My other story (which you guys should check out that one too) won't come out how I want it to, so while I write and rewrite that chapter, here's this chapter to tide you over and keep you guys from, I don't know, eating me?

Title: Sent For Groceries, Got Kidnapped Instead
Disclaimer: This is 100% fanwork, and I don't get paid for it, so please don't sue me, I'm just a poor high school student with no life.
Rating: T
Warnings: Hidan's mouth, mentions of... Zetsu eating people (it's not really cannibalism, because is he really human?), forced servitute, and possible mentions of BDSM-related things

An effeminate blonde man slid open the doors and walked in, right on cue. "Hey, you must be the newbie, un"

"Yes, show her around and get her some proper working clothes." Leader-sama directed us toward the door and leaned to grab a pen out of the cup of pens on his desk.

The blondie grabs my wrist and drags me out the door, I look down at my clothes. "What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" He looks over at my denim cut-off minishorts, oversized shirt, borrowed hoodie, and mismatched colorful thigh-high socks, combined with my platform mary-janes.

"What isn't wrong with the way you dress..." I pout, still being dragged along by my wrist. He pulls me into what looks like a storeroom and starts sorting through boxes. I begin sorting through what happened in my mind.

After going through a dozen or so, he finally seems to find an ensemble to his liking. Dragging into a larger hallway, past the main entrance, and into another wing, with shouji walls and tatami mat floors, he stops at the second to last door. "This will be your room, change into the first outfit, quickly, un."

It's a plain-looking lavender kimono with short sleeves, and a few white plum blossoms on the bottom of the sleeves and bodice, combined with a black obi with a few more blossoms at the ends of it. An under-kimono, along with the tie and plain white tabi are underneath it.

I slip it on quickly. It fits quite well, I notice as I tie the obi into a quick, rather messy butterfly knot. "Hurry up, un!" There goes my amazement. I shove my feet into the tabi and stomp as well as I can out the door, considering how hard it is to do that in tabi and split-toe slippers on a tatami floor.

"Come on, I've got to show you around while everyone is still here, so they don't try to attack you." I think he's the prettiest man I've ever seen. He knocks on the door across from mine. "Danna? You there?" A grunt. He opens the door. "This is the new maid, Kitsuke Osamu-chan!" I bow slightly.

A man sits on the floor in the middle of the room, fashioning what looks to be a human arm. Ew. "Akasuna no Sasori." He seems to be a puppet, with a capsule for his heart and blood red hair. Guess that's his name.

"Don't let him get you down. His puppets are what he calls artwork." Deidara snorts and the other retorts. I look around the room. Puppets are all over the place, some works in progress, some complete. God, it looks like my room back home. Not that I'm a slob. The rest of the house is immaculate.

Eventually they finish their lover's spat and he guides me over to the next closest room. He knocks and shortly after the door opens. It's the same black-haired guy as before, who took me to see the Leader. Who was rather scary. I flash a big, forced smile and wave timidly. He sighs. "We've already met. Itachi Uchiha." He nods.

"Kitsuke Osamu, nice to properly meet you." I bow, deeper this time, because he's actually paying attention.

After Itachi shuts the door, Blondie speculates, "You already met Leader-sama and Hidan-sama, because he brought you here. I'm with you, my room is that one by the way," he points to a door two rooms down and across from mine. Next would be Kisame." He walks up to another door, knocking. When it opens, my jaw drops.

I thought Puppet-man was creepy.

First thing I notice: He's tall. Like, six-foot-five. And blue. How did that happen?

"Oh, it's you Deidara. Is this the new maid?" He blinks down at me, with his beady fish-eyes. I wave, I hope I don't sound or look as creeped out as I feel. He probably gets ragged on a lot because of his looks.

"Kitsuke Osamu." I bow.

"Hoshigaki Kisame, welcome." He goes back in and shuts the door. Deidara bursts out laughing.

"You looked like you were about to piss yourself!" I pout and he laughs, "I'm actually kinda surprised, you should've seen the last one! She fainted!" He starts to get a hold of himself, walking toward the next room.

And the freaks keep on coming.

His head is encased in a venus fly trap and he's spilt half-black, half-white evenly down the middle. At this point he's even freakier that fish-guy. I'm so freaked that my heart is beating about a million times a minute and practically exploding out of my unendowed chest. Deidara notices me having a heart attack and quickly says "This is our new maid, Osamu-chan, if you eat her Leader will be very mad." and shuts the door.

You know what? I don't even care anymore. Bring on the next freak. I steel myself for someone ever freakier and more silent. I get the opposite. I guess he heard through the thin shouji wall.

The minute Deidara goes to knock, a man in a orange swirly mask bounds out. "This is Tobi! Tobi is happy to meet you, because Tobi is a good boy!" This is certainly a friendly greeting compared to the lukewarm 'Nice to meet you's of the other members.

"Tobi, this is Osamu-chan. She is going to be our new maid. Leader-sama said not to bug her." Deidara sighs and pushes Tobi back into his room. "He might try to help out. Don't let him. The last time he did that the kitchen nearly burnt down. Finally, Konan's room." he knocked, and a bluenette opens the door, an annoyed expression on her face.

"What is it? Oh." She steels herself when she realizes what's going on, and puts a half-folded paper down onto a table by the door and grabs something. "I'm Konan. Nice to meet you. Here's a list of your duties, and a map of the hideout. Burn it when you're through looking."

I look it over quickly. Seems like pretty standard stuff. When to cook meals, lists of things that I need to clean, lists of things I am not to touch under any circumstances, who likes what when they come from a mission. The order to accept complements and flirtations and flirt back if I want is a little creepy though. Shouldn't be too difficult. The freaks are a bit creepy, but the other members are... some of the hottest people I've ever seen actually.

"At the end of this hall," Deidara points to the end opposite the entrance hall, "is the Kitchen. The door that opens on the left side is where we store cleaning supplies. The one on the right leads to the bathroom and hot springs."

Here comes Hidan. I swear I've expended my limit for insanely attractive people met in one lifetime.

It stops here. Because I really wanna update. I'm on an update rampage. Not that I'm complaining. It feels good to actually get something accomplished.

Don't hesitate to review if you liked it, hated it, want to give me constructive criticism, or flame me. Outraged flaming makes me giggle.