Disclaimer- Harry Potter's not mine, but it really should be cuz in my world Luna and Neville would end up together 333333

It had been three weeks since Luna and Neville had made passionate love in the Room of Requirement. They still talked on a daily basis, but no more than a friendly greeting or a comment about Loser's Lurgy.

Neville wanted more.

He wanted to take Luna and stroke her lily-white skin and ravage her until she was barely comprehensible anymore. Granted, she already wasn't comprehensible, but he meant even more so than usual. One day, Luna came up to him after their Herbology class (because Neville's favorite subject is Herbology) and pulled him towards the Whomping Willow.

Neville's heart began to beat like a drum at a Weird Sister's concert. Did she want him the same way he wanted her? Was she about to whomp him right under the Whomping Willow?

"Neville, I really want to talk to you. I have something important to say."

"What is it?" asked Neville breathlessly. Visions of hot and steamy sex were swimming through his mind every time she took a breath.

"Neville….. I'm pregnant."

"NO!" Neville yelled. Susan Bones stared at him. "IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! WE USED CONTRACEPTIVUS!" he didn't even care that everyone could hear him he was so distraught.

"I know. We have to go see Madame Pomfrey," she said solemnly. "She'll tell us what to do."

"You're sure it's…..mine?" he asked breathlessly. He couldn't understand how it was possible! Neville Longbottom couldn't be a teenage father. He had a reputation to uphold!

"You're the only man I've ever been with….. you're the only one I've ever wanted." And with that, Luna began to cry salty tears of despair. Neville wiped them away with his soft thumb and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"We'll figure something out," said Neville. "I promise!" He wrapped his arms around her because she was too weak to move on her own because she had been crying all day. She wept into his shirt and he lead her up the staircase, stroking her long, platinum blond hair the whole way there. Finally, they reached the hospital wing.

"What did you do, you fools?" cried Madame Pomfrey when they explained the situation. "Haven't you ever heard of contraceptivus?"

"We used it!" Neville cried emphatically. "That's what we don't understand!"

"Hmmm," said Madame Pomfrey thoughtfully. "I'm going to need to call in your heads of house."

Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick swept into the wing, both of them looking shocked and concerned that two of the nicest students in the whole school were caught in such a predicament.

"Oh Luna!" Professor Flitwick cried in anguish, "You're only seventeen! How could you?"

"Because I love him!" Luna cried. Neville blushed with pleasure and he wished that he could just take her again right there in the hospital wing with everyone watching. He almost did, but then McGonagall spoke.

"Neville! I never thought this would happen to you! How could you be so stupid?"

"But professor, we used contraceptivus!"

"Oh, Neville! I thought I told you… you didn't need to hear that spell because you have a rare condition. I never thought I'd need to explain because I never thought you'd ever get laid!"

Neville cried bitter tears of despair. They tasted like sea salt and a lost childhood.

"What is this rare disease, Professor?" asked Madame Pomfrey curiously.

"Check his medical records. It's all there!" McGonagall slapped a hand to her face dramatically and collapsed onto the nearest hospital bed. Madame Pomfrey scurried to her file cabinets and pulled out Neville's records. She opened it and gasped.

"Neville," she said solemnly. "You have…. BADASSPERMITIS!"

"What?" screamed Neville in confusion. He had never heard of such a thing.

"It means that contraceptivus doesn't work! Your sperm breaks right through and impregnates anyone who gets in its way!"

The whole room gasped simultaneously. Luna fainted from weakness because she was pregnant. Neville fled from the room, ashamed of what he had become.