance myself from him.

He frowned when I moved away from him. He attempted to come closer but I held up my hand to stop him. I sighed bracing myself for what was to come. "I'm going to tell you but promise me you won't interrupt" he nodded his head. I took a deep breath "when you left to get us some drinks Carlisle came up to me asking if he could talk to me. I said yes so we went up to his room. He told me he was jealous of you because you did what he was a coward to do and that's being with me. Then he told me he loved me and always have. I was about to tell him he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying but he cut me off by kissing me. I was shocked for a minute but then I kissed him back. I stopped immediately though. I pushed him away, slapped him then ran out the house crying. I'm so sorry James" I finished not daring to look up at James.

I knew I messed up and I know our relationship is over. Tears started to fall again. I guess I should have listened to my bad feeling. I felt a hand on my chin; I looked up into James blue eyes. I could see anger and pain in them. I gulped and tried to look away but he wouldn't let me. "I knew going into this relationship that I would be 2nd to Carlisle. I didn't care because I really liked you" I went to interrupt but he shook his head. "Let me finish. At first I was ok with that because I was with you but the more I got to know you the more I have fallen for you. Now I don't know if I can't be 2nd anymore Bella. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but it hurts like hell none the less. I want to be with you Bella, I really do but you need to figure out if I am the one you really want. If I'm not then its ok, it will hurt like a bitch but I will be ok. I want you to be happy and if that means letting you go than that's what I will do." He gave me a sweet peck on the cheek before he stood and walked away.

I got up off the ground and went upstairs to my room. I lay in bed not even bothering changing my clothes. I had a lot to think about. Carlisle has been my friend forever and I love him, have for a long time but lately he has been more worried about Esme then me but he did confess that he was in love with me. Even though he was drunk he meant what he said. My daddy always says a drunken man's words are his confessions. Then there is sweet James. Yeah I haven't known him for as long but he has always treated me like a real person. I know he cares for me just as I do for him. I have fallen for James deeply; hell he is willing to give up his happiness for my own. Ugh why must this be so difficult? I fall into a restless sleep.

I wake up in the morning feeling like shit. I didn't sleep just tossed and turned all night. I get up shower, dress, and have a small breakfast. I didn't know what I was going to do. I know they always say follow your heart but what if your heart is wrong. I think about everything that has happened so far. Carlisle or James, that's the million dollar question. Then something occurs to me I love him that's who I should be with. I hop out my chair and leave my house. I decide to walk since it was actually a pleasant day plus it gave me time to think about what I was going to say. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice I was here already. I was nervous but I had to do it. I rang that doorbell and waited. The door finally opened and there he stood.

"I need to say this before I lose my bravery so no interrupting. I choose you. I thought long and hard about everything that happened last night and you are the guy I want. I love you and I hope you want me" I hold my breath waiting for him to say something even if its go away I never want to see you again. Something's better than silence. "I love you too" he pulls me into his arms, I let out my breath. He pulls back a little so I am looking into his eyes "of course I want you too, beautiful" then his lips is on mine moving in perfect synch. I know in my heart that I made the right choice at least I hope.

James pulls me into his house and leads me to his room. We lay on his bed making out. The things he does to me. He removes his lips so we can catch our breath. I know he wants to talk "why did you choose me when you could have Carlisle? Not that I'm not happy you did but I just want to know." His hand was playing with a strand of my hair while the other supported his head while he looked down at me. He looked happy and a little shocked, can't say I blame him. "I chose you because I love you. Yes I love Carlisle and have for a while longer. I know I can have him now but why should I. I have waited so long for him to come around and notice me. You saw me for me the moment you laid eyes on me. You never hid your feeling and you never acted like I didn't exists. You are everything I want and need. Yes I still love Carlisle but I love you more."

I smile up at him then I yawned. The night before catching up to me "I'm sorry" I whispered embarrassed. He chuckled "I didn't get much sleep last night had a lot on my mind" he sighs before lying on his back and bringing me with him. I lay on his side curled up next to him. He wrapped his arms around me not wanting to let me go. "It's ok Bella get some sleep." He kisses me on the forehead before I drift to sleep. I woke up a little alarmed, I noticed I wasn't in my room and I had an arm around me. I look up to see James smiling face looking down at me. Then I remembered and smile back at him. He kisses me lightly on the lips before speaking "Good Evening, I ordered pizza figured you would be hungry." As if on cue my stomach grumbles. He laughs as he helps me up. We eat pizza and watched some movies. At around 9 I decide its time for me to go I had a stop to make. "I have to go talk to Carlisle." James didn't like the thought I could tell considering what happened last time. "I understand even if I don't like it but I was kind of umm thinking that maybe you would like to umm stay the night not that we have to do anything but I just well I don't want you to leave yet." He looks so cute when he is embarrassed.

I chuckle at him "its ok I understand and I would love to. How about you drop me off at my house, I will pack some clothes and stuff then I will go see Carlisle. When I am done talking to him I will come back here." He smiles oh how I love that smile. "Sounds like a plan to me." He kisses me. Yeah I made the right choice.