*Author's Notes* Hi again. This chapter took me a little while to type. Having trouble "Puckifying" Shakespeare. It might be a little weird. I am SO tired. Puck and Oberon are mostly invisible in this chapter. Also, some clarifiaction. I KNOW Shakespeare wrote AMND in the 1500s. You see, the play takes play takes place in Athens, which is in Greece. Theseus and Hippolyta are from ANCIENT Greece. And even they were ancient to the ancient Greeks. so, yeah, It might've taken place 4,000 years ago. Also, people really did use cobwebs to bind their wounds. A chiton is an Ancient Greek dress. And I just thought the Peter Pan thing made sense. And we never do see Peaseblossom (BTW, a guy) in Faerie in book 4. *Disclaimer* I don't own AMND or the Sisters Grimm or Puck (DARN!) Thanks for the nice reviews, and tell me what you think. Enjoy Act III Thanks. -TC
Chapter 5: Donkey Head
(How was I supposed to know?)
The prank I was about to play was EPIC! Unfortunately, it was going to get me in a lot of trouble too. But anyways, I was coming home from my "task", and I had not gotten around to the major pranking I had hoped for. The next person I stumbled on would feel the wrath of the Trickster King … or at least the prankiness.
Puck's POV
4,000 years ago (give or take a few centuries), The forest of Athens
I was bored. Totally and indescribably bored. After I had completed the task I was bored. So I started wandering around the forest of Athens. Yes, It was dangerous. Yes, it was stupid. But hey! It was for entertainment value!
A few minutes into my wandering, I came upon six Athenians. Great. These people were just trouble. And stupid. And plain ugly. What the heck were these idiots doing? Wandering near the Fairy Queen, my mom? I glanced at them. They were setting up a… some kind of… makeshift stage? Could it be… a play? I turned myself invisible. (Yes, I do have that ability.)
"I'll listen, and, if I see the need, an actor." I mumbled quietly. I felt a prank coming on! Yes! My train of thought was suddenly interrupted by those buffoons talking.
"Speak, Pyramus. Thisby, get up." Said one of them, who looked to be in charge.
"Thisby," said the one I assumed to be Pyramus. "The flowers of odious savors sweet-" He was cut off by the main one.
"Idiot Bottom! It's odorous! Odorous!" So. Bottom was some kind of insult? Very lame. I could think of several others. The one playing Pyramus, presumably "Bottom" cleared his throat and plowed on.
"- Odors savors sweet;
So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear.
But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile,
And by and by I will to thee appear." He jumped off the stage. I said, loud enough so only he could hear "A stranger Pyramus ever played here!" He turned around indignantly. Well, it was true. He couldn't act his way out of a sock. He neared me. And I tripped him. He didn't look like the smartest of those idiots, and so, would be the fodder for my plan. I pulled what looked like a handkerchief from my pocket. Or what looked like a handkerchief. I didn't know. It was covered in several layers of crud. My mom and dad are SUCH neat freaks, I naturally like everything dirty. I shoved it in his mouth. He looked like he was going to be sick. Good.
I looked up. They were to busy listening to "Thisby" who was obviously a guy, and who didn't have acting skills either. Now, what I was going to do next was a complicated piece of trickstering. Humans aren't very… complex. They were even less complex when they first crawled out off the mud a million years ago. But these days it's harder to do what I'm going to do. Why? Because humans got smarter. Great. Just great.
Luckily for me, Bottom was not the brightest, which made him less complex. I grabbed his head, and started sculpting. I know it sounds weird, and I was weirded out when Peaseblossom first showed me. I pondered. What form should I give his head? I know! He's as stupid as one, so he shall be… A donkey!
It took me a little while to get things right, but I did it! I was busy gloating, when I heard:
"Pyramus, enter. Your cue is 'never tire'. Come on, we're waiting." Said the main one. Shoot! I'd gotten distracted. But… wait. This will be a… wait for it! BONUS PRANK! I took the gag out his mouth. And pushed him near the stage. I don't even think he knew what he looked like. Sucker.
"If I were fair Thisby, I were only thine." He recited, no seeing the looks of horror on the actors faces. The main one said:
"Oh. My. Gods." He regained his composure quickly. But not for long. "RUUUUNNNN!" he yelled, dashing into the forest. And the five other Athenians followed hastily.
Bottom just stared at their retreating backs. " I wonder what's gotten into them?" Idiot. But for the next part of my plan, I needed him. I appeared to him, saying.
"I'm going to follow you 'kay? No wait, you're lost here, so I'll lead. We're going through the swamp and the and the briar patch and several other nasty places in the forest 'kay?" Bottom looked disgusted even in donkey form. I continued.
"Sometimes I'll be a horse, sometimes a hound." Didn't want to get scratched up too bad. "A hog, a headless bear," That'll give him quite a turn. " Sometimes a fire. I don't know. Just follow me." He nodded. What a trusting fool. Didn't he ever hear what my minions did to people? As we were about to head off, one of the more idiotic Athenians came up to him, facing his fear. And I didn't want him to see me, so I turned invisible again.
"Umm… Bottom, are you feeling okay? You look… different. What's on you head? " Bottom scowled as best a donkey could.
"What do you see?" So, the donkey really is stubborn.
The main one, the one who was directing the play, hesitantly came upon Bottom. He stared at him for a second.
"Oh. My. Gods. Bottom… you… you…"
" I what?" he snapped.
" You're a donkey." He whispered.
" Oh I see," yelled Bottom. "You want to make a fool out of me. Well, ya can't scare me. I'm Bottom!" He yelled. He started storming off, so I grabbed his hand and dragged him off to where my mom was. I think he got scared after a little while, so he got this great idea to start singing. Let me tell you, if you ever hear him sing, run as far as you can in the opposite direction. He sounded like a chicken being strangled. But I had a mission to complete, so I had to bear it.
But good news. We reached my mom's lair quickly. If we hadn't got there sooner, I think I would've keeled over, his voice was that bad. Luckily, that woke up my mom. She looked at him. Usually, if a mortal ever stumbled there on accident, she would blast them into oblivion. But her eyes softened as she gazed upon him, and said:
"What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?" Yes! It was working! It was going to be mushy, though. Yuck. But one must make sacrifice for the name of pranks. Bottom started. He turned and saw Titania and faltered, then stopped.
Mom's court appeared before me. Oh, boy. Sparrow was looking unpleasantly at me, probably for the previous gloppification. Mustardseed, my brother, was looking at me curiously. Cobweb, gaunt and thin, our healer, was standing next to Thistle, who was short, with an upturned nose. Fawn, shy, with big brown eyes, was arm in arm with Rosethorn, who's critical and sarcastic. And Moth, who swore I was hers, (Yuck!) and finally Peaseblossom.
Peaseblossom is my best friend. He gets teased a lot because of his name. (Before I knew him too well, I was the one who called him all of them.) He has chin length red hair and hazel eyes. He looks about fifteen. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he has a trickster streak like just like mine. Actually, he asked me if he could be my disciple. It was kind of cool. I didn't even know what a disciple was, so he told me. Anyways, Mustardseed asked:
"Puck, what's going on?" I gave him my best ' I'm an innocent little puppy look'. Then I gave him a 'Aren't I an adorable little brother' face. Then I remembered that I was the older brother. Duh. So then I took on a stern face and said "None of your business. Clear out folks, I need to talk to my disciple." Rosethorn, her voice dripping with sarcasm, said:
"Watch out, the great Trickster King is on a roll." Fawn tittered a little, so I glared at her. How dare she mock the Trickster King! Sparrow glared at me, pointed her nose in the air and stalked off. Yup. Still got her chiton in a twist about that gloppification. Moth was staring at me avidly. When I caught her looking, she batted her eyes at me. Grossness time a million. Thistle caught this exchange and rolled his eyes, and produced a scroll to read from under his arm. Thistle has a decidedly feminine face, I noted. Possible future prank?
Cobweb sighed and plopped down on the grass. Mustardseed followed suit. He glared at me. He hates when I don't tell him things. Like I would. He's such a tattletale. Peaseblossom came up to me.
"You needed me, my lord?" I nodded. I whispered my plan to him. He grinned a devilish grin. "Excellent, my lord." I turned back to my mom.
"You are wise as you are beautiful," she was saying to Bottom. Yeah. Right.
"No, my lady. If I were wise I would get out of this forest." He's right, I thought surprised. My mom jerked suddenly. I felt nervous. What my mom wants, she gets. And I had a strange feeling she wanted Bottom.
She stood. "Don't go out of these woods," She commanded. " You will stay here whether you will, or not. I am the Queen of Faerie. And…" Her voice softened. "I love you. Come with me." Bottom started to protest, but Mom held up her hand.
"I give you servants to attend on you. And they get you all the riches that you want. I will purge your mortal essence, so that you will be an immortal like us." Ah. She was bribing him. "Come here Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth and Mustardseed!" They scrambled up and hurried to my mother.
"S'up?" Lazily said Peaseblossom. At the glare from my mother, he quickly said, "Uh… I mean, I'm ready to do whatever you desire, my Queen."
"And I." Said Cobweb
"And I." Said Mustardseed.
"And I." Said Moth. "But I hope you don't expect me to do hard labor, for I am a princess and should be treated as-" She was cut off by a very scary glare from my mom.
"What do you want?" Asked Peaseblossom. That's why I like that boy. So insolent. With another death glare from my mom, he shut up.
"Fairies," Said mom, " You are to look over this Mortal, for me, as a, a special duty." Peaseblossom nodded. He looked at Bottom.
"So… you want some chow?" Mom glared at him again. " I mean, Umm… Hail mortal?" He looked at my mom, and she nodded at him approvingly.
"Hail." said Cobweb, bored.
"Hail, honored, befouled mortal. Your mere presence upsets my stomach." Said Moth. Mom shot another death glare at her. How does she even know what understand what's she's saying? I sure can't.
"Hail." Said Mustardseed. He gave me a really scary death glare, not unlike the one mom just gave Moth. What did I do?
" What are your names, noble fairies?" Asked Bottom.
"Cobweb." Said Cobweb. Bottom nodded wisely.
"I want to get to know you better, Master Cobweb. If I cut myself, I shall know where to turn!" He chuckled a little at his joke. I don't get this, but mortals use cobwebs to pack their wounds. Poor spiders. "Your name, honest gentleman?" he asked Peaseblossom.
"Peaseblossom."
"Pleased to meet you, Master Peaseblossom. I want to get to know you better too." He turned to Mustardseed. "Your name, sir."
"Mustardseed."
"Good Master Mustardseed, you are a fine fellow." He totally ignored Moth. Let's hear it for sexism! Moth was about to retort, when mom shot her another (What's with all the glaring?) death glare.
"Bring him, and please make sure that he's quiet. I don not want to be disturbed with talk. " And she stalked out to her other lair. Time for me to leave. And to report to Oberon.
Outside Oberon's Lair
I didn't really want to, but I headed back to Oberon's lair. He greeted me. "What's up, Honest Puck?" Ugh. I hated that nickname. I think Oberon calls me that just to annoy me. I sighed.
"Your plan worked. My Lady with a monster is in love. While she was sleeping, some idiot Athenians came upon close to her, they were rehearsing a play. I grabbed one, the most stupid, and put a donkey head on him. I dragged him in front of Titania. She woke up, and now she loves him. Happy?" He nodded.
"This falls out better than I planned." He looked at me suspiciously. " Did you put the potion on the Athenians eyes, like I asked?"
"Um, yeah! You threatened to kill me, remember?" He didn't answer. " Dad?" I asked. He was looking at two people coming close to us. He narrowed his eyes.
"Watch, this is the same Athenian." I looked at him. He didn't look the same. He had dark brown hair, while the one I put the potion on had sandy blond hair. Did he dye it? Uh oh. The horrible truth came and reared it ugly head.
"This is the girl… but it isn't the guy." I whispered. Oberon turned around to me slowly.
"WHAAAAAT?" I gulped. I was about to run for it when I heard the girl saying,
"Demetrius I know you hated him, but did you have murder Lysander?" she asked. Cool. Drama.
"What makes you think I murdered him, Hermia?" growled Demetrius.
"Who else but a murderer would have such a grim and angry look on their face?" What? That was stupid reasoning.
"Look, I didn't kill Lysander."
"Where is he then? Will you give him to me?"
"I'd rather give his carcass to my hounds." Okaaay. That's nice. Hermia scowled.
"Did you kill him in his sleep?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did you kill him in his sleep like an snake?"
"You're wasting your breath. I didn't kill him!"
"Then tell me he's okay."
"Whatever, I'm really tired. I'm going to sleep." He plopped down and tried to go to go to sleep, but the girl, Hermia, kept annoying him by asking him pointless questions about him killing Lysander. Eventually, they all fell asleep. Oberon, who was silent through this whole exchange, (thank God), turned on me. Darn.
"WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE. BOY?" He yelled. I turned to run, but Oberon caught me by the wings. I gasped in pain. If somebody grabs your wings, it feels like you just poked your eyeball with a flaming stick.
"I can fix it! I can fix it!" I was almost screaming, I wanted him to stop so badly. "Dad, Dad, just let go of my wings! PLEASE!" Tears were streaming down my face. I surprised myself. I haven't cried, or said please in over one hundred and fifty years. With on final tug at my wings he let me go.
"Get the other girl and the other boy. Now."
"I'm going, I'm going look how fast I'm going!" I flew away. Why did Dad have to be so cruel? Just because he was mad at Mom, didn't mean he had to punish me, or those poor mortals.
Speak of the devil, there they were. Arguing about something. The one called Lysander had this dopey, glazed look about his face. Note to self: Never fall in love. Helena, who was actually quite tall, looked furious. She was running very hard, trying to get away from Lysander. But of course she couldn't. Have I mention Boys Rule, Girls Drool? I think I invented that saying.
But I just picked them up by their wrists and dragged them off to Oberon. I don't think they even noticed. I caught a snatch of what they were saying.
"Get away from me you freak!" yelled Helena.
"But, Helena, I love you." Said Lysander, looking dazed.
"How can you make fun of me this way?" shouted Helena. "I know you love Hermia, as you know I love Demetrius?"
"But I love you." Said Lysander automatically. Weird. This flower made you act differently according to your personality. Like my mom. She's how do I put this? She's, um, strong willed. I'm guessing Lysander was a bit of a romantic, because he kept babbling lovey-dovey nonsense. Interesting. I wonder how Mustardseed would react?
I dumped them in front of Oberon, and they hardly noticed. They just got up and started arguing again. I don't think mortals notice what us Fairies do. Um, duh. Of course they don't.
"I have Helena and Lysander. Mortals are such idiots. They didn't even notice me picking them up." Oberon wasn't paying attention. He was avidly watching the bickering couples, as though charging him self with their… bickeriness.
I'm assuming Oberon already put the flower on Demetrius's eyes because the other two woke up and were bickering for a long, long time. Demetrius and Lysander scorned Hermia, whom they used to "love" so much, and professed their love to Helena. Hermia accused Helena of stealing Lysander. Helena totally lashed out. Utter Catfight! I'm betting on Hermia. She's decidedly witchier. Plus she bites. If I was betting on the guys… um… still Hermia. She could definitely beat the guys. Yeah. Only for this instance… The girl beats the guys.
Anyways, in the end, they all stormed off to different directions, Helena and Hermia to argue about Lysander and Demetrius, and Lysander and Demetrius to duel over Helena. Gah. Why would they fight over a girl? Why? WHY? That was one of the greatest mysteries in the history of the world. That and why people get mad when they find raw sewage in their breakfast. Anyways. Oberon was going to lecture me. Again.
He gestured toward the Athenians retreating backs. " That is your doing boy."
I glared at him.
"How is this my fault?" He laughed long and hard after that one. " Okay, fine. It was my fault. They were both wearing Athenian clothes. Why can't they dress a little bit differently?" He sighed and produced an herb from his clothes. It looked like a turnip. I didn't even want to know what it was.
"Here. Put this on Lysander's eyes. He'll fall out of love with Helena, and his true feelings for Hermia will be restored. Then I'll think I'll end this whole charade. I'll get Titania to give that brat to me, and then I'll release her." I looked at the sky. It was almost dawn.
"Well, you better do it quick. You might as well have the mortals think it was all a dream." Oberon openly stared at me. "What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.
"Boy. That is the best idea you've had since… ever."
"Hey!" I snapped. He didn't remember waking up suspended by his ankles, did he now?
"Go and do as your told." Oberon snapped back. I flew away and tried to find Lysander and Demetrius. I thought of an odd little Fairy rhyme as I searched.
Up and down, up and down
I will lead then up and down
I am feared in field and town
Goblin lead them up and down
There's one now.
"Where are you, proud Demetrius?" yelled Lysander. Ooh! I got a fantastic idea!
"Here, idiot, drawn and ready!" I yelled back, imitating Demetrius.
"Where are you?"
"Follow me to a clearing!" Then, the other came along.
" Lysander where are you? You coward, are you running away from me?" I smirked. As if.
" You're a coward, shouting to the stars, but not fighting!"
"Where are you?"
"Come with me, we can't fight here." We reached a suitable clearing. Lysander lay on the ground fast asleep. Oh, come on! I wanted to see a duel! What was it with these people and sleeping? I haven't slept in three days! I'm still okay!
I checked to see if Demetrius was still following. He was. Time to make him angry. " Coward, why aren't you coming!" I yelled.
"I can't see you!" he called!
"I can't see you!" I mocked, in a girly high-pitched voice.
"Oh, leave me alone." Snapped Demetrius. "I'm tired." He promptly fell asleep. Oh goody. Here comes, the tall one… Helena. She fell where she stood. I guess she was tired too. Sleepy, sleepy, people. Wait. There's one more where…? I heard a crashing sound. Oh. She didn't look sleepy at all. In fact, she looked furious. She has to go to sleep, I thought. So I stuck out my leg and tripped her. What do you know, she was knocked out cold.
I laced my way through the Athenians until I reached my mistake. And so, I bent over Lysander and squeezed the herb over his eyes. " I just hope you don't get in more trouble, for this, kid." I whispered quietly. There's room for only one troublemaker here. Me.
Back to the Present
"And so, we conclude this section." Said Puck. Sabrina looked up. Puck had been flapping his jaws for two hours. Her hand was sore. And Puck looked strangely drained. Sabrina had one question.
"Puck, why didn't we see Peaseblossom when we went to Faerie?" Puck looked at her, and something in his expression hardened.
"He stayed in England when we took the boat to America." Sabrina looked at Puck, confused to why he would be so mad at that. Daphne who had been scratching her head, for the past few seconds, suddenly looked up. She looked at Puck.
"Was Peaseblossom…did he…? I mean, he would be far too old, but…"
"Spit it out, Marshmallow."
"Did Peaseblossom… did he become… or change his name to… Peter Pan?" Puck glared at Daphne for a long moment, then his normally mischievous expression, turned to one of sheer rage.
"That traitor. He didn't come with us. When I went back to England to visit him, I found out that he had become a trickster. His inflated head made him think he was better than me. We dueled, and I won, of course. He didn't accept defeat of course, oh no. He captured over half of my minions… and destroyed them. Some disciple." He snarled.
Wow. Thought Sabrina. No wonder he hates Peter Pan. Sabrina felt something akin to pity for the Trickster King. But, The PLAN was far more important…or was it? Sabrina pondered this for a moment, and then imagined the stink of the gloppification on her. Her own rage grew for the Trickster King, and then she thought:
Of course it is.