Chapter 2-Poor thing

Lucy had come back that night crying. She had barely told me anything as she took the child from me and walked back upstairs.

She had said, "The judge, he sent him (Him being Mr. Barker, of course) away. They charged him with…" I don't remember something foolish. Or perhaps it was foolishness that he was charged for… "So, they sent him away, like he was some awful murderer or criminal." She had finished, then excused herself and ran upstairs before the night was out.

And so it was confirmed- Mr. Barker was gone.

The words seem to flow together all too well. Frighteningly well. He's gone. Like dead. He'll be in prison for whatever bloody thing he did for the rest of his life. And I'll be without him for the rest of mine.

The night before, wondering around in the rain, I didn't think I could of ever felt any lonelier, yet here I was, feeling so hollow and empty that I really had no reason to live for; none at all.

My husband and the man I loved, gone; in a matter of a few days. It didn't seem fair.

I remembered then, the soft glow of Mr. Barkers face as he came to my shop door that morning to ask if I would like to join the family on a trip to the market. I could still feel the bright morning sun burning my eyes. And I could still remember the self-consciousness that had washed over me as I realized that I hadn't really gotten ready for the day, outside of dressing; I just hadn't been feeling well enough. I had politely rejected him and he walked away. I wish now I had watched him go, watched the three of them fade in the crowd down the street. Savored every single one of the last frames of memory I would hold of Mr. Barker.

Perhaps if I had gone with them, it could have all been stopped. Perhaps then, it's my fault he's gone…

Right before I went to blow out the last candle alit in my room, I wondered if anyone would miss me if I didn't wake up in the morning. Would anyone come looking for me if I didn't get out of bed?

When I woke up the next morning it was dark. It was morning, but clouds darkened the sky and it was gloomy, dreary, and lonely in my room. As I sat up in bed, the only sound I heard was the soft patter of the rain on the windows. I didn't want to get out of bed. Not only that, but I still felt absolutely terrible.

Why did today have to come?

I had eventually fallen back asleep, so the day seemed to pass by very quickly. When I actually got up so I could eat something, the sun was setting. At least it was from what I could tell behind the clouds.

I stepped out into the pie shop, feeling a little better than I had felt when I woke up the first time. Perhaps I just needed to catch up on my sleep.

I reluctantly ate a few of my own dreadful pies. I had sworn I would never eat them myself unless there was nothing else. But since I didn't feel like going to the market to get myself something to eat, here I am, forcing them down my throat.

Ugh, like this is going to help me feel any better.

The sun set, something that you could hardly tell because the day was already so dark. Suddenly there was a rapping at my door. My head fell on the wall behind me in the booth I was sitting in. "Well, I wonder who in the world that could be," I muttered to myself making my way to the door.

I opened the door to find a rather flustered looking Lucy. "Mrs. Lovett!" She exclaimed and then shoved a bundled up pile of blankets into my arms. "Will you please watch Johanna for me?"

Well, I don't really have a say now that you've already shoved her into my tiered arms now do I?

I just nodded. "Thank you. I've been… called away. I'll be back before its too late. Just put her to sleep, she'll be fine." She spoke fast and uncertainly. She glanced behind her. I caught a glimpse of the stout man waiting behind her; the judge's beadle. Lucy herself was all dressed up in her finest bit of cloths. I couldn't help but pull together my eye brows as I wondered what exactly was happening.

"Thank you ma'am" She thanked, and then scurried away, the beadle holding her wrist in a tight grip.

I took the blanket off of the face of the beautiful half asleep child. "You again," I told her. "You look tired my love. Come here, I'll rock you to sleep,"

I brought her to the rocking chair and softly hummed as I rocked the child back and forth.

I soon felt a tear running down my cheek. I glanced down at the now sleeping child, so peaceful, beautiful, and wonderful.

I glanced back down at the sleeping baby. The sweet bundle with the rosy red cheeks was sleeping peacefully with her thumb in her mouth. I couldn't help but smile at the picture. I felt happy briefly as I looked down at the child in my arms.

And Lucy, she will get this every night. She'll get to rock this child to sleep, and look into those eyes and see her husband even though he's gone. She'll get to watch her grow and learn and everyday she'll get to look at the child and see Benjamin.

And what did I have while Lucy had all of this? An empty house, an empty business, and an empty life.

Lucy came home again that night crying, something that I think I was to becoming used to. She seemed horrified, but she didn't want to talk. All she did was take the baby and walk upstairs. Which was ok with me, I was exhausted even though I had slept half the day.

Since Benjamin had been gone it seems like I'm seeing more and more of her.

She came back in the morning though. And me feeling better, I had gone to the shop early and started to make pies for the customers that will never come.

Cradling the baby in her arms she came to me. "Mrs. Lovett." She said slowly. "Can I speak with you about what happened last night?"

She wanted comfort.

I nodded, avoiding direct eye contact. She sat down in the pie shop booth and told me why she had been called away last night. The judge had called her to his house claiming that he was very contrite about what had happened to Mr. Barker.

And you foolishly fell for it. I couldn't help but think to myself.

"I don't remember a lot of the visit." She said, her voice cracking a little. "I remember masks and people dancing and laughing and…" She stopped herself and looked down, her eyes avoiding mine. Holding her tears back she said. "And that's all I remember," I could tell she was lying. Her face held the expression that she had avoided telling me something that seemed to be the whole point of her visit. I'll have to talk to someone about that later to find out what actually happened…

"But the judge didn't mention anything about Benjamin. Not a thing. I fear he'll be gone forever," She added, a tear rolling down her soft cheek.

"I'm sorry to hear this deary," I told her, the first thing I had spoke to her all the time she was there.

All the sudden tears started flowing out of her fast and full of pain. "Oh! Mrs. Lovett! I just don't know what I have to live for anymore. Benjamin's gone now and I can't even leave the house without that bloody judge stopping me and trying to get me to come to his home with him!" My eyes narrowed, she hadn't told me this before. "I just don't know how long I can live like this. I'll kill myself before I let another day go by with him bringing me flowers!"

"Now Mrs. Barker," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm the women who had burst into tears in front of me. I searched my mind for a reason, a reason to get through to her that her life mattered. At this point in time, life wasn't seeming so grand for the both of us. I remembered my silent thoughts a few nights before as I had turned out the light. Lucy was thinking the same thing, perhaps more deeply then me. But there's always a reason to live, for Lucy indeed. She had so much more then I had.

I defended my thinking with the thing she had that I seemed to long for most-family.

"Let's, be reasonable 'bout this, k? No need to harm yourself. You have a wonderful child here," I motioned to the sleeping baby next to us. "She needs a mum."

Lucy nodded. "You're right," She said, the confidence building in her voice again. "It's nice to know that you will always be here to talk with, Mrs. Lovett."

I smiled at her. "Yes, of course,"

Johanna whined and started to wake up. Lucy wiped a tear off of her cheek. "Alright, well. I guess the baby will be getting a little hungry now. Huh?" I smiled again and looked down, deep in thought. With a quick whiff of eye contact, I handed the squirming child to her and we stood up.

Suddenly I felt an awful sickly feeling come over me. My head very suddenly started pounding and my stomach turned. I felt dizzy. I stumbled and sat back down.

"Are you alright, Mrs. Lovett?" Lucy asked, concern coating her voice.

"Yeah. I've just not been feelin' well the last few days. I think I'm just comin' down with something."

She displayed a concerned look. "Well, I can make you a nice drink that might make you feel better." I nodded. "Benjamin used to make it for me when I had morning sickness when I was pregnant with Johanna. It always made me feel better," She said with a slight smile. "I'll be back in a tick." She rushed upstairs.

I stopped and sat back down slowly, hardly noticing that she was leaving.

My brow furrowed.

Things were playing out in my mind.

I counted. Days-Weeks.

Morning sickness?

Well. Come to think of it…